14 Yr Old Daughter "Thinking" about Birth Control Pills - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 44 Old 03-27-2010, 11:33 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Thalia the Muse View Post
I really don't think your teenage brothers are reporting accurately.
Sorry, I saw this as an opportunity to share a great quote I heard relating how business's are trying to adopt sustainability programs and teenage sex.
"Everyone talks about doing it, few are really doing it, and those that do, aren't doing it very well."
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#32 of 44 Old 03-29-2010, 05:49 AM
 
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Just in case you want some more anecdotal evidence, one of my closest friends went on the pill when she was 14/15 as a combination "better periods/just in case", and she didn't do anything other than kiss until she was 19, and was close to age 21 when she had sex for the first time. So, there's that. I was on the pill in high school, and purposely did NOT date, it was solely for period control and skin issues.

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#33 of 44 Old 03-29-2010, 07:33 AM
 
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There is a certain sense of power that goes with being on BC. A sense of control and self mastery. Maybe she wants to have sex. Maybe she doesn't. Whether 14 really is "old" to be a virgin or not, that may be the perception she's up against.

I started having sex at 14. Now in retrospect, it was more as a way of controlling my body and choices than any real desire or readiness for sex. I came from a very controlling household. Any access to BC was not something I would get any help with. I was pregnant at 16.

I think an open, honest discussion is in order. I can imagine how hard it will be for you! Let her talk about her reasons. Talk about side effects and the emotional entanglements that come with sex. Just by having the conversation, and giving her the chance to be heard, she might decide she doesn't want BC at all. But I think things will work out better if you let it be her choice.
Good Luck, and thanks for being the kind of Dad who's willing to ask for advice! We need more of you.

Mom of 4 aspiring midwife "Friend"ly seeker
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#34 of 44 Old 04-03-2010, 10:50 PM
 
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It really depends....what do you value for your daughter's sexuality? Whatever it is, communicate that with her. Keep the door open for her to talk to you. This is about her trying to harness her own power (which is a good thing) but pop-culture has her a bit convinced that she needs pharmaceutical drugs to do it. Is there a woman in her life...she might need to make a connection with a woman who can pass down some wisdom to her.

If she really is only looking for shorten her period or minimize cramping, a homeopath would be a great person to take her to.

Consciously mothering 3 girls and 2 boys
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#35 of 44 Old 04-04-2010, 05:40 PM
 
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I think this is a great discussion!

I wonder if the OP's DD was only telling him that she wanted the BC because of period issues to make him feel better about it? And then when she was in to see the pediatrician, she was more honest about it? Or maybe the converse, and she was trying to shock the pediatrician because she resented being taken to a pediatrician? He knows her best.

That said, my DD, who just turned 15, has been on BC for about 6 months. She's taking it for cycle control, because since she got her period just after she turned 10, her periods have been awful ordeals, and have gotten a bit heavier in the last year or two. We did Chinese herbal tea when she was about 11 - worked like a charm for two years (yes, just the one 3-day round!). But when we tried it again last year, it didn't really help. The first BC she tried was awful because she ended up spotting heavily all the time (so instead of 1 1/2 periods a month, she had a continuous light period). So she switched to a different one and now she is doing very well. She's obsessive about taking it at the exact same time every day. And her acne has cleared up completely, a bonus for her, though she cares little about it.

In her case, I know it's not about sex because she doesn't really have friends, never mind boyfriends. And we had "the talk" when she was 13 and asked how she would get "sex ed" if she was homeschooling. So I proceeded to give her "sex ed": anatomy, female cycle, sperm production, conception, basic idea of STDs, pregnancy and STD protection... the whole nine yards. She also knows that she was an "oops" baby (I was 19 when I conceived), and I've often quoted Roseanne to her: An accident is something you don't want to happen, but a *surprise* is something you didn't even know you wanted until it happened. While also pointing out that my life got rather derailed and didn't go quite as planned. Good in the end, but bumpy bus ride to get there...

I think it's really wonderful that the OP's daughter is comfortable enough to approach him about it. I was too shy to say anything to my mom (or even to make a doctor's appointment) and talking to my dad would have been completely out of the question. And this is despite the fact that my mom had talked to me about sex early on and would have been open to my asking her for anything I might have wanted.


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How many people do you know who married the guy they met when they were 14?
Interestingly, my ex-SIL married the boy she started dating in Gr. 10 (based on one of those silly "matchmaker" survey things) and they now have 3 children, a Masters degree each and a huge house. But yes, very uncommon!

Lori : mum to Emily (nov94) and Calvin (jul 03), : and : married to : Wes
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#36 of 44 Old 04-04-2010, 10:33 PM
 
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I really don't think your teenage brothers are reporting accurately.
Depends on what you consider a virgin.

I have a family member whose sworn to save "it" till marriage girlfriend and he were having anal sex to keep themselves 'pure and safe.' They started at age 14 with oral and by the time they graduated from highschool.


A friend of mine is a doc, known since we were all kids. When he was in residency, he talked about the 15 year old girl who he helped deliver her second child. SECOND.

And honestly some 26 years ago, at the ripe old age of 14 I was a sexual being, intercourse and all. I had a mom who talked to me and a grandmother who was a public health nurse. Mom was great. There was a bag of condoms with the tampons and pads. More than you would bother counting, and replaced without a word and before they ran low.

I was 27, out of college with a degree and nearly married when I became pregnant with my first child. Conversations with mom and grandma as an adult about the condom bag revealed that they both assumed that giving them to friends as well as using them. (and I was.. but not as much as they hoped )
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#37 of 44 Old 04-05-2010, 12:27 AM
 
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I really don't think your teenage brothers are reporting accurately.
I hope not...if 14 is old, I am OVER the hill and stalled to a stop some distance away on the other side of it.
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#38 of 44 Old 04-05-2010, 02:48 PM
 
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PundaSmith, I just wanted to add that if you still haven't brought this up with your dd since the appointment with the doctor, you should bring it up again. Even if it's just to let her know, "I'm still thinking about this. This is really important to me and I want to be able to help you, and I'm trying to figure out the best way to do that."

You've been thrown for a loop, and you can't be as helpful as you need to be if you haven't made that perspective change yet.

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I really don't think your teenage brothers are reporting accurately.
Yeah... it's not as though guys ever exaggerate, either.

Someone moved my effing cheese.
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#39 of 44 Old 04-05-2010, 03:22 PM
 
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Does it indicate intent to have sex? How do I handle it? I am from a culture where this is unheard-of, but I realized in the US, these situations can't be suppressed to easily. I am trying to think of the positives: that she is willing to be open to me; that she is willing to talk to her doctor; and that she wants me to know about what is happening with respect to her sexuality.

Any thoughts on't know how to react to it? How do I navigate this slippery slope?

thanks - Punda
If you don't mind my asking what culture? I'm a first gen american-- you'd would be suprised at how much of an influence parents have on their kiddos.

Just another suggestion-- does she have an aunt or someone like that to talk to about this kind of stuff? I'm not saying this because you are a single dad-- it's nice to have someone who is not a parental figure to talk to about these things sometimes.

Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdadsuperhero.gif and mom to DS babyf.gif24 months, and DD boc.gif 8 months! .

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#40 of 44 Old 04-30-2010, 07:56 PM
 
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that intercourse before the age of 16 was dangerous because your body is not fully grown inside, and intercourse can damage the cells, and damaged or changed cells is what cancer grows from, thus cervical cancer. I do not know how accurate this is, but it scarred me into waiting till I was at least 16.

My mom would not let me go on the pill till I was 18, due to hormones. So I learned the diaphragm at 16. And that was only when I had a steady boyfriend. My dad would have tried to prevent anything. But they were divorced. That was over 20 years ago.

I am now confused what to tell my dd when she is of age.
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#41 of 44 Old 04-30-2010, 08:19 PM
 
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Well, that may have been the theory about why early intercourse increases the risk of cervical cancer. But now the experts are saying that earlier intercourse increases the risk of getting a virus, HPV, which damages DNA in the cervix and therefore increases the risk of cancer. Epidemiologically, becoming sexually active earlier usually means more sexual partners, and therefore increased risk. Basically it's a sexually transmitted infection issue.

Lori : mum to Emily (nov94) and Calvin (jul 03), : and : married to : Wes
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#42 of 44 Old 05-01-2010, 01:05 AM
 
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If you have a family history of thyroid issues, don't let your dd go on the pill. She doesn't need the fatigue or weight gain.
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#43 of 44 Old 05-02-2010, 08:57 PM
 
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I began taking birth control when I was 16 because I had painful/unpredictable periods.

While I also think 14 is too young for birth control, just keep watch for any warning signs that she is thinking about sex. That would be the time to put her on birth control because children aren't waiting even though we would like them to.

I just hope my 13 DD will come talk to me openly when/if she wants to take birth control.

I'd rather sit down to listen to that than to sit down for her to show me her pregnancy test.

I am not saying your daughter wants sex, it probably really is for her period. Just keep watch and listen.

Proud mama to: DD (12/96), DD (7/00), and DS (2/06).
with #4 due: November 12, 2010
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#44 of 44 Old 05-08-2010, 08:12 PM
 
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It concerns me that at 14 years old, her pediatrician told her that she was too young for the pill. At 15, I was pregnant with my now nine year old. Fourteen isn't too young for birth control if someone wants it.

Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
14yo ds   11yo dd  9yo ds and 7yo ds and 2yo ds  
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