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#31 of 43 Old 09-08-2011, 01:08 PM
 
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I'm sorry you didn't feel supported.

 

I'm adding something I didn't see posted here thus far.

 

Like so many people who replied, I said "that was me!" when I read this. I was a skinny girl. And I had a belly. My mother used to make comments about how I looked pregnant. It was awful. I couldn't understand it - my weight was really low. I've been underweight before (5'5" and 102 pounds on a medium frame) and never lost the belly. I spent 25 years of my life sucking in my gut. I dreaded having to do activities that required extra gut sucking (like swimming or gym). I used to wear tights under my gym attire because the tights had a nice tight belly so I didn't have to work so hard at it.

 

At the beginning of this year, I quit eating grains, just to give it a try (I had some health problems I was willing to try anything reasonable for). I was utterly shocked to see that my belly, at age 34, finally disappeared. I wore a bikini for the first time this summer. It was swelling caused by eating grains. It wasn't even fat, it was swelling. I don't have a six pack or enviable abs (I don't do core exercises though of course I intend to.. someday... maybe..) but my belly is FLAT.

 

I'm so not used to it. It's been 6 months and I still look at my belly (or lack thereof) in the mirror in the hall almost every time I pass it. I'm not a better, more disciplined, more fit or even skinnier person than I used to be. I've just solved the swelling. If your daughter wants to give it a try, she can stop eating cereal grains (wheat, oats, rye, barley, millet, etc) for about 6 weeks and see what happens.

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#32 of 43 Old 09-08-2011, 01:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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What was I looking for? essentially what the last few responders said. She lives for eating grains..I keep telling her that may be an issue. I need to find some research to show her.  Its exactly what you describe Seashells....I will suggest this. Im more concerned about how SHE feels about it. I NEVER make negative comments.  I was feeling like everyone was saying that it was me saying she was fat or that I was mistaking a bit of flub for an issue. 

 

thanks so much.  And nope the moderator NEVER responded to me or anything. I have been actually quite disappointed in how the forums are going lately not because of my posts or anything but generally.  Sigh....

 

Rani

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#33 of 43 Old 09-08-2011, 03:24 PM
 
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I don't have a 13 year old but trying to remember myself at that age. I think that if I complained about it, it would have been best if my mom just shrugged and said "you could try eating grain free for a few weeks and see what happens. I'd be more than happy to take care of that." And if she didn't want to, I'd drop it. I like the idea of having just a 6 week period because it's so finite. The idea of quitting pasta FOREVER is kind of hard on a person so oriented to it. But if she gets a lot of results she might stick with it.

 

I'm trying to think if I would push the issue, though. I don't think so if the swelling was the only symptom. Not because that's not enough of a symptom but because it's so darn wrapped up in our self-images. I just wouldn't go there. But if she also had difficulty concentrating (brain fog) or digestive pains or irregularity in the bathroom, I think I would make an executive decision as a mom to try feeding her grain free. She's too old to be prevented from eating what she wants when she's away from you, but if you made the change in your house it might already help a little. If I did such an executive decision, I'd only talk about the other symptoms. I feel sensitive about my belly. The things my mom said stay with me to this day. (ETA: not that I am suggesting you said anything of course, just recalling my experience).

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#34 of 43 Old 09-09-2011, 05:27 AM
 
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Rani, I'm sorry.  Though I have an idea now as well.  How does she do with dairy?  I'm seriously scrawny but can look pregnant if dairy and or grains are in my diet.  I took it out and hardly have it at all anymore.  I wonder if your whole family can go without those things for 6 weeks and see if there is a difference.  And once she saw the difference you can tell her why.  Actually seeing the outcome is so much easier to understand.

 

Good luck

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#35 of 43 Old 09-09-2011, 08:45 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks so much ladies..and yes I have been mulling it over. I actually had the opportunity to say something about it last night because it may also help my fibroids too and said I was going to try at least to go bread free and white flour free as a starter...She immediately shrugged it off but she is one of those deep thinkers...she may just give it a go if she sees im not telling HER too..that Im going to do it myself.

 

Thanks again and will let you know how it goes....

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#36 of 43 Old 09-09-2011, 11:16 AM
 
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Good luck!

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#37 of 43 Old 09-09-2011, 11:34 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Imakcerka View Post

I'm not sure why you want this thread deleted. Did you expect different responses? Suggestions on how to get rid of her tummy? I always feel like people are fishing for something else. So what is it you want to hear?

I can tell you I have one kid who is as you describe, and one who is literally a skinny muscle. They're just different. And if the difference is bothersome to the little one I'll help her figure out how we can help change her outlook first then go onto help build a healthy body.

Good luck, by the way I think this thread was good for a lot of mamas


I totally agree with the bolded parts.  Threads like this really help me a lot because I've had disordered eating for years and much of it started in my tweens and early teens due to comments from others (specifically family) on what my body should look like.  I want to avoid this at all costs with my own DD.  My DD is still fairly young (only five) but everyone can see that she has inherited her body type from her parternal ancestors who my DH affectionately refers to as Russian potato pickers.  She is shorter and stockier than most kids her age and has a Mary Lou Retton type physique.  She's been extended breastfed and has a great diet, gets tons of exercise and is strong.  By those genes.  Can't change them.  How she sprang forth from my body, I'll never know!  Anyway, I think that Imakcerka's advice is great:  learning to recognize differences and then helping to build a healthy outlook and body for life. 
 

 


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#38 of 43 Old 09-13-2011, 12:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This is what I mean. I NEVER said I was making NEGATIVE comments to my dd. In fact I do the opposite. I never said it was or was not her genes.  I truly believe its the grains thing as well as her not pushing very hard when she does exercise.  But I don't SAY THAT to her. I do NOTHING to encourage a poor body image.   This is not helpful.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by CatsCradle View Post



 


I totally agree with the bolded parts.  Threads like this really help me a lot because I've had disordered eating for years and much of it started in my tweens and early teens due to comments from others (specifically family) on what my body should look like.  I want to avoid this at all costs with my own DD.  My DD is still fairly young (only five) but everyone can see that she has inherited her body type from her parternal ancestors who my DH affectionately refers to as Russian potato pickers.  She is shorter and stockier than most kids her age and has a Mary Lou Retton type physique.  She's been extended breastfed and has a great diet, gets tons of exercise and is strong.  By those genes.  Can't change them.  How she sprang forth from my body, I'll never know!  Anyway, I think that Imakcerka's advice is great:  learning to recognize differences and then helping to build a healthy outlook and body for life. 
 

 



 

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#39 of 43 Old 09-13-2011, 12:51 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rani View Post



This is what I mean. I NEVER said I was making NEGATIVE comments to my dd. In fact I do the opposite. I never said it was or was not her genes.  I truly believe its the grains thing as well as her not pushing very hard when she does exercise.  But I don't SAY THAT to her. I do NOTHING to encourage a poor body image.   This is not helpful.

 



 


And I didn't say that you made negative comments, Rani, nor did I even remotely infer that you (specifically) were encouraging poor body image.  I was agreeing to the bolded parts in Imakcerka's message and indicating why I think that threads like this are useful to some of us, because threads like this help some of us to take a good look at body image and how we view it, etc.  My post was meant to show you (general you) that a discussion like this is important.  It wasn't a critique of you (specifically you).
 

 


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#40 of 43 Old 09-13-2011, 01:09 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rani View Post

you all still think its a wee teeny bit of flub but its not.  She has a spare tire around her body in the middle..when you look at her from behind you can see it as well as in the front. When she sits down, its very apparent as well as when she stands.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Rani View Post

I was feeling like everyone was saying that it was me saying she was fat or that I was mistaking a bit of flub for an issue. 

 

thanks so much.  And nope the moderator NEVER responded to me or anything. I have been actually quite disappointed in how the forums are going lately not because of my posts or anything but generally.  Sigh....

 

Rani



Can you see how your first the bolded could make people think that you are saying she is fat? I have a belly and I cant stand it when its referred to as a "spare tire" or "flub", Its offensive to some people. However, I dont see anywhere where anyone has accused you of saying these things to your daughter. But saying you are only concerned because she is concerned doesnt seem true, otherwise you would be asking "how can I assure her that this is no big deal" instead of "she has a spare tire."


No one attacked you, no one said anything out of line, so why would a mod delete it for you? There is nothing here that is against the UA and it doesnt seem that you have shared personal information that could be dangerous to you IRL. One of the things that disappoints me about the forums recently is how many people seem to delete everything themselves or ask for something to be deleted just because it didnt go their way. Does not make sense, and is actually against the UA. Did you PM a mod, or did you just ask on the thread?

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#41 of 43 Old 09-13-2011, 04:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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As to me saying that Im only concerned because she is and you not believing it. That is your choice. I don't care for being called a liar either but what I said is ABSOLUTELY the case and is very true.  Believe it or not. I don't really care.  I know what is true and I know what the deal is. 

 

As to why to delete it?   Because its my thread. I started it. And on any other forum I have ever been on, one had the ability to delete ones own threads.  So by Friday, I will delete all my answers and just give up on this thread. Thank you to those that participated but this is at an end. I did, finally get some useful information so will leave it at that. Thanks

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#42 of 43 Old 09-13-2011, 10:14 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama View Post
Can you see how your first the bolded could make people think that you are saying she is fat?
oye vey. i certainly did not come to that conclusion. to me it sounded like she was telling "us" the reader. 

No one attacked you, no one said anything out of line, so why would a mod delete it for you? There is nothing here that is against the UA and it doesnt seem that you have shared personal information that could be dangerous to you IRL. One of the things that disappoints me about the forums recently is how many people seem to delete everything themselves or ask for something to be deleted just because it didnt go their way. Does not make sense, and is actually against the UA. Did you PM a mod, or did you just ask on the thread?

this is NOT good. i absolutely do not like this line of thinking. so just coz it helped others Rani has to give up her rights for the masses. i dont care if she has or hasnt given info IRL. its her absolute right to want HER OWN thread deleted. i personally think she has shared enough personal info that she doesnt want to be seen anymore. yes people change their mind. and they have a right to. i am sure she wouldnt have asked for thread deletion if her original post had not appeared quoted elsewhere. 

 

people on this board have shared some intense personal issues which they change their minds about being public. i see this as one. but that doesnt matter. this is rani's thread and absolutely she has the right to ask for deletion. everyone has the right to ask for deletion and acted upon.

 

where i am concerned - if i was in rani's shoes, i would not want it up coz "I" would not want the chance of dd reading it. "I" would only do this if i was struggling to find an answer and needed help with that. the amount i share and talk about dd is just the tip of the iceburg. i dont say a LOT coz she doesnt want me talking about her in public. 
 

so who owns the intellectual property rights of what one says at MDC? if its spelt out in the UA pardon my question. i havent read it in quite a while. 

 


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#43 of 43 Old 09-14-2011, 05:06 AM
 
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It's the internet... and just because one thread is deleted does not mean it's gone.  It's never gone.  So for future reference all... don't put up something you don't want out there.

 

Sorry Rani if you were hurt by our comments.  However I think quite a few of us found this helpful for our own situations.  We need to remind ourselves that our daughters get their image issues through us and if we want to help them we need to find a healthy way to do it.  I imagine that's what you were looking for.  And the picking at your words did not help your search.  Sorry. 

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