Did your daughter have this kind of friendship? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 14 Old 09-22-2010, 02:31 PM - Thread Starter
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I'm curious to get a little glimpse into the future. My daughter is only six years old, and she's had the same best friend her entire life. They met at 18 months old and were in the same preschool class for the 2s, 3s and 4s. We (her mom and I) had them intentionally separated for public kindergarten, although they attended the same school. Their friendship remained solid, they played with each other at recess and shared new friends with one another. Mid-way through that year, my daughter was accelerated to 1st grade, and her best friend was her biggest cheerleader. No longer at the same recess, they requested more afterschool playdates, and we obliged. In the summer, they attended a 6-week day camp together and spent what amounted to 9 hours a day with each other (bus ride there, all day long, bus ride back). This year, they began the year in different grades but do one afterschool activity together per week and have had, on average, one additional afterschool playtime per week together at one home or the other. Additionally, they play separate sports (one does soccer, the other softball) and have very different strengths and talents from one another. They love each other and have NEVER, ever, ever had an argument, disagreement or fight. They each have some of their own friends as well as mutual friends. What do you all think-- will my daughter and her friend be friends for a very long time to come, or have you seen friendships like this come to an abrupt, or unhappy, end? Stories/experiences wanted!
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#2 of 14 Old 09-22-2010, 04:10 PM
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didn't mind sharing our story but didn't really want it out there for all eternity lol.

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#3 of 14 Old 09-22-2010, 08:50 PM
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The three girls in the middle have been friends for 18 years.

My daughter has been through ups and downs with her friends as they try on new images, but they still talk to each other the most. Now, they have very different personalities, and have grown apart. But, they will always have each other.
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#4 of 14 Old 09-22-2010, 10:53 PM
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Dd met a best friend on the first day of Gr 1, and in their Gr 10 yearbooks, they are still wonderful friends, but I can tell they are not BFF. It wasn't dramatic... just ages and stages.

After reading a pp's message, I would also note that while I enjoy the other girl's mum' company very much, I never had a real friendship with her so my analysis of the friendship is on the child level, not the adult level.
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#5 of 14 Old 09-22-2010, 11:00 PM
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I met my BF in kindergarten. That was 32 years ago.

We went through phases of being close and losing touch a little, but we always took back up where we left off, as if no time had passed. Now that we're mothers, we're probably closer than ever.

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#6 of 14 Old 09-22-2010, 11:43 PM
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This sounds very much like my daughter and her best friend, right down to never having had a fight. They met the summer between K and 1st, and they're 15 y.o. They haven't been in the same school for a while, but they've been in Girl Scouts since 1st grade.

Edited to add, I finally read the rest of the thread. How funny, dd's friend's mom and I are good friends and we are GS co-leaders. She and I found we have a lot of parenting philosophies in common, and we're friends.


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#7 of 14 Old 09-23-2010, 07:47 PM
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My dd was very good friends with someone for years but they grew apart when they reached their teens. They just didn't share the same interests anymore.
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#8 of 14 Old 09-25-2010, 03:32 PM
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My daughter is in second grade and still keeps in close touch with a friend from kindergarten who is in a different school. As long as they still ask about each other, the mother and I will encourage the friendship.
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#9 of 14 Old 10-04-2010, 11:02 AM
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I had a friend like that (MZ). Sadly, we drifted apart in college, but reconnected several years ago and are good friends again now, although not with the intensity and closeness we had in our childhoods. But even so, just thinking of her always makes me so happy. She was such a huge part of my life and the friendship was so, so special to me. When we reconnected, we met at a coffee place, and I just started crying with joy as soon as I saw her.

I keep hoping my daughter will meet her MZ. She does have what she calls her "BFF" who she has known since kindergarten, and they are inseparable, but it's not the same. They love each other, but there is a lot of fighting and competition . . . they are more like close-in-age sisters than BFFs in that way. MZ was more of a safe haven in my heart, who always had my back with none of the drama, fighting, and competition I had with my sister.

Your DD is so lucky to have a friend like that, whether or not it lasts forever . . . but I hope it does .
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#10 of 14 Old 10-04-2010, 11:07 AM
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I met my bff in 3rd grade. We were inseparable in highschool. We (unintentionally) had the exact same schedule for jr and sr year. We worked together and going into senior year, she moved in with me. There have been ups and downs over the years but she is still my bff. We are now 32 so we have been best friends for more than 20 years.

This is a tree on fire with love, but it's still scary since most people think love only looks like one thing instead of the whole world. *
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#11 of 14 Old 10-04-2010, 07:57 PM
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Nope. Nor did I experience that kind of friendship. I don't doubt though that it exists and think your daughter is very lucky.

I would NOT intentionally separate them. I think great friendships should be nurtured, not controlled.

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#12 of 14 Old 10-07-2010, 10:49 AM
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Wow, inspiring stories! I haven't experienced that kind of a friendship myself, maybe I moved too often.

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#13 of 14 Old 10-07-2010, 08:10 PM - Thread Starter
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I'm sorry I haven't returned to this thread sooner..I have so enjoyed reading everyone's stories. Many of you and your girls are luckier than I have been because this special friendship was never a part of my life. Reading your experiences makes me hopeful that the girls stand a strong chance of knowing and loving each other for many, many years to come. I'd love to hear more!
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#14 of 14 Old 10-12-2010, 11:37 PM
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i have had a friendship like that since 4th grade.

what really i think kept us together was that we werent just friends ourselves but that i was friends with her family and she with mine. our families were friends too but we did not stay that much in touch.

i have watched her sister get married, have kids and now those kids are almost on the verge of getting married and i am still friends with all of them.

having history together really makes a lot of difference.

dd and her bf have been friends since they were 6 months old. they are completely different personalities but they cant go without seeing each other every week even though they are in the same school.

and yes we are all family friends and she even calls my friend mom. his gma is her gma too.

they just do the sweetest things together. for instance he looooooooooves baseball, but when dd is over he chooses to watch a show because she doesnt like babeball. we go watch his soccer games.

we've spent christmas and TG with his family.

we met at LLL so we became friends at the same time our children became friends.

both are onlies and they are like siblings. we always two of same kind of things for each other.

it amazes me how a shy quiet nerd is such good friends with a loud extremely expressive very gregarious child.

bf's mom just discovered skype. and now they both run home to call each other on skype

its really funny. they talk and fight and argue like an old english couple. and yet they both listen to each other when parents have no effect and oh boy they stand up for each other. so while her bf might not react to a bully, my dd chases that bully all over the field because how dare they bully her friend. yet if the bully bullied my dd she probably would have ignored that child.

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