My daughter is very controlling - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 7 Old 08-06-2011, 04:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My 10 year old daughter is very controlling.  She wants to be with me 24/7, I can barely even use the bathroom or take a shower alone.  If I'm texting she wants to read all of my conversations and will even wait until I put my phone down to look through it.  She constantly fights with my 6 year old son, breaks things, slams doors constantly, lies about everything.  She loves to talk to my boyfriend who is overseas at the moments, but anytime I am talking to him and want to have a private conversation, she freaks out.  She will constantly ask me about why I am laughing, if I'm not smiling, am I ok.  We live with my mother right now and if I go outside to have a conversation with my mother, and she comes in the middle, she will ask what? what? and then when I tell her, she says I'm lying.  I feel that she has no respect for me and my privacy at all.  What do you guys think?  Thanks in advance

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#2 of 7 Old 08-08-2011, 11:59 AM
 
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  Hi:  She sounds frightened to me. Worried something

is going to happen concerning you and trying to control

the situation to prevent that something.  At the same time

she also seems to be testing you, pushing your buttons

for a reaction.  Did this behavior of hers begin recently

or has she always been that way?

   Your mother may have insights; possibly difficult to hear

but nonetheless worth giving a listen to if she isn't overly

critical as a rule.

   Is she doing OK at school?

 

  


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#3 of 7 Old 08-08-2011, 06:12 PM
 
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I would talk to her pediatrician about getting a referral for an evaluation and therapy. Hard to say from just a short description but it could be anxiety related behavior. It can't feel good to be her right now.

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#4 of 7 Old 08-08-2011, 06:54 PM
 
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What is her freedom like? I was a lot like that at 10, but it was because I wasnt allowed to do anything. (ie, my mom controlled all my interactions with friends, I wasnt allowed to talk on the phone, use a computer, ect.)

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#5 of 7 Old 08-09-2011, 02:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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She is allowed to use the computer and talk on the phone as much as she would like.  She is homeschooled, but she does have a small network of friends.  She actually prefers to hang out with adults.  She is constantly with me and my friend or adults in my family during get togethers even if there are kids her own age.  The exception is my niece but my sister won't let her come around too much.  She doesn't usually like kids her own age, but likes older kids.  I don't feel that she has been exposed to any major trauma.  Any more suggestions?

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#6 of 7 Old 08-09-2011, 05:40 PM
 
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My dd (14) went through a phase like this, and sometimes still reverts to similar behavior. We went to a therapist who recommended that I spend 30 minutes each day with my attention focused solely on dd, and I have to let her choose the activity. Some days it's really hard to squeeze that time in with her, but I notice that it makes a big difference. Maybe you could try something like that? It makes it easier to set boundaries the rest of the day. Good luck & hugs to you, Mama! I know how hard it can be.


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#7 of 7 Old 08-09-2011, 08:32 PM
 
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I would try a couple things. First of all boundaries are a must.  Your DD does not need to know every little aspect of your life.  Second try for some 1:1 time with her every day, take a walk (with out your phone), read a book together, paint your nails ect.  My DS is homeschooled but sometimes it gets really lonely, see if you can get more activities, the library is great for kids stuff so is the city rec department.  Are you in the middle of a divorce?  Did grandma just move in?   This may be difficult to hear but now may  not be the right time for your daughter to experience you having a boyfriend.


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