In a nutshell, the difference for me btw parenting a teen and a child - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 14 Old 11-19-2011, 10:00 AM - Thread Starter
 
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For me, it's that I no longer no longer have to fight the urge to sneak into my child's room at night to kiss him.

 

Thoughts?  I never thought I would feel this way redface.gif


 sleepytime.gif I got tired of my signature, but I still love my children and husband and miss my little brotherkid.gif

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#2 of 14 Old 11-19-2011, 01:23 PM
 
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My child has always been interesting to me but I find him even more so as the teen years are coming to a close.  He still reflects a lot of his father and I but he is evermore his own person and I love that.  

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#3 of 14 Old 11-21-2011, 10:05 AM
 
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Logic and reason no longer exist!

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#4 of 14 Old 11-24-2011, 03:26 AM
 
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Parenting a teen is less physically exhausting than parenting young children; it also requires more subtlety, is more complex, and (for me) is even more interesting.

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#5 of 14 Old 11-24-2011, 09:45 AM
 
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Parenting teens is mentoring and modeling; it's telling your views and listening to theirs.  It's watching and listening to them figuring out the maze to who they are apart from you.  I love the teen years. 

 

Chris

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Chris--extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering, babywearing, co-sleeping, APing, CLW, homeschooling before any of this was a trend mom to Joy (1/78), Erica (8/80), Angela (9/84), Dylan (2/98)
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#6 of 14 Old 12-16-2011, 02:49 AM
 
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My eldest is only 12, but what I especially notice is that he's got a much more adult sense of humour. Also, he may nag or disagree or not listen, but he does see the bigger picture more easily than he could even a year ago.  He's less focused on single things that bother him and willing to compromise in what he wants.

 

For now.  Maybe it will all change?!


~ Yank Transplant to Britain and Zookeeper of 4 DC age 10 and under. ~
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#7 of 14 Old 12-18-2011, 09:58 PM
 
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I have a 12 year old and I guess I'm trying to figure out what the difference is......I am trying to find a balance and let him learn his own lessons and become an individual but it's hard sometimes. I know exactly what you mean. When he was say, 5, I could have never imagined not crying over him not kissing me goodnight......haha I have an 8 month old too and I can't picture him being 12. Isn't that funny? You'd think if you already watched one child grow you'd be prepared or something. I think a big change was when he was 10 and I wasn't terrified of him walking to school. In general I just stopped getting that crazy protective feeling around that year. 

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#8 of 14 Old 12-19-2011, 08:29 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Siouxsie View Post

I have a 12 year old and I guess I'm trying to figure out what the difference is......I am trying to find a balance and let him learn his own lessons and become an individual but it's hard sometimes. I know exactly what you mean. When he was say, 5, I could have never imagined not crying over him not kissing me goodnight......haha I have an 8 month old too and I can't picture him being 12. Isn't that funny? You'd think if you already watched one child grow you'd be prepared or something. I think a big change was when he was 10 and I wasn't terrified of him walking to school. In general I just stopped getting that crazy protective feeling around that year. 



My last 2 are 13 years apart.  The hard part of having 2 kids that far apart for me was having to remember that they were at 2 different stages.  I had a tendency to expect the younger one to act older. 


Chris--extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering, babywearing, co-sleeping, APing, CLW, homeschooling before any of this was a trend mom to Joy (1/78), Erica (8/80), Angela (9/84), Dylan (2/98)
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#9 of 14 Old 12-19-2011, 09:13 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sewchris2642 View Post



My last 2 are 13 years apart.  The hard part of having 2 kids that far apart for me was having to remember that they were at 2 different stages.  I had a tendency to expect the younger one to act older. 


I can see how that can happen. When I first had my second son I felt overly emotional sometimes about my 12 year old's actions because I look at my baby and I remember when he was that sweet and little and I get upset "How could you tell me to leave you alone? I'm your mommy!" Haha. I had to really step back and remember not to take it personally and that he is growing up.

 

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#10 of 14 Old 12-20-2011, 01:40 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Siouxsie View Post


I can see how that can happen. When I first had my second son I felt overly emotional sometimes about my 12 year old's actions because I look at my baby and I remember when he was that sweet and little and I get upset "How could you tell me to leave you alone? I'm your mommy!" Haha. I had to really step back and remember not to take it personally and that he is growing up.

 



It's better now that I have only one at home.  But it still can creep up on me because the other 3 are all adults--2 with children of their own.


Chris--extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering, babywearing, co-sleeping, APing, CLW, homeschooling before any of this was a trend mom to Joy (1/78), Erica (8/80), Angela (9/84), Dylan (2/98)
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#11 of 14 Old 12-21-2011, 08:27 AM
 
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Our oldest is 12, and DH says it's a lot like going back to the toddler years! Some behaviors have re-emerged (in pre-teen form), and we seem to have to return to some methods we used when she was a toddler/young child. I think it's an exploration of limits and boundaries that is the similarity between those two stages & the need for protection and support - a safe haven - that goes along with that.


Mom "D" to DD1 "Z" (14) and DD2 "I" (11) DH "M"

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#12 of 14 Old 12-21-2011, 08:45 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by caedenmomma View Post

For me, it's that I no longer no longer have to fight the urge to sneak into my child's room at night to kiss him.

 

Thoughts?  I never thought I would feel this way redface.gif



Well you posted this a month ago, but I'm curious to know more.  Are your feelings bitter-sweet? 

 

Daughter is almost 17 years old.  What summarizes the difference for me?  Her emerging sexuality.  It's unnerving to me, but it is hers to own.  So what did I never anticipate when she was little?  Suddenly realizing that physically she's just another adult in the house and her sexual ...personality? is not my responsibility.   Her safety is, still.  So, my goodness, that's quite the balancing act.  She's entitled to discover and decide for herself just what kind of sex she wants: with whom, how much, what kind.  I just desperately want her to be safe. 

 

Just as an aside, I do have to fight the urge to work like hell to keep her from ever having a painful, disappointing or sad experience.  And this doesn't particularly refer to the above sexuality, it applies to all aspects of her life.   When she was in 7th grade and having a particularly painful time I worked myself into a lather with worry.  She was unhappy and I HAD to DO something about it.   I had to manage something, do something 'parental' to fix it, make her emotional sadness stop -because if she was unhappy it meant I'd failed some how.  I'd done something wrong if she was really unhappy.  Hoo boy! 

 

Eventually I had an epiphany.  It is impossible to keep my child from ever being disappointed.  And even if it wasn't impossible, doing so would be a very bad idea, it would even be crippling.  And if she's disappointed and unhappy, it doesn't indicate a failure on my part.  It doesn't necessarily reflect anything at  all about me.  

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#13 of 14 Old 12-21-2011, 12:43 PM
 
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The difference hmmm... my 7 yr old likes to chat in the mornings and my 15 yr old late at night.

 

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#14 of 14 Old 12-22-2011, 07:23 AM
 
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When my kids were little, they wanted to spend every minute with me and didn't care what we were doing. They loved helping with housework, they were happy with simple things. Now they are really pulling away, which is normal, but I find that working at connecting with them is really my job now. Meeting them where they are -- being flexible about how I spend time with them. DH and I were just talking about this this morning -- about the need to plan family activities they will like and require they come along.

 

Closeness was easier when they were little, now we have to work at it.

 

On the up side, I love that my kids are so independent!  I love that I can leave them at home on their own. I love seeing how they are turning out. They are such cool people!

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but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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