Talk to me about age 9 :) - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 27 Old 04-13-2011, 10:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
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DS just turned 9, so I guess that means we're heading into the "tween" years. lol.gif

 

7 was SCARY at times! Anyone who thinks 2 is bad has not had a 7 year year old! orngtongue.gif 8 was pretty awesome though! So, what can I expect with 9? smile.gif


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#2 of 27 Old 04-13-2011, 11:05 AM
 
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For us, nine has been a year of metamorphosis.  DD started out the year as a kid, and seems to be winding it up as a pre-teen.  She has really come into her own.  She's become pretty responsible and while she does want to understand why I ask her to do something, she's pretty good about self-direction to complete things.  

 

She loves being a contributing part of the family- and has started to help with tasks throughout the day like making breakfast for everyone or setting up a fun activity with her little brothers. 

 

On the flip side, her eyes roll so often I am surprised they are still in her head, and the muttering under her breath and talking back when she is moody really get under my skin.  I suspect that for her, some of this is hormonal, so you may not have quite so much attitude with a boy just yet. 

 

 

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#3 of 27 Old 04-13-2011, 11:14 AM
 
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For our son, 9 was a delightful year. He really seems to have come into his own. He's much more willing to try things; he's better able to explain and express his emotions; he's becoming relatively competent at doing many things. He's really discovered sports in a major way -- he went from being mildly interested to being a rabid baseball fan. This year (he's turning 10 in a few weeks), he and dh have a fantasy baseball team they're doing together.

 

He's very active (always has been) and needs time playing sports, even if it's just blocking my shots in front of the nerf basketball hoop in the kitchen. His imaginary play has diminished greensad.gif) and has been supplanted by his interests in sports. He spends a lot of time down the street shooting hoops (we live on a small hill, down the street is flat). So, instead of connecting via imaginary play, we're connecting via sports. He tells me about the Minnesota Twins (my favorite team) games. We play basketball and baseball together.

 

I really consider ds still a child at age 9. He's shown very few (if any) signs of puberty, and only a little touchiness now and then. I know that when his sister hits 9, she'll be starting puberty and so it will be a whole different ball game. For now, however, I'm really enjoying the last of his childhood!


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#4 of 27 Old 04-13-2011, 11:26 AM
 
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For my daugher, 9 has been a very difficult year.  She has started some bodily changes due to impending puberty and her emotions are all over the place. I feel like I'm dealing with a two year old again sometimes.  Friend stuff at school has been rocky as well.  She also started going to the gifted program at school so that sets her apart. She loves it but it may be a reason some friends are pulling away.   But, she is a delightful conversationalist and we've discussed reincarnation, ghosts, psychics, etc.  She has a great sense of humor.  Like a pp she has shown greater  interests in sports and less in imaginary play.  She doesn't often play with her sisters anymore. 


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#5 of 27 Old 04-13-2011, 11:51 AM
 
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Depends on the kid. 7,8 and 9 were lovely for both my kids, as was 10, 11 and 12. 13.5 got a little frustrating with DD but 14 is ironing itself out. 


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#6 of 27 Old 04-13-2011, 11:58 AM
 
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I'm completely in denial that 9 qualifies as a "tween".  wink1.gif

 

My son just turned 9 a few weeks ago but he sounds very similiar to some of the the other posters.  He's a pretty mature kid anyways and he's really acting much more grown up lately.  But yeah, the eye rolling and emotional stuff is pretty big. 

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#7 of 27 Old 04-13-2011, 12:07 PM
 
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Both my kids were still kids at 9. I thought that upper elementary was the nicest part of parenting. It's past all the difficult toddler stuff and before any of the difficult teen stuff starts. It's the creamy middle. Enjoy it!


but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#8 of 27 Old 04-13-2011, 12:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Alyantavid View Post

I'm completely in denial that 9 qualifies as a "tween".  wink1.gif

 

 



Me too! lol.gif My son is the "baby" in the group of kids we know... they all turned 9 several months ago. I notice a big difference in them. Most of them are all about pop culture and things like that, and my DS, while very mature for his age in many ways, is still pretty childlike in terms playing and not being very interested in "tween" things.

 

He actually seemed much more tween like around 7, when he gave me LOTS of attitude and eye rolling, and thought I was so not worthy of him! but 8 brought an end to that and he became my buddy again! love.gif


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#9 of 27 Old 04-13-2011, 01:03 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Linda on the move View Post

Both my kids were still kids at 9. I thought that upper elementary was the nicest part of parenting. It's past all the difficult toddler stuff and before any of the difficult teen stuff starts. It's the creamy middle. Enjoy it!



Yes, this was my experience as well.  nod.gif


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#10 of 27 Old 04-13-2011, 01:23 PM
 
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I think the idea that 9 is a "tween" is premature. A tween is 11 and 12.... truely between early childhood and elementary. You put a 9-year-old next to an 11-year-old and you can easily recognize the difference just like putting an 11 and 13-year-old together. There will be a handful that are closer or further but the majority of 9-year-olds are little kids whether they role their eyes or are starting to develop breasts or not. I don't really think a kid should count as a tween until they are in middle school frankly. I work in DS's 5th grade class with 10 and 11-year-olds and they are still little kids compared to where my DD was in middle school and now high school.

 

I think it's all about perspective. I remember when DS was born, I say DD as such a "big girl." Now I look back and think "what the heck, she was 3. She was a BABY." Basically, they seem older at the time because new things pop-up but looking back even a year, you realize how little they still were.

 

 

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Originally Posted by Alyantavid View Post

I'm completely in denial that 9 qualifies as a "tween".  wink1.gif

 

My son just turned 9 a few weeks ago but he sounds very similiar to some of the the other posters.  He's a pretty mature kid anyways and he's really acting much more grown up lately.  But yeah, the eye rolling and emotional stuff is pretty big. 



 


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#11 of 27 Old 04-14-2011, 05:51 AM
 
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Dd is 9 and nowhere close to being a "tween".  She is still very much a child.  She has always been mature for her age (she's an only and mostly around adults) and is just a delight to be around, but her activities are nothing tween-like.  She doesn't care if boys like her or what she's wearing or listen to pop music or want a cell phone.  She's not hormonal yet and still wants to be tucked in at night and cuddled with in the morning.  She just stopped co-sleeping this winter.  She doesn't roll her eyes and is very respectful (and TBH, I don't expect these things to change, as I don't think that kids necessarily have to be rude to be a tween, which I think is mainly a marketing gimmick to get a younger demographic to buy into the "teen" stuff).  So 9 has been basically the same as 8 was and how 7 and even 6 were as well (and they've all been awesome years, so not sure what you mean by 7 being "scary").  Dd's still interested in sewing and knitting, rides horses, enjoys opera and ballet and still thinks it's interesting and fun to go to performances with us, plays with her hula hoop, helps in the garden, and loves to cook with Mommy (and yes, I'm still Mommy, not Mom yet).  So, at 9 is not really displaying any of the behaviors that in mainstream culture = "tween".  I read these boards to see what I might expect, but I'm not expecting the changes for a few years yet.

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#12 of 27 Old 04-14-2011, 06:01 AM
 
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I think boys are rarely tweeny at age 9, so you can probably enjoy him still being a kid.  both of my older kids really started to discover themselves at age 9, which is neat.  My daughter is 9 and does seem to be entering the tween stage somewhat, but i think that's because she is starting to have some pre puberty changes somewhat (needs deodorant, has a little body hair starting) and earlier puberty is not uncommon in either side of the family.  But boys rarely enter into the tween or teen stage early from what I've seen.


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#13 of 27 Old 04-14-2011, 10:32 AM
 
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For my daugher, 9 has been a very difficult year.  She has started some bodily changes due to impending puberty and her emotions are all over the place. I feel like I'm dealing with a two year old again sometimes.  Friend stuff at school has been rocky as well.  She also started going to the gifted program at school so that sets her apart. She loves it but it may be a reason some friends are pulling away.   But, she is a delightful conversationalist and we've discussed reincarnation, ghosts, psychics, etc.  She has a great sense of humor.  Like a pp she has shown greater  interests in sports and less in imaginary play.  She doesn't often play with her sisters anymore. 



Do we have the same dd? Oh how I wish they could meet! I almost could've written your post, except my dd still plays with (and sleeps with!) her 7-year-old brother.

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#14 of 27 Old 04-14-2011, 11:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm hoping my DS stays a kid for a while longer, but many of the 9 & 10 year old boys I know (and some 8  too) are very much seeming to be entering the "tween" stage. Not so much the puberty parts, but the part where they think they need to be teens already! Lots of texting, having to keep up with pop culture, certain clothes, etc. And the girls I know... well, some have been into that stuff since like 6! huh.gif

 

So when I say "tween" I don't mean kids actually physically transitioning into teens or anything... yeah, that would be way premature! I'm talking about the "culture" that is being marketed to this age group, which is very much happening! So maybe this age group aren't technically tweens, but lots sure think they are! lol.gif 

 

My DS isn't there yet, but with so many kids that are, I wouldn't be at all surprised for this to be the year.


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#15 of 27 Old 04-14-2011, 04:52 PM
 
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Do we have the same dd? Oh how I wish they could meet! I almost could've written your post, except my dd still plays with (and sleeps with!) her 7-year-old brother.


Lol.  She will play occasionally with her 7 year old sister, but now it's the 5y.o. and the 7y.o. playing and she's reading or writing.  It used to be her and the 7y.o. playing and the youngest would play alone. She does still play Barbies with her 9y.o. cousin though.  Yeah it would be awesome for her to meet a kid who liked a lot of the same stuff. I suspect it's hard for her to connect to a lot of girls her age. Plus, she doesn't like to play the head games girls like to play with their "friends." 

 

Anyway, OP, sorry to hijack your post :)
 

 


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#16 of 27 Old 04-15-2011, 03:31 AM
 
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I'm hoping my DS stays a kid for a while longer, but many of the 9 & 10 year old boys I know (and some 8  too) are very much seeming to be entering the "tween" stage. Not so much the puberty parts, but the part where they think they need to be teens already! Lots of texting, having to keep up with pop culture, certain clothes, etc. And the girls I know... well, some have been into that stuff since like 6! huh.gif

 

So when I say "tween" I don't mean kids actually physically transitioning into teens or anything... yeah, that would be way premature! I'm talking about the "culture" that is being marketed to this age group, which is very much happening! So maybe this age group aren't technically tweens, but lots sure think they are! lol.gif 

 

My DS isn't there yet, but with so many kids that are, I wouldn't be at all surprised for this to be the year.


What you're describing is pretty much what I was talking about when I said that dd is still very much a child.  Dd is not exposed to texting (dh and I don't even have texting capabilities on our cell phones), pop culture, certain clothes, and we don't buy into the marketing gimmicks.  Dd doesn't watch commercial/Disney/newest-tween-pop-star kind of TV.  I don't *shelter* her from it.  These things are just not something that we are "into" as a family.  We spend our time exploring the arts, eating at nice restaurants as entertainment, talking about current events, playing board or card games at home (yeah, uh... dd doesn't have any video games either), and doing things outside in nature as much as we can.  If a child is getting reinforcement of this marketed stuff at home in addition to the pressure of it at school, sure, they're going to want to grow up faster than they should and start "acting" like a tween.  But you can control your environment at home.  When dd says she's going to a concert over the weekend, she doesn't mean she's going to see that Jason Beeber kid (can't remember how to spell his name right now but I know it's not spelled correctly), it means we're going downtown for a new Gershwin arrangement at the Symphony.  I really do think that our home lifestyle dictates what becomes important to our kids.  They don't have to act like what the mainstream says tweens act like.  They can break the mold and actually be children until they are adolescents until they are adults.  (BTW, nobody needs to flame me for this, as I am well aware that this is not a popular mindset here.  It is what works for my family, and others should do what works for theirs.)

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#17 of 27 Old 04-15-2011, 11:47 AM - Thread Starter
 
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No flaming from me smile.gif We are very similar to what you describe at home, but, with DS's friends "on the outside" lol.gif offering a whole 'nother kind of influence, there is going to be that kind of exposure and that is beyond my control. I have no interest in controlling it outside of my home either. I feel like it's important for my son to be exposed to all sorts of different ideals so he can figure some of it out on his own. If my son can find a happy medium between what I would like for him, and what so many kids are into, then I will be happy. orngbiggrin.gif

 

So far though he has little interest in all the fads around, so I am totally savoring these moments of real childhood while they last. love.gif


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#18 of 27 Old 04-15-2011, 04:14 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Vermillion View Post

DS just turned 9, so I guess that means we're heading into the "tween" years. lol.gif

 

7 was SCARY at times! Anyone who thinks 2 is bad has not had a 7 year year old! orngtongue.gif 8 was pretty awesome though! So, what can I expect with 9? smile.gif

 

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No flaming from me smile.gif We are very similar to what you describe at home, but, with DS's friends "on the outside" lol.gif offering a whole 'nother kind of influence, there is going to be that kind of exposure and that is beyond my control. I have no interest in controlling it outside of my home either. I feel like it's important for my son to be exposed to all sorts of different ideals so he can figure some of it out on his own. If my son can find a happy medium between what I would like for him, and what so many kids are into, then I will be happy. orngbiggrin.gif

 

So far though he has little interest in all the fads around, so I am totally savoring these moments of real childhood while they last. love.gif

I find the tone of your post to be really negative. It's like you expect things to be crappy, and his growing up to be fairly unpleasant for you. I don't know that's how you really feel, or if I'm just reading things into it.
 

 


but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#19 of 27 Old 04-15-2011, 07:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I find the tone of your post to be really negative. It's like you expect things to be crappy, and his growing up to be fairly unpleasant for you. I don't know that's how you really feel, or if I'm just reading things into it.
 

 


Hmm... Nope. I don't expect that all. I mean, I know growing up is not always going to be sunshine and roses, but I'm not expecting it to be unpleasant or crappy.

 

I just re-read my posts and honestly I'm not really sure what was negative or how you came to get that from me simply asking what to expect with 9 and talking about what I have personally observed in kids this age and the whole "tween scene" and fads... But yeah... I'm certainly not expecting things to be bad, just different, since 9 seems to be such a transitional age between childhood as it has been and being, well, the  place before being a preteen I guess.

 


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From the withered tree, a flower blooms~ He's here!!! So crazy in love with my  rainbow1284.gif  boy!!! 12/14/11 luxlove.gif fly-by-nursing1.gif

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#20 of 27 Old 04-15-2011, 09:28 PM
 
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Nine was not transitional at our house. Nine was still childhood.


but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#21 of 27 Old 04-15-2011, 10:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Nine was not transitional at our house. Nine was still childhood.


 In my own experience, at least from what I've seen with many of my friend's kids, 9 seemed to be transitional for many of them. From mostly childlike to having interests that are a little older.

 

And I remember when I was 9, I was in a very weird middle place between childhood and preteen. I was getting breast buds & shaving my legs, and having crushes on boys, but still wanting to play house and barbies! lol.gif

 

Anyway, who really knows what the year will bring? All kids are so different after all smile.gif


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#22 of 27 Old 04-19-2011, 12:51 PM
 
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My 9-year-old stillndoes kid stuff and is not yet interested in boys or fashion or anything, though I suppose girls who are already in puberty could have crushes, and really itis normal and not a bad thing for a pubescent child to get crushes. I don't like when paople talk about normal parts of maturation as if they are negative.

Anyway, she is still into kid games, even though she does sometimes watch iCarly. It hasn't changed her at all. She isn't really interested in tv though so if she watched more than just occasionally it could affect her more I guess.

Her favorite activity is still art, but writing has joined it.

I think different kids will start getting moody and interested in boys or girls at different ages, depending on where they are in physical development. I would not feel like my daughter was worse or less precious or special if she were more developed and pubescent than she is. Some girls have hit puberty at 9. On of my dd's friends has, and she is still as special and wonderful as she was before. Even though she has a crush on Justin Bieber. For me it was Shawn Cassidy. Lol.
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#23 of 27 Old 04-20-2011, 12:23 PM
 
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My kids are teens and they were still children at age 9.  I think you get a clearer view looking back, though.  That little bit of sass your 9 year old gives you or the cute crush she has on a young pop star is childlike in retrospect, and nothing like the emotional stuff a preteen entering puberty goes through.  Let alone the actual TEEN years.  I'm not sure why we need a "tween" designation anyway--it's a marketing thing, IMO.  9 year olds are still kids unless there's some true advanced puberty going on with them.

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#24 of 27 Old 04-20-2011, 12:42 PM
 
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I don't think any of us thinks our 9 year olds are no longer children.  But they are changing and growing up and 9 and 10 seem like a long ways from 5 and 6.  Because they have changed SO much. 

 

These years are here for a reason, so you don't watch your kid jump from a missing toothed 6 year old straight to a hormone filled 16 year old.  It's much more gradual than that so seeing these little signs makes it real, as in, yeah my kid's getting older, he's not really THAT far from being a teen. 

 

I very distinctly remember my teen years and have no desire to enter that on this side, any time soon.  But it's like anything else, it's a stage we gradually get to and when we do, we're a little more prepared for having survived these tween and pretween years.

 

My son very abruptly (at least to me) jumped from watching Spongebob and Scooby Doo to watching the tween shows.  And there's nothing wrong with that, it's perfectly natural, even if every family doesn't follow this path.  I just hate the vibe I'm getting from this thread that unless your still plays with dolls and blocks at 9, you're doing something wrong or pushing them to grow up or something. 

 

For me, my kids develop at their own pace.  My 9 year old is who he is, as a 9 year old.  I'm certainly not pushing him into chasing girls or shaving or anything else.  He's gorwing up at his pace, not anyone else's.

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#25 of 27 Old 04-20-2011, 10:44 PM
 
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IBut it's like anything else, it's a stage we gradually get to and when we do, we're a little more prepared for having survived these tween and pretween years.

.


It really wasn't gradual at our house. Both my kids were still kids at nine. Yes, they were more mature and bigger than they were at 6, part of the very gradual changes through out childhood.

 

It was nothing compared to the BAM of puberty. Which wasn't gradually. Not physically or emotionally. Heck, one of my DDs went to bed one night a chubby little girl and woke up a D cup. 

 

I don't think the theme of the thread is that if you child isn't playing with dolls at nine, you are doing something wrong. Rather, if you think the gradual growing up you see at nine is any kind of foreshadowing for what it will be like when puberty really hits, you are in for a big, big shock.

 

Nine is easy. Nine is childhood with more maturity and sometimes a tinge  of attitude.

 

On the other hand, if your 12 year old (esp. if it's a girl) has all the symptoms of bi-polar disorder, they are completely normal and you should attempt to relax and not take any of it personally. (And I got that from a therapist!)

 


but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#26 of 27 Old 04-24-2011, 04:03 PM
 
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My dd is 9, and I feel like we're repeating the 2's again in some ways. Most of the time she is still so sweet and fun and wonderful, but she's also increasingly emotional for no identifiable reason. I'm getting more "pushback" than I ever remember. I try to take my kids out on fun adventures, and she seems to be dragging her feet and lingering behind with a scowl now. She says some things just to get a rise, and she seems frustrated with herself. She's so young to be dealing with this emotional soup! I feel like I've had it easy for the past few years, and this is the beginning of a transition. She wears deoderant, has developed hair, wears a bra, ... I don't think it will be long till her period starts. Do they have primrose oil for kids?

 

What has really shocked me is my reaction to her. I always assumed that puberty was a child-side transition, but I find myself getting irritated by her behavior and attitude. That scares me. I don't want these kinds of emotions to ruin our beautiful relationship. I actually yelled at her today- in public- and I'm not usually a yeller- usually I have a deep well of patience to draw on.

 

As for this thread, I feel like kids develop at different paces, and although our kids aren't in full fledged puberty, some of them are clearly undergoing a dramatic transition. It's not really an occasion for blaming each other. God no. This is when we need support more than ever, even if support is hearing that we're not alone.

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#27 of 27 Old 04-24-2011, 05:07 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by QueenSheba'sMom View Post

 

As for this thread, I feel like kids develop at different paces, and although our kids aren't in full fledged puberty, some of them are clearly undergoing a dramatic transition. It's not really an occasion for blaming each other. God no. This is when we need support more than ever, even if support is hearing that we're not alone.


Thank you for saying this. There is a lot of negativity on this thread from more experienced parents.  Just because you've been there/done that and bought the t-shirt doesn't diminish our observations of changes in our own children. Yes, it may not be as dramatic as full fledged puberty/teen years but for our particular child, it is a change and may signal the start of the transition from child to teenager. I do not feel that I am rushing my child to grow up by noticing and responding to these changes, and wondering what the future may hold for her in terms of emotional and physical development. 
 

 

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