15 year old son, 8 month old baby - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 14 Old 11-28-2010, 02:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello anyone out there with a wide range in their children's ages!  I am hoping to connect with anyone in my situation.  I attend a mom's group, which is wonderful, but I am the oldest and only one who has a second child older than a toddler.  I wish there were mom's groups out there for parents of teenagers, because--whew--the teen ride is wild and scary sometimes.  There are a lot of great things about having a teen and a baby, but there are weird emotions and challenges as well.  Both of my children are boys, by the way.  My children have different fathers--I divorced when my older son was a toddler and remarried a couple years ago.  Would love to hear back from anyone in similar situation.  Thank you!

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#2 of 14 Old 11-29-2010, 01:09 PM
 
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Hello and welcome.

I'm 42 and due any day with #5.  My oldest is 17 so yeah...in a similar life situation!

Here's the run down:

 

17 y/o daughter and 11 y/o son from first marriage.

3 y/o son and 22 month old son from second marriage and baking boy #4/kidlet #5.

 

It is a challenge at times but overall - I love it.  My two older kiddos think the littles are the greatest things ever (most of the time) and are a HUGE help - especially since I'm at the incredibly uncomfortable stage and bending over is hell. 

 

Sometimes I get a little sad when I think about my oldest testing out her wings and the fact that the littles won't grow up with her but we are all so close and she adores them so much that I know she will always be an important part of their lives.

 

People are always surprised when they find out my children's ages.  Oh well - it's my life and I couldn't be more blessed!


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#3 of 14 Old 11-29-2010, 01:38 PM
 
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I often feel like "support media" forget that kids are as difficult if not more so when they are teens than when they are babies and toddlers.  By "support media" I mean everything from magazines to websites to mom's groups, all of it.  Pick up any parenting magazine and all their ages and stages sections stop at 12.  Activity idea books stop there too. 

 

Anyway, yeah, I am right there with you.  DD1 will be 15 at the end of  December, DD2 is 2 and DD3 is 3 months old. 

 

I am not older though, I was 18 when DD1 was born, so one thing that often frustrates me is constantly hearing "you barely look old enough to have that 2 year old, let alone a teenager!" 

 

One thing I struggle with is balancing requiring that DD1 help vs making sure she's not made to feel like a 3rd parent and that I am not taking advantage of her.

 

I also struggle with the fact that despite having a sibling, she has still basically missed out on that close sibling relationship as a kid.   I know there's no guarentee that your kids will all get along with each other, but because of the huge age gap, there was never a chance to find out.  I am sad that  Dani Lee, my youngest, will be just 3 when my oldest goes away to college. 

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#4 of 14 Old 11-29-2010, 07:33 PM
 
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Subbing.  I have a 15 year old son and I'm due with a baby boy in January.


I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
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#5 of 14 Old 11-30-2010, 09:22 AM
 
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Happysmileylady - I get what you mean about trying to make sure your daughter is not a co-parent.  I tend to let my daughter jump in and help when she wants, which is fortunately a good deal of the time instead of constantly telling her to watch her brothers.  She has a job and her own car and her own friends so she does come and go but when she's home, she is hand-on with the littles.  Here lately though, I have been asking her to help more than before simply because I am spent by the evening.  She will sometimes help her step-dad bathe the littles or she'll read to them while I finish in the kitchen, etc.

 

I used to feel sad that she didn't have a sister - I have 3 and am very close to the two I grew up with.  But, it wasn't in the cards and this is our life and the life she knows.  She is close to her 11 year old brother - he is just now starting to be less dependent on her.  Before - he had to know where she was at all times and was anxious when she wasn't around.  Now that she's working and hanging out with friends some, he's becoming more used to her absences.  I still worry how he will do when she does leave home to venture out on her own. 


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#6 of 14 Old 12-05-2010, 08:22 AM
 
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Hello.  My children (as you can see in my signature) are 20, 17, and 13 years apart.  Unlike you, they all have the same father.  I've gotten the "what a beautiful grandson you have" and the girls have all gotten "what a beautiful son you have" or, what was worse, looks from strangers, especially Angela since she was 13 when Dylan was born.  Even now, when Dylan is with Joy and her children (5, 3, and almost 2), he is assumed to be her oldest.  Joy's Alex and Dylan go to the same school and while Dylan's teachers are used to seeing his nephews and nieces, Alex's teacher isn't.  It took her a few days to get that Alex waits for his uncle and not his brother after school and that Joy picks up her brother and not her oldest son.  Dylan only has a sibling relationship with Angela.  His relationships with Joy and Erica are more of a parent/aunt and nephew relationship.  Dylan introduces me as his "real mother; not his grandmother" when I meet his teachers and friends (and their parents) for the first time.  When he went to dc, the other children had a hard time understanding that Joy was his sister when she would pick him up.  In their world view, sisters didn't drive.  But over all, Dylan enjoys the age gap.  Instead of having brothers, he got brothers-in-law.


Chris--extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering, babywearing, co-sleeping, APing, CLW, homeschooling before any of this was a trend mom to Joy (1/78), Erica (8/80), Angela (9/84), Dylan (2/98)
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#7 of 14 Old 12-05-2010, 08:26 AM
 
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Quote:Originally Posted by 2goingon2 View Post

 

 

Sometimes I get a little sad when I think about my oldest testing out her wings and the fact that the littles won't grow up with her but we are all so close and she adores them so much that I know she will always be an important part of their lives.

 

 

When Joy moved out, Dylan was 3.  He asked her why she didn't want to live with him any more.  Didn't she love him any more?


 


Chris--extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering, babywearing, co-sleeping, APing, CLW, homeschooling before any of this was a trend mom to Joy (1/78), Erica (8/80), Angela (9/84), Dylan (2/98)
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#8 of 14 Old 12-06-2010, 11:54 AM
 
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My oldest is 17, almost 18. His youngest sister, dd2, was born three months after his 16th birthday. I started ttc baby number two when ds1 was about 10 months old. After several years of secondary infertility, a divorce, a remarriage and three miscarriages (two with my ex and one with dh), I finally got dd1, when ds1 was 10 years old. The other four babies (one was stillborn) came pretty close together after that. I'd always wanted to have four kids, and I got them. I also wanted to have them all by the time I was 30 - 32 at the outside. I had dd2 12 days after my 41st birthday.

 

Yes - sometimes it feels as though I live in the Twilight Zone. I think last year was the weirdest in some ways, because of education. I had a high schooler, a homelearner, a preschooler and an infant. It was a weird year. This year is still a bit odd (ds1 is graduating in June), but it's more like I have two different "zones" (home/homelearning and ds1's school), instead of four all at once.

 

I'm not looking forward to ds1 moving out. I know the younger ones are going to miss him, and I know dd2 is going to be really, really confused about why he's just...gone. I'm going to miss him myself (it was just us for a year after the divorce, and it was "me and him" struggling against adversity for several years before that), and it's just going to be really, really strange to have only three young kids at home, and no "big kid"/teenager!


Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

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#9 of 14 Old 12-06-2010, 12:04 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post

 

I'm not looking forward to ds1 moving out. I know the younger ones are going to miss him, and I know dd2 is going to be really, really confused about why he's just...gone. I'm going to miss him myself (it was just us for a year after the divorce, and it was "me and him" struggling against adversity for several years before that), and it's just going to be really, really strange to have only three young kids at home, and no "big kid"/teenager!



I am totally not looking forward to this either.  DD2 will be getting ready for Kindergarten when DD1 goes away to college.  I think it's going to be a really hard thing for her.  DD2 just adores her big sissy. 

 

When my oldest was born, my youngest sister was only 10.  There is a smaller age gap between my my daughter and her aunt, than between her and her siblings.  That's hard for me. 

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#10 of 14 Old 12-06-2010, 07:27 PM
 
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Hi!

 

I have an almost 17 year old, a 13 year old and a 7 year old. We are in the process of adopting, we are looking for a child under 3. The older 2 are from a my previous marriage. Most of my friends have kids closer together in age. Glad to see this thread!


DS: 18 DD: 15 DD: 8  angel1.gif 11/10  angel1.gif 4/11
  adoptionheart-1.gifDD: 3  angel1.gif 8/11

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#11 of 14 Old 12-06-2010, 07:37 PM
 
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Another aspect of having such an age gap...

 

Having two little littles and trying to get to the teen's activities to support her.  My oldest has a choir concert tomorrow.  Dh will be working and in class all day, so I am THE parent for the day.  In addition to the choir concert, DD1 also has an after school club meeting.  So, I have to load the littles into the car to pick her up at 4, then come back home, get dinner, then load them back up to go drop her off at the concert at 7, then MISS the concert because there's simply NO way I can manage a very active and afraid of clapping 2 year old and a 3 month old who would be up past her bed time, all on my own.   Then I have to turn around 2 hours later and pick her back up from the concert, taking the littles with me again because DH still will not be home.  And it will be in the teens for a high tomorrow.

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#12 of 14 Old 12-07-2010, 10:04 PM
 
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Dh and I missed most of Angela's plays when she was in high school because Dylan didn't sit either quietly or still.  We did manage to go to the performances that she considered important.  Either Erica or Joy would babysit so we both could go or only one of us went and the other one stayed home with Dylan.  Dylan started Kindergarten the same year that Angela graduated high school.  In college when Angela had rehearsals at night, I woke Dylan up at 10:30, drove 30 minutes to the college to pick up Angela (any of the other students who needed a ride home and lived on our route) and drove home.  Dylan was back in bed around 11:30-midnight.  It's a good thing that he had afternoon Kindergarten so didn't have to get up early.

 

Dylan is much closer in age to his nephews (7 years and 10 years apart) and nieces (9 years, 10 years, and 12 years apart) than he is to his sisters. 


Chris--extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering, babywearing, co-sleeping, APing, CLW, homeschooling before any of this was a trend mom to Joy (1/78), Erica (8/80), Angela (9/84), Dylan (2/98)
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#13 of 14 Old 12-09-2010, 11:15 AM
 
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I am lucky that I have a devoted MIL.  She adores the grandchildren and is always, always willing to help.  In fact, she is in town today to watch the two littles while my husband and I go to the 11 y/o's first band concert.  There is no way we could go without her watching the boys because yes...they would be wanting to run everywhere and then have a melt down when they couldn't.

 

My daughter drives and while I'm always worried about her...it is a lifesaver at times. 

 

HappySmiley - I would hate to do what you have to do but that's just it, isn't it?  We do what we have to.  That is still so hard to have to herd all your kids around, late at night and in the cold.  How soon can your daughter drive or how soon would you be comfortable letting her drive?


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#14 of 14 Old 12-09-2010, 11:42 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2goingon2 View Post

I am lucky that I have a devoted MIL.  She adores the grandchildren and is always, always willing to help.  In fact, she is in town today to watch the two littles while my husband and I go to the 11 y/o's first band concert.  There is no way we could go without her watching the boys because yes...they would be wanting to run everywhere and then have a melt down when they couldn't.

 

My daughter drives and while I'm always worried about her...it is a lifesaver at times. 

 

HappySmiley - I would hate to do what you have to do but that's just it, isn't it?  We do what we have to.  That is still so hard to have to herd all your kids around, late at night and in the cold.  How soon can your daughter drive or how soon would you be comfortable letting her drive?


Yep, exactly, you do what you gotta do.  Thankfully, DD1 wants to quit choir, hates the teacher and didn't want me at the concert anyway, so she wasn't upset.  I think I was more upset about it anyway.  I just hate missing my kids stuff.  Having to have the little ones out in the cold wouldn't be as bad, if I didn't have to just drop off and pick up, kwim :-)She turns 15 this December, in Indiana they have to be 16.5 before they can get their license, then it's a graduated license, so it's probably going to be 2 years before she would be able to drive herself at night.  As far as her maturity goes, I would probably be comfortable letting her drive now.  One side effect of being an only for so long, plus being the only grandchild for quite a while is that she is pretty mature for her age because she spent more time around adults than kids growing up. 
 

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