1. Some people can't control their bladders until puberty or later. It isn't the most common thing, but it isn't all that uncommon either.
2. This has turned into a really unhealthy power struggle, as I see you have figured out. I would disengage completely. Show her where the stuff is to change her bedding, show her how to launder bedding, tell her to make she she showers after she wets herself. If she's feeling bad enough about this that is is affecting her self-esteem, it might come out looking like she doesn't care - it could be a defense mechanism. Otherwise, yeah I'd think maybe there is a special need.
I hope you find a solution, at least to her ability to handle this, soon!
If there isn't trauma or a medical issues, some kids really do wet the bed because they are lazy. And not lazy in a bad way. A child can have that one time as they are a little older and just say screw it or be so exhausted it's just easier to wet the bed. They can condition themselves after that over time and continue wetting. It's easier and they become used to it.
Ooh! Just thought I'd update, my 7yo DS has gone dry at night, sharp decline in wet nights from about beginning of October so almost 3 months ago and not long after my last post.
Just to give you all hope!
He's not perfect, still a bit wet about once every 2 weeks, but obviously the prerequisite hormones have finally kicked in. He's a bit neurologically immature in many ways (speech, emotional control), so this fits with all that.
Now, where best to sell my ME Bedwetters? Am open to suggestions. There's only a very weak 2nd hand market for them in the UK, alas!
~ Yank Transplant to Britain and Zookeeper of 4 DC age 15 and under. ~