Is my 8yo a pre-teen already?? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 02-17-2010, 04:17 PM - Thread Starter
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I dunno what happened to my sweet lil' girl... she was the most positive and life-loving little girl until over the past 4-5 months. Her choice of words are so negative and sometimes hurtful. There are moments when the little girl shines during nightime lullaby and a random hug...
We stay positive here... I don't know where this negative talk is coming from. I miss her positive outlook. I don't like the negativity in my home. My younger two are picking up on it and copying sometimes. They fight more and more. I'm struggling with it. I know a sit-down discussion is in order, but she's my oldest and I'm simply not sure how to go about it in an age-appropriate way...(especially since I am unsure whether this is age-appropriate or not) Any tips/thoughts, Mamas?

(my babes are 8, 6, and 4, btw)

Becca ~Mama to 3 (DD - 1/3/02) (DD - 2/16/04) (DS - 8/11/05)
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#2 of 6 Old 02-18-2010, 02:06 PM
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I lurk in this forum mostly because I know we'll be here before I blink. I rarely post. I have an 8 yo dd and I don't consider her a "pre-teen" yet.

I don't think the negativity has anything to do with being a "pre-teen". There are a lot of pre-teens that I know that are very positive people. She's obviously picked up the negativity somewhere, so I would look more closely into who/what (games, videos, TV, other media) she is spending time with outside of your positive family. Attitude changes can happen at 5, 15, or any other age.

My dd is still very much a child, though. I will consider her a pre-teen when she starts showing the signs of puberty and hormonal shifts or she's 12, whichever comes first (I was a late bloomer).
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#3 of 6 Old 02-18-2010, 02:43 PM
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I think than unless you have a reason to suspect that she is going through puberty REALLY early, this isn't a preteen thing.

What is normal behavoir for a 12 year old girl is a red flag at other times of life (which just makes it really hard to figure out what is a red flag for a 12 year old girl.) It sounds like something is wrong.

I'd talk to her about what you see (no judgements, just observations) and how it effects you and the other family members. I'd ask what is going on, if something is bothering her, etc.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#4 of 6 Old 02-18-2010, 04:53 PM - Thread Starter
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After I typed it out here, I got thinking more clearly about it.

It was my MIL. She was just here for way too long of a visit and left this past Friday.

She's a negative person and then also having her here put a strain on the family routine and balance.

DD was more effected by it than I realized. She has always, since a wee babe, thrived on structure and routine. I had a sit-down with her last night to talk about how things will be getting back to the norm and how the visit effected her. We also came up with a secret word for just her and I to use with one another if in the future she is feeling upset and isn't sure how to explain it or is afraid of hurting someone's feelings (as was in this case).

Becca ~Mama to 3 (DD - 1/3/02) (DD - 2/16/04) (DS - 8/11/05)
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#5 of 6 Old 03-19-2010, 03:40 PM
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Also, there is the 9 year change that you should be aware of that can happen during the 8th year of life (google 9 year change Waldorf to learn more).
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#6 of 6 Old 03-21-2010, 01:57 AM
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IMHO, this is not at all a preteen indication.

8's are notorious for being snarky and negative. 8 is technically just TWO yrs, out of EARLY childhood, so a giant hop to preteen is a little much.

Embrace her as a 'sprited' dc, but relax and enjoy her childhood-which she is in the middle of! 8's and 11's are both hard ages=especially on the moms!!

Me-The sad thing about truth, is that it has the ability to repel people.
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