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#1 of 54 Old 10-22-2011, 11:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well being the mother of a little fireball like my daughter is always a challenge, but now its gone way too far. She was taken to the hospital tonight after passing out while she was with a few friends. They noticed strange red lines streaking up her stomach while she tried on bathing suits and then during dinner she stood up to go to the bathroom and just collapsed. It's blood poisoning. The result of an infection in a brand on her hip. Yes, it's exactly what it sounds like, a decorative design burned into her skin. She will be fine after a few days in the hospital. Is there any one else who has heard of cosmetic branding? or am I just so out of the loop with these things? What would you do if this happened? I'm so freaked out I'm unable to think clearly

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#2 of 54 Old 10-23-2011, 12:35 AM
 
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I've heard of it. I think you need to have a talk with her.. that even if she's going to go behind your back and tattoo or whatever it is she is doing she needs to protect herslef and the safety of her body. Always research everything more than you feel you should. Never jump into anything. I would find out who did this to her and consider suing them for hospital costs. There are right ways to do things and wrong ways and clearly this person didn't know what they were doing and she could have died. She was lucky she was with friends and not out on a street or at some party where she would have been left to rot and die. And she needs to be honest with you so you can get her help if she needs it. You NEEd to be in the know at all times to save her life. It's a logical thing not a mother butting in thing. Grown ups know this and she is showing an immaturity by not letting you know important things that could risk her life and I'm sure YOU are the one paying for it. Maybe you should charge her for the hospital cost. I don't know how to regulate a teenager but maybe logic and telling her how grown ups take responsibility and ensure their safety is a way to get through to her

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#3 of 54 Old 10-23-2011, 05:06 AM
 
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WOW, I wouldn't doubt this has taught her a lesson.  One it's painful.  Two now she's sick and in the hospital.  All the reasons you'd tell her not to do it have happened. 

 

She just might be the type that needs to experience things to know for herself rather than be told.  Geez mama I'm sorry and I hope she heals quickly. 

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#4 of 54 Old 10-23-2011, 09:34 AM
 
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I don't know if she did this to herself or not, but I would be looking at assault if someone actually did this to her, consent or not.  

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#5 of 54 Old 10-23-2011, 12:01 PM
 
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If she's a minor and an adult did this.  There is no consent. 

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#6 of 54 Old 10-23-2011, 12:30 PM
 
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I have heard of it, and have several friends that have brands and other body modifications. IMO, its in the same category of scarification (where you are intentionally cut in a way that scars your body in a decorative fashion) or stretching your ears out or getting silicone stars implanted in your hands- its a bit beyond regular old tattoos and piercing, but there is an entire culture around it. Caring for a branding while it heals is much more involved and the process last a lot longer, so it would really surprise me if an adult did this, knowing that she was a minor.

http://poundedink.com/human-branding-body-modification/

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#7 of 54 Old 10-24-2011, 07:28 PM
 
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I have heard of cosmetic branding, but I don't think is your real issue here.

 

It sounds like your DD is out of control (based on the combination of this post and your previous posts).  While she is in the hospital I think you need to at least consider a psychiatric evaluation.  You are not able to keep her safe (and this is not saying *anything* about you as a person or a parent---she is just old enough that you can "govern" her only with her consent which you do not have) and she seems unwilling to keep herself safe.

 

I have no idea what is going on with your daughter, but I really think you need to have some professiona intervention before she does something to herself that is even more long term damaging.


 

 

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#8 of 54 Old 10-24-2011, 09:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Branding was something I had never heard of before, I guess I'm well out of the loop as to what is trending now with kids. Sounds like pretty scary stuff to me. I did ask the doctor about a psychiatric evaluation and he said it could be arranged but its really not necessary. The precision of the brand indicates she didnt do it herself so she cant be labeled a danger to herself, and she hasnt hurt any one else so she's no danger to others either. I can still sign off on her having an evaluation but in his opinion (being someone who sees no use for psychiatric treatment) its not warrented. He said the only thing my daughter is suffering from is being young and feeling immortal. This particular doctor has a very strong and complex opinion on psychiatric medicine. It would probably take 4 pages to explain it all.

 

I have my ideas as to who did it for her, but she wont say who it was so I cant do much there. I guess all I can really do is hope she has learned a lesson. I would really hate to see my girl medicated and turned into some kind of zombie.

 

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#9 of 54 Old 10-24-2011, 10:56 PM
 
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Originally Posted by AshleyTiger View Post

 I did ask the doctor about a psychiatric evaluation and he said it could be arranged but its really not necessary.

 


Do you agree? Do you see value in talk therapy? There are options other than meds.

 

To me, it sounds like she's crossed a line from "risk taking" to "self destructive." 

 


but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#10 of 54 Old 10-25-2011, 11:23 AM
 
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psychiatric therapy does not equal zombie. She could just need someone to talk to.. to help her figure things out. This isn't normal teenage behavior.. Granted they did branding 15 years ago when I was a kid but it was rare. Does it even have any meaning.. WHY did she do it? You might need a new doctor. To have such a huge hate for therapy is a red flag to me. She nearly killed herself. She needs some kind fof therapy. i don't mean prozac but she needs some new lessons in life.. working at the morgue.. the prison.. homeless shelters.. something

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#11 of 54 Old 10-25-2011, 11:45 AM
 
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The whole branding this could be similar to tatooing or it could be way more.  I was on the fence and didn't have an opinion until I looked at another thread you recently posted about the bruises around her neck and the guidance counselor calling you about depression.  If your daughter's doctor does not know about this, it doesn't surprise me that he thinks she's just a teenager being a teenager.  If he DOES know about the bruises, etc., I think he is grossly negligent in not immediately referring her for a psychiatric evaluation.

 

Your daughter needs help.  You can either sweep this under the rug and choose to follow the "medical advice" you've been given, or you can realize that as her mom, you know deep down she needs help and you can get her that help now.  Please, please, have her evaluated.  For her well-being and for yours.  There are plenty of treatment methods other than medication that can help her. 

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#12 of 54 Old 10-25-2011, 03:57 PM
 
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Originally Posted by APToddlerMama View Post

The whole branding this could be similar to tatooing or it could be way more.  I was on the fence and didn't have an opinion until I looked at another thread you recently posted about the bruises around her neck and the guidance counselor calling you about depression.  If your daughter's doctor does not know about this, it doesn't surprise me that he thinks she's just a teenager being a teenager.  If he DOES know about the bruises, etc., I think he is grossly negligent in not immediately referring her for a psychiatric evaluation.

 

Your daughter needs help.  You can either sweep this under the rug and choose to follow the "medical advice" you've been given, or you can realize that as her mom, you know deep down she needs help and you can get her that help now.  Please, please, have her evaluated.  For her well-being and for yours.  There are plenty of treatment methods other than medication that can help her. 



ITA agree with this post and cannot overstand how important it is that you get your DD help.  She has a history of self-harmful decisions (she is now hospitalized, you have seen bruises, etc...). 

 

And in my previous post in no way did I mean to imply that branding is a common teen thing.  My husband and I both have tattos and have had "alterative" piercings in the past so I know about branding, but it is NOT a common teen thing. 

 

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#13 of 54 Old 10-25-2011, 05:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm a firm believer in time healing all wounds, and I dont really trust psychiatrists, I think alot of them just like to prescribe meds because they are invested in pharmaceutical companies and/or certain medications. I did go ahead and sign off on the evaluation, and its going to be on the patient record as against medical advice (something I'm sure will be used against me sooner or later). I did tell the doctor about the bruises and he just said that she's experimenting with alternative sexual practices and its not unheard of. Boy do I feel really unaware of the world right now. First branding as a body art, then strangulation as a sexual practice. I did find out that the brand is the Japanese symbol for "the bad guy/villain" and there's a plan to get the symbol for "fall into ruin" tattooed on her other hip.

 

and @ APToddlerMama this doctor is an ER physician, he knows nothing about my daughter except what is on her medical file (mostly a series of bizzare accidents). He's also known for vehemently recommending against psychiatric treatment

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#14 of 54 Old 10-25-2011, 06:13 PM
 
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I'm a firm believer in time healing all wounds, and I dont really trust psychiatrists, I think alot of them just like to prescribe meds because they are invested in pharmaceutical companies and/or certain medications. I did go ahead and sign off on the evaluation, and its going to be on the patient record as against medical advice (something I'm sure will be used against me sooner or later). I did tell the doctor about the bruises and he just said that she's experimenting with alternative sexual practices and its not unheard of. Boy do I feel really unaware of the world right now. First branding as a body art, then strangulation as a sexual practice. I did find out that the brand is the Japanese symbol for "the bad guy/villain" and there's a plan to get the symbol for "fall into ruin" tattooed on her other hip.

 

and @ APToddlerMama this doctor is an ER physician, he knows nothing about my daughter except what is on her medical file (mostly a series of bizzare accidents). He's also known for vehemently recommending against psychiatric treatment



So I don't understand...she is having a psych eval or not?  I agree that I don't trust all psychiatrists either, however, you can have her evaluated by a psychologist who is completely unable to prescribe medications.  That person would have no other motive for any diagnosis such as pushing meds.  If you haven't already, please consider this.

 

This doctor is so far off base I can hardly believe it.  I've worked with teens in the foster care system as well as young teen parents and at risk youth and teens in the juvenile justice system as a social worker.  I've seen some pretty wild stuff and not too much surprises me in terms of teen behavior.  However, your doctor is *totally* missing the mark.  How the f-word seriously does he know that she's experimenting with alternative sexual practices?  Did she tell him that?  How does he know she wasn't physically abused by someone?  How does he know she wasn't trying to strangle herself or some other form of self-harm?  I mean really.  How does he know?  My frustration is at him, not you, by the way.  I think you are being given horrible advice.  The branding concerns me far less than the bruises, but the behaviors together are serious, serious red flags.  If you do not get her help right away, you could easily end up with a *very* bad outcome.  Please consider on-going therapy for her.  Again, a therapist would not have a motive such as medication.  This isn't typical teen behavior, period.  No matter what you hear on Good Morning America or from this doctor, healthy and emotionally well teenagers are not doing things like this. 

 

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#15 of 54 Old 10-25-2011, 06:42 PM
 
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Just have to add one more thing.  As far as time healing all wounds, I don't mean to scare you, but really you may very well not have time on your side.  Your daughter may do something to herself that is not reversible.  You don't know where these bruises are coming from either, which means that someone else, like her boyfriend, may do something to her that is not reversible.   Choking is frequently viewed as the most dangerous and violent form of abuse, often one step before actually strangling someone to death.  Something may happen and she may never have the chance for time to heal her wounds.  Not that I believe time really heals some of the deepest wounds anyhow.  Time improves some things.  Other things only improve with outside help.  Good luck. 

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#16 of 54 Old 10-25-2011, 10:01 PM
 
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It sounds like she could benefit from talk therapy, IMHO. Please understand that I am no expert on the topic but experimenting with violent sexual practices at any age is a red flag for physical or mental abuse from another. It may not be her current partner but an old one she may be trying to work through. I'm not saying to medicate her ... just give her regular access to a therapist so she can discuss topics that she isn't able to communicate with anyone else. Sometimes abusive sexual relations are an attempt at regaining something that was lost ...

 

I'd also be concerned with the branding of negative phrases. It is literally labeling oneself. The power of language is great. If you say something negative over and over to yourself you will believe it. Ditto with positive phrases. If she branded herself with some symbol that means "I am awesome" then I would agree that the branding is less of a deal. But she is either marking herself with the label of a "bad man" or she is becoming the bad man herself. These are formative years and to mark herself with such a strong negative sign will ultimately remind her of the way she thinks of herself now and continue to reinforce it.

 

I'm not saying that all of this will add up to your daughter jumping off a bridge. I'm just saying that you have the opportunity NOW to show her that life doesn't have to be this way. Why not give her a shot at a more stable emotional life by giving her an alternative (and trained) resource? But most importantly don't expect a better outcome or progress that is visible to you from it, just give it to her and let her run with it. It might take a little bit to kick in and by that time she may be out of the house ... but it will be there. It took me a few years to click together all I've learned from therapists but they sit in your head like old cooking recipes. You make it your own after awhile.

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#17 of 54 Old 10-25-2011, 11:18 PM
 
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Time does not heal chemical imbalances. Time does not cure all depression nor does it cure physical abuse. Most adults remember being rape molested as a child or younger person and it affects them to this day. She needs help. She is labeling herself as evil. She wants more tattoos to say how she feels about herself. I mean you are there and you know best.. but she seems awfully young to be letting a man choke her to near death.. maybe this is the same guy giving her third degree burns. maybe she did it to cover some sort of other abuse. I don't know. Believe me at 16 I was ready to kill myself. At 35 nothing has changed. Time didn't cure everything.

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#18 of 54 Old 10-26-2011, 11:02 AM
 
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Would time have healed blood poisioning? Would time heal an infected branding? No. This kid needs help (be it medication or not), and Im telling you this as someone who doesnt bat an eye at bizarre forms of body modification OR people choking each other during sex. Both have their time and place: with education about how to care for your own body, with a will to take care of yourself and with a healthy mindset. None of which she seems to have at the moment. Please dont let your kid wind up making decisions that could kill or injure her for the rest of her life because you cant trust big pharma.

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#19 of 54 Old 10-27-2011, 06:08 PM
 
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Mama, please understand that your child is in serious jeopardy.  I just looked back at your other thread (about the bruises on her neck), and I will reiterate her what I said in that thread:  you may not have time to let time heal this "wound."  You don't know what her wounds are or why she has them.  What you do know is that you have a child who could have died from her behavior, a child who is leaving a trail of bread crumbs for you to see, and a child who is at risk of suicide.  Not time to play around with reservations about The Establishment.  I completely understand your hesitation to take her to a therapist you don't trust.  Instead, keep shopping until you find one that's a good match.

 

As I said in the other thread, parents of children who have completed suicides would trade their own lives to have had some indication that their child was in such emotional distress.  Please listen to what your daughter is saying with her behavior.  Her life depends on it.

 

And before anyone flames me for being alarmist, please look at the other thread from this mom called "I feel like I have a crisis situation on my hands."  She does.

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#20 of 54 Old 10-28-2011, 08:37 AM
 
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And before anyone flames me for being alarmist, please look at the other thread from this mom called "I feel like I have a crisis situation on my hands."  She does.



I don't think anyone will flame you in this situation--- it is alarming.  OP, we'd love an update about how you and your DD are doing.  Sending her healthy, healing vibes.


 

 

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#21 of 54 Old 10-28-2011, 03:48 PM
 
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And before anyone flames me for being alarmist, please look at the other thread from this mom called "I feel like I have a crisis situation on my hands."  She does.


I agree. I know two moms who buried their children young -- one because he committed suicide at 17, and the other because he became involved in drugs was murdered at 22.

 

Time doesn't heal all wounds. Sometimes, the wounds just get bigger until the person is gone. And I don't know that either of those mothers will ever really have peace about their children. I don't think that losing a child so young and so needlessly is something that a mother ever completely heals from.

 


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#22 of 54 Old 10-29-2011, 10:57 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I noticed some one here asked for an update, so here it is.

My daughter did have an evaluation by a psychiatrist, and she is confused by my daughter. She explained that even though what my daughter does indicates some kind of problem exists, she is calm and rational and doesnt display any symptoms of anything worse than teen angst when she speaks. I was given a list of therapists who specialize in difficult cases, like my daughter. No I'm not offended that she called her difficult, I know she can be, and I also know that there are some things that she just will not talk about, like she is trying to pretend that they didnt happen. No one ever gets the full story, except the best friend that she has had for years. She is now home and, aside from some pain from the brand, is doing just fine.

 

I've been thinking for days, and I think I know exactly what the "wound" is. She went off the rails about a year and a half ago, well she was always a little crazy, but it was normally nothing worse that refusing to listen, constant disregard for rules, and the occasional dissapearing act. About a year and a half ago, 2 girls that she thought were her friends turned on her and started spreading nasty rumors etc. about her. And about a year ago she was involved with a young man for nine months before he died. It was a mysterious death but has never been investigated fully. This also explains the brand partially, he was Japanese, the one who inspired her to take classes on the Japanese language. She save all the money she could and paid over $200 for the first course. I'd willingly pay for her to take the second, she's actually really passionate about it. I know she visits his grave at least every other day, but the mention of his name is enough to make her leave the room, or the house, or change the subject completely. I thought that meant she was over it, but maybe I was wrong.

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Thanks for the update. I've been thinking about you. It sounds like you are digging a little deeper and that is great. Perhaps switch to a talk therapist that doesn't prescribe meds. A psychiatrist is primarily interested in medications and their effects. They can help but they don't really provide talk therapy and that is essential with or without meds. It took me awhile to figure out the difference. If you are on an HMO you probably don't even need a referral as the mental healthcare laws have changed, greatly. Visiting a grave so frequently a year after his death is concerning to me.

 

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Thanks so much for the update. I will keep you and your daughter in my thoughts.  Your DD sounds in a lot of pain and I hope, with the help of a professional, she can get through that.


 

 

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#25 of 54 Old 10-29-2011, 08:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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 Visiting a grave so frequently a year after his death is concerning to me.

 

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It hasnt yet been a year, she met him and became involved romantically with him nearly a year ago. It's been barely 3 months since his death. I know they were very close, I almost want to say they were in love but I dont know how true that can be when she was so young. He was too for that matter but he was a older than her. I know she misses him terribly, she must. Its led to a dramatic upswing in the length and intensity of her personal work outs, and as such she's lost huge amounts of weight. She looks scary skeletal now. I know she needs to talk about it and deal with it but she refuses to even act like it happened.

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#26 of 54 Old 10-30-2011, 11:55 AM
 
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Thank you for the update...you all have lots of folks sending you good thoughts.


Did the doctor not notice how thin she is?


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#27 of 54 Old 10-30-2011, 06:12 PM
 
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AshleyTiger-- Thank you for updating us.  You may be surprised that your daughter might actually talk with a therapist even if she won't share with friends/family.  Sometimes it is easier talking to someone who you don't know and who doesn't know the people you're talking about and who you know isn't going to tell anyone else.  Therapists are pretty well trained in helping those who may not feel too comfortable discussing their issues.  You may want to suggest it and ask your daugher what type of person she'd feel most comfortable with.  Male/female?  Younger/older?  etc... Sounds like she really desperately needs someone who she can discuss all of this with. 

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#28 of 54 Old 11-02-2011, 08:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well I did some thorough research, compiled a list of therapists that spans all gender and age categories, and sat down with my daughter to have a talk. I asked her if she would be interested in trying at least a couple sessions of therapy and told her that she has options and we can look as long as we need to so we can find one she likes. She flat out refused. I asked why she was so determined against it, and her response was that its because his death was her fault, she could have prevented it and she deserves to suffer for not saving him. Then she walked out of the house (as is so common when his name is brought up). So I guess that's where it gets left, until she wants help to move on from this I guess I cant really force her into therapy. Thanks for all the advice every one, I guess this isnt an easy one to solve.

 

 

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#29 of 54 Old 11-03-2011, 08:51 AM
 
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 I asked her if she would be interested in trying at least a couple sessions of therapy and told her that she has options and we can look as long as we need to so we can find one she likes.

 

 


 

When I was concerned about my own DD, I didn't ASK if she was interested in counseling. I learned back when my kids were toddlers to tell, not ask, when I wanted a specific outcome. I researched our options for therapist, made an appointment, and then sat my DD down and very gently told her about it.

 

I know that in my city is there is a teen grief support group.

 

There are a lot of options for your DD, but unless you decide to make something positive happen for her, I suspect you can get used to calls from the school, the police, and the hospitals. Hopefully, she won't actually kill or maim herself before she gets some help.

 

No, she doesn't want help. She wants to keep hurting herself, over and over, and in new and different ways. She is a danger to herself.


but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

Linda on the move is online now  
#30 of 54 Old 11-03-2011, 12:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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There is only one teen support group in our area, and I highly doubt they would take her back. When I sent her there the first (and last) time, she walked out not even an hour into the meeting. She told the kids there to quit complaining about being bullied, grow a spine, and deal with it and quit running to every adult because some one hurt their feelings. She told them they knew nothing of how horrible life can be. Then walked out. I see forcing her into something as the worst thing to do. with her personality she'll go against it, no matter what. I could tell her she's going to a Marilyn Manson concert, and if it seemed like I was forcing her to go, she'd suddenly hate the idea. There isnt a person in this world that could make her do anything. Inpatient wouldnt do much either, she would either fake her way into seeming "better" to get let out, or they would have to keep her there for life.

 

I get what you're saying Linda, but every child is different, and I doubt your DD was blaming herself for some one else dying. (if she was I apologize for making assumptions) There is something about that kind of guilt and greif that makes it so much harder to let go. I know because that's what I went through when my brother died. I'm over now, and have been for some time, but that's just it, it takes time. Inpatient is the very last resort I would use, and I'm scared I'll have to because I dont know if time is on my side

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