Book on puberty, growing up, and sex - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 11-21-2009, 07:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My ds1 is 10 going on 11. He's in the begining stages of puberty. Getting greasy, smelly and breaking out! I've talked to him a little bit about puberty in general, but I just got him My Body, My Self For Boys. It looks pretty good in a general way, but it doesn't touch the issue of sex.

He is a little immature emotionally and has some special needs, but I think this is something that we need to discuss sooner rather than later. Are there any good books out there for boys and parents that can help with having "the talk". I really don't want to bring religion into it heavily, but if there is a book that touches on that aspect, that's fine. I just don't want it to be exclusively religious.

I also don't know whether I should have the talk with him, dh talk to him, or both of us talk to him. I feel fine talking to him about it, and he doesn't seem to shy away from topics like this with me. But perhaps a man's point of view would be better. That being said, dh is uncomfortable with it and is insisting that we need a book. I think a book is great, especially one that ds can look at on his own, but the panic on dh's face when a suggest he just go ahead and discuss it, is a bit comical!

So suggestions?

 
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#2 of 8 Old 11-22-2009, 09:46 AM
 
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I think having these discussions can cause alot of "angst" with many parents. If you and your son have a close relationship I would suggest you doing it since the subject is scary to your dh. I think your goal should be to give your son age appropriate information and make him feel comfortable opening up to you now and as he gets older. Good luck
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#3 of 8 Old 11-23-2009, 02:15 PM
 
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I like the book "Sex, Puberty, and All That Stuff" by Jacqui Bailey. It is VERY frank and might have more information than you feel he is really ready for. I recommend going to a book store or library by yourself and checking out the options. There are several good books out there, but how much detail to go into really depends on the child. My oldest is 13, and we just got this book.

There was one we got from the library a couple of years ago that explained sex but with less detail. (I can't recall the name of the book). For example, it explained that the penis goes in the vigina, but our new book has directions on how to use a condom.

Rather than looking at this as one conversation you will have, I'd look at it as opening a new topic that you will now discuss from time to time as things come up.

There's nothing wrong with wanting a book! I'm fine talking to my kids about sex, but it is easier with a book. We've gotten them from the library before but I bought this one because I now feel that we should have one that the kids can refer to when they want to without talking to me about it (they seem less likely to talk to me about sex as they get older).

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#4 of 8 Old 11-29-2009, 04:14 PM
 
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I just read a great book with my kids, I am pretty sure it was called 'Asking questions about sex and growing up' We got it at the library so I can't tell you an author or anything. It was written in the 80's, but I looked through a whole shelf of books one day to choose the one that matched my ideas best and this was it. It is very frank and fairly non-judgmental. It mentions a midwife once, includes intact vs. circ'd penises, they show illustrations of child, pubescent and adult bodies. It discusses sex and how it's done both physically and feelings in a way that impressed me. It does mention abortion, and the pros and cons including risks and feelings and that many people feel strongly for or against it. It talks about going through exploring sexual touching and feelings and what can happen if you aren't prepared vs. being prepared, what happens if you get pregnant, that's where abortion comes in, and they also talk about adoption and what it's like for a teen to raise a baby.

I thought it was very thorough and concise.

Heather, mama to Harriet, Crispin, in with Tom and 2
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#5 of 8 Old 11-29-2009, 06:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by harrietsmama View Post
I just read a great book with my kids, I am pretty sure it was called 'Asking questions about sex and growing up' We got it at the library so I can't tell you an author or anything. It was written in the 80's, but I looked through a whole shelf of books one day to choose the one that matched my ideas best and this was it. It is very frank and fairly non-judgmental. It mentions a midwife once, includes intact vs. circ'd penises, they show illustrations of child, pubescent and adult bodies. It discusses sex and how it's done both physically and feelings in a way that impressed me. It does mention abortion, and the pros and cons including risks and feelings and that many people feel strongly for or against it. It talks about going through exploring sexual touching and feelings and what can happen if you aren't prepared vs. being prepared, what happens if you get pregnant, that's where abortion comes in, and they also talk about adoption and what it's like for a teen to raise a baby.

I thought it was very thorough and concise.
That sounds great! Thank you!

 
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#6 of 8 Old 11-29-2009, 09:03 PM
 
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We have "Changing You" by Dr. Gail Saltz, which we read with our son in 5th grade. He reads it on his own, too. Basic info--funny pictures. Good intro book.

The only thing I don't like is that it has info. for parents on the first page and on the last page--it is not really directed at the kids, but at the adults--it should have been on a tear off page or a separate paper. Not that I care if my son reads it, but it is just not really FOR the kids, KWIM?

He likes the book, though!
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#7 of 8 Old 11-29-2009, 09:10 PM
 
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I should also add--

My DH had the inital "BIG TALK" with DS while reading the book together. DS already knew some of the basics. When I got home later that day, I asked DS if they had read the book & what he thought, did he have questions, etc. I told him he could talk to either of us about sex any time.

Believe it or not, while I was super embarrassed at first, I just faked being cool with it. Now, DS has talked to me dozens of times about sex and I have gotten much more comfortable. I am SO glad that he is able to talk to me & I hope that he'll always feel OK doing so.

Good luck--keep the humor in it & it won't be as bad as you think!
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#8 of 8 Old 12-06-2009, 03:33 AM
 
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I feel so lucky that my daughter asks me all kinds of questions. I teach natural childbirth so you would think I would not get shy, but I blushed madly the first time she asked me what an orgasm was But our dialog started when she was about 2 and came in the bathroom when I was on my period. She pointed at my pad and said, "Mommy boo-boo?" All concerned. she is such an old soul. I'm *really* enjoying the beginning of her womanhood.

Heather, mama to Harriet, Crispin, in with Tom and 2
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