"Why Do We Let Them Dress That Way?" - Page 4 - Mothering Forums
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#91 of 103 Old 03-29-2011, 08:07 AM
 
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Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post

I'm guessing it was someone in this thread that gave me the DDDDC, and for that I thank you. It's been a rough 24 hours and that made me smile.



DDDDC? I looked up old forums which purported to explain this, but I still don't get it. 

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#92 of 103 Old 03-29-2011, 10:17 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Annie Mac View Post
DDDDC? I looked up old forums which purported to explain this, but I still don't get it. 

Here is a full explanation:
 

http://www.mothering.com/community/wiki/ddddcs-dirty-deeds-done-dirt-cheap

 

http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/thread/74138/who-what-is-ddddc


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#93 of 103 Old 03-29-2011, 11:45 AM
 
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Yes, you so deserve it...and your kids are lucky to have you.
 

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Whoever gave it to you was right on the mark!



 

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#94 of 103 Old 03-29-2011, 12:19 PM
 
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#95 of 103 Old 04-08-2011, 08:06 AM
 
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To say that I am infuritated right now would be an understatement.  In what sick and twisted world can a decent human being blame a little girl for something as horrible as this? She wore make up and dressed like a 20-year old...so that means she deserved what happened to her?  WARNING: LINK MAY BE TRIGGERING http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2011/03/16/republican-lawmaker-blames-11-year-old-victim-of-alleged-gang-rape/#

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#96 of 103 Old 04-08-2011, 09:06 AM
 
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This is all too common. There was a story of a teenager near where I live who was drugged and gang-raped at a party. Someone filmed it on their phone & posted it to Facebook. Despite police & medical evidence that the girl was truly the victim here, she had to leave school because she was getting such a hard time from her fellow students, who blamed her for the attack -- saying that it wasn't really an attack, but consensual. Then there were the obligatory statements by adults who said things along the lines of "what does she expect? She was a party. Drinking alcohol." The idea that the female must be hyper-aware and responsible for what happens TO her is ludicrous, especially when compared to the lack of responsibility accorded to the men who, obviously, were driven crazy by the very presence of a female in their midst. The fact that rape happens even in countries where women are literally covered head to toe, never drink alcohol & rarely even mix with unrelated males is clearly just a weird anomaly. 

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#97 of 103 Old 04-08-2011, 09:29 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post

That's true if you buy online. I don't buy clothing online (at least, not for anyone except dh). In local shops, clothing selection can be pretty limited, unless I go to more upscale stores that are well outside my budget. It can be done more cheaply, mostly by hitting thrift stores, but that definitely falls into "looking hard enough". I'm lucky, as my kids are dressed almost completey in a combination of very nice Gymboree clothes from my MIL and hand-me-downs of various kinds.


I don't usually buy online either, but I haven't had a problem finding clothes I like (basic, solid pieces without slogans) for my DD (who is admittedly very young) or my nieces who are 7 and 11. Target and Old Navy are my go-to places for inexpensive, basic kids' clothes, and sure there are the slogan tees and other clothes I wouldn't choose, but there's also plenty of regular old clothes in the styles that kids have been wearing for decades. 

 

If someone likes slogan tees or "skimpy" clothing and buys that for her kids, fine, but if a person dresses her kids that way and then proclaims that she doesn't like it but can't find anything else, that'd be disingenuous. (ETA: Of course, as kids get older they have more and more control over what they wear -- I know I hid outfits in my backpack sometimes as a teen! But I'm talking about what parents buy for their kids, and the parents who claim that there's literally nothing except what they deem to be objectionable clothing sold in stores.) 


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#98 of 103 Old 04-08-2011, 09:45 AM
 
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Yeah it INFURIATES me to no end!! Blame the victim.  It makes me want to throw up.  I have an eleven-year-old dd and glad we have a good relationship and I hate that I have to tell her something as common-sense as "even if a girl is wearing underwear at midnight and walking down the alley she doesn't deserve to be raped."

 

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Originally Posted by Annie Mac View Post

This is all too common. There was a story of a teenager near where I live who was drugged and gang-raped at a party. Someone filmed it on their phone & posted it to Facebook. Despite police & medical evidence that the girl was truly the victim here, she had to leave school because she was getting such a hard time from her fellow students, who blamed her for the attack -- saying that it wasn't really an attack, but consensual. Then there were the obligatory statements by adults who said things along the lines of "what does she expect? She was a party. Drinking alcohol." The idea that the female must be hyper-aware and responsible for what happens TO her is ludicrous, especially when compared to the lack of responsibility accorded to the men who, obviously, were driven crazy by the very presence of a female in their midst. The fact that rape happens even in countries where women are literally covered head to toe, never drink alcohol & rarely even mix with unrelated males is clearly just a weird anomaly. 



 

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#99 of 103 Old 04-08-2011, 10:39 AM
 
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Originally Posted by limabean View Post




I don't usually buy online either, but I haven't had a problem finding clothes I like (basic, solid pieces without slogans) for my DD (who is admittedly very young) or my nieces who are 7 and 11. Target and Old Navy are my go-to places for inexpensive, basic kids' clothes, and sure there are the slogan tees and other clothes I wouldn't choose, but there's also plenty of regular old clothes in the styles that kids have been wearing for decades. 

 

We don't have Target here...maybe Old Navy, though. I'm not sure.


I can find the non-slogan stuff, but it's not at all easy, tends to be more expensive and is a big hassle. (I don't mind some of it, but some of it is just obnoxious...and a boy only needs so many shirts with balls, trucks or dinosaurs on them!) I could do it now, if I needed to, but I'm not sure I'd have been able to when ds1 was younger. I didn't drive, didn't have much money, and didn't have much time. That combination makes finding the stores - not close by - that might carry the stuff you're looking for (but might not, and you won't know until you get there) into a really, really major hassle. When there are stores all over the place, it really shouldn't be that big a deal to find a basic shirt, yk?

 

If someone likes slogan tees or "skimpy" clothing and buys that for her kids, fine, but if a person dresses her kids that way and then proclaims that she doesn't like it but can't find anything else, that'd be disingenuous.

 

I think that really depends on a person's circumstances, to some extent. It just shouldn't be such a hassle, imo.


 

 


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#100 of 103 Old 04-08-2011, 12:16 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Dr.Worm View Post

Yeah it INFURIATES me to no end!! Blame the victim.  It makes me want to throw up.  I have an eleven-year-old dd and glad we have a good relationship and I hate that I have to tell her something as common-sense as "even if a girl is wearing underwear at midnight and walking down the alley she doesn't deserve to be raped."

 



 


There was a blog I read a while ago (sorry, couldn't find it again) by a mom who described her conversation with her 11 year old son. Her son told her he felt left out because he didn't have a girlfriend and had never kissed a girl. She was a little surprised, given his age, but decided to run with it by asking him open-ended questions. It came out during the conversation that there was a girl in his class who had kissed three (ack!) boys, and he thought that was a bit much, and even her sister was embarrassed by it. She asked him a series of questions: did the boys not want to kiss her? No, they were into it. Did the boys kiss too much too, seeing as they were consensually involved? No, the boys' behaviour was fine, it was just the girl. She talked him around to see the error of his logic and his double standard...but by the age of 11, he had absorbed the attitude that the girls are held to a different standard than the boys. Thankfully, this kid has a good mom to explain it to him, but what about the ones that don't? 

 

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#101 of 103 Old 04-08-2011, 05:20 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Annie Mac View Post


There was a blog I read a while ago (sorry, couldn't find it again) by a mom who described her conversation with her 11 year old son....

 



http://magazine.goodvibes.com/2011/03/21/slut-shaming-on-the-playground/

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#102 of 103 Old 04-08-2011, 05:43 PM
 
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That's awesome, Prothyraia. I knew one of you mamas would have the link! 

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#103 of 103 Old 04-15-2011, 10:01 PM
 
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Personally, I'm less concerned about what my teenage daughters wear and more concerned about what they are doing.  I'll probably raise my children of both sexes similarly to how I was raised... I will teach them to respect themselves and know themselves, to know they don't have to do anything just because someone wants them to and to have the confidence to stand up against peer pressure.  I won't buy certain things even if they want it but if they want to buy it themselves, so be it.  It is their money and their body and if I've done my job to instill a sense of confidence and self respect then the clothes they choose to wear will be based on their own comfort (even if their comfort includes fitting in with how others look) rather than a reflection of the things they do.

 

If the worst thing my teenage daughter does is wear clothing I find a bit too revealing then I'll consider our journey through the teen years a relative success.

 

At any rate, I did NOT dress immodestly.  I covered myself up pretty well.. in fact, I went through a phase where I wanted as many layers as possible... a tank top over a tshirt over a long sleeved shirt with a longish skirt over pants (preferably all the same color even... usually green.)  That was what I enjoyed wearing.  At the same time, I also REALLY loved having sex within my monogamous long term relationship.  I didn't reveal much skin at all in public but I was naked as much as possibly when in private with my boyfriend.  Sure, I wasn't sleeping around, but I certainly wasn't abstaining!  I have no regrets either.  I'm happy to have had sex when I did and have the experiences I had.  I owned my sexuality and my body.  What I wore had nothing to do with the sex I was having.  I've also gone through phases wearing less clothing... I loved spaghetti strap tank tops for a time... and I wasn't having sex then.

 

I'm just not concerned with the clothes my kids choose to wear... I'm more concerned with what they are doing.

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Pre Teens , Happiness Is A Choice For Teens , Self Advocacy The Ultimate Teen Guide It Happened To Me The Ultimate Teen Guide , Life Strategies For Teens , Teens

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