SOOOOOO Not Ready For This! - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 7 Old 06-15-2010, 05:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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AGGHHHHH!

Just found out that DSS 15 started dating one of his friends over the weekend!

I'm not ready to parent a child that is dating! Please tell me everything will be o.k.!

Annie wife v2.0 to DH and joyfully parenting DSS 18 jog.gif, DSD 15 knit.gif, DSD 14 banana.gif, DSS 12bikenew.gifand heart hero DD 2superhero.gif. angel1.gif 8/2010

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#2 of 7 Old 06-15-2010, 06:03 PM
 
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Everything will be ok.

And I really mean that. There are far worse things he could be doing than dating.

malesling.GIFMutant Papa to DD (12)hippie.gif and DS (2)babyf.gif, married to DHribbonrainbow.gif
If it looks like I'm trying to pick a fight... I'm not, I'm rarely that obvious.hammer.gif
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#3 of 7 Old 06-16-2010, 10:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post
Everything will be ok.

And I really mean that. There are far worse things he could be doing than dating.
Thanks for the reality check! DH and I talked to him last night and he told us all about it and to his credit, he didn't run to his room and slam the door even though DH gave him quite a ribbing. We talked about sex and how it's a very mature thing to do and if you aren't mature enough to deal with the consequences then you aren't mature enough to engage in the behavior. So I feel better today but I've watched WAY too many "16 and Pregnant" and I do not want to become a grandma before I've had a chance to have my own baby!

Annie wife v2.0 to DH and joyfully parenting DSS 18 jog.gif, DSD 15 knit.gif, DSD 14 banana.gif, DSS 12bikenew.gifand heart hero DD 2superhero.gif. angel1.gif 8/2010

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#4 of 7 Old 06-16-2010, 03:19 PM
 
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Well if it makes you feel safer, teens who don't get pregnant are far more numerous than teens who do.

malesling.GIFMutant Papa to DD (12)hippie.gif and DS (2)babyf.gif, married to DHribbonrainbow.gif
If it looks like I'm trying to pick a fight... I'm not, I'm rarely that obvious.hammer.gif
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#5 of 7 Old 06-22-2010, 01:14 AM
 
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Maybe you could also note to your DSS that "dating doesn't mean you have to have sex, and your dad and I are okay with that."

Even teens who aren't dating need to be prepared to have sex.

Teens who are dating need to know they can date but not have sex.
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#6 of 7 Old 06-23-2010, 11:41 AM
 
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Something my parents never told me (but luckily didn't impact me) was that when you choose to have sex with someone, imagine how you would feel if they were in your life FOREVER. B/c if there is a pregnancy you will be dealing with them forever...trying to co-parent, etc. I think looking at it from that perspective might help ease the pressure to have sex, just for the sake of having sex, and reinforce the idea of why people should wait until they find someone they love.

goorganic.jpgwife to footinmouth.gif, currently WOH and geek.gif on my doctorate. (I'm dissertating!) We: novaxnocirc.giftoddler.gifgd.giffamilybed1.gif  with DS (4/09)!
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#7 of 7 Old 06-27-2010, 03:22 AM
 
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*breathe in*

*breathe out*

(repeat)



The best advice I ever got on this was ONE sentence from a mom whose son is EXACTLY (to the day) my eldest daughter's age...he had started dating but my daughter had not. The mom was telling me about how he talked about kissing his girlfriend, and I gasped (I really wasn't prepared for her cool-headedness!), and her response was: "Oh, no. You just cannot get upset; smile at all costs and LISTEN."

It's just the best advice ever. Even if you're not happy, all you can do is hand out advice, expectations, and information. We set limits, we help make the rules, we provide a safe place to talk...but above all we have to want to listen, and they have to know we want to hear what is REALLY going on.

It's the hardest thing I ever did, LISTEN to my girls talk about their boyfriends. But it is still so worth it, and the rewards are amazing.

It sounds like you're doing a great job.

love, p

Bookworm Mama to 6 wonderkids and stepmama to one more: 21, 20, 18, 12, 9, 7 and our Z born 4/13. . Partner to mynut.gif   homebirth.jpghomeschool.gif     

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