moving and teens? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 12-19-2009, 09:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I want to move. DH does too, but the amount of work necessary to do so freaks him out. He is a procrastinator. I want to move about 25 minutes north for several reasons:

-less of a commute for Dh
-be closer to educational opportunities and more community stuff.
-I am tired of the village we live in. There is not much here.
-I would like to seek out a rural property (yet closer to the city) as it would be better for me, DH and the dog.


I have not broached the subject with DC for a variety of reasons...the biggest reason is I do not know if they get a say. They do have friends here and I feel some guilt. 25 minute away is not the moon and they will get to see their friends some times...but not daily as they do now.

Also - they are homeschooled and some of their social needs are met through the neighbourhood kids - and I worry that if I move them away they will miss the socialising.

I am also a little scared of selling a house - but that is another post.

So - do kids get a say in whether we move? They are almost 14, 11 and 7 fwiw.
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#2 of 7 Old 12-21-2009, 02:01 AM
 
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Is there a homeschooling group at the place you're considering? Maybe you could join an event they're sponsoring.

Empty-nesting SAHM to DS1 (1989), DS2 (1992), and an overachieving mother (1930). Married to DH since 1986.
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#3 of 7 Old 12-21-2009, 02:38 AM
 
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We moved a lot as a child/teen. I never got a say. But my answer every. single. time would have been NO.

If you are considering asking them then you need to be prepared if their answer is not what you want to hear.

Surviving sleep deprivation one day at a time with dd (Oct '11) & ds (Oct '08).

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#4 of 7 Old 12-21-2009, 02:57 AM
 
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I say kids go where the parents go. If it is for the good of the family, less commute time, etc. I say go for it. You need to let your kids know, that life means change. Nothing ever stays the same. Let them know, the family is going on an adventure! Build up the positives! Change can be very exciting, this is coming from my family, we are basically nomads. I have been married 32 yrs. I have 2 grown sons, 32 and 29. I love our life. Our sons were constantly exposed to new surroundings, new lifestyles, new friends.
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#5 of 7 Old 12-21-2009, 11:59 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lifeguard View Post
We moved a lot as a child/teen. I never got a say. But my answer every. single. time would have been NO.

If you are considering asking them then you need to be prepared if their answer is not what you want to hear.
Do you think they should have asked you?

If you only moved once or twice in your child/teenhood....would it make any difference to the answer?

Kathy
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#6 of 7 Old 12-21-2009, 12:46 PM
 
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We've been struggling with many of the same issues, so I'll be watching this thread. It is quite probably that we'll be homeschooling again, and we'll also be dealing with the same issues of living far away from a good HSing community.

New signature, same old me: Ann- mama of 2 boys and 2 girls, partnered to a fabulous man.
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#7 of 7 Old 12-21-2009, 07:45 PM
 
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Well, I don't think the child should 'decide' any more than I think the husband should 'decide'. If there is a choice in moving (not an eviction or illness) I would make it a family decision.

We have moved ds 3 times--at age 4, age 7, and age 11. We also homeschooled during all of those moves. The move at age 4--he did not care. The move at age 7--he also did not care a great deal one way or another. However, we had a great homeschooling group, and that was harder for me to leave than him. The move at age 11 was slightly more concerning to him, meaning he had some initial misgivings but they were very minimal--it did not take more than a day of discussion before he became excited about moving and wanted to go.

We all had some misgivings with each move but each time we talked them out and weighed the needs and wants of everyone involved. It doesn't have to be decided in one day. I would start forming connections with the new community now. Involve the kids in house hunting. Make it a family experience.

I would not present it as a 'vote' or as if it was 'up to one person' or 'a majority'. I would explore the issue together rather than make it a yes/no vote.

Mother is the word for God on the hearts and lips of all little children--William Makepeace Thackeray
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