Surviving sleep deprivation one day at a time with dd (Oct '11) & ds (Oct '08).
Did he not have a friend on the team that he could catch a ride with? Maybe he should have a back up plan.
Sadly, Jan 21, 2011 m/c 6w5d
ETA: I'm wondering - was there no one he could have asked at the meeting to drive him home? Surely someone might have taken pity on him if he'd explained the situation?
I have not apologized. Sympthized that he did not like the walk. But I really do not feel sorry for him.
I do think his attitude is because he is not wanting to admit his foolish mistake.
There is a 15 year old in my life who absolutely is horribly disrespectful with his mom about his schedule and when he wants to be picked up where. I got a little taste of it when he was staying with me a couple of weeks ago and had lost his cell phone for running up the bill. He would borrow a phone, make arrangements for me to meet to pick him up, and then not show. Twice. I ended up leaving him and he walked. My own child was late to a private lesson in another city because his world left no room for logistics.
I have the same conversations with DH ALL THE TIME. It's maddening. And while the logic is correct, he needs to learn what they call "context clues" sometime in 8th grade and get the full meaning of the conversation, not just the words that are actually spoken. I wouldn't apologize, but I would work through his need to use logic when he's out in the world and not be so literal.
And don't apologize, at least not for you doing anything wrong.
I've told my 16yo PLENTY of times "I'm sorry this didn't work out the way you expected it to" and meant it. Because I do, I know he's frustrated and annoyed, and I'm sorry! It's not my FAULT, and he's become an amazingly responsible kiddo...I think BECAUSE of handling it this way. It's a logical consequence, it sucks, it'll be a good gentle reminder of how to plan better in the future!
Humanist Woman Wife , & Friend Plus Mama to 6 (3 mos, 2, 9, 13, 17, 20)
Point out that he's the one who knew there were time obligations. Point out that you offered. Refrain from making the connections in an "I told you so" tone of voice.
That's it. Job done!
In about 70 years he'll come to you and thank you.
Moms all want to live to be 100 years old. That's because they figure that's about the time their kids will be able to say "thanks". I'm 48 and I still don't think I can say it to my mom. It's that hard.
(Now HE might want to apologize for blaming you, later.)
I think that "I'm sorry" is an expression of empathy. "I'm sorry you feel that way."
"I apologize" is an expression of responsibility. "I apologize for getting mad at you for having to walk home when it was my own fault."
Ann-Marita. I deleted my usual signature due to, oh, wait, if I say why, that might give too much away.
Ultimately it was his choice to walk. I'm sure he could have found SOMEONE from the swim meet to give him a ride in such a pinch, or a friend's house closer to the school or something.
I would probably compliment him on his making it home safely and handling it so you didn't have to leave work to go get him, how responsible. Making the best of a bad situation so it didn't jeopardize your working.
My kids are too darned lazy to walk 5 miles and would have just hassled me at work until I would have left. LOL. But ultimately it was HIS problem. He was the one stranded at the swim meet. (Dang that love and logic class) They would suggest he pay you for a cab ride home. But hey he just saved you the cab fare.
My teen dd,16, she gets her nose out of joint if SHE Changes her plans and I'm not there to pick her up at her whim. So walking home is always an option. I cannot wait until that girl gets her license and becomes a taxi service for her siblings. (Evil laughter)
I guess I'm "mean" and if it was one of my kids I'd probably laugh privately while I thought, "Let the consequences do the teaching." He didn't die from walking 5 miles and I hope he's extra careful in the future about his after school plans. With one car that's got to be tough on the whole family to plan for everyone's activities.
My son did this once in 7th grade but it was only 3 1/2 miles. He didn't wait at the designated meeting place for me. There was a dear friend's house ON the way home, about halfway in fact, where he could have stopped to call me and played games until his dad got off work with the car, but oh no he walked slowly home, brewing over it, and it got dark on him. And he missed the bus because *HE* doddled around and missed the late bus home. (Then I was worried at dark with no phone call and no son arriving home.) These mix ups happen sometimes.
I ask my kids in the a.m. "what are your after-school plans today?" Leaving it open-ended puts the ball in his court.
Then like the other poster's suggested problem solving with him other solutions in case he finds himself stuck somewhere without a ride ever again.
Yesterday, I reminded my 15-year-old son his dad was not going to be home until late. I then asked him if he had swim practice. I reminded him I needed to know so I could arrange a ride.
He said no swim practice.
But He did have a swim meeting -- he didn't tell me that.
Since I did not know, he had a meeting and could not ride the bus home. I did not find him a ride. I work from 1-10 pm and we have only one car. Therefore, there is no way I could have just left and got him. I was working and could not find him a ride. Even at that, our back up rides need more than 5 minutes notice in non-emergencies.
He is 15, not 5. He ended up walking 5 miles home.
He is still grumbling. I do not feel sorry. If he would have told me in the morning he would needed a ride I could have arranged one.
His argument is I asked if he had a swim practice. He did not have a practice, he had a meeting and those are two different things.
My opinion if he wants to ignore part of the conversation and not put two and two together he is going to miss many things. This time he missed a ride and had to walk. Next time?? Who knows but he really needs to pay attention. I could see it if I had not told him that he dad was not going to be able to pick him up. I could see it if I had not mention I would need to arrange for a ride.
Actually, this paying attention thing is on my last nerve. Our friends move the Halloween party from one home to the next. This year was our turn. This was decided last Halloween (we are new to the group). We had talked about, planned, ET for a year. Three days before he had no clue, it was as if we mentioned the party for the first time. We know we have discussed it with him and around him. He just did not pay attention.
Thanks for your post!
My son is 15 and runs cross country. He stays after school every day and constantly needs a ride home. So, from his perspective - you do not need to apologize. He did get your son's point that, No. He did not actually have practice. But he realized that not having practice didn't mean your ds didn't still need a ride.
Also, was I the only one checking the ages of the kids of those posters who suggested laughing in the 15 year olds face? GAH!
Trying to do the right thing with three kids and a hubby.
ds20, dd18, ds16