Teen's response to your music? (eta...books, movies, and art, too!) - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 60 Old 12-03-2010, 10:44 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm just curious how this tends to play out.  My oldest is only 9, so we aren't there yet, but how do teens respond to the realization that their parents listen edgy music?

 

It kind of hit me this week when we were traveling, and NIN's Closer came on the radio.  It was censored, and the kids weren't paying much attention, so I let it play, singing the tamer lines.  I still love NIN shy.gif  And then it hit me that one day my dd will hear this song, understand it, and realize OMG---my MOM listens to this song! 

 

So, how do they react?  I was 13ish when I started appreciating edgy themes in music, but my parents' music collection was mostly Simon and Garfunkel and Barry Manilow, lol.  I don't know how our kids are going to react when they take a more informed tour of our music collection.....

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#2 of 60 Old 12-03-2010, 10:47 AM
 
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We havenever hidden NIN or anything else once she was about oh ...7 or so...when she stopped wanting Disney type stuff. 

 

Her friends think its cool that mom listens to Q101 and lets them - they are 12 now. 

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#3 of 60 Old 12-03-2010, 10:59 AM
 
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I have a baby, so we are super far off from that stage, but I wanted to chime in and add a conversation we heard between a 8-10 yo and her mom (25-30)at the state fair this year:

 

Kid: Mom, isnt this Nirvana?

Mom:Yep. Its a song from Bleach.

Kid: I cant belive you listen to a guy who blew his head off.

Mom: He didnt do it, Courtney did. (she said it pretty sarcastically)

 

My husband and I stood staring at them, mouth opened. It was hilarious. I have a younger sister that is 15 years my junior and she is getting into Alice in Chains. It is really strange how protective I am of her listening to music that I listen (ed) to and was a huge part of my life.

 


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#4 of 60 Old 12-03-2010, 11:21 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama View Post

I have a baby, so we are super far off from that stage, but I wanted to chime in and add a conversation we heard between a 8-10 yo and her mom (25-30)at the state fair this year:

 

Kid: Mom, isnt this Nirvana?

Mom:Yep. Its a song from Bleach.

Kid: I cant belive you listen to a guy who blew his head off.

Mom: He didnt do it, Courtney did. (she said it pretty sarcastically)

 

My husband and I stood staring at them, mouth opened. It was hilarious. I have a younger sister that is 15 years my junior and she is getting into Alice in Chains. It is really strange how protective I am of her listening to music that I listen (ed) to and was a huge part of my life.

 



LMAO!!!!

 

I too always wonder what my kids will think when they peruse my music collection and find Slayer next to Soundgarden and Simon and Garfunkel.  I do listen to some heavy music in the car with them, but try to avoid profanity.  My 5yo says his favorite band is Pearl Jam, but he really only knows a couple of their songs.  :)

 

Oh, and Courtney didn't do it either; she hired a hit man.  ;)


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#5 of 60 Old 12-03-2010, 03:51 PM
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When your kids are teens, whatever you listen to will be considered hopelessly dated and uncool.... the same way you felt about Simon and Garfunkle (which has some edgy themes, really, if you think about it... suicide, loneliness, all the biggies). That's how the teens feel about NIN now, fwiw. ;)


 
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#6 of 60 Old 12-03-2010, 03:58 PM
 
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I think, like most things, it really depends on the teen. DS1 listens to a lot of bands that I don't listen to. However, two of his favourite bands are Iron Maiden and Rush, who have been my two favourite bands for over 25 years. I went to the last local Maiden concert with him and a friend of his (was originally going to be me, dh and ds1, but dh decided to stay home with dd2, as we weren't comfortable leaving her, and we gave his ticket to ds1's friend). DS1 also likes a fair bit of old Judas Priest and some Halford solo stuff....actually, he enjoys quite a bit of my old music.

 

On the flipside, he's getting me interested in Andrew Allen - someone I wouldn't have even considered listening to when I was ds1's age.

 

With respect to the "edgy" thing, I don't think it's ever particularly registered on ds1, or bothered him, or whatever, that I listen to a lot of music with sexually explicit and/or dark lyrics.


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#7 of 60 Old 12-03-2010, 04:13 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Dar View Post

When your kids are teens, whatever you listen to will be considered hopelessly dated and uncool.... the same way you felt about Simon and Garfunkle (which has some edgy themes, really, if you think about it... suicide, loneliness, all the biggies). That's how the teens feel about NIN now, fwiw. ;)


 

I agree.  I still listen to a lot of the same music I listened to in high school (and much of it has explicit lyrics - we don't censor, though)... anyhow, my oldest is only 9.5, but my music already plays on the "back in the day lunch hour", yk?  So, I imagine when she is a teen, it will really be old school and probably pretty lame to her. 

 

Oh, and I used to be a big Nirvana fan, and have seen nine inch nails in concert a couple times.  :D

 

The kids already complain about DH's music - how they can't understand what's being said, though they form their own circle pits and get extra wild.  Maybe they'll appreciate his genre better as teens? 


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#8 of 60 Old 12-03-2010, 04:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ack...can't quote....so I'll copy and paste....

 

Dar:When your kids are teens, whatever you listen to will be considered hopelessly dated and uncool.... the same way you felt about Simon and Garfunkle (which has some edgy themes, really, if you think about it... suicide, loneliness, all the biggies). That's how the teens feel about NIN now, fwiw. ;)

 

But I did love their music :)  I cried huge tears over Simon and Garfunkel and Barry Manilow songs as a young teen.  Devoured it, felt every emotion.  But it wasn't Closer, kwim?  

FWIW, dh's high school students love NIN!  In fact, they think they've brilliantly discovered it, lol.

 

SB: With respect to the "edgy" thing, I don't think it's ever particularly registered on ds1, or bothered him, or whatever, that I listen to a lot of music with sexually explicit and/or dark lyrics.

 

That's reassuring!

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#9 of 60 Old 12-03-2010, 04:24 PM
 
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I don't know that mine really give it a lot of thought. We listen to some of the same stuff now & we take them to concerts with us sometimes.

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#10 of 60 Old 12-03-2010, 04:38 PM
 
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I've brainwashed my kids to like good music, so we have no musical conflicts in this house and the kids aren't really surprised by much. lol

 

That being said... I don't think edgy themes are new thing. In fact I know they aren't. Musicians just hid it better way back in the day. We listen to a lot of older music here too and there are somethings that I didn't "get" about music both my parents listened to until I was a teen and when I finally did my reaction was generally "Wait... What?!"


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#11 of 60 Old 12-04-2010, 07:07 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I agree, and it is the "less hidden" aspect of my music that concerns me as dd gets older.  I didn't necessarily understand the rawer themes of my parents music at 13 (or I could rationalize that THEY didn't get it, lol) but I did understand the raw themes of the music I purchased--and I'm assuming dd understand the themes in my collection at that age, too.  She already likes a lot of the music from a pov of innocence.  She even requested that dh put some of my Depeche Mode (or Depressed Mood, as she calls it) on her MP3 player.  Good lord, what is she going to think of me listening to that stuff in a couple years! shy.giflol.gif

 

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That being said... I don't think edgy themes are new thing. In fact I know they aren't. Musicians just hid it better way back in the day.
  

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#12 of 60 Old 12-04-2010, 09:56 AM
 
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We have never really censored music, or anything else. (Well, there was this one song on country radio when Dd was around 5 that had a really driving beat and chanting that freaked her out so I always changed it..lol)  The kids pretty much grew up listening to everything me and my ex husband liked as well as whatever was just in popular radio circulation at any given time.

 

 Ex husband was nearly 7 yrs older than me so there was the tiniest bit of gap there between what he listened to and what I listened to, but there was more in common than not. We also really "grew up" (ha) during the heavy metal/hair bands of the 80's and played that a lot. My kids tease me a little about that...;) But then again my son loves Dio so maybe he should shut it lol.jammin.gif

 

My kids have always been in control of their own media. I think they are a lot like me in that we all love a wide variety of genres of music. In our home we could go from bluegrass to ACDC to Kenny Rogers to Madonna to RATM to Fall Out Boy to Rush to Flogging Molly and then back to a classical piece... etc.  Being "word" people we've always loved to discuss music and lyrics. We made no effort to hide strong themes or controversial lyrics or lie about what it meant. We just tried to answer in an honest and developmentally appropriate way. Not always so easy with some music, but we managed. 

 

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#13 of 60 Old 12-04-2010, 10:16 AM
 
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Years ago, when I was about 15, I was standing outside a movie theater with several dozen teenagers, all waiting for our rides. A beautiful silver T-Bird pulled into the parking lot BLASTING Aerosmith. Everybody turned to see who this super cool person was. Yup, it was my dad. My dad is awesome. 

 

We don't censor music in our house. When each of my kids were little I gave them a radio and they were allowed to pick whatever station they wanted.

 

DD #1 picked bubblegum pop. 

DS & DD #3 picked classical music.

DD #2 picked Christian talk radio. *sigh*  I think that one I had the biggest problem with. Have you ever been told by a 5 year old that you're going to hell because you're not really a Christian? Not fun. 

 

DD #2 is more "moral" than me. If she has a problem with lyrics, she'll speak up (she's almost 10 now). She'll ask me politely to turn on another station. It's kind of messed up that I feel like my husband and I are the rebellious ones, while our kids are proper. 

 

Okay, so DD #1 (12 y/o) isn't so proper anymore. I got her an mp3 player and I asked her what songs she wanted on there. "The Cocaine Song". "Wait, what?"

 

As I type this DH and DD #3 are watching music videos together. Techno. joy.gif

 

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#14 of 60 Old 12-04-2010, 10:32 AM
 
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LOL we listen to so many different genres, that it isn't an issue. My oldest will bounce around to edgy stuff, and then sit with tears falling over liturgical choral works (and he's an atheist). I've never worried about what they listen to.

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#15 of 60 Old 12-04-2010, 10:41 AM
 
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Well she isn't a teen anymore, but she steals my music to rip the CDs. But then, I am not stuck in the 60's-80's music of my era, I listen to modern stuff. I'm not into her Tokyo pop but she was disappointed as a teen when we didn't take her with us for once to a concert we wanted a night out sans kids. "cool" isn't really the goal at our house, we listen to what we like. My daughter and I also go to the Opera together.

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#16 of 60 Old 12-04-2010, 11:05 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm loving all the responses and experiences shared, but I'm not sure that I've been clear about my concern. 

 

I'm not looking to censor what my kids listen to, esp as teens.  I'll admit I wouldn't play Closer uncensored in the car with kids aged 9 and 3.  As a teen, I'm not concered about my dd hearing it and enjoying it.

 

I'm not concerned about discussing the lyrics to Closer (for one example) with my teen.

 

I'm concerned about my teen finding Closer in my collection and thinking "Uh, Mom? WTF!"  blush.gif  

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#17 of 60 Old 12-04-2010, 12:49 PM
 
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I'm concerned about my teen finding Closer in my collection and thinking "Uh, Mom? WTF!"  blush.gif  

 

Well, this is really remedied by the kids hearing it, or at least recognizing that you listen to that "kind" of music by hearing similar stuff, during their childhoods. But given that you mentioned you wouldn't be so comfy playing "Closer" around young kids I can see the dilemma lol.


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#18 of 60 Old 12-04-2010, 02:26 PM
 
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Originally Posted by sunnmama View Post

I'm loving all the responses and experiences shared, but I'm not sure that I've been clear about my concern. 

 

I'm not looking to censor what my kids listen to, esp as teens.  I'll admit I wouldn't play Closer uncensored in the car with kids aged 9 and 3.  As a teen, I'm not concered about my dd hearing it and enjoying it.

 

I'm not concerned about discussing the lyrics to Closer (for one example) with my teen.

 

I'm concerned about my teen finding Closer in my collection and thinking "Uh, Mom? WTF!"  blush.gif  



Heh.  DS2 took off with all our Dresden Dolls without saying a word.

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#19 of 60 Old 12-04-2010, 06:18 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnmama View Post

I'm loving all the responses and experiences shared, but I'm not sure that I've been clear about my concern. 

 

I'm not looking to censor what my kids listen to, esp as teens.  I'll admit I wouldn't play Closer uncensored in the car with kids aged 9 and 3.  As a teen, I'm not concered about my dd hearing it and enjoying it.

 

I'm not concerned about discussing the lyrics to Closer (for one example) with my teen.

 

I'm concerned about my teen finding Closer in my collection and thinking "Uh, Mom? WTF!"  blush.gif  

 

Ha ha, I have the opposite problem. My 14yo son's favorite band is The Who -- which was my favorite band when I was his age. And I must confess, even though it's fun to watch The Kids Are Alright and listen to those old albums together, it also feels sort of weird & incestuous. Teenagers aren't supposed to like the same music as their parents! I keep thinking "Uh, son? WTF!"


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#20 of 60 Old 12-04-2010, 09:14 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Juuulie View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnmama View Post

I'm loving all the responses and experiences shared, but I'm not sure that I've been clear about my concern. 

 

I'm not looking to censor what my kids listen to, esp as teens.  I'll admit I wouldn't play Closer uncensored in the car with kids aged 9 and 3.  As a teen, I'm not concered about my dd hearing it and enjoying it.

 

I'm not concerned about discussing the lyrics to Closer (for one example) with my teen.

 

I'm concerned about my teen finding Closer in my collection and thinking "Uh, Mom? WTF!"  blush.gif  

 

Ha ha, I have the opposite problem. My 14yo son's favorite band is The Who -- which was my favorite band when I was his age. And I must confess, even though it's fun to watch The Kids Are Alright and listen to those old albums together, it also feels sort of weird & incestuous. Teenagers aren't supposed to like the same music as their parents! I keep thinking "Uh, son? WTF!"


Don't feel weird. We are in an age where people don't have to have talent in order to make it big in music. Many of our youth are starting to rebel and turning to other sources for good music.

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#21 of 60 Old 12-04-2010, 09:44 PM
 
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Don't feel weird. We are in an age where people don't have to have talent in order to make it big in music. Many of our youth are starting to rebel and turning to other sources for good music.

Oh and thank the GODS for that, eh? I've been listening to Mumford & Sons and Grace Potter & the Nocturnals andThe Black Keys... well you get the idea. I've turned my kids on to them too. Yay good music!


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#22 of 60 Old 12-05-2010, 04:20 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Juuulie View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnmama View Post

I'm loving all the responses and experiences shared, but I'm not sure that I've been clear about my concern. 

 

I'm not looking to censor what my kids listen to, esp as teens.  I'll admit I wouldn't play Closer uncensored in the car with kids aged 9 and 3.  As a teen, I'm not concered about my dd hearing it and enjoying it.

 

I'm not concerned about discussing the lyrics to Closer (for one example) with my teen.

 

I'm concerned about my teen finding Closer in my collection and thinking "Uh, Mom? WTF!"  blush.gif  

 

Ha ha, I have the opposite problem. My 14yo son's favorite band is The Who -- which was my favorite band when I was his age. And I must confess, even though it's fun to watch The Kids Are Alright and listen to those old albums together, it also feels sort of weird & incestuous. Teenagers aren't supposed to like the same music as their parents! I keep thinking "Uh, son? WTF!"


DH and I told DS "Get your own music!" when he first started listening to our favourites from the 70s and 80s  lol.gif . We TOLD him he was supposed to rebel with his own stuff. He excavated our old vinyl collection like it was an archeological dig.

 

He's moved on a lot since then and I can't listen to a lot of his music now. He's now way more into punk than I ever liked.  So I guess he followed our direction on one aspect of his education, at least. He still has a bigger Led Zeppelin collection than I ever did.  

 

Today he bought a turntable, something he's been wanting for a long time. Tonight he came home with a bag full of records from his favourite used vinyl and CD shop.  

 

I don't have a lot of advice for you, Sunmama. I guess it's a little like a child asking a parent if s/he's ever used recreational drugs, only less serious and more room for some laughs about what you liked.  

 

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#23 of 60 Old 12-05-2010, 04:59 AM
 
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I don't think it's an issue. And I don't really expect a shocked reaction. But, we don't hide sexuality and and things along those lines from our kids anyway. 

 

DS1's first concert was Depeche Mode, and during the concert there was a video of a naked woman. DS1 didn't even bat an eyelash, I think because it didn't even occur to him that her being naked was all that unusual. It just was what it was. 

 

We also don't "censor" our music around our kids. But we don't listen to edited versions, and we don't listen to music on the radio. Depeche Mode and NIN are actually bands we consider "safe" to play around the kids. So, the bulk of what we listen to is a lot.... worse? lol. I don't know how to describe it. 

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#24 of 60 Old 12-05-2010, 05:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't have a lot of advice for you, Sunmama. I guess it's a little like a child asking a parent if s/he's ever used recreational drugs, only less serious and more room for some laughs about what you liked.  

 



Yes, I was thinking about it more last night, and that is the true issue.  I'm very comfortable talking to my kids about sex, drugs, etc from an academic pov, but get squirmy at the thought of it being more personal.  It doesn't matter if it is music, movies, or books, really, if my choice reveals something intimate about me that I'm not comfortable sharing. 

 

 

 

 

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#25 of 60 Old 12-05-2010, 01:06 PM
 
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Quote:
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I'm concerned about my teen finding Closer in my collection and thinking "Uh, Mom? WTF!"  blush.gif  



I can only speak to ds1, as the others are nowhere near puberty yet. This has just not ever been a problem at all. I don't think it ever occurred to him that there would be any reason why I wouldn't listen to lyrics with edgy, dark, suggestive (or whatever else) lyrics.

 

This topic seems reminiscent of a high school friend of mine who used to claim that the last time her parents had sex was when her little brother (one year younger) was conceived. I never thought that way. I'm not sure why some teens seem to just accept that their parents are individuals, complete with their own sexuality, and some teens don't, but that does seem to be the case. I'd guess your child's reaction will largely depend on whether they "get" that or not. (I got it about my parents, and so did my brother. I don't think my sister did.)


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#26 of 60 Old 12-05-2010, 01:11 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Juuulie View Post

Ha ha, I have the opposite problem. My 14yo son's favorite band is The Who -- which was my favorite band when I was his age. And I must confess, even though it's fun to watch The Kids Are Alright and listen to those old albums together, it also feels sort of weird & incestuous. Teenagers aren't supposed to like the same music as their parents! I keep thinking "Uh, son? WTF!"


Why aren't teenagers supposed to like the same music as their parents? This is one of those random "rules" that I just don't get. Teenagers are going to like whatever they like, just like adults. In any case, I grew up in the 80s, and there were very few of my classmates who liked their parent's music (mostly 50s/early 60s)...but there were a ton who liked the music of the 60s and early 70s, which was at least 10 years "out of date" by then.


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#27 of 60 Old 12-06-2010, 05:18 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Juuulie View Post

 

it also feels sort of weird & incestuous. Teenagers aren't supposed to like the same music as their parents! I keep thinking "Uh, son? WTF!"



I completely disagree.

 

Dd is just about to turn 9 (so barely even pre-teen), but she does like our music.  Mostly world, classical, baroque and jazz.  It's actually a fairly eclectic mix that we enjoy but it doesn't include vulgar music.  I don't think what we listen to is going to embarrass her or keep her from enjoying it in the future with us.  She does enjoy our music and probably will continue to as she becomes a teen.  For example, we were at the opera a couple of months ago and a ballet this weekend and she enjoyed that she knew the music before attending and was quite excited by that.  I'm sure she'll find some things that she enjoys that is mainstream pop of the times (just as I liked bands of the 70s), but I don't think our music will ever embarrass her or that she will ever not be able to appreciate good music... even when I occasionally listen to an old Rush album or The Cranberries, which is fairly rare these days as I've just changed my taste in music, especially in my 30s and 40s.

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#28 of 60 Old 12-06-2010, 07:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I assume my kids will listen to our music as teens, just as I listened to my parents' music.   My dd is musical (plays guitar and writes songs at 9), and she is already open to many genres of music.  I see her doing some serious musical exploration in her teen years, certainly to overlap with our own collection.

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#29 of 60 Old 12-06-2010, 08:06 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by Juuulie View Post

Ha ha, I have the opposite problem. My 14yo son's favorite band is The Who -- which was my favorite band when I was his age. And I must confess, even though it's fun to watch The Kids Are Alright and listen to those old albums together, it also feels sort of weird & incestuous. Teenagers aren't supposed to like the same music as their parents! I keep thinking "Uh, son? WTF!"


Why aren't teenagers supposed to like the same music as their parents? This is one of those random "rules" that I just don't get. Teenagers are going to like whatever they like, just like adults. In any case, I grew up in the 80s, and there were very few of my classmates who liked their parent's music (mostly 50s/early 60s)...but there were a ton who liked the music of the 60s and early 70s, which was at least 10 years "out of date" by then.



Seriously. I grew up on the Beatles. I now LOVE the Beatles. And guess what? My KIDS love the Beatles. It just keeps on going.... I think it's awesome. Truly good music is truly good. 

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#30 of 60 Old 12-06-2010, 08:20 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by Juuulie View Post

Ha ha, I have the opposite problem. My 14yo son's favorite band is The Who -- which was my favorite band when I was his age. And I must confess, even though it's fun to watch The Kids Are Alright and listen to those old albums together, it also feels sort of weird & incestuous. Teenagers aren't supposed to like the same music as their parents! I keep thinking "Uh, son? WTF!"


Why aren't teenagers supposed to like the same music as their parents? This is one of those random "rules" that I just don't get. Teenagers are going to like whatever they like, just like adults. In any case, I grew up in the 80s, and there were very few of my classmates who liked their parent's music (mostly 50s/early 60s)...but there were a ton who liked the music of the 60s and early 70s, which was at least 10 years "out of date" by then.


Okay, honestly, we just thought it was funny that DS became so enchanted with all this "old time" music when he had such a wide variety of choice of modern music that developed AFTER DH and I left our own teenage years, like rap, hip hop etc. Instead of "rule" think typical teenage stereotype. Of course everyone doesn't follow stereotypes. When they don't, it can be amusing, ironic, etc., which is what I think people here are commenting on, or at least I am.  I did not want to listen to my parents' Hank Williams albums (loved Johnny Cash and Billie Holliday though) and they disliked the Rolling Stones, the Clash etc. (although they showed remarkable tolerance for almost continuous play of Cheap Trick's Live at the Budokan on a cross-continental road trip one summer).  So yes, I find it funny that DS listens to a LOT of Stones and the Clash and can play on his guitar most of Cheap Trick's oeuvre. He also plays Bach, Vivaldi etc. on his double bass, Spanish music on his classical guitar and a whole lot of ska and punk music that he composes himself. He's entitled to enjoy and play whatever he likes and wants, and he does. 

 

Likewise, it's a stereotype that teens and adults don't wear or like the same clothes. DD plunders my closet every morning looking for something to wear. Her friends can't believe that she wears my stuff. I'm not sure what they say when they find out that some of her shirts belonged to my father - and he's been dead for 15 years. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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