Changing behavior in 9yo daughter - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 10-15-2010, 08:26 PM - Thread Starter
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DSD just turned 9 at the end of sept. But her attitude over the summer and this school year just is a 180 from the first 8yrs of her life. She has little attention span for anything that is not exactly what she wants to do, no enthusiasm for picking a sport or activity and wanting to stick with it. She does like swimming lessons and we started a knitting class which she enjoys talking during but doesnt ever pick up her knitting and work on it at home. She has completely changed her group of friends in 3rd grade (one girl i can tell is trouble). Just recently i had to leave town for business for 2 weeks and during this she lied to DH several times about what was expected for her homework, didnt turn stuff in to her teacher, and yelled at DH a few times. I was in contact with her teacher so we caught on about half way through. She didnt get to volunteer at the humane society and we have discussed on several occasions how school is first than other things. She has been acting out a lot and being rather self centered. Today i got an email from her teacher saying she was caught cheating on her spelling test as well. She will loose recess at school and she will be grounded this weekend. She used to be such a thoughtful caring sensitive kid and lately she just wanders around and doesnt seem to have an interest in anything. Every time we turn around she is sneeking or lying or misbehaving. This is such a drastic change from how she has always been i just dont know what to do. Any advice? i've talked to her for FOREVER about this and she seems to say she doesnt know why shes doing it etc but I just cant accept that anymore, she needs to focus back on the right things. Please tell me this isn't how the next 9 years will be!

Katie, Enjoying my time with my love Josh:, kiddos Kendel '01 and Xander '03 and our furry beast Sherman '08:
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#2 of 4 Old 10-17-2010, 09:34 PM
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9 years old is a very difficult age for girls. I don't have a dd that age (my kids are babies, but I just happened in here) but taught 4th grade up until just a couple years ago. There are hormonal issues, self esteem issues, sort of a massive question mark in their minds around this age as they are not quite children but grown up either. This is an important age for communication and trying to get their input as much as you can. An excellent book that I would recommend is "Parenting with Love and Logic." The authors present ways that you can reach logical conclusions to behaviors and really get your child to think. 4th grade is a difficult year and the beginning of tumultuous times for girls (boys are often, but not always, trailing a little in maturity). Work on reasonable boundaries that you and dd both agree on and discuss freely. When the boundaries are broken (lying, for example) natural consequences are in order. She will need to make up whatever homework she lied about, for example, during a time mutually agreed upon, for example. Her interests could be changing at this age, and she might not be sure of what she likes. This would be a great time to try some new experiences out with her! You could also encourage her to keep a journal about things that are on her mind. I hope this is a little helpful. As I said, I have no parenting experience anywhere near this yet, but I wanted to offer you whatever thoughts I had on the matter.

Mom to Delia  (5/25/07) and Alex  (4/10/10) and 2 spoiled kitties
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#3 of 4 Old 10-18-2010, 11:43 PM
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9 was rough for us too, but as dd approaches her 11th birthday she seems to be coming out of it albeit slower than I would like. We have had some changing interests also, I don't know that I handled it correctly, but I required her to keep a minimal amount of structured activity in her life, so if she wanted to drop something she picked up something new. Some old things have come back and some new things have turned out well while theatre never left. My only regret is allowing music to slip away because I'm encouraging her to bring it back but she is reluctant.
I wouldn't take away something charitable like humane society for misbehavior, if I was looking for a consequence I would try to find one that only limits her pleasure not her ability to be of service.
I hope things work out for you both.
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#4 of 4 Old 11-12-2010, 01:32 PM
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I have a 9,5 YO son, and I can sooo relate to this.  He can be the sweetest, most loving soul on the planet, but 5 minutes later he seems to have gone trough puberty and become a moody, rude teenager... My head spins from all the changes he goes through in just a few minutes... lol.gif 


No advice, just understanding, support and a hug. hug.gif

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