Co-ed sleepovers? - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 11-28-2010, 10:00 AM
Dar
 
Dar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 11,249
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by amnesiac View Post

I wouldn't agree to the sleepover but I'm just not a fan of them anyway. I have no problem with other kids coming over & staying late but I really don't see the point of sleeping over. If we're talking about someone coming to visit from out of town or something that's one thing but if you're talking about a local friend then that's another.


Well, in my experience if kids don't sleep over then someone needs to drive them home late at night... plus if they stay they often make me breakfast in the morning. :)


 
fambedsingle1.gifSingle mom to Rain (1/93) , grad student, and world traveler earth.gif


  

Dar is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 11-28-2010, 06:09 PM
 
amnesiac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: at the end of the longest line
Posts: 4,879
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Dar View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by amnesiac View Post

I wouldn't agree to the sleepover but I'm just not a fan of them anyway. I have no problem with other kids coming over & staying late but I really don't see the point of sleeping over. If we're talking about someone coming to visit from out of town or something that's one thing but if you're talking about a local friend then that's another.


Well, in my experience if kids don't sleep over then someone needs to drive them home late at night... plus if they stay they often make me breakfast in the morning. :)



I guess it's sort of a compromise at my house. Since I'm up late on the weekends I don't mind driving them. I guess I'd just rather deal with transportation at night than to have my morning chill space altered. lol.gif My kids don't seem to mind because it's really the staying up late part they dig. If they do have sleepovers it's generally with kids on our block that can just walk across the street when they get up in the morning. If for some reason I did let one of the boys' gf sleep over I'd want to make certain her parents were okay with it.

amnesiac is offline  
Old 11-29-2010, 08:37 AM
 
johnnymomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 6
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I have a pretty "good kid" kind of son who was 14 this past summer.  He had a lovely girlfriend who we've known since they were in kindergarten together.  We have a very small house with no rec room.  She was over for a visit and I had talked to her mom about the logistics, and she said they had hung out at her house together in her bedroom as long as the door was open, no problem.  I told my son, who promised nothing more than hand-holding, that I would agree under 2 conditions--door open, and to expect that I'd come to visit a whole lot and to know he'd never hear me coming.  He said of course, no problem.  Well, twelve minutes after they went up, it got quiet, so I went up to check.  They both had their shirts off and were lying on the bed making out.  That image will be burned into my noggin until the end of my days, let me tell you.  It's not that they are bad or perverted--they are normal teenagers who are marinating in hormones 24/7.

 

I agree with the replies to let them do a later-than-usual night as a compromise, then you drive her home.  Trust isn't the issue:  biology is.  But, perhaps you want to reinforce with him that it is the situation you don't trust, not him.  A possible analogy that'd he'd understand might be:  I trust you not to drink, but I wouldn't leave you alone with a six pack of beer (or whatever similar analogy works in your situation).  And I agree that it doesn't matter who gave birth to this child--you are POA & in loco parentis and you are, for all purposes, his loving, caring parents.  One yucky thing I have had to learn lately is that the incredibly sweet relationship I've had with my older son has had to change in some ways as he's aged (he's 15 now).  Despite what they say, kids do want limits.  This child sounds pretty fortunate that you are in his life--congratulations and keep up the good (hard) work.

 

Also, as a side note--I am a middle school teacher (home with a baby this year), and I have caught kids having sex in the bathroom.  It can happen in about a split second.  They are like jackrabbits. 

johnnymomma is offline  
Old 11-29-2010, 09:34 PM
2xy
 
2xy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 3,056
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by amnesiac View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by Dar View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by amnesiac View Post

I wouldn't agree to the sleepover but I'm just not a fan of them anyway. I have no problem with other kids coming over & staying late but I really don't see the point of sleeping over. If we're talking about someone coming to visit from out of town or something that's one thing but if you're talking about a local friend then that's another.


Well, in my experience if kids don't sleep over then someone needs to drive them home late at night... plus if they stay they often make me breakfast in the morning. :)



I guess it's sort of a compromise at my house. Since I'm up late on the weekends I don't mind driving them. I guess I'd just rather deal with transportation at night than to have my morning chill space altered. lol.gif My kids don't seem to mind because it's really the staying up late part they dig. If they do have sleepovers it's generally with kids on our block that can just walk across the street when they get up in the morning. If for some reason I did let one of the boys' gf sleep over I'd want to make certain her parents were okay with it.


 

IME, homeschoolers' friends come from far and wide, which is maybe why Dar and I see things the way we do. My boys have only two friends who live within walking distance. One lives two houses over, part time. The other is about two miles away, down a steep hill and up another, which is lots of fun in the winter. The rest are, at best, a 20-40 minute drive. 

 

I don't work the same hours every day, and neither does DH. "Late at night" is often when we're getting home from work. A 90-minute round trip at midnight is not something I'm interested in.

2xy is offline  
Old 11-29-2010, 10:06 PM
Dar
 
Dar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 11,249
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

We're actually pretty lucky now in that most of Rain's friends live less than 5 miles away, but in the past they've definitely been farther away... but really, I've just never minded having extras around, especially once Rain got to be a teen and was pretty much self-sufficient. Maybe it's an only child thing - if Rain wanted a kid to play with we always had to import them, or export her...

 

And, on topic, Rain and her boyfriend are downstairs now, and yes, he will be spending the night. He's over 18 and lives on his own, so I'm not concerned about what his parents think. I'm comfortable with the precautions she has taken, and I'm comfortable with her being sexually active. 

 

The again, she's 17 now. At 13 and 14 she used to sleepover at a male friend's house - actually, often there were two or three teen boys and Rain (all homeschooled, if that matters) - and there was nothing sexual going on at all, and I was totally comfortable with it. 


 
fambedsingle1.gifSingle mom to Rain (1/93) , grad student, and world traveler earth.gif


  

Dar is offline  
Old 11-30-2010, 11:52 AM
 
amnesiac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: at the end of the longest line
Posts: 4,879
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I can see how those things would make a huge difference for me too. My kids' friends live 5-10 minutes drive but if they lived farther that would be a different story. If they were older teens I think it would make me feel differently too. Since I'm generally dealing with 13-15 year olds I'm still involved with a lot of "can you take us...", "can we do...", "can we have..." type dialogue when kids are here & that's what just irritates me in the mornings. If they were a little older & more able to deal with some of that independently I wouldn't mind sleepovers so much.

 

It's not really the sexuality issue that bothers me personally. One of mine is sexually active & I know that he has taken appropriate precautions. I also know that he will be sexually active no matter where he spends the night & I'm good with that. I live in a pretty conservative area though & I wouldn't have an underage girl sleep over without talking to a parent because most around here are not very accepting of teenagers being even close to sexually active. I actually got a call from a parent over the weekend telling me she doesn't want her kid even talking to one of my ds on the phone or IM because she is too young to even be thinking about boys. headscratch.gif

amnesiac is offline  
Old 12-01-2010, 07:55 AM
 
mtiger's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 2,309
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

My daughter's asked for a NYE party this year, which I'm fine with. She actually is the one who suggested the guys sleep at another house - specifically because two of her friends (dating) would be looking for a place to have sex and neither she nor any of their mutual friends want to deal with that. As she put it: "They'd either be on my bed, or A's bed, or YOUR bed, or the couch, and... eewww. No." Note that her school friends range from living 10 minutes away, to almost an hour.

mtiger is offline  
Old 12-02-2010, 09:34 AM
 
choli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Posts: 3,933
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by amnesiac View Post

 I actually got a call from a parent over the weekend telling me she doesn't want her kid even talking to one of my ds on the phone or IM because she is too young to even be thinking about boys. headscratch.gif


Good luck to her trying to control her daughter's thoughtswinky.gif
 

choli is offline  
Old 01-02-2011, 01:08 PM
 
ecoteat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 4,306
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

When I was 14 or 15  I wanted my very best friend to spend the night on NYE SO BADLY. We were so close, but he was a guy. There were absolutely no romantic intentions there and my parents knew it. He had been my best friend for a few years and we did everything together. But my parents said no way. There are a lot of choices they made for me that I understand now that I'm a parent (even though my dd's only 4), but this is not one of them. I never understood why they said no and I still don't. Obviously it's hard to see into the future like that, but if dd was that age and her best friend happened to be a guy, I don't think I'd be likely to treat their friendship much differently than if it was a girl friend.

ecoteat is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off