I'm a little ahead of myself here... what do you love about your big kid? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 22 Old 10-09-2010, 02:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Ok, so I don't really even belong here yet (dd is only 3!) but I am having a parenting moment... I was stroking her hair as she fell asleep, and just started feeling all choked up about how my little one will be so big so soon. She just started preschool, and I often think about how I'm going to miss how cute she is right now. I know she will change and there will be more things to love (and dread) about every stage, but I need to hear it from you mamas who are a little further down the road than me. Please tell me, what is the good part about your big little ones? I need to tuck those thoughts away for "rainy" days like today.

Mom to Delia  (5/25/07) and Alex  (4/10/10) and 2 spoiled kitties
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#2 of 22 Old 10-09-2010, 09:42 AM
 
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My big kids are 16 & 18, and there is little I DON'T like about them. I found, at each stage of their development, I would think, "Man - it can't get better than this." Then they'd move on to another stage and I'd think, "It can't get better than THIS!" And then later... "It REALLY can't get better than THIS!!!"

Each stage they go and grow through is as good as it gets - at the moment.

In the now, I love watching what an independent and self-assured young lady my daughter is. I love talking to her, hearing her opinions (even when they are opposite of mine), watching her laugh while with her friends, holding her when she's upset. My son... I love his sharing with me the wonder of his new life as a college student. I love that he has always marched to his own drummer, with no care whether others heard the beat or not. I love how kind and empathetic he is, and how he embraces anyone, whether they conform to "normal" or not. His love for life is infectious - and knowing that he has positively affected so many people and is so well loved warms my heart.

Honestly - it can't possibly get better than THIS. Until it does.
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#3 of 22 Old 10-09-2010, 01:40 PM
 
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Having older kids is the best and I find each new stage more rewarding than the last. While I loved them at 3, I feel like I'm really getting to know them at 9 and 13.

I've finally accepted that it's pretty hard to "ruin" a child and I'm a much better parent for it. We can really go places, do things.... nothing like hiking the Grand Canyon with your brood, wading through the Narrows at Zion National Park, ect. We can discuss books, theatre, politics, religion, movies, anything! They don't always agree with me which actually makes me more proud. Watching their first real crush... frightening but wow, so wonderful. There is no greater pride than watching their good choices and taking comfort in how well they manage their mistakes. Relationships with other parents is better. You come across less nuerotic competiveness lol. You start collecting parent friends you have something in COMMON with as opposed to the common bond ending with having a toddler. Plus, DH and I have been able to rediscover our marriage which never faultered but was sort of consummed by "little kidness" for awhile. I'd forgotten how great WE are together.

I can't begin to really express how more connected I feel to the kids now than when they were little. Yes, you have to work harder for that connection but it also gains more meaning. When your kid comes to you because they want YOU in particular as opposed to your being the only option... that's pretty great.

Married mom of two, DD 17 and DS 13.
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#4 of 22 Old 10-09-2010, 05:28 PM
 
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I agree with a lot of what the previous posters have said: each stage offers something interesting and amazing. My kids are now 8, 10 and 13. And maybe this is selfish, but I love how they are now interested in me as a person, and less in relation to them and what I can give them of myself. We are living with my mom now and I love how the kids ask us about what my life was like when I was a kid. I like that my kids are old enough that we can talk about and share our individual interests.

I love that they go out into the world on their own so much more now and that they bring back stories and thoughts and interesting pieces of themselves and their days.

I love seeing the proof that the lessons & examples of compassion, kindness and love that dp and I have worked so hard to instill actually sunk in.

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#5 of 22 Old 10-09-2010, 07:07 PM
 
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My kids are 12 and 14. I love seeing them become the young women they are.

My 12 year old is seriously the coolest kid on the planet. (And thank you for giving me the chance to brag!) Last year she was in the musical at the highschool, made straight As, was a cheerleader and went to district in chess. But the thing she did the whole school year that made me the proudest was taken a special needs student under her wing at school and help her out. The other girl was in the class only part time, and my DD asked the teacher to sit them together and always partner them up. The other girl was able to spend more time mainstreamed because of my DD.

My older DD loves to read and it's wonderful to talk to her about classic literature. It's just cool to see her having her own views on things. She has some sn that are more challanging as she gets older, but she's still amazing in her own way.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#6 of 22 Old 10-09-2010, 11:47 PM
 
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I have to say, I have enjoyed almost every stage. Some more than others.

Looking back, I really LOVED her grade school years. I never thought I would like those best, but in hindsight I really did. I thought I would dearly miss the baby years, or the preschool years, (and I do) But, my favorite times were from Kindergarten through fifth grade.

I loved being a dance mom. If you'd have told me THAT 20 years ago, I would have laughed. But, I miss the smell of sparkle spray, and hair spray. I miss stuffing her skinny legs into tights, I miss standing off stage watching her dance.

I miss when she and her friends would spend hours playing Uno. I loved her choices of friends. I loved hunting for frogs at night, or meeting friends at the ice cream place for no reason at all. I loved buying her cute hair thingys.


I hated homework. I hated her messy room. I hated braces. I hated trying to buy her pants. I wasn't too thrilled with science fairs, or friend drama in 6th grade. But, we got through it. She's still a pig. But, other than extreme slobbishness, I wouldn't change a thing.
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#7 of 22 Old 10-10-2010, 12:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Awww, thanks for the reassurance that my dd won't turn 4 and suddenly want to wear lipstick and not speak to me Seriously though, thanks so much for your insight. I hear so much "enjoy it now, it goes so quick" and while I do agree that "it" (babyhood? life in general?) goes quickly, it starts making me neurotic to think about that too much, like "am I enjoying this enough? will I miss this? will it be better or worse later, since it goes so quickly?" lol, I start to feel like I am grasping at falling grains of sand or drops of water! I think it would be more helpful, rather than focus on how fast moments are slipping away from me, to just chop that statement off and use the first part in a modified way.

Enjoy the now!

I do love my dd more and more with each passing day, so I don't imagine that will change in the future. I guess I worry that she will become sullen and pouty and close herself off from me. I have hope after reading your posts that this often isn't the case! Rather than dread the school years and young adult years ahead (or mourn the passing of the baby years), I will think of your stories and just "enjoy the now" of every stage of life she is in (and the ones that I am in as well!) Thanks everyone!

Mom to Delia  (5/25/07) and Alex  (4/10/10) and 2 spoiled kitties
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#8 of 22 Old 10-10-2010, 03:15 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tammylsmith View Post
I guess I worry that she will become sullen and pouty and close herself off from me.
well, they have moments of that.

still, it's pretty amazing to watch your little girl grow up, even if sometimes she's moody.

Just be in the moment. Be present.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#9 of 22 Old 10-10-2010, 02:06 PM
 
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The conversations. Discovering how they think, what they think about the world around them, the emerging adult in them. Their ideas on what is wrong in the world and how they would change/fix them. How their ideas and thoughts diverge from mine and how much they are alike. They will pull away and come back, just like a yo-yo. Independence is won not all at once but comes in fits and starts. And doesn't just happen in the teen years but starts in early childhood with the first time your lo says "me do it".

Chris--extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering, babywearing, co-sleeping, APing, CLW, homeschooling before any of this was a trend mom to Joy (1/78), Erica (8/80), Angela (9/84), Dylan (2/98)
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#10 of 22 Old 10-11-2010, 01:20 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tammylsmith View Post
I hear so much "enjoy it now, it goes so quick"
And it DOES! Do I miss the days when my baby boy would snuggle up against me and we'd doze off together? Or when my little girl would pat my face and say "love mommy"? Or any myriad of things they said and did as little ones? Absolutely.

LOL The other day my son posted on FB how he ran up the Rocky steps in Philly... and tripped, fell and skinned his elbow and knee. I remembered kissing the boo-boos, then putting on bandaids. Then he told me that he cleaned the scrapes, put on neosporin and a bandaid. Times change.

But he was home this w/e... and I still got great hugs.
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#11 of 22 Old 10-11-2010, 02:05 AM
 
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The best part of DD growing up, is I am seeing more and more what a wonderful woman she is becoming!

Some day, I know from what I've seen she is going to have a wonderful impact in the world somewhere. It could be a huge, global impact, or just helping one person or one family in a way that greatly improves their lives. I just know that at some point, her drive to help others is going to bring about something wonderful.

Part of me can't wait for DS to get to this point, the other part of me wants him to never, every grow up.

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#12 of 22 Old 10-11-2010, 10:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm sure there will be moments of "the terrible teens" lol.... I get glimpses of them them occasionally already, with my little gal swooning out the window over our 9 year old neighbor (note to self... 20 foot fence and a moat might take a few years so I should start early...) but you are so right that it must be so wonderful at the same time. I am so proud of dd as she is starting to become more independent and come up with the most interesting ideas! It will be amazing as she continues to unfold and grow. She is a really neat kid, and dh and I are really hoping to build our family (dd and ds both) around core values of intellectual curiosity and the desire to soak up the world like a sponge... and never feeling like you have to completely "grow up". LOL, dh and I are big kids in so many ways, and hopefully our kids pick up a little of our healthy immaturity.

Thank you so much for your insights. It is very true that someday I will miss all of this, so I am trying to just memorize ds's baby sighs and dd's hugs and etch them into my mind. I have a lot of exciting times ahead though, and I will try my hardest to treasure them all

Mom to Delia  (5/25/07) and Alex  (4/10/10) and 2 spoiled kitties
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#13 of 22 Old 10-12-2010, 04:45 AM
 
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My twin boys just turned 16. So far, my favorite age has been whatever age they happen to be at the moment. Just like mtiger, every age is better than the last. For years DH and I would look at our polite, respectful sons and say to ourselves "we'd better enjoy this while it lasts!", and then we proceeded to do so. But our sons never hit a nasty tween or teen phase - and I highly doubt they will at this point. They still like to spend time with us, and aren't even embarassed to be seen in public with us! We have amazing conversations, about everything under the sun.

It has been a delight to watch them figure out who they are. It's a blast to be able to go on a ski trip together, and let them worry about their own warm clothes and feeding schedule. We ski together because we want to - not because we have to keep an eye on them, or because they're afraid to venture out on their own (they do that too).

It is extremely rewarding to watch them navigate live, following in our footsteps to an extent, but finding their own path as well.

If the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

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#14 of 22 Old 10-12-2010, 11:55 PM
 
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oooh i love this thread.

and i can so relate.

having a child is so so so bittersweet.

while i love watching what my dd is becoming, at the same time i miss who she is leaving behind.

as time passes while we connect there is a separation and its wonderful to watch glimpses of the woman i see in her.

and like MD i totally believe my dd will do the same. "her drive to help others is going to bring about something wonderful." helping others or reaching out to others is who dd is and has been doing so since infancy.

i love, love, love, how we can talk about things and dd holds her own and questions my views.

i notice through 'those moments' i have far more compassion than i did when she was a toddler, instead of the frustration i felt then. the other day she started spinning me around the playground in frustration and to show her anger towards me. she was absolutely furious and wanted to lash out. i allowed her to do whatever she wanted which was to pull me by my shirt. the whole time i was trying my best not to laugh. when i pick my sweet 8 year old up she had made me a card over recess about how much she regrets pushing me around. she felt bad for a whole, whole week inspite of me talking to her and telling her it was ok. i wasnt mad at all but i can understand her need to vent. <sniff>

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#15 of 22 Old 10-14-2010, 09:06 AM
 
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I'll be the first to admit that I didn't really enjoy the baby and toddler years all that much. But now that the kids are a bit older, I really do feel like I have the chance to enjoy them for who they are. I love to watch how they are taking charge of their own interests and aspirations.

I love to see how values that my DH & I encouraged in them in the early years start to show up in their adolescent words and actions (& not always in expected ways).

I love how sometimes they compete & wrestle with each other in genuine affection, & it doesn't turn into a complete meltdown (this is recent).

That's a few things.

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#16 of 22 Old 10-20-2010, 12:27 AM
 
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My kid is almost 6 now. I continue to feel exactly the same way as the OP with every passing year. It just gets better and better, and I often think "it can't be better than this, I'll miss this stage", but it always does get more interesting.

My son is a love bug, very sweet and affectionate. I'm amazed by his thinking processes & comments, his reflections about the world, the new things he learns, his confidence in himself & his skills, the way he socializes and laughs, his sense of humor. The list goes on. Watching our children grow is endlessly fascinating.

Strange, I'm pregnant w/ the second & dread having a baby again and going through the baby stages. When I was in those years w/ my first, they seemed utterly adorable & I mourned their loss even while we were in them. But now that I've experienced a "big kid", I can't fathom finding much interest in the younger years again (ie. 0-3)... though intuitively I know that biology will kick in, and since the second is a brand new individual, it will once again all be captivating. Funny how it all works.
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#17 of 22 Old 10-20-2010, 01:02 PM
 
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I really enjoyed my kids during the baby/toddler stage, but I wouldn't want to go back there. It was just soooo intense.

I love that my kids are so independant and that I have so much freedom. My DH has a business dinner pop up for last night, and he invited me along. So I went. I just told my kids good bye and left the house for several hours. I had a blast. A nice meal, fun conversation, all very grown up stuff. When the kids were little, it would have been too late to find a sitter and a huge production even if we found one, so I would have stayed home and my Dh would have had all the fun.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#18 of 22 Old 10-25-2010, 10:12 PM
 
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We have shared interests now that she is older. We have a ritual where we watch a certain tv show together each night when it's on. We go shopping and out to lunch. We can talk about relationships since she has a steady boyfriend. We are more like friends now that she is an adult, than parent and child but I can step into mom mode when I need to and she listens respectfully but I always leave the decision up to her. We never had the eye rolling, rebellious stuff you hear about so much. I really like her as a person, not just because she is my child.
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#19 of 22 Old 12-10-2010, 02:55 AM
 
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My stepdaughter is gorgeous and popular and the type of girl who never would have had time for me in high school and yet her best friend in the world has Down Syndrome and DSD spends a lot of her time supporting Down Syndrome causes. I'm so proud of the wonderful woman she is becoming. Whatever your kids do, you always seem to think they are the greatest thing on earth. I love that about children. They start with so much potential and watching them build on that is a miracle.


Mama to a bright 5 y/o girl dust.gif and a beautiful boy born 03/10/12 fly-by-nursing1.gif Loving unschooling, 2xuc.jpgfamilybed2.gif ecbaby2.gifand natural living in Hawaii.rainbow1284.gif
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#20 of 22 Old 12-10-2010, 06:09 AM
 
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Discounting the current issues, my daughter Keila is quite an impressive musician for her age... great guitar skills and a nice voice. Shes got a pretty good stage presence too, great to see her perform.

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#21 of 22 Old 12-13-2010, 11:54 AM
 
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I adore my teenagers. My son is 19 and my daughter is 17. We are great friends. :) In some ways they are night and day. My son is laid back, physically big, and not super crazy social. My daughter is very social, dramatic (read not laid back LOL), and physically very small. In other ways they are very alike. Both  have a crazy sharp sense of humor, debate well, think critically, and aren't afraid to question authority when necessary. They share my sarcasm and we love to make stupid jokes and reference TV and movies in ways others do not get at all.

 

I love how kind they are. :)


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#22 of 22 Old 12-14-2010, 08:36 AM
 
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Mom to sons aged 21 and almost 18.  We've gone through plenty of friction and dissatisfaction and expect more as events warrant.  smile.gif  By senior year of high school, both sons had just about had their fill with K-12 and with not being out on their own.  What I love is that they see very clearly what they like and don't like, and they express it so articulately.  Not always comfortable to be on the receiving end!  But I guess what the friction showed / shows me is their self-assurance . . . they're more than ready not to live where we live, or even how we live, but they're responsive to whatever we find is our way.  They see past their anger and don't let it make them judgmental.

 

It's also a charming kind of time warp to walk across an icy parking lot and have DS2 hold out his arm so I don't slip, or show up to visit DS1 and see him waiting at the airport having bought my weekly transit pass and every map I'd need.


Empty-nesting SAHM to DS1 (1989), DS2 (1992), an underachieving Bernese Mountain Dog (2006-2014), and an overachieving mother (1930).  Married to DH since 1986.
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