This is a little of my backround and why this came up today with older daughter.
I was 18 when I married my first husband (he was 36), my family didn't agree to the wedding but of course I had to prove them wrong
Well, in a few words that was my worst mistakes, I stop studding and got in an abusive relation (physical and mentally) like when he hit me while pregnant I went to live with my mom and soon after that my baby was born and he went to see us to the hospital until the next day. He saw the baby and told me he was going home for the money to pay for the hospital, left and didn't came back (my family and friends have to pay for it!).
Anyway, after a couple more of this crap I finally move to another state and never look back.
It was very hard, I was immature, young, scare and had to work very hard since I was all in my own.
On top of that my mom was (I say was because she change so much when I left for years), she was very strict woman who hit as a punishment because that is how she grow. Therefor that is how I did to my daughter.
I loved my daughter,I love her very much and many times I took the food of my plate to give it to her.
He co-sleep together, and I always made sure she had a home and food in her plate.
But I made many mistakes.
A couple years later I meet the men of my dreams,
he is a very nice men, very smart, responsible, sweet, hard working, romantic, etc, etc.
After 6 years of trying to have a baby, we finally had our sweet baby girl!!
Everything have been so different this time.
From pregnancy, to be able to be a SAHM.
I educate my self all this time (parenting/pregnancy) I learn from the mistakes I made with my daughter, and I am not going to lye, is so much easy to have a baby when you have somebody that is right there with you, soporting you and helping you and make you feel loved.
But I always have feel guilty about it
, and that have stop me to be a better mom for my second one too.
For example: I never had a picture album with my first, I didn't have a camara and not even thought about it. Now with my second I wanted to make her album but I stop my self because I think is not fair.
With my first I never had the time or new of the importance of take her out to parks, with my second one I do but feel very guilty about it.
What I am supoust to do, how can I be the mother I can be now when I didn't with my first one?
Today my daughter told me that she feel that I have a better relationship with the little one because I learn from the mistakes I made with her
She was right, I have know that but it hurt so much to hear it from her.
I told her she was right about me learning from my mistakes, I told her that when I had her I was young and all in my own and had to work very hard, I told her I didn't know better and all I knew was learn by my own mom but I have grow now and I know better.
But that we have a very special relation ship because we went through very hard times together and we were just me and her for a while.
She told me that I had a special relation ship with her but she doesn't have a special relationship with her
I don't know what to say/do. I can't go back on time. I don't even know what exactly should change, maybe ask for child suport so I didn't have to work as hard and could have spend time with her? But that was back in Mexico, years ago, and I am sorry to say this but things are different back there, he had money and I could have end up without my baby.
I should have never got married and finish school but then I would haven't had her, so no.
I should have read more about parenting but again, I was to worry for have dinner at home because my ex was scary.
Sorry this is long.
My daughter and I are having hard times, and she just open a big door I wish it wasn't open until I knew how to fix it.Have any of you felt guilty about being better parent to one of your kids? What do you do? Do you try to not be as good to your second so your first one doesn't feel as bad? Would you make a picture album to your younger if you never did for your first? what about birthday parties?
thank you for taking the time to read all this post, any advice or sharing will be appreciated.