My 13 yo son has been pushing pushing pushing lately. I know some of it's typical kid stuff. Perhaps it's my hormones, my ego, or maybe I'm normal. Looking for some outside perspective here....
There's a few issues, but I'm going to post the two hot spots for the sake of condensing.
I'm not one that lets her kids video game, tv etc frequently and they don't even own cell phones yet. To which I am sure I'm the backwards mean depriving mom-meh-the things they "think" they need.
That being said I let DS make FB account. He understands I check it frequently and have even made him delete a friend because of her racy profile pic. It's not a "free reign" thing...He did well for a while. Then he started doing one of the quizzes and it was deemed inappropriate by mom. The app question was "are you perverted?" It included a picture that is either a lamp or a crotch shot of a woman...basically it's one of those eye optical illusions. Still, not appropriate in my opinion.
DS sent this question to my uncle.
I was pissed when my mother called me to point it out. Another question from the same app asked my (60 something year old) step mother if my she would ever loose her virginity.
This was after he got in trouble for jumping into an adult conversation between his friends mother and I about guitar lessons for the boys and splitting the cost. Granted it was his friend's mom and the lessons were for the boys...but he was told to butt out, then had the balls to snap back that I shouldn't be posting conversations I don't want him in on FB where it's public...and yeah, he put that up in the conversation for all to see as well.
Excuse us for not moving our conversation to PM's. In short, he was grounded from FB. ...but has logged on since then. I reminded him absolutely NO logging in that I was going to delete his account if it didn't stop. I see this morning that while he has been on visitation at his dads over the weekend...he logged in and accepted a couple friend invites etc. Outright not going to follow what I asked him not to do. Now I feel in a pickle I kind of hate to delete his account-there's no way I know to just suspend it...but at the same time I feel slapped in the face with the total disregard to my boundaries and think he should have to start over at some point when he can handle it better and respect our rules.
2. DS was told nothing you got for Christmas or presents (birthday easter etc) anytime here at home are to go to dad's for visitation. they get broken, lost w/e and it becomes my responsibility to fix/repair/replace things I purchased for use here at home...(ie: new guitar the he's in love with...my ex is the type to thrash such items and not give a crap...no way in hell is it going over there) DS is pissed that it's "his guitar" but I won't let him take it. I told him it's 48 hours you'll live, (they go every other weekend-a whopping four days a month total) explained in detail why nothing goes back and forth...and the terd snuck out his new IPOD player to dad's house. Likely will come back loaded with music I don't allow. The music isn't so much the issue as the defiance-not to mention it will be registered at his dad's house/accounts etc.
I'm just not entirely sure how to handle the lying/outright defiance.
As I was sifting through his top drawer (to see if he did in fact take anything to dads house) I see that he has a couple Christmas toys that were for our one year old in his drawer. He's been known to take the other kids toys-they all get mixed up at times, but this to me just seemed like cherry on the pie of the outright defiant attitude. It's like he's saying he's going to do and take what he wants as he's flipping me off along the way! I'm so irked right now!!! This is not even delving into the attitude he gives towards his brothers, the pissy BS over asking him to clean his room, or do the kitchen...etc etc.
I've been contemplating how to handle this. DH (son's step dad) is fuming besides himself as I was in tears this weekend over how slapped in the face I feel. I know it's teenage hormones in a way and that he does love me, but I can't help but take it personal. Sometimes we have these great days and I feel so close to him, we talk about anything and joke and have a great relationship and then I get this 'tude... wtf?
They are coming home from visitation tonight and I just don't even know where to start. I don't want to yell yet again or ground him to his bed yet again...none of this is working and I feel a little lost! Part of me wants to just take everything away but I can't help but think it's just going to aggravate the attitude. I certainly don't want to do nothing either.
If you've read this far, I thank you for letting me share. I may be a mom of many but this is my first teenage "fun" and I value the outlook of other moms who've been there done that. I think part of it is the need for confirmation that yeah, Crispie, you have to be a b!#ch...or perhaps I'm looking for some ideas of something to do differently. Just a bit lost and overwhelmed!
Thanks for reading!