12yo still believes in Santa/Easter Bunny? Should we tell him? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 13 Old 04-26-2011, 09:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
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This seems really silly I know, but I am actually a little concerned about my dss.  We have always done the Easter bunny/Santa thing, and made it convincing to make it more fun.  I think we made it too convincing.  We have a 9mo DD, a 7yo DD and my DSS is 12.  I would expect that the two younger still believe and we would like for dss to play along as long as the kids are still having fun with it.  (if they asked or wanted to know we would come clean, we aren't into lying about it or telling them it's real, we just sort of let them believe what they will at this point)  I'm concerned because we kind of thought that dss was playing along, but after Easter he seems to really believe, he was all excited telling me about what the Easter bunny brought him and since dh was out of town the EB is me...

 

I remember really wanting to believe when I was younger, because it was more fun even though I knew the truth, but I'm afraid he really believes and will get made fun of if he talks about it to his newer (older acting middle school) friends ...who are less naive. 

 

Should we sit him down and tell him or operate on the assumption that he is playing along?  I really thought he would have caught on way sooner since he lives in two separate houses and it's very different at both houses (she doesn't really do that stuff and he's her only child...we always fill stockings and his Easter basket for him even if he's not here).  We are very open about anything and if he ever asked we would obviously tell him what's going on, but he doesn't.  The weird thing is that we really try to raise good critical thinkers! Sheepish.gif 

 

If he's playing along he's doing a reallllyyyy good job!

 

What do you think?  If you do the EB/Santa thing what have you done?


Artist, teacher, wife and mommy to DSS, DD1, DD2 and surprise baby girl on the way, 7/12!

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#2 of 13 Old 04-26-2011, 09:52 AM
 
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I don't know that he still really believes. I know that I never verbally fessed up to "knowing" with my parents until I was in college and I remember they were startled to hear me say it even though they knew I hadn't believed in a decade. It was a game we played and frankly, in the beginning, I thought my parents would be sad if I didn't keep it going. Having little siblings makes a child either brutally honest or very protective about such things. My eldest is the protective sort who has gone out of her way not to spoil the fun for DS even though I know she hasn't believed since age 4! Plus, she really enjoys the ritual and so even at 14, puts cookies out for santa, checks her shoe in the morning for ad egg and at 12, put her final baby teeth under her pillow. My DS is 10 and he did the "thank you guys (to DH and myself)... I mean, thank you Easter Bunny" thing after he got his basket. I know he doesn't believe but he plays along.

 

 

 


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#3 of 13 Old 04-26-2011, 02:16 PM
 
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At 12, I think I'd tell him. Maybe a gentle way would be to let him know that you want his cooperation in keeping the secret for the younger kids, but you wanted to be sure he knew the truth.

 

My ds is also 12, and he's known for sure for a couple of years. In 4th grade, he and a friend weren't positive, so they googled Santa!

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#4 of 13 Old 04-26-2011, 02:25 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whatsnextmom View Post

I don't know that he still really believes. I know that I never verbally fessed up to "knowing" with my parents until I was in college and I remember they were startled to hear me say it even though they knew I hadn't believed in a decade. It was a game we played and frankly, in the beginning, I thought my parents would be sad if I didn't keep it going. Having little siblings makes a child either brutally honest or very protective about such things. My eldest is the protective sort who has gone out of her way not to spoil the fun for DS even though I know she hasn't believed since age 4! Plus, she really enjoys the ritual and so even at 14, puts cookies out for santa, checks her shoe in the morning for ad egg and at 12, put her final baby teeth under her pillow. My DS is 10 and he did the "thank you guys (to DH and myself)... I mean, thank you Easter Bunny" thing after he got his basket. I know he doesn't believe but he plays along.

 

 

 

I agree, maybe your 12yo just playing along and does not want to hurt little ones or even parents!!! Very cute!

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#5 of 13 Old 05-07-2011, 11:38 AM
 
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my 15yo daughter used believe in kenji yokyo, because she was born in japan. she stopped believing by herself when she was 11. most other children in japan stopped believing when they were about 8.

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#6 of 13 Old 05-07-2011, 11:52 AM
 
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He could be playing along. We played along for years because 1) somehow we thought it would hurt our parents feelings (don't know why, they were not into guilt trips or anything like that) AND 2)that we would get less presents if we lost the santa/bunny loot.2whistle.gif

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#7 of 13 Old 05-08-2011, 05:30 PM
 
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I think that it is time to let the cat out of the bag so to speak. My son is 12 and he has known for awhile, he heard through the school grapevine and when asked I did not lie. he is an only child so there is no need to keep the secret amongest siblings. I would let your dss help woth the planning of Holidays to help make it special for them but also lets them hold onto the magic for the littler ones. GOOD LUCK! 

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#8 of 13 Old 05-10-2011, 07:53 PM
 
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I haven't read every reply but I think it's sweet. Especially if he has younger siblings. For goodness sake, how could it do a 12yo harm to have fantasy in his life? I know lots of kids this age who do RPG and are totally into it. Easter Bunny/Santa...some freakish Laura Croft(?) character... Embrace your kid being a kid. Ypu're doing a great job if your "tween" is still embracing the world of imagination.

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#9 of 13 Old 05-17-2011, 10:41 PM
 
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We were a bit concerned (my parents, brother and I) when we thought that my sister still believed in Santa when she was 12-13ish.  I finally brought it up in a nonchalant, non-leading way and she was like "you don't honestly think I believe in Santa, right?  I've known for years!" Apparently she thought that it would make my dad really sad if she told him she knew.  He was really in to Christmas! LOL  She's the baby of the family and she was just feeling protective of our dad and I think kind of feeling protective of her childhood.  She's always been one to really cherish childhood though.

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#10 of 13 Old 05-22-2011, 07:56 AM
 
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.

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#11 of 13 Old 05-22-2011, 09:51 AM
 
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None of my 3 believe but they all pretend for my sake ;) And now we're having another baby so the pretending continues! And I have 2 teenagers LOL I banned any talk of santa being fake when we're all together. We still go out every xmas eve and watch the sky and listen for santa's sleigh. I am really big on xmas and all the little traditions we've done since the oldest was a baby and some traditions even my parents did with us.

 

That said, I actually wouldn't be comfortable with a 12 year old still believing in santa. I'm perfectly fine with pretending, but at 12 I feel a normally developed child shouldn't still have that young-child way of thinking.


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#12 of 13 Old 06-22-2011, 01:51 PM
 
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What will it hurt to believe?


Disabled queer mama to one preteen, one teenager, 5 cats, 7 chickens, & 1 dog

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"I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keeps the darkness at bay... small acts of kindness and love."

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#13 of 13 Old 07-04-2011, 10:10 PM
 
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Hi ArtsyHeartsy, just wondering where this issue stands?  My DSD found out this past xmas (which is 3 days after she turned 12).  I was still learning to be a mom to DS so I don't remember much clearly, but I do remember her letter to Santa that she left out said something about how if she was too old for him to visit she would understand. DP didn't know what to do!  I thought he should leave it alone, but he couldn't and he wrote this really nice letter about how she was growing up now and blah blah blah ... and she was so excited the next morning.  For about 20 minutes before she was looking for something to compare the writing to her dad's. :(  It was a really rough holiday obviously.  In the end she understood why and thinks we should keep the story going for DS.


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