what's first? breasts, hair, menstruating? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 19 Old 08-30-2010, 11:07 PM - Thread Starter
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DD is 10.5 - she's had tender breasts for several months, and tonight, she told me she has "a hair" that she doesn't like. "don't tell Daddy"

Anyway, I know there are a couple good girl/body books often recommended, so I guess I need to get one!

And, since I use cloth pads, I plan to get her some - just trying to decide how involved she needs to be in the choosing of them. and WHEN?

(you'd think I would remember this stuff, but that was too long ago! )

Mama to 3 girls 12,8,3
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#2 of 19 Old 08-30-2010, 11:12 PM
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I was about 9 when I got my first hints of pubic hairs. I remember being excited and trying to show my mom and grandma hehehe. My breasts started growing at about the same time and really popped out when I was 10. I got my period on my 11th birthday.

I didn't have anything ready before getting it... I just got it and my mom tossed me a pad she had. We bought me some after the fact so I could have my own box in my bathroom.

Since you are doing cloth, I'd go ahead and get them beforehand since she might feel weird using yours. I'd also let her pick them out herself, at least as much as she can depending on where you choose to buy from. She'd probably have fun picking them out and if she is the type to have a hard period or crappy pms, using something she finds pretty and picked out special might help with that.
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#3 of 19 Old 08-31-2010, 08:18 AM
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We are at a similar stage with dd2, who is almost 10. She has had breast soreness and some growth for about a year. A tiny bit of pubic hair but not curly yet, and no period (which I hope will wait a few more years!)

Dd1 (13) has all the hair, more breast development, body odor, and still has not had her period yet, although her ped said it could be any day, or a year from now. I think I also remember reading somewhere that getting close to a certain weight has something to do with it (90 pounds? 100 pounds? I can't remember). Dd1 is about 90 pounds and dd2 is about 75 pounds, so I think it is less likely for dd2 to expect her period soon.

A great book both of my kids like is the American Girls book "The Care and Keeping of You: Body Book for Girls."

Mom to two daughters born in 1997 and 2000
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#4 of 19 Old 08-31-2010, 10:09 AM
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My DD will be 13 in four weeks, no public hair, some (minor!) breast development which started about 9 months ago and some under arm hair, but no body odor. She has not started her period yet.

I second the recommendation of the book, The Care and Keeping of You.

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#5 of 19 Old 08-31-2010, 10:12 AM
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For DSD 12, the breast buds came first, then pubic and underarm hair. Her period came about 4-5 months after I noticed the underarm hair. She was 11 at the time. Now DSD 11 has breast buds but no pubic or underarm hair and she hasn't started her period. The Period Book and The Care and Keeping of You are both good books.

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#6 of 19 Old 08-31-2010, 10:16 AM
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Does she know you use cloth pads? What does she think of them?

I agree with the book recommendations already given. I would advise, though, that you explain to her the options of feminine hygiene products. She may not feel comfortable using cloth. Does she go to school? How would she handle the transportation of soiled pads? I realize it's possible, but would she feel comfortable doing it? Could it possibly become a problem with other classmates? Maybe a combination of cloth/disposable... Like disposable pads at school but cloth at home? Just a thought. I remember being sooo embarrassed that someone at school would know I got my period, and so I wanted to be as discreet as humanly possible.
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#7 of 19 Old 08-31-2010, 10:44 AM
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My dd got leg hair (not sure about other places) and then menarche.

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#8 of 19 Old 08-31-2010, 11:22 AM
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My dd got pubic hair around 9, had the beginning of breast buds when she was 10ish. They've grown quite a bit in the last couple of months. She'll be 12 in Nov & doesn't have AF yet.

I agree with the pp who said to let her chose whether to use cloth or not. My dd has both on hand, but generally takes the disposables with her. They're easier to transport & disguise, especially when at school or camp.
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#9 of 19 Old 08-31-2010, 06:00 PM
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Just chiming in ... I work with Jr High kids so take this FWIW... Cloth pads are going to be PIA's for her to deal with at school. No matter how her school handles bathroom breaks its going to be difficult at best to disguise, handle and transport (esp. back to class then home). In the classroom there usually are kids who have the same looking backpack, someone will take the wrong one by mistake - yes even in jr high this happens- there are a million and one scenarios she may not want to find herself in w. cloth pads.

When I was first getting my period my mother told me ZERO, zilch, zippo, nothing. Lovely huh? I guess a box of free pads was supposed to last like 10 years?? who knew. I was about 12 and in Jr high. The way my family acted it was like something forbidden was going on. I much preferred tampons right from the start. IMO cleaner, easier to use, more comfortable and just my preference. Now at 36 I can use pads or tampons. (I dont remember what came 'first' breast, hair, period- but I think the period was last on the list)

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#10 of 19 Old 08-31-2010, 10:41 PM - Thread Starter
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well, for starters, we homeschool, so transportation isn't an issue - and, yes, the girls ALL know that I use cloth pads, and we use cloth diapers, so that's not a surprise. We talk openly about bleeding, but I'm pretty sure they don't really comprehend how it will effect THEM.

I remember starting my period in a new town, and with SEVERE pain. My mother who prepared me for sex at age 9 never really prepared me for the period. It hit me in a Kmart, and she bought me motrin and OB tampons *there* and walked me through using them IN A PUBLIC restroom. I used tampons for many years, but I've always hated them. I had dismennoreah for many years and my obgyn started pressuring me for the bcp at about age 14, implying that I **needed** it. So, my memories of that time suck big time.

Mama to 3 girls 12,8,3
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#11 of 19 Old 09-01-2010, 10:38 AM
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i had breast tenderness and nipple changes for well over 2 years before my period arrived (i was almost 15), but i don't remember specifically about body hair. it probably has less to do with overall weight and more to do with proportion of body fat... i was a really tall kid, but very thin... i think i weighed about 120-130 for well over a year before my period.

honestly, i would let her take the lead in what kinds of menstrual products she wants to use. i hated pads enourmously, and besides, tampons were much more "fashionable" not to mention more discreet, more comfortable and less messy. if you are very much opposed to tampons or other disposable products, i'd look into the diva cup (or similar type product) but i would be as relaxed as possible about letting her decide what kind of thing to use.

as far as books, toni weschler wrote "cycle savvy" for teens, although tcoyf is a grear read too
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#12 of 19 Old 09-05-2010, 12:21 AM
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At our house we love TC&KOY and we also encourage discussion with peers about experiences.

I'm going through menopause at the same time as my daughter is enjoying puberty. My solution of choice may not be hers, and hers may not by mine. We evaluate and discuss.

I work full time in a teaching-assistant position at a school for boys. There is no room in my career for my peri-menopausal feminine hygiene to fail.

DD goes to a public high school and is active in sports and music. We've discussed how to use commercial product to our benefit.

I'd be surprised if she wanted her feminine hygiene to fail, but I bet she'd handle it just fine so I'm thinking we should discuss alternatives so that she knows they are availble.
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#13 of 19 Old 09-12-2010, 01:05 PM
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My experience was pubic hair at 7, breastbuds at 10, period at 12.

me, dh and 2 boys = our family (oh and a cat...who is also a male...lol)
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#14 of 19 Old 09-13-2010, 03:36 PM
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I this thread so hard!!!! DD came to me Saturday and showed me three pubic hairs and she's a little over 9.5. We've talked about puberty and body changes without going into the entire story yet. I was calm and said yes, this is puberty starting and she expressed not wanting to grow-up and that she had plucked one of the darker hairs and I told her it was okay and nothing to be embarresed about, a sign she was healthy, etc. When she went out to play with little brother, I found DH and proceeded to cry. I thought I could avoid this as we have always done organic dairy, no harmful plastics, etc. I started at 11 and hated it with a passion. My family was very supportive and I was never shamed, I just was fundamentaly not ready and the first in my crowd. Hearing the variations in time line, I think it might be a while longer for everything else. There is no breast development and weight is around 72 pounds. She swims competively year round and has a high muscle to fat ratio. I hope this does not come off as some crazy lady trying to keep her child from growing up. I just want her to be able to enjoy all the joys of girlhood as long as possible.
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#15 of 19 Old 09-13-2010, 03:39 PM
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I got breast buds and hair at 9 and didn't get my period until 11 1/2. She might have a while still. I would definitely get her pads though...she might start getting some discharge that would warrant at least some panty liners. How I wish I'd had something so pretty and soft when I was younger! Might have made the transition to womanhood a little easier.
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#16 of 19 Old 09-16-2010, 04:35 PM
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My 7.5 year old has a couple of hairs and body odor on occasion, though it's fairly rare. No other signs yet.
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#17 of 19 Old 09-16-2010, 10:14 PM
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DD got breast buds at 8, at 8.5 I would call them more little breasts than breast buds, except for the nipples have not changed (they look like kid nipples). Still no sign of underarm or pubic hair (she eagerly updates me each evening ever since she ready TC&KOY.l ).

She has had dark arm and leg hair (but is is soft and fine) since she was a toddler. My DH is very VERY VERY hairy (DSIL apparently is as well). I am not hairy at all--I shave my legs maybe once every three months and my underarms every couple of weeks, but could probably go longer and nobody would notice). My body hair is also very very light colored, DD and DH have dark colored body hair, even the fine stuff. I guess at some point DD's dark fuzz will give way to coarser hair (maybe? I can't relate!) so I don't think that it is part of her puberty signs for her.

Still no sign of puberty for DD though. I suspect she will get it between 10 - 11. I got mine when I was 11, SIL got hers a little earlier. DD is already 5 feet tall, but has not begun to develop curves other than breasts yet. I seem to recall developing hips and a butt in addition to the boobs before I started my period (The boys jeans and shorts I loved to wear started to feel weird and restrictive except in my legs and waist). It was a long time ago though, so maybe I'm just misremembering.
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#18 of 19 Old 10-01-2010, 09:40 PM
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DD had breast pain and buds starting about a year ago (10yo). She has noticeable breast buds now and wears camis. Pubic hair appeared this past summer (newly 11yo). BO started at 9yo. No AF yet. My AF started at 11y2m so maybe soon?

Consciously mothering 3 girls and 2 boys
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#19 of 19 Old 10-03-2010, 01:22 AM
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My older dd's breast development started several months ago, and in the last few months she has started getting pubic hair. She is now almost 10 1/2. When she had her well-child visit last month, the doctor said she was in stage two, because she has breasts and pubic hair.

She doesn't have any underarm hair yet, but she has had a couple incidences of having a tiny amount of blood come out of her vagina -- one was last week, one was some months back shortly after the breast buds began.

She is 5'2" tall and weighs 120 lbs. At first she was in a big hurry to start -- but then I told her that I only grew about 2-3 inches more after menarche. I was just past age 12 1/2 and about 5'7" tall when I started, and my height is now just under 5'10".

Dd really wants to grow to be at least 6 feet tall, so she's decided she's not in such a big hurry to start...but then the other day she said it wouldn't be "so" bad if she started now.

Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
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