Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Northeast U.S.A.
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My ds had a problem when he was around 6 years old. He had problems with a girl in his class. I've always raised him to be a gentlemen, so this was a conflict for him. I taught him never to touch anyone in a violent manner--no hitting, grabbing, etc. Yet, I also told him no one has the right to do that to you. Your body is your temple and must be protected. I gave him permission to hit back any one who first transgressed upon him. He didn't have a problem with the boys, but could not seem to bring himself to hit back against the bully female in his class.
One day he comes home with a black eye. I wanted to pass out. But, he was smiling and said, "mom, i only have one black eye, she has two". I'll never forget it. Then I had to go to school to deal with the girl's parents who were so-o-o very angry their darling sweetheart had been beaten up. Nevermind the fact that she was THE major terror. I also had to deal with the school--the teacher told my ds he should have come to her. Most of the times when these things happen, there is no adult present. I told her he had my permission to to always defend himself.
Cowards tend to run in a group. Have you advised your son to fight back? Until he does, they will continue to pick on him. Has the school contacted the parents of the bullies? Seems the school always know about it, but wait until something serious happens before they take action. Is your ds picked on outside/inside school? If there's a specific time/place this happens, you can alert the school. What about your ds's friends? Can they group together? This is never an easy situation and more and more you see these kids who have no positive family structure. I'm sure you'll get some great advice here.