Teen's response to your music? (eta...books, movies, and art, too!) - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 60 Old 12-06-2010, 10:55 AM
 
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My daughter is 18, and I keep my edgy music on my ipod.  Some of it is downright raunchy, and I don't want her to listen to it.  (or know that I do)

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#32 of 60 Old 12-06-2010, 11:48 AM
 
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Ha ha, I have the opposite problem. My 14yo son's favorite band is The Who -- which was my favorite band when I was his age. And I must confess, even though it's fun to watch The Kids Are Alright and listen to those old albums together, it also feels sort of weird & incestuous. Teenagers aren't supposed to like the same music as their parents! I keep thinking "Uh, son? WTF!"


Why aren't teenagers supposed to like the same music as their parents? This is one of those random "rules" that I just don't get. Teenagers are going to like whatever they like, just like adults. In any case, I grew up in the 80s, and there were very few of my classmates who liked their parent's music (mostly 50s/early 60s)...but there were a ton who liked the music of the 60s and early 70s, which was at least 10 years "out of date" by then.


Okay, honestly, we just thought it was funny that DS became so enchanted with all this "old time" music when he had such a wide variety of choice of modern music that developed AFTER DH and I left our own teenage years, like rap, hip hop etc. Instead of "rule" think typical teenage stereotype. Of course everyone doesn't follow stereotypes. When they don't, it can be amusing, ironic, etc., which is what I think people here are commenting on, or at least I am.  I did not want to listen to my parents' Hank Williams albums (loved Johnny Cash and Billie Holliday though) and they disliked the Rolling Stones, the Clash etc. (although they showed remarkable tolerance for almost continuous play of Cheap Trick's Live at the Budokan on a cross-continental road trip one summer).  So yes, I find it funny that DS listens to a LOT of Stones and the Clash and can play on his guitar most of Cheap Trick's oeuvre. He also plays Bach, Vivaldi etc. on his double bass, Spanish music on his classical guitar and a whole lot of ska and punk music that he composes himself. He's entitled to enjoy and play whatever he likes and wants, and he does. 

 

Likewise, it's a stereotype that teens and adults don't wear or like the same clothes. DD plunders my closet every morning looking for something to wear. Her friends can't believe that she wears my stuff. I'm not sure what they say when they find out that some of her shirts belonged to my father - and he's been dead for 15 years.

 

 


I think there's a pretty big difference between finding it amusing or ironic when a teen doesn't follow the stereotypes and calling it "weird and incestuous" that they like the same music as their parents.

 

Personally, I don't even find it amusing - I'm just glad ds1 and I can connect somewhat on the music level. But, I can see people finding it amusing. I just don't get the "weird and incestuous" stuff. Music is music. I like some classical, some old 80s pop rock (a lot better than I liked it in the 80s, for sure), some 60s/70s "classic" rock, some jazz, etc. My first love is still 80s metal, especially the NWOBHM, and most especially Iron Maiden. But, I like a lot of music, even some of ds1's...and as I type that, I realize just how freaking weird it is that we even phrase it that way...it's not "ds1's music". DS1 also likes a lot of music, including some of "mine". I just honestly don't get why this seems weird to people. I find it much, much weirder that whole generations listen to only one kind of music, and/or lay claim to a band, sound, etc. Demographics are a marketing tool, not a lifestyle.


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#33 of 60 Old 12-06-2010, 12:15 PM
 
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I think there's a pretty big difference between finding it amusing or ironic when a teen doesn't follow the stereotypes and calling it "weird and incestuous" that they like the same music as their parents.

 

 

 

I figure sometimes posters use exaggerated, flamboyant language for effect. I try not to let it provoke me. Again, it's a matter of humour, which is a matter of individual taste. Since you don't see anything funny about the subject in the first place, I can see that it's more likely to miss the target. OTOH, maybe Juuulie did mean something else, although I doubt it. 

 

FWIW, I agree that there is no ownership of music. I am more than happy to leave the death metal and hardcore punk stuff to DS though. 


 

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#34 of 60 Old 12-06-2010, 12:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My daughter is 18, and I keep my edgy music on my ipod.  Some of it is downright raunchy, and I don't want her to listen to it.  (or know that I do)


ipods and MP3s do offer a bit more more "privacy" than the old vinyl collections on a bookshelf ;)

 

Maybe this conversation would make more sense if I hadn't limited it to music.  Certainly we don't assume that teens will reject books, movies, and art because it was of the parent's generation.  Anyone have a teen who was horrified when reading from mom's library?    How about teens traumatized by suddenly "seeing" the true subject matter of the paintings dad did in college?  help.gifblush.giflol.gif

  

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#35 of 60 Old 12-06-2010, 11:06 PM
 
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My daughter is 18, and I keep my edgy music on my ipod.  Some of it is downright raunchy, and I don't want her to listen to it.  (or know that I do)


ipods and MP3s do offer a bit more more "privacy" than the old vinyl collections on a bookshelf ;)

 

Maybe this conversation would make more sense if I hadn't limited it to music.  Certainly we don't assume that teens will reject books, movies, and art because it was of the parent's generation.  Anyone have a teen who was horrified when reading from mom's library?    How about teens traumatized by suddenly "seeing" the true subject matter of the paintings dad did in college?  help.gifblush.giflol.gif

  


I suspect ds1 would be somewhat shocked by some of what's on my bookshelf, but not because it's mom reading it...just because he'd find it really, really weird. I'm a long time SF fan, and have some truly bizarre books on my shelves. DS1 isn't quite as out there in his thinking as I am sometimes, and I think some of it would just have him going "WTF??". But, he'd find it strange that anyone wrote it in the first place, not that I was reading it. He knows I'm weird.

 

With respect to movies, ds1's taste is far more edgy than mine, but we have similar taste overall (except that he doesn't mind horror movies, and I can't stand them). Art just doesn't come up. DS1 is far more knowledgeable about, and interested in, art than I am. My taste runs to fantasy art (of the Vallejo style) and random pieces here and there. But, ds1 wouldn't be bothered if he came across something erotic or whatever in my collection of books and such. I wouldn't have been where my parents were concerned, either.


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#36 of 60 Old 12-06-2010, 11:16 PM
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Well, I would be a bit weirded out if my kid came across some of the porn I like...  I don't think it would be the porn itself that would freak her out so much as the idea that it was something I enjoyed. I do try to keep my sexual life pretty separate from her (and I accord her the same courtesy, although I've asked her about birth control stuff). I'm not sure if that's quite the same thing, though. 


 
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#37 of 60 Old 12-07-2010, 05:25 AM - Thread Starter
 
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 No, not porn! ROTFLMAO.gif

 

I dunno.  I'm sure I'm overthinking.  My parents were odd when it came to music, books, movies, and art.  They were sort of personality-blank in this area, while dh and I are sort of personality-plus.  It'll be interesting..... :)

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#38 of 60 Old 12-07-2010, 06:29 AM
 
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DD and I have much the same interest in books and movies, in fact even DH likes most of what we like.

 

As for porn, DD found it once and was of the opinion that grown ups are weird. (nothing hardcore mind you).


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#39 of 60 Old 12-09-2010, 06:44 AM
 
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That being said... I don't think edgy themes are new thing. In fact I know they aren't. Musicians just hid it better way back in the day. We listen to a lot of older music here too and there are somethings that I didn't "get" about music both my parents listened to until I was a teen and when I finally did my reaction was generally "Wait... What?!"



I remember when I heard "Little Red Corvette" as an adult and kept rewinding it.  (cuz... yes, it was on a cassette tape) and listening to it, thinking "Now, why did I think he was talking about a car?"

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#40 of 60 Old 12-10-2010, 07:51 AM
 
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We've spent "family video night" watching some stuff with pretty intense themes, quite intense R-rated sexuality, and we handled it by giving one another what we consider "city privacy" -- where everything's right in everyone's faces, and you do them the courtesy of moving past it if they don't want to discuss the subject.

 

What MusicianDad said about edgy not being a new theme -- working backwards, Cab Calloway comes to mind, then Coleridge's Kubla Khan, and Sappho.  We didn't just start being daring thirty years ago.  :)


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#41 of 60 Old 12-10-2010, 10:54 AM
 
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I'm not concerned about discussing the lyrics to Closer (for one example) with my teen.

 

I'm concerned about my teen finding Closer in my collection and thinking "Uh, Mom? WTF!"  blush.gif  

 

A song like 'Closer'?   That would definitely be in the very uncomfortable category, so I would just avoid it altogether.  But I know exactly what you mean, and I do wonder how it will affect how my daughter sees me. I imagine the 'mom and sex in the same sentence' gag reflex will make it a little self limiting.  I certainly didn't associate that world with my mom, when I was growing up. 

 

There are some other things to consider.  One is just simple swear words. My 15 year old daughter thinks it's cool that dh and I listen to loud rock n roll with swear words.  She used to be scandalized.  eyesroll.gif  Seriously, our kids used to scold us for play that music too loud.

 

I don't always listen closely to lyrics.  Once when I was doing the rounds and picking kids up from school I had Rage Against the Machine blasting.  All of sudden ds yelled, "MOM! You might want to turn the music down!", and I realized we were at the point in "Killing in the Name" where he screams F- you, I won't do what you tell me!!! about a hundred times (maybe it's only eight times). yikes.gif lol.gif

 

The other thing is sexual explicitness (a little gentler than 'Closer').  And I kind of treat music the same way I treat certain movies, where my kids are concerned.  It's been interesting navigating certain sexually charged scenes in movies with our teen daughter.  It's just plain uncomfortable and squirmy.  So I acknowledge that it's uncomfortable and we laugh about it. We avoid watching certain movies with her, even though I don't particularly object to her seeing those movies.

 

And then there's sexually explicit lyrics that sexually degrade women.  That I don't tolerate.  And I told my kids, I don't care about swear words in music. I just would be very unhappy and disappointed if you got into music that exploits and degrades women. 

 

I think about this often, because in regards to pop music and pop culture in general, I do think there's a difference between what I experienced growing up with my parents, versus what my kids are experiencing with dh and me.  My parents were from the Benny Goodman, Frank Sinatra era.  They thought the whole hippy, rock n roll movement of the 60s and 70s was a disaster. They were of the 'turn down that damn music!' era and they didn't like that I listened to anything of a sexual nature.  So I was a rebel simply by listening to FM radio, and the divide between the generations was firmly established in my mind.


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#42 of 60 Old 12-10-2010, 11:13 AM
 
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Ack! Didn't realize there was a whole 'nuther page.
 

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Well, I would be a bit weirded out if my kid came across some of the porn I like...  I don't think it would be the porn itself that would freak her out so much as the idea that it was something I enjoyed. I do try to keep my sexual life pretty separate from her (and I accord her the same courtesy, although I've asked her about birth control stuff). I'm not sure if that's quite the same thing, though.



No, I think you hit the nail on the head. It's exactly like that.  Or that's how I see it.  Edgy music is like other artistic mediums.

 

It's all part of dealing with and coming to terms with the fact that our children grow up to be sexual adults gradually, in our own homes.  It's weird and uncomfortable and our relationship with them changes in fits and starts.   Our perspective of them changes and their perspective of us changes. 

 


 


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#43 of 60 Old 12-12-2010, 07:23 AM
 
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This thread reminds me of http://xkcd.com/830/

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#44 of 60 Old 12-12-2010, 08:34 AM
 
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Dude, I must be slacking. Aren't I usually the one who quotes xkcd. I love that comic though.


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This thread reminds me of http://xkcd.com/830/



 That's funny....but honestly, I have no issue with my kid knowing we (her parents) have sex, or with the idea of my parents having sex.  Being open about having a healthy sexual relationship feels different to me than having my kid explore my music/movies/books/art with sexually edgy themes.  I'm not sure why. 

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This thread reminds me of http://xkcd.com/830/



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#47 of 60 Old 12-12-2010, 09:15 PM
 
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Quote:
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This thread reminds me of http://xkcd.com/830/



 That's funny....but honestly, I have no issue with my kid knowing we (her parents) have sex, or with the idea of my parents having sex.  Being open about having a healthy sexual relationship feels different to me than having my kid explore my music/movies/books/art with sexually edgy themes.  I'm not sure why. 


It's not about parents being comfortable with the kids knowing they have sex. It's about the kids being comfortable with knowing their parents have sex. Like, I know my parents don't have sex. Ever. Not with each other (they are divorced) and not with their current spouses, because even if they do have sex (likely) I just don't need that image in my head thankyouverymuch!


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#48 of 60 Old 12-13-2010, 05:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnmama View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post

This thread reminds me of http://xkcd.com/830/



 That's funny....but honestly, I have no issue with my kid knowing we (her parents) have sex, or with the idea of my parents having sex.  Being open about having a healthy sexual relationship feels different to me than having my kid explore my music/movies/books/art with sexually edgy themes.  I'm not sure why. 


It's not about parents being comfortable with the kids knowing they have sex. It's about the kids being comfortable with knowing their parents have sex. Like, I know my parents don't have sex. Ever. Not with each other (they are divorced) and not with their current spouses, because even if they do have sex (likely) I just don't need that image in my head thankyouverymuch!



Like I bolded--I'm different in that way.  I don't mind that.  Frank discussions about sex are my comfort zone, but the media/art thing is different for me somehow.  

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#49 of 60 Old 12-13-2010, 06:42 AM
 
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Frank discussions about sex are totally in my comfort zone. Acknowledging my own parents as sexual beings is not.


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Frank discussions about sex are totally in my comfort zone. Acknowledging my own parents as sexual beings is not.



thumb.gif  lol.gif  Yup.


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#51 of 60 Old 12-14-2010, 04:59 PM
 
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Frank discussions about sex are totally in my comfort zone. Acknowledging my own parents as sexual beings is not.



And, these are both my comfort zone...which is weird, because I'm actually a total prude, in some ways.


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#52 of 60 Old 12-14-2010, 05:09 PM
 
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This isn't about music, but a TV show (but it's all pop culture, right?). Years back, when my daughter was around 14, the Trailer Park Boys was in its 1st or 2nd season. I liked it, I watched it. She told me some kids at school were talking about this cool new show where everyone swore and ran around robbing ATMs and growing pot, etc. She said she was shocked when she figured out they were talking about the same show her mom liked! Because if her mom was watching it, it was by definition NOT COOL. 

 

It wasn't until well into my adult years when I realized that some of the books, music, and movies that my parents let us read/listen to/watch (from their collection, almost exclusively) were really not exactly age appropriate.

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#53 of 60 Old 12-14-2010, 05:58 PM
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Frank discussions about sex are totally in my comfort zone. Acknowledging my own parents as sexual beings is not.



And, these are both my comfort zone...which is weird, because I'm actually a total prude, in some ways.



I don't think it's prudish... I think it's about having boundaries. For me, discussing my sex life with my kid would be crossing boundaries I think are better left uncrossed.


 
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#54 of 60 Old 12-14-2010, 06:26 PM
 
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Frank discussions about sex are totally in my comfort zone. Acknowledging my own parents as sexual beings is not.



And, these are both my comfort zone...which is weird, because I'm actually a total prude, in some ways.



I don't think it's prudish... I think it's about having boundaries. For me, discussing my sex life with my kid would be crossing boundaries I think are better left uncrossed.



I don't think it's prudish either. I really don't care much about other peoples sex lives (except DH's but only for obvious reasons) and I really, really don't care about my parents sex lives.


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#55 of 60 Old 12-14-2010, 07:00 PM
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I don't think it's prudish either. I really don't care much about other peoples sex lives (except DH's but only for obvious reasons) and I really, really don't care about my parents sex lives.



Yeah. I am still traumatized over finding my dad's Viagra in his medicine cabinet when I went to look for an aspirin. And he told me to go get one from the medicine cabinet! He sent me into that dark, dark place and the mental images... oi.

 


 
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#56 of 60 Old 12-15-2010, 05:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post

Frank discussions about sex are totally in my comfort zone. Acknowledging my own parents as sexual beings is not.



And, these are both my comfort zone...which is weird, because I'm actually a total prude, in some ways.



I don't think it's prudish... I think it's about having boundaries. For me, discussing my sex life with my kid would be crossing boundaries I think are better left uncrossed.



Hmmm...I completely agree from a "guess what we did last night" pov. 

 

But I disagree from a pov of discussing sexuality in different stages of life (adolescence, child-rearing years, menopause, later life...), and including personal experiences.  I've discussed sexuality (mine and my mother's) from many of these angles with my mom--my mom who has sex with my dad.   I've even heard about the little pills that dad needs post-prostate surgery, and I'm just happy there is a reason to use the pills (happy they are still having sex after 40+ years).

 

Regardless, I'm trying to say that isn't where my issue on this thread is coming from.  I accept that I am more comfortable discussing sexuality with my parents than most (and maybe more comfortable than my children will be discussing sexuality with me).  The media issue isn't about my sex life.

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#57 of 60 Old 12-15-2010, 01:43 PM
 
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Frank discussions about sex are totally in my comfort zone. Acknowledging my own parents as sexual beings is not.



And, these are both my comfort zone...which is weird, because I'm actually a total prude, in some ways.



I don't think it's prudish... I think it's about having boundaries. For me, discussing my sex life with my kid would be crossing boundaries I think are better left uncrossed.

Ya.. I still remember my friend's mom telling us "Your dad isn't getting laid any time soon".  <--she was mad at him.

 

I never, ever needed to hear that.  It wasn't even my parent.
 

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#58 of 60 Old 12-15-2010, 04:22 PM
 
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Frank discussions about sex are totally in my comfort zone. Acknowledging my own parents as sexual beings is not.



And, these are both my comfort zone...which is weird, because I'm actually a total prude, in some ways.



I don't think it's prudish... I think it's about having boundaries. For me, discussing my sex life with my kid would be crossing boundaries I think are better left uncrossed.


No - I didn't mean that I'm a prude about this stuff. I mean that I've always seen my parents as sexual beings, am not bothered by my son seeing me as a sexual being, etc. I'm also quite comfortable discussing sex, in general (although that does depend on the comfort level of the person I'm talking to). I'm a prude in other ways, and I find it strange that I'm okay in these areas.


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#59 of 60 Old 12-15-2010, 04:24 PM
 
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Ya.. I still remember my friend's mom telling us "Your dad isn't getting laid any time soon".  <--she was mad at him.

 

I never, ever needed to hear that.  It wasn't even my parent.
 



That wouldn't faze me at all. I'd be a bit uncomfortable if it were my own mom, talking about my own dad...but more about the "I'm mad at him and he's being punished" aspect than the sex side of it. Someone else's parent? I can't even imagine caring one way or the other...although I'd have been embarrassed if my own mom said it in front of a friend, and may be somewhat embarrassed on my friend's behalf in this situation.


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#60 of 60 Old 12-15-2010, 06:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ya.. I still remember my friend's mom telling us "Your dad isn't getting laid any time soon".  <--she was mad at him.

 

I never, ever needed to hear that.  It wasn't even my parent.
 



That wouldn't faze me at all. I'd be a bit uncomfortable if it were my own mom, talking about my own dad...but more about the "I'm mad at him and he's being punished" aspect than the sex side of it. Someone else's parent? I can't even imagine caring one way or the other...although I'd have been embarrassed if my own mom said it in front of a friend, and may be somewhat embarrassed on my friend's behalf in this situation.



Agreed.  

 

Since this thread has become about this, lol, I even had some friends in HS who would openly discuss how "active" their parents were--sort of in admiration, rather than horror or embarrassment.  One friend's shared a conversation she had with her mom, wherein mom was telling her it was healthier to sleep without panties, and friend responded "Mom, I'm not 'getting some' every night like you", LOL!   No awkwardness.  The friend thought it was funny enough to share, but wasn't embarrassed at all.

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