I left my ds at drivers ed today & I am freakind out - Mothering Forums
Preteens and Teens > I left my ds at drivers ed today & I am freakind out
anythingelse's Avatar anythingelse 05:18 PM 03-20-2004
Help, left my oldest at drivers education and I am feeling really icky to my stomach about this. I just do not think he is ready to drive but he does KWIM?? , so does his dad& his drivers ed teacher.

So how do you cope when your kids start driving? I felt like crying leaving him there. It is not about him growing up and older or indepence

but plain old mama fear for him to be hurt in an accident.

anyone been through this that can help me???


Red's Avatar Red 12:36 AM 03-21-2004
1st, don't panic!

He is not getting his license today, just some drivers ed. And then he gets months to practice with you in the car before he can get out on his own. If he's awful, don't sign for his licinse.

And this is about fear of letting go! You were afraid he'd get hurt when he took his first steps, when he rode his bike around the block, when you let him cross the street alone (without watching!). But you have to let him go.

Hurray for you that he's getting drivers ed! Take him driving lots, so he gets plenty of experience. Just think, someday, youcan sit in the passenger seat and relax, while he drives you to the grocery, and the department store, and that new coffee shop, and the bed and bath store, then off to.....
Joyce in the mts.'s Avatar Joyce in the mts. 01:38 PM 03-23-2004
Hello, my name is Ed...Driver Ed...

Just kidding...I taught all of my children to drive. Yup, nervous driver me...and ALL of my kids are really safe drivers. I used it as time to talk, time to connect and time to let them be in control of a really adult space, the car.

I would have given anything for them to take driver ed. but our school at that time, had cut it from the budget, then put it back in but as a weekend activity, which didn't help us at all. All my kids worked pretty much from the time they were about 14 or so, either babysitting or whatever....and on weekends too.

I think the OP reflects the worry or bit of discomfort that each more adult type milestone brings. I think that is normal, though certainly each parent has a differing degree of that itchy feeling...either none at all or some or more...all along the same continuum.

Get used to it...this part of kid's growth is all about those changes that bring teens opportunities to take more responsibility and parents to relinquish some. It's a pretty interesting time.

I would be interested in hearing about how the driver ed lesson went and I hope that you will include lots of practice as another suggested...with a permit, an adult must accompany the student driver. It's a great opportunity to have time together if you can ride along.

I loved it, and it did wonders for my kids to see that Mom really trusted their driving, with some helpful suggestions and driving tips from me too; they were patient with me

Hugs...Joyce in the mts.
Marg of Arabia's Avatar Marg of Arabia 04:33 PM 03-23-2004
My dd starts next month!:

My husband is a dispatcher for the state patrol. He has to hear about car accidents nearly everyday! We are both sooooo scared to have her drive!

I feel for you, sister!
Marg of Arabia's Avatar Marg of Arabia 04:34 PM 03-23-2004
Good post, Joyce!! Thanks! I feel better....
anythingelse's Avatar anythingelse 05:54 PM 03-23-2004
the lesson went well, he goes back more I think he spends 5 more saturdays with this group then he will be behind the whell with us at home till we think he is ready

it is honestly not about him growing up or a milestone in independence issue, he actually is in college now graduted hs last may and needs to be able to drive to get himself there & to work, he will beleaving to go to 4 yr next year and we are both thrilled about that -- I want him to drive KWIM cause it will make my life much simpler and he wants it, it is not fear of letting go at all, he is my second I have raised to adulthood, the first being one of my dh's family that lived with us while we were married.
it is plain old fear that comes from raising kids and knowing exactly what it feels like to have them in the er constantly for doing stuff i could never have predicted

it is about the fact that he is one of those personalitys, very very bright kid that is totally uncoordinated into book/comptuers etc.. can't do sports, riding a bike in a line is HARD for him, I should have shared that, he has riden right into the side of a blazer at a four way stop on his bike while daydreaming. He is like head in a fog, thinking about stuff he is reading looking a the sights we homeschooled so we are paying for this driving school

every day there is a car accident in our area, we live on the two lane expressway by an indian reservation and it is dangerous speeders road for him to drive to college, i simply think he is not ready, but then i guess he is as ready as he will ever be, just needs tons of practice --right???? before being alone behind the wheel
Joyce in the mts.'s Avatar Joyce in the mts. 06:44 PM 03-23-2004
I know what you mean...my oldest, now 24 was/is like that too. But by far he is the more careful driver. So go figure.

I think the more you go out with your ds doing practice, you will see all the improvement, and catch yourself feeling totally at ease enough to forget you are the navigator while he is the pilot. That's a really sure sign that he is really getting good. You'll see.

Sorry I misunderstood your angst about this, but since you didn't specify more than just that you were kind of freaked a bit, about your child starting driver ed, well, I went with what seemed logical. Sorry.

Now the best thing to make you feel better is to get out there with him and just be casual. I have a saying...."Act as if..." whatever comes after "if..." is up to you in whatever the situation. In this case, perhaps, "Act as if....you are at ease when riding with your son, so he can find a comfort level with driving."

My "Act as if..." philosophy has helped me over many humps with my kids...Including worrying that my computer geek son, would daydream behind the wheel. He has really driven to work in some of the worst weather we have hereabouts in winter, and he always tells me about it. He told me every time he has slid off the road only to miraculously find traction enough to get back on track...and numerous other near mishaps. I have come to trust him. I hope you can come to that point too. It IS a HUGE relief from trucking their butts around like a chauffeur, I must say.

I wish you and your son lots of good miles together till he is ready to ride many miles on his own. My son was probably 19 before he got his license, btw. I am actually glad that he waited, because he handled it better with that bit more maturity under his belt.

And the kicker was when a friend of all our kids was killed by a drunk driver...and it was horrible and really had a huge impact on the decisions our kids made with driving, having others in the car and such. It really brought alot of stuff right home to them. Very tough, but really a good lesson. And yes, it made things tougher for me for a bit...but I had to "act as if" I was ok with them driving after that, and you know, before I knew it, I was really ok and didn't worry so much anymore.

Take good care and hugs to you!...Joyce in the mts.
anythingelse's Avatar anythingelse 07:00 PM 03-23-2004
thank you joyce, very wise words and they give me hope

I was just talking to my smil for a ong phone call and she opened my eyes to the fact that I prob underestimated the impact of something that happened to me in the past- when I was 18 I hit a guy jaywalking, I don't think about that anymore and she pointed out to me maybe that is way underlying in my fears

and also she reminded me that I have also had the experience of having my dh live at a rehab center after spinal injury and seeing all the young guys in wheelchairs/ prob is another layer of fear buried in my melon this happened 3 years ago and every time I visited Jim I would sit in the parking lot & cry for all the other young guys that were not going to walk out of there KWIM?? almost everyone on his floor was auto or motorcycle accident victim, there was one rock climbing guy, and another that had drank and dove into a swim pool. Jim was the only guy that was there in his wing who had back problems and surgeries not related to an accident.

the throw up kinda fear I was feeling makes a bit more sense to me now after this week reflecting on stuff. I must be projecting my fears, maybe he IS a better driver then I think he is

i feel stupid