Our home has two intense young men of 17 and 20, and if anything we've been trying to lean more and more to the unconditional end of the spectrum. Alfie Kohn's Unconditional Parenting feels more and more relevant with each passing year (I read it when the boys were younger and DH and I read just this year).
A couple of years ago one of them smacked the other one in the car (both sitting in back). After the initial Mom outrage, I proposed switching seats with one of them, and the one on the receiving end asked that his brother swap with me. The aggressor said to me, "You can't make me." My response was "You're right. I can't." After a minute or two of silence, he did. And I left it at that, because we want way more out of both our sons than compliance. We want each of them to have more from his brother than just what his Mom or Dad made him do. But I'll tell you something, it was a trust fall. Trust in the way we've treated them for years, trust in them, trust in what they feel for us and one another . . . and it turned out to be a good call. Maybe not the best, maybe not the "right" one, but something with reasons I could point at with a feeling that I've tried to respect everyone involved.
Empty-nesting SAHM to DS1 (1989) and DS2 (1992). Caregiver to my mother (1930). Married to DH since 1986.