My ds1, 10, is a super kid in many ways -- but one thing that is concerning me is his resistance to/inability to take responsibility for his choices. Emblematic of this -- last night, kids and dh are playing soccer. Ds1 and one of his siblings get into an argument over where to kick the ball; dh tells them both to sit out of the game, but to come back when they are finished arguing. Ds1 goes inside, slams door, snarls at me when I go in to ask him what's wrong; by contrast, the other sibling sits out a few minutes, then asks if she can come back in to play. With his siblings, things seem in perspective; with him, it's all too often someone else's fault. (About soccer/door slamming -- "she MADE me slam my door!" he says. Well, no. He chose to do that)
There is a long pattern of blaming negatives on others; he lost homework because X distracted him; he forgot to feed the dog because Y was being too loud; his room is a mess because X and Y come in and move his things around (they totally don't). I've had several conversations with him about this -- many of them based on the Siblings Without Rivalry book -- and I do see improvement for a few days; then he goes back to the old ways.
As he gets older, the more it concerns me because A.) I can't help but wonder if he is setting himself up to take on the role of a victim, and B.) his siblings, who are younger, went through that as a stage but have moved on.
I very much want him to feel like he has power over his circumstances and how he chooses to react/act; but he seems pretty committed to his idea that people are somehow out to sabotage him and things are generally not his fault.
He's super-bright, academically; I don't know if this has played into his mentality or not, with this issue. I've tried to appeal to logic, but that doesn't seem to be working.
If anyone has seen this or been through it, what's your take? Do I somehow need to "retrain" him to think of things in a different way??
Joy, mama to Aquaboy (10), Goldilocks (8), Squidge (4)