Teen Sex - Accepting or Encouraging? - Page 5 - Mothering Forums
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#121 of 127 Old 02-29-2012, 09:55 AM
 
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You are so right.  Children - and that is what dependents ARE...CHILDREN - should not be engaging in adult behavior when they are not totally prepared for the possible consequence of pregnancy/disease.

 

In fact, I'm a proponent of waiting until marriage.  I know, I know...a dinosaur.  I just liked marrying someone whom I knew had no diseases, and we've been married 23 years so I guess it worked out. 


Will my kids do it?  I hope so.  One will, most likely...don't know about the other, but it would be best if they get their lives in order first.

 

 

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#122 of 127 Old 03-02-2012, 06:02 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TranquilMind View Post

You are so right.  Children - and that is what dependents ARE...CHILDREN - should not be engaging in adult behavior when they are not totally prepared for the possible consequence of pregnancy/disease.

 

In fact, I'm a proponent of waiting until marriage.  I know, I know...a dinosaur.  I just liked marrying someone whom I knew had no diseases, and we've been married 23 years so I guess it worked out. 


Will my kids do it?  I hope so.  One will, most likely...don't know about the other, but it would be best if they get their lives in order first.

 

 

The thing is though, i was abused from age 5, was consensually sexually active at 14 (and by then had a job and did about 50% of the housework at home since my mother was terminally ill).  I am opposed to marriage and have 2 kids with different fathers.  We went to the Dr to make sure we had no diseases before we became sexually active without condoms.

 

And i have a stable, loving home, good relationships, wonderful children and i'm really happy so i guess it worked out.

 

I'm not saying your version of "in order" is wrong.  I'm just pointing out that your way is not the only way.  If my kids wanted to remain sexually inactive until they married that would be odd (given their background) but a-ok with me.  I wouldn't want my girls to go through some of the things i went through but to assume that if they DID go through some of those things it would mean they could never be satisfied, happy, successful people would be to SERIOUSLY underestimate my girls :D
 

 

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#123 of 127 Old 03-05-2012, 10:00 AM
 
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I'm new here but wanted to chime in on this since my daughters are 17 and 15 now.  It seems like most of the posters accept the fact that their teens may be sexually active but alot of posters are uncomfortable with it happening at home.  I understand that and I think parents have to parent in the manner in which they are comfortable and for some, teens having sex in the next bedroom over is not comfortable at all.  I never would encourage either of my daughters to have sex but I have accepted that they are both sexually active now.  Oldest is with the same bf for 2 years and youngest has been with hers for 8 months.  Mine are both on bc and using condoms, and for me I'm much more comfortable allowing them weekend sleepovers at my house or their bf's house, but that's just me.  Everyone has to decide this on what they are comfortable with.

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#124 of 127 Old 03-06-2012, 06:40 AM
 
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I haven't read the responses since I replied early on, but thought I would share the conversation I had with my kids. I don't recall how we got on the topic, but I said that I'd been part of a recent discussion about teens having sex, and whether it was okay for them to do it at home. And they both said that it really came down to a matter of respect. When there is mutual respect, it seemed wrong to take advantage of it. When there isn't? Well...

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#125 of 127 Old 03-06-2012, 10:33 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TranquilMind View Post

You are so right.  Children - and that is what dependents ARE...CHILDREN - should not be engaging in adult behavior when they are not totally prepared for the possible consequence of pregnancy/disease.

 

Dependants are children? Interesting way to look at it. I'm one of my husband's dependants, and I can assure you that I'm not a child. When we first got together, and first got married, he was my dependant, and he wasn't a child, either. If our teens were truly children, then the issue of them having sex wouldn't even arise. They wouldn't want to. Teens aren't the same thing as adults, but they aren't children, either.

 

And, in a perfect world, adults wouldn't engage in "adult" (ie. sexual) behaviour if they weren't "totally prepared" for the psosible consequences. But, it happens all the time. The issue is how well they'll cope with an unexpected pregnancy or STD. It's not about whether they're 17 or 35.

 

In fact, I'm a proponent of waiting until marriage.  I know, I know...a dinosaur.  I just liked marrying someone whom I knew had no diseases, and we've been married 23 years so I guess it worked out. 

 

How on earth does you and he waiting for marriage ensure that he has no diseases? Your husband didn't lie to you, but sometimes, people do lie about such things. Women have married men in the belief that they're each other's first partners, only to end up being diagnosed with an STD. There are men - still - who have the bizarre mental split where they would never have premarital sex with a potential wife, because she's a "good" girl, but would still have sex with other women, who are "just sluts". (Yes - I've met guys like this. I'm not just making it up.)

 

And, in any case, marriage and sexual exclusivity are two different things. My current dh and I were in a sexually exclusive relationship for over a year before we got married. We didnt' wait, but I still married someone that I knew had no diseases (as he did with me).


Will my kids do it?  I hope so.  One will, most likely...don't know about the other, but it would be best if they get their lives in order first.

 

 



 

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#126 of 127 Old 03-06-2012, 05:20 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post

How on earth does you and he waiting for marriage ensure that he has no diseases? Your husband didn't lie to you, but sometimes, people do lie about such things. Women have married men in the belief that they're each other's first partners, only to end up being diagnosed with an STD. There are men - still - who have the bizarre mental split where they would never have premarital sex with a potential wife, because she's a "good" girl, but would still have sex with other women, who are "just sluts". (Yes - I've met guys like this. I'm not just making it up.)

 


 

And here's another shocker -- some people aren't faithful to their spouses. One of my friends, who was a virgin when she married, divorced her husband after he gave her an STD. They'd been married for about 10 years at the time, so chances are he picked up it AFTER the wedding.

 

 

 


but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#127 of 127 Old 03-19-2012, 07:46 PM
 
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I got pregnant at 18 and had my oldest at 19. My parents were very supportive, considering my mom also got pregnant young. I have an 18 yr old, a 13 yr old, and an 11 yr old (all girls.) I will not promote nor provide the opportunity for sex in my house and I don't recommend it because it makes you grow up too fast, but should any of my girls get pregnant as a teen, I will be fully supportive, stick with them through it all, and help them out so they can live their childhood to the fullest.
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