As I said, we love this young lady and are growing more and more concerned about what is going on with her parents.
DD came to me furious and in tears about how selfish she feels her friend's parents are. I know that things can be distorted by teens but I have seen enough first hand to concern me.
The parents will not provide her with a bike helmet even though they require she ride her bike to school. This is roughly a 30-45 minute ride.
The school has the kids do a number of group/partner projects. Several times now when the girls have gone to the friend's house to do homework, the mom left the 2yo sister with them to babysit for hours....not just running to the store. The mother doesn't carry a cell phone and has on a number of occasions not told them where she is going.
I have stopped over there twice to bring something DD needed for a project and found the girls not only babysitting but cleaning up a kitchen that had at least 4 days of filth. Homework happens in between these responsibilities. I am a very lazy housekeeper and to have me recoil at the state of a house means it's bad. The whole house was not just messy but filthy!
Now, I'm all for kids pitching in but seriously, this is over the top. I have told my DD when they have a project, to do it here. Our house is closer.
Well last week they had a project that needed to be done quickly because they were going a class trip the day after and it's due when they return.
I said, sure, come over here. She can even stay the night.
She couldn't because she had to get home to babysit AND care for her grandfather who's had a stroke while mom went shopping for a belly dancing costume.
Grandpa doesn't live with them but they have him over for dinner sometimes.
The girls had to work on the project late that night. DD tells me her friend often doesn't have her homework done and is struggling to get it done early in the morning before school and in between classes.
I know her. She's a very serious student. Does not blow stuff off.
Mom is SAH. Dad is running a small business. He works both from home and an office.
DD is asking me what we can do.
None of my ideas are ideal. I fear they'll backfire. I also know I've been through some rough patches as a parent and I don't want to humiliate them.
Maybe objectivity will help.
What would you ladies do?
If it looks like I'm trying to pick a fight... I'm not, I'm rarely that obvious.
I told DD to just be there for her and to gauge whether her friend should know how much I know.
I emphasized maintaining trust between the 2 girls. I don't think I could do anything without harming that.
So I won't.
Thanks. I also just really needed to share this with folks that don't know the family. Kinda get it off my chest.
She may not be able to confide in the dean but perhaps if a little birdie whispers in his ear he may be able to approach the issue from a different problem solving perspective.
Blessed partner to a great guy, and mama to 4 amazing kids. Unfortunate target of an irrationally angry IRL stalker.
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. ~ Buddha
If you haven't already, buy her a bicycle helmet!
You can't solve her problems, but you can be there for her in little ways...
That part is easy. She saves face and so do her parents.
She's here tonight and sleeping over.
The girls got a ton of work done for a presentation that's due tomorrow.
AF can stay all weekend as far as I'm concerned.
She's such a cool kid with so much on her plate.
DD told me AF confided in her former middle school adviser.
Same small school so hopefully she'll get some support.
So sad. DD just came home and told me her friend was called to the dean's office because she's late to school every day and has a bunch of missing assignments. I SO hope she confides in him.
I'm glad you were able to get her a bike helmet!