DD age 9 confessed to us last night that she and a couple other girls in her 4th grade class have been stealing Expo markers from school over the last couple months (maybe 15?).Obviously she'll be returning the markers. The situation is a little complicated because of some peers that are involved - she stole them due to peer pressure and we're working with her to understand that she is nevertheless responsible for her choices. We're meeting with the guidance counselor tomorrow to address many angles... but on our end, we are looking for suggestions of some type of restitution, community service, hard work, that would be appropriate teaching tools. I don't care if it's related to theft, standing up to bullies, or just plain hard work, but I do want her to learn something. Any thoughts?
She confessed? Did you even have to ask her? If she told you without prodding I think her returning the Pens is really enough. If you asked her and responded, again returning the pens is enough. Some kids do not need an extreme lesson. I would be pleased my kid told me the truth to begin with.
Actually, she confessed outright when I was praising her high moral character in another situation. So yes, we really do want to reward her honesty but thought we should be reprimanding the stealing. Maybe not. Thank you for that perspective!
I agree with Imakcerka - when I was a pre-teen, just the guilt and shame of knowing I didn't deserve the praise I was receiving, or that my parents were disappointed in me, was more than enough punishment to dissuade me from similar behavior in the future!
She'll be mortified when she has to return them. That will be difficult for her. You don't have to punish for this. And if you did, it might teach her to not fess up like that in the future, and it was really good of her to do that.
Yes, I agree with PPs. I think her being required to return them and apologize is sufficient.
N, wife to my goofball K and mamma to my EC grad D (July 2010) and my new little love S (May 2013). Exploring the uncharted territory of tandem nursing with my two boys.
YES! thank you everybody. we did tell her she has to return them and she is having a breakdown, and certainly, it is enough. Thank you for all these helpful comments.I don't know how I could figure this out without input, truly!
By confessing, she has demonstrated clearly that she knows that stealing is wrong. You have already done the teaching over the years - no need to rub it in, to humiliate her.
Rhu - mother,grandmother,daughter,sister,friend-foster,adoptive,and biological;not necessarily in that order. Some of it's magic, some of it's tragic, but I had a good life all the way (Jimmy Buffet)