caught dd (13) - Mothering Forums

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Old 02-14-2010, 11:00 AM - Thread Starter
 
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masturbating. She does not know I saw her. Do I say anything??????? I know it is normal but it is haunting me none the less.

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Old 02-14-2010, 11:59 AM
 
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I would not say anything to her about this particular incident.

If you haven't yet had honest discussions with her about sexuality, sexual relationships, masturbation (as opposed to mechanics of sexual reproduction-penis goes into the vagina-sperm and egg and uterus and menstruation talks), then I think it's a good idea.
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Old 02-14-2010, 12:16 PM
 
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Where was she? In her room w door closed. Bathroom w door closed then no. She was in her private space exploring herself

BUT I agree with pp, it's time for "the talk" if she hasnt had it yet.

Im sure it was shocking but its a good thing that shes starting to explore and feels comfortable enough with herself to do it. I think you've done great as a mama to not make her feel uncomfortable

mommy daddy son daughter = our family
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Old 02-14-2010, 04:18 PM
 
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masturbating. She does not know I saw her. Do I say anything??????? I know it is normal but it is haunting me none the less.
Why, so she can be haunted by knowing that an intimate moment was seen by her mother?

I agree with PPs, if you haven't had the "talk" you ought to, but without mentioning what you saw.

That said, yikes, I feel for you!

Mom to a teenager and a middle schooler.

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Old 02-14-2010, 04:20 PM
 
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Don't say anything at all, unless, perhaps, she was in a public place where she could be observed by others and doesn't understand that these types of things should be done in private.

DS, 10/07. Allergies: peanut, egg, wheat. We've added dairy back in. And taken it back out again. It causes sandpaper skin with itchy patches and thrashing during sleep. Due w/ #2 late April, 2012.

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Old 02-14-2010, 04:52 PM
 
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Absolutely do not tell her you saw her!!! She would likely be devastated and it might inhibit future communication about sex between the two of you in the future! But do have a conversation about sex, sexuality that includes masturbation as a healthy, normal option but do stress when it is appropriate and when not so much.

www.scarleteen.com is a great source for teens on sex and sexuality, the woman who heads that site wrote a incredible book geared towards teens and college aged teens/young adults that I would highly recommend: http://www.amazon.com/S-E-X-All-You-.../dp/1600940102 if you want some assistance or want your daughter to have a resource on her shelf when she may not feel comfortable asking questions. This, from the scarleteen website is particularly helpful and gives many valuable resources for parents: http://www.scarleteen.com/for_parents

Midwest Teen Sex Show is a group of people who make webisodes about sex and sexuality geared towards teens that are very frank but quite hilarious http://midwestteensexshow.com/ (You may want to watch them yourself and see if you are comfortable with them- very liberal but I love them.)

There are also some great resources about talking to your kids about sex here: http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/ind...108&Itemid=206

I don't know how much you have spoken to your daughter about sex but I wanted to include these resources for the community as a whole.

Mama to A born 8/7/99
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Old 02-15-2010, 06:21 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all!

 Mom of many minions . . . babyf.gif jumpers.gif     jumpers.gif     jumpers.gif
"And when our baby stirs and struggles to be born it compels humility: what we began is now its own." Margaret Mead 
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Old 02-26-2010, 12:31 PM
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masturbating. She does not know I saw her. Do I say anything??????? I know it is normal but it is haunting me none the less.
Just saw this thread.....

Can I ask why you were haunted?

I would love to know for sure that my 14 year old dd was able to give herself an orgasm. I have talked with her at length (she listens but doesn't offer much) and have actually offered to purchase a small vibrator for her (not one to use internally).

I think I saw on Oprah where girls who are in situations where they are making out heavily with boys might be less likely to 'go all the way' if they knew they could go home and achieve an orgasm on their own.

Am I making sense?

Trying to do the right thing with three kids and a hubby. 
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Old 02-26-2010, 12:38 PM
 
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Just saw this thread.....

Can I ask why you were haunted?

I would love to know for sure that my 14 year old dd was able to give herself an orgasm. I have talked with her at length (she listens but doesn't offer much) and have actually offered to purchase a small vibrator for her (not one to use internally).

I think I saw on Oprah where girls who are in situations where they are making out heavily with boys might be less likely to 'go all the way' if they knew they could go home and achieve an orgasm on their own.

Am I making sense?
Jumping in to give my two cents...

I'm not sure about that much. I learned how to stimulate myself a bit at that age and it made me want to go farther even more because I knew how great it felt... (or I thought I did)

I'm not saying that all girls are like me, and my mother wasn't the "open" type I could go to about this...we NEVER talked about masturbation. As far as I knew it was a dirty thing...so I dunno if that would have mattered.

Kas (24), Helpmeet to Stefan (25), Mom to Franklin Gaudelio 4/15/09, Jonathan Boswell 1/2/11
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Old 02-26-2010, 02:59 PM
 
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My mom was very frank with me and a little clueless about feelings, asked me if I did masturbate and I forever after felt very inhibited. My daughter on the other hand (10 yo) when we were reading a book together offered up that she does and I just said 'that's good for you' and left it open for her.

Heather, mama to Harriet, Crispin, in with Tom and 2
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Old 02-26-2010, 03:37 PM
 
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At 13, I would assume my dc be masturbating (I did so much, much younger....I know not all children are the same, but my kids have been "hands on" since toddlerhood, so...). As long as she was in a space where she could expect privacy at the time, I think you really only need to remember to knock first!

Of course, open the lines of communication if you have not yet. And keep the lines open if they already are. But also be aware of your dc's comfort level in wanting to talk and share. I was pretty "skilled" in this area at 13, lol, but I really didn't want to talk to my mom about it. A book might have been great, though. I devoured "Our bodies, ourselves" when I came across a copy as a teen. Incredibly woman-empowering stuff there, sexually and otherwise.
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Old 02-27-2010, 05:42 PM
 
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I would have died if I knew my parents ever saw me doing anything that private. So no I would not bring it up with her. But agian as pp said, if the topic of sexuality, etc hasn't come up, its time to find a way to begin.

Mamma to dd1 3/8/07, one 9.5.08, and dd2 9/9/09
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Old 02-27-2010, 05:51 PM
 
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Why, so she can be haunted by knowing that an intimate moment was seen by her mother?

I agree with PPs, if you haven't had the "talk" you ought to, but without mentioning what you saw.

That said, yikes, I feel for you!
This! Please don't say anything about it to her - any 13 year old (well, anyone any age) would be mortified to know their mother had caught them masturbating.

My baby is 2 years old! How did that happen?!
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