Hair care - whose decision? (10 year old) - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#31 of 51 Old 03-29-2010, 03:44 PM
 
sapphire_chan's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 27,779
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarrieMF View Post
The reason it takes so long is becuase it's being left so long between de-tangling. On average we loose 100 hairs a day, if the hair is not being de-tangled then alot of those hairs are stuck in her tangled hair making around 1000 extra hairs tangled up amongst the hair that is still attached to the head.
Not quite that bad since longer hair drops out less than short hair.

Joensally, it sounds like you have a good plan in place. If you do have problems with tangles in the future, I've found that combing in the shower helps a lot. The water running through the hair really aids the comb. As in, a section of hair that a wide tooth comb wouldn't move more than an inch in can be combed the whole length by a fine tooth comb.
sapphire_chan is offline  
#32 of 51 Old 03-29-2010, 03:54 PM
 
To-Fu's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the base ship
Posts: 4,481
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
So glad to hear you found a plan that works for both of you! Let us know how it goes.

Have you seen the updated user agreement yet?
To-Fu is offline  
#33 of 51 Old 03-29-2010, 05:04 PM
 
nextcommercial's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 4,589
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
She probably can't brush through it herself. But, if she won't let you comb the tangles out once or twice a week, I'd say she has to cut it until she can care for it herself.

At least cut an inch off every six weeks. Keeping a fresh cut helps brush through the tangles.
nextcommercial is offline  
#34 of 51 Old 03-29-2010, 05:13 PM
 
CarrieMF's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Alberta/Saskatchewan
Posts: 8,930
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Not quite that bad since longer hair drops out less than short hair.
my long hair falls out just as much as it did when it was short.
CarrieMF is offline  
#35 of 51 Old 03-29-2010, 05:45 PM
 
ananas's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,993
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by enkmom View Post
No advice, just a story. My 21 year old daughter still remembers (and brings up) the time when she was 6 and I had the beautician cut her hair to MY preference. I have always been of the opinion that it's just hair and grows back - she was traumatized and will only allow her hair to be trimmed in millimeters. Hair is a very personal thing.

I do sympathize with you about the messy hair.
Yup, totally agree with this post. I can't count the number of women I've met with hair down past their waists because they're afraid to have it cut because of a traumatic hair cutting incident when they were younger. I know people in their 20's who still shed tears at getting a tiny bit trimmed off.

Newly single, chronically sleep deprived mama to my little wild thang wild.gif, born 11/17/12 

fly-by-nursing1.gif

ananas is offline  
#36 of 51 Old 03-29-2010, 07:18 PM
 
Linda on the move's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: basking in the sunshine
Posts: 10,562
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 32 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by eclipse View Post
I really do wish she'd given me more guidance, though. I really didn't know how to take care of my hair, and we were very poor, such that conditioner was a luxury for us.
I find it hard to give the needed guidence in a helpful way without sounding controlling or judgmental (at this point, this is a topic we have history on!).

I take my girls to that same stylist I use and have talked to him about it when they aren't there, and so now he's really great about mentioning little things to them when he is doing their hair. He just works things in conversationally, and I think it comes better from my young, gay, hip, funny hair guy than it comes from me, even if it is the same information.

I also buy my DD's quality hair products, but I know this isn't an option for everyone due to the expense. One DD uses Matrix products and other uses Paul Mitchell. I'm sure there are moms here who can tell you all the great home made and less expensive ways to get good results.

I've used canola oil on hair knots before!

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

Linda on the move is online now  
#37 of 51 Old 04-03-2010, 08:44 AM
 
lorijds's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Posts: 2,950
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
OMG.

I totally sympathize, because my oldest dd was your dd. She would NOT brush her hair or care for it, but was very specific about the length.

We tried different conditioners, and finally found one that worked reasonably well.

Still, the big issue was the fact that she just didn't care. Against my instincts, our hair philosophy has been "Your hair, your deal." Hair color, hair style, hair length has always been the choice of the one who has to wear it. So while I would in my head rant and scream about her hair, I did not make any comments and would simply offer to help every once in a while, and help her when she asked.

Her friends would give her a hard time about her hair, and her response was a shrug and the comment "I don't care." She really just didn't care if it was messy, parted or not, brushed or not.

Around entering junior high, she finally started taking better care of it. Now, at 14, she brushes it daily, often it is parted, and sometimes she actually spends quite a bit of time on it.

My advice: ask her what she wants to do with her hair. If she really just doesn't want to do much with it, let her. If she *wants* to do something with it, but just doesn't know how, help her or find her the help she needs (ie, take her to a salon with a hip, young guy or gal as your beautician, explain the situation, and ask for help).

It is her hair. I would not want someone dictating how I wear or care for my hair. At her age, she most definitely has an opinion about it, so I'd try to respect it rather than make it a big battle. If a big rat's nest develops because that is what she wants, well, let it happen.

ETA: I see you have a plan. I posted without reading all the replies. Hope things work out!
lorijds is offline  
#38 of 51 Old 04-15-2010, 03:13 AM
 
Smokering's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 8,610
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)
Could she braid her own hair? If she has a tender scalp she might like the control of doing it herself so she can control the tension.

And no, long hair sheds at the same rate as short.. Cutting hair doesn't affect its growth cycle.

If decomposition persists please see your necromancer.

Smokering is offline  
#39 of 51 Old 04-15-2010, 03:32 AM
 
lookatreestar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 987
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
i second (third?) the layers. my hair is so thick and it gets so tangly when it is one length. also getting it trimmed often, the split ends etc. those really make my hair impossible to comb.

mama to one '07 and one '09
lookatreestar is offline  
#40 of 51 Old 04-17-2010, 03:35 AM
 
KMK_Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Arizona
Posts: 2,270
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This stuff is awesome at getting out tangles. You put it in wet hair and it brushes right out.

http://www.tigihaircare.com/consumer...y&categoryID=5

: Robyn : Increasingly crunchy Mama to Kya (8) , Makena (7) , and Keegan (4) :
KMK_Mama is offline  
#41 of 51 Old 04-17-2010, 04:08 AM
 
MusicianDad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Tuponia
Posts: 10,838
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My suggestion comes from babymomma who has hair that tangles very easily.

I say, get the tangles out and try having her wear it in a braid to bed. Since it's bound up in a way that keeps it relatively controlled at night, there are far less tangles in the morning. Babymomma went from having to spend at least 5 to 10 minutes getting tangles out in the morning to being able to brush it pretty easily when she started wearing a braid to bed. I also know she tried different styles for night time, apparently two braids are best for back sleepers and one braid is best for side sleepers.

malesling.GIFMutant Papa to DD (12)hippie.gif and DS (2)babyf.gif, married to DHribbonrainbow.gif
If it looks like I'm trying to pick a fight... I'm not, I'm rarely that obvious.hammer.gif
MusicianDad is offline  
#42 of 51 Old 05-04-2010, 03:35 AM
 
magpie mamma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 249
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I could have written this post about my DD, almost 12. She has a very sensitve head and brushing is very hard for her. With long thick hair, with a bit of a wave, it tangles. She dances and wants/needs it long to put it a bun so cutting it is not a solution she is happy with, although she does not dance in the summer, so it gets somewhat cut then. I have learned to accept the messy hair, most of the time. I figure it is not worth the battle every day. She knows when it gets bad and then we get it taken care of again. (about every 3-4 days) I get tired of the cycle that doesn't change and am amazed she is willing to sit so long while I get the tangles out. I mostly figure that when she gets a bit older, she will take more interest in her appearance, and I may miss the days of little to no primping. I wonder if there will be peer pressure or how she will feel when she looks back at photographs? I wonder what others think about how she looks? She has always been so confident and self-assured about herself, I just don't want to keep pushing and cause doubt, so we draw the line at hair that is not greasy, and I accept the messy pony tail as she hurries off to school.
magpie mamma is offline  
#43 of 51 Old 05-04-2010, 03:09 PM
 
Storm Bride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 27,300
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ananas View Post
Yup, totally agree with this post. I can't count the number of women I've met with hair down past their waists because they're afraid to have it cut because of a traumatic hair cutting incident when they were younger. I know people in their 20's who still shed tears at getting a tiny bit trimmed off.
This kind of resonates with me, except that I have hair past my waist (just barely *sigh*) that I don't get trimmed, because hairdressers all think I'd look better with a "good cut", and they make me tense. I'd have it as long as it would grow, no matter what, but I'd keep it a bit more neatly if hairdressers hadn't hacked it in the past. (The last "trim" I got was about 20 years ago. She took off a foot.)

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

Storm Bride is offline  
#44 of 51 Old 05-10-2010, 04:09 PM
 
CookiePie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 912
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hmm, I guess your dd is opposite of my dd who showers daily washing brushing through, blowing it out, curling or straightening, pulling back her hair away from her face, & just playing with her hair every morning in front of the mirror for almost an hour, until her hair is just right! Oh & begging for a trim when she see the slightest dry ends!

Giving Love serves as a wonderful reminder that we already have an abundance of Love within, "it is in giving that we receive."
CookiePie is offline  
#45 of 51 Old 05-10-2010, 04:27 PM
 
happysmileylady's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,216
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
One thing I haven't seen mentioned, make sure you are getting regular trims too. Takl to the hairdresser to see what they recommend, , but regular trims will help. Hair with split end tangles much more easily, in my experience.
happysmileylady is offline  
#46 of 51 Old 05-14-2010, 12:56 PM
 
bronxmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 716
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This is/was my daughter. She just turned 11, has very long, thick but fine, and curly hair. It was constantly knotted. I would say for a good 2-3 years she had chronic rats nests that sometimes took up her entire head. We would go through these gigantic multi-hour detangling sessions every couple of months and then not want to deal. I tried to get her to brush her hair but she was also sensitive. My friends and family were always complaining. Anyways, on New Year's eve of this year, her best friend and cousins spent the evening getting her hair out and beautiful. Ever since then she has kept it in perfect condition and if it starts to get a little tangly she'll ask me for help. But otherwise she keeps it perfect. It's been 5 months. Something shifted in her and she was ready to take care of it. I'm glad I waited. It's so great to see her having taken control of the situation because she was ready.
bronxmom is offline  
#47 of 51 Old 05-19-2010, 02:52 PM
ces
 
ces's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
When dd was little I had a friend who insisted that she'd keep her daughter's hair short 'until she could take care of it herself.' That never quite seemed fair. I care for the rest of her, why not her hair? My own preference was to keep it short, for my ease of caring for it, but when she hit 4, she insisted she wanted it long. I agreed, as long as she, or I, kept it brushed and out of her face. She's now 10 and has only recently taken on the daily brushing. Until then I brushed it. I still help get it back or braid it two or three days a week. It's thick and long and beautiful and tangly as all get-out, but she loves it long.

I don't think it's micromanaging to insist that it looks decent, especially if I'm willing to help. But if she won't accept help and she won't maintain it,then I think it's ok to cut it. Personal hygiene isn't optional for most functional humans; if I'm teaching my child to be a functional human, I expect her to accept the basic expectations of personal hygiene.

ces
ces is offline  
#48 of 51 Old 05-21-2010, 10:25 PM
 
quest4quiet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Just this side of sanity...
Posts: 741
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We had these same issues starting at around this age. DD's hair is super-thick and wavy. She would get these rat's nests at the nape of her neck. She's also very tender headed, which turned everything into a battle. It's amazing how something as simple as hair brushing can be so emotionally draining. I finally gave the haircut ultimatum. We also found Goody ouchless brushes. http://www.amazon.com/Goody-Ouchless.../dp/B000KOOCQO They are fantastic. The bristles retract slightly when they hit a tangle and don't pull as much. Between the brush and the No More Tangles, she says it's pretty painless now.

BTW, last year, her hair was blue

mama to DD yikes2.gif She's a teenager! 12/19/97 and DS jammin.gif 09/18/03
quest4quiet is offline  
#49 of 51 Old 05-21-2010, 10:28 PM
 
ctdoula's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: New England
Posts: 2,106
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marsupialmom View Post
I put my foot down. You take care of it or it gets cut.

Your dd is old enough to take care of it, but IMO she is young enough to need reminders. Also she still might need help knowing how to do it correctly. Allow enough time in the morning to do it.
I agree 100% In our home, we don't leave the house w/out our teeth brushed & hair brushed & up (out of face, which usually means pony tail, braids, barrettes, etc). My dd's had hair from mid back to chin & every where in between. If she wants in long, that's fine, but it MUST be taken care of, or it's cut.
ctdoula is offline  
#50 of 51 Old 05-21-2010, 10:59 PM
 
THANKFULFORFIVE's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: midwestern girl in Texas
Posts: 424
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
been there too with dd2......absolute BEST product (inexpensive) is Infusium23 leave in conditioner. I am telling you that it was a total lifesaver!!! Just spritz it in either wet OR dry.......amazing. And it leaves hair soooo soft! We sometimes use the wide-tooth comb in the shower and comb through regular conditioner. We also did the loose braid at bed-time then more recently moved to long layers.......
Try the Infusium23(available at most any store)......spray directly onto tangles and the pick or comb just slides through like magic!

me-45, DH-46, ds1-23, ds2-18, dd1-17, dd2-14, dd3-4....hoping for #6.....

THANKFULFORFIVE is offline  
#51 of 51 Old 05-22-2010, 12:30 PM
 
19spitfire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: northern California
Posts: 425
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post
Not quite that bad since longer hair drops out less than short hair.

Joensally, it sounds like you have a good plan in place. If you do have problems with tangles in the future, I've found that combing in the shower helps a lot. The water running through the hair really aids the comb. As in, a section of hair that a wide tooth comb wouldn't move more than an inch in can be combed the whole length by a fine tooth comb.
Combing in the shower was the answer for my dd. She also has fine, thick, long hair. And last year, when she was 10, we were having the same issues (maybe it's an age thing). I decided not to make it a battle and instead make it a challenge for US, not HER.
She would shower and comb through her hair while the conditioner was in it twice a week. I would check when she got out to make sure the knots and conditioner were out. If they weren't I would say something like "I want you to be able to have long nice hair and I know you do to. So you should get back in the shower and comb (or rinse) until the knots (or conditioner) are out". Then each morning she would brush her hair and I would check to make sure all the knots were out. If they weren't I would help her.
I find that understanding that kids are just learning and sometimes need help to learn is the best method. Sometimes we braided at night, but with a baby around that didn't last long. Really, I think the combing in the shower and me helping her learn to care for her hair was what worked. Good Luck!

Wife to James mom to dd(1999) ds1(2001)and ds2(7/08)
: * : * * : * * :
19spitfire is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off