I really messed up today - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 6 Old 05-14-2010, 02:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
noinstructions's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 11
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I really messed up today. To summarize a long story - my stepdaughter is 17, and she has struggled in school since she was a little girl.

After she moved in with us nearly 2 years ago, we had her tested and her reading was at a 4th grade level. She is at 6th grade level now. This year I got the school to put her in a special reading program, but it's online, and she kept putting off doing the work until this week - well, they had computer issues, and with a whole backlog of studying for her to do, she didn't get it done, so is now going to fail the course.

I'm upset because - bigger than failing the course, she doesn't seem to care about improving her reading ability. I told her she needed to try it again later today and she threw a fit and said she was "done" with it.

I made the mistake of trying to shame her into caring about it - which is stupid, that never works. I said that she reads at a 6th grade level and (truthfully) her 7 year old brother reads better than she does.

She was (rightfully) offended by this - and I know it was wrong to say. I did it out of pure frustration and inability to comprehend that she does not care about improving her reading ability.

I immediately apologized, but I feel like such a jerk.

Now that I have confessed this terrible misdeed - what can I do to get through to her, or is this a case of having to just let her fail?
noinstructions is offline  
#2 of 6 Old 05-14-2010, 03:01 PM
 
MCatLvrMom2A&X's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: With Vin Diesel ;) YUMMMM
Posts: 14,784
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would just let it go. Making sure to tell her that if she ever wants more help to just ask you and you will be more than happy to help. Pushing her isnt going to accomplish anything she has to want it or it wont work.

 
SAHMlady.gifread.giflovin' trekkie.giffan intactivist.gifwinner.jpg to loveeyes.gifenergy.gifDD 10/00 & superhero.gifmoon.gifDS 10/04 ribbonpb.gifIf your ds is intact, keep him safe, visit the Case Against Circ forumnocirc.gifCirc, a personal choice, Your sonsyes.gifbrokenheart.gif11/98brokenheart.gif6/99ribbonbrown.gifanti-tobaccoribbonyellow.gifThyroid cancer survivor. With cat.gif& goldfish.gif & (Boxer)dog2.gif wishing 4 whale.gif&ribbonwhite.gifsigncirc1.gifselectivevax.gifdelayedvax.gif

MCatLvrMom2A&X is offline  
#3 of 6 Old 05-14-2010, 03:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
noinstructions's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 11
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks - I think that is the realization that I have come to. It's so hard to let go, though.
noinstructions is offline  
#4 of 6 Old 05-17-2010, 01:05 AM
 
nextcommercial's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 4,589
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yes. Just let it go. It's not the worst thing in the world.

The best reading practice is fun anyway. There are many books that are short, good and fairly easy to read, but would keep her interest at age 17. There's always interesting internet stuff to read. Even if she never improves the way she'd like, she can learn almost anything by listening to it on tape.

My daughter couldn't write or spell until she discovered the internet. She fell in love with fanfiction stories. (that part wasn't great) but, she actually learned to write and spell coherently from reading and writing fanfiction. She had a story published by a teen internet site when she was 14 years old.

http://www.teenink.com/ Look at this site, and maybe she'll enjoy some of the short stories. She might even take a shot at writing one herself. Kids her own age will critique it (not always gently) and that's how she will learn.

Chicken Soup for the teen soul has good short stories too. She can still be a very successful adult and a lousy reader.
nextcommercial is offline  
#5 of 6 Old 05-17-2010, 08:10 AM
 
karne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 3,623
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
A few things:

Has she been tested for a learning disability? If not, you may want to talk to her about this. I can't imagine that her school hasn't done this, given what you say her reading level is, but maybe it's been overlooked if she's passing in other areas. Sometimes finding out that there is an LD at work can offer relief. It's not the FAULT of the person struggling to read that the process is so difficult.

The behavioral stuff such as not caring, being resistant, (frustrated parent) are extremely common when a child has unmet learning needs. It's a really difficult cycle. It's pretty normal for kids to feel this way, and at your stepdaughter's age there's a lot of history of reading "failure" to contend with.

If she eventually feels that she wants to work on her reading, you may want to find either a center or tutor familiar with LD's, and one that works with adult learners, given her age and experience.

Also, much of what's written that we contend during day to day life is written at about a 5th-6th grade level, so from a functional standpoint your dsd should be able to be ok with directions, instructions, general reading material, etc. I know this doesn't help with school, but a 6th grade reading level is certainly something to work with.
karne is offline  
#6 of 6 Old 05-17-2010, 04:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
noinstructions's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 11
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks for the additional input.

No, she hasn't been tested for a LD. I discussed doing this with her counselor last year and was met with lots of resistance from the school. She is also very resistant and just doesn't want to do it - doesn't want to be lumped in with what she calls the "dumb kids." (I don't believe she actually thinks those with LD are dumb, just that's the label others put on them kwim?)

She is actually reading more for pleasure, and of course, uses the internet and text messages frequently.

I am just going to let her know that, if she wants help,I'm here to help and that she has to ask, because I'm not going to push it any longer.
noinstructions is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off