Is this a stepson problem, or preteen problem? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 01-08-2010, 10:01 AM - Thread Starter
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or something completely normal??
(X-posted in blended families)

Dh and I married 6 years ago, when my dss were 4 and 6. Older dss is now 12 1/2. Dh has primary custody, and the boys are with us during the week, and see their mom on the weekends.

I've always been private with the boys as far as changing clothes in private, not walking around in my underwear, things like that. The only exception was when I nursed my dd, who was born 3 years ago. At first there was some staring, but they quickly learned the purpose of breasts, and it was a non-issue.

Dss turned 12 in January. In the past month or so, I've noticed him staring at me. One time I had to run out of the shower because someone was screaming, but I covered myself completely in a towel. Dss stared at my chest. Last night, the kids were in bed and I was wearing these massively huge and modestly cut flannel pj's, but no bra on. I went to dd's room to kiss her goodnight, peaked my head in the boys' room to say goodnight, and again, noticed dss staring at my chest.

I haven't said anything, as I'm not sure what is normal, what is not. I understand that he's in puberty, but is this a blended family issue, or a pre-teen normality, or a pre-teen problem?
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#2 of 6 Old 01-11-2010, 02:06 AM
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Originally Posted by jjawm View Post
or something completely normal??
(X-posted in blended families)

I haven't said anything, as I'm not sure what is normal, what is not. I understand that he's in puberty, but is this a blended family issue, or a pre-teen normality, or a pre-teen problem?
Hi I would *tend* to say normal, that he notice or look at your breasts.

I have a son going on 12 and I think that he has started to notice women's figures now (from a few remarks, nothing lewd or horrible)

I would also ask your husband's opinion about it too.
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#3 of 6 Old 01-12-2010, 12:38 AM
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I am totally not qualified to answer this, but I will offer a very small two cents.

I have an almost 11yo DD. She nursed till age 4. I just finished nursing her sister who is two and just weaned herself. I hang out with crunchy folks. Breasts are all over this kids world and always have been. It was also just she and I from when she was born until age 7, when I remarried. So we were running from rooms to shower to wherever in our house naked. Totally not modest. She often comes in and talks to me when i shower and stuff as she knows she has my attention, lol.

She has just, in the last year, started having some breast development, girls in her class are developing at crazy rates and this is the year in school they had the whole anatomy and puberty conversation. I occasionally notice now, when i am changing or whatever and she is talking to me, that she will stare an extra second at my chest or whatever, but this is usually followed up in the next day or two with some random puberty or body change questions from her. She never seems uncomfortable with anything, but I do think that as her body changes, she notices that I have an adult female body like she is getting vs just mom's body.

Does that make sense? Not sure if that is the same, but based on that, like earlier poster, I tend to think it errs on the side of normal puberty stuff.
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#4 of 6 Old 01-12-2010, 05:51 AM
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I wanted to add that he might either not be staring at your chest, or might be totally unaware that he is doing it. I can recall several instances of being accused of staring at something I should not have been when in fact i was doing something else. Most times I was spacing out and staring in a general direction- which apparently also happened to include a cute boy, someone chest, etc. When someone pointed that out to me, I was like "what? There's a boy over there? Where?" I'd just been completely on another planet. The other time I was looking at someones necklace, which naturally happened to be hanging around her neck near her chest. she asked why I was staring at her chest. It was completely not my intention. It was honestly a pretty necklace, that was all.

I also know that sometimes you DO happen to be staring at something, but its unconcious. I would ask hubby how to deal with that. It might be that a gentle talk with DSS about staring at girls in general would help (Its natural to be interested, but girls don't like it when you stare at them) He might also like a little reminder if you catch him staring at such things in general. It might help him become more aware of the behavior so he could fix it. I'd talk to hubby, and if you want to help him with it, maybe ask DSS what he would like you and Hubby to do if you notice him staring someplace impolite. Maybe he'd like a codeword or something to help him get his mind back on earth
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#5 of 6 Old 01-12-2010, 01:50 PM
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I have a 14 yr old and it sounds like normal boy teen stuff to me. They start noticing the female anatomy more around preteen/early teen years.

Proud *single* mom to 3 amazing kiddos
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#6 of 6 Old 01-19-2010, 02:31 PM
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I think it's pretty normal. Slightly uncomfortable, but normal! He may not be aware that he's doing it. It's just awkward and he's going to get a master on his impulses eventually. He's naturally curious and you are safe. If he thought about it he'd be pretty embarrassed, too. If it goes on very long, talk to his dad.

Someone moved my effing cheese.
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