Stopping 16 yr old from having sex - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 01-03-2010, 10:41 PM - Thread Starter
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My friend has a son, 16 years old. Sixteen yr old boy has a girlfriend who lives about an hour away (friends of family, have known each other a long time). Girl is 13 years old. 16 year old could be charged as sex offender by having sex with girl, especially if a pregnancy resulted.

The dad found out the 2 love birds were planning sex, the next time they met. The parents both agree to the relationship and they drive the kids to see each other.

Dad confronted boy. Dad will not allow boy to go to girl's house, for fear the girl's parents won't (or....don't) supervise well. Dad agrees that the girl can still come see boy, but under strict supervision---never without an adult.

I think the major problem lies with the fact that boy could be charged as a sex offender, if girl's dad got angry about a pregnancy. My friend also just doesn't want his 16 yr old having sex already.

I'm split 50/50. I understand dad's POV but I don't quite agree 100%.

Your thoughts?
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#2 of 9 Old 01-03-2010, 10:49 PM
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The father is doing less than I would. There is no way I would drive my 16yo an hour to visit a 13yo.

I dont think the dad is doing enough.

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#3 of 9 Old 01-04-2010, 10:34 AM
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Originally Posted by Butterfy Baby View Post
I'm split 50/50. I understand dad's POV but I don't quite agree 100%.

Your thoughts?
What don't you agree with?

Personally, I'd have issues with my daughter "dating" a 16yo when she was 13. I'd have serious issues with any plan for them to have sex. Conversely, I'd wonder why my 16yo son would be interested in (what is in my opinion) a little girl. And I would not in any way, shape or form encourage any type of exclusive relationship between them.

Of course, 16 and 13 is a little late to start talking about ones thoughts/feelings on the subject.

I do have two teens - one boy (18 now) and one girl (15 1/2). We've talked for *years* now about how an adult decision to have sex could impact their lives now and in the future. How a teenage pregnancy (in either case) would drastically affect their choices, goals, and dreams. My 18yo dates, but has decided to abstain from sex for now - he has some lofty dreams, and knows that a child at this point in time would put those on hold - perhaps forever. My 15 1/2 yo, although she's had the opportunity, has decided not to date at this point. She's very focused on academics and extracurriculars, and doesn't feel she has the time or interest in devoting time to a relationship. And she has no interest in "hook-ups".
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#4 of 9 Old 01-04-2010, 11:21 AM
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I also want to know what you don't agree with.

One of our jobs as parents is to try and prevent our kids from doing things that have seriously ghastly consequences. The sex offender laws in some parts of the country can ruin the lives of young people in situations similar to this one.

Finally, while I think that a determined sixteen year-old can find a way to have sex, and parents need to acknowledge that and make sure their kids have access to things like condoms... I also don't think that a parent is obligated to chauffeur a kid an hour out of town so that he can have sex. We don't have to help them get laid.
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#5 of 9 Old 01-04-2010, 12:02 PM
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Originally Posted by mtiger View Post
Conversely, I'd wonder why my 16yo son would be interested in (what is in my opinion) a little girl.
Yep. Three years is a HUGE age difference at this stage. It's wierd and icky.

but everything has pros and consĀ  shrug.gif

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#6 of 9 Old 01-04-2010, 07:54 PM
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I would do what I could to prevent a 13 year old from having sex, whether it was my child or a potential partner of my child.
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#7 of 9 Old 01-06-2010, 07:20 PM
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I wouldn't allow a 13 year old to date at all, especially a 16 year old. And I most certainly would do whatever I could to stop a 13 year old from becoming sexually active.
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#8 of 9 Old 01-06-2010, 11:41 PM
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I think you should worry about your own kids (If you have them) and not your friend's children.
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#9 of 9 Old 01-07-2010, 01:01 AM
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I'd butt out, although I do think your friend should point out the sex offender laws to his son.

However, I'm astonished at the idea that a 16 year old should find a 13 year old a "little girl". People don't develop (physically or emotionally) on an even timeline. When I was 13, I was routinely mistaken for 18, and there were a fair number of guys who wanted to have sex with me who were a lot older than 16...and had no idea whatsoever that I was only 13. There were girls in my class, some a couple of months older than me, who had no curves yet. I've known 14 year old boys who could be mistaken for 18 year olds (or older), and 18 year old guys who look 13.

Everyone's different. It's entirely possible that the teens in the OP are pretty muich equal, emotionally. The fact that he's sexually interested in a 13 year old doesn't invoke the term "little girl" to me, at all.

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