My daughter has always called me by first name - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 31 Old 01-28-2012, 05:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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she also calls me mom. 

I never had a problem with it.  I am her parent but we do hang out a  lot. 

Like yesterday we went to a fun park and played for about an hour, laughing and having a grreat time.  We mt.bike, run, hike, play together  as much as possible.  I also disapline her and am quite strict, therefore she is not a brat and NEVER has we got in trouble for being a brat at school. 

She is 11.

So, yesterday our extended family and our family (3 of us mom,dad and daughter), went out for dinner.

My dd address me as Michele.  WELL, my sil said that is not right, and once her son called her by her first name and she freaked out and told him, 'I AM YOUR MOM!'. 

Am I weird not to care?  I never thought of it until now.

Thanks.

 

 

Mom  ha ha

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#2 of 31 Old 01-29-2012, 05:46 PM
 
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Our kids often call DH by his first name, almost interchangeably, with "Dad" and "Daddy." We've never really noticed it and would never make a big deal of it as all those names are said with love and respect. I have affectionate nicknames for each family member -- to my mind this falls under the same category.

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#3 of 31 Old 01-29-2012, 08:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Makes sense to me.  How old are your kids?

Thank you for responding.

 

Michele

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#4 of 31 Old 01-30-2012, 08:05 AM
 
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My ds calls both dh and me by our first names as well as by dad and mom. My SIL had a major freakout about how I let ds be disrespectful to his dad (she must not have noticed ds did the same to me). I think ds does this partially because he's an only child and hears us call each other by name more than he hears "mom and dad." Also, he is aware it gets confusing in a group when all the women are moms and all the men are dads. Using our names is his way of sparing people confusion. Or getting my attention when calling "Mom!" didn't work.


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#5 of 31 Old 01-30-2012, 08:19 AM
 
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I call my dad by his first name. To be honest in my head it's interchangeable with dad. Sometimes I have to stop myself from saying "my Richie" instead of "my dad." But I do sort of wish I hadn't gotten into that habit. And I love when my DS calls me mama. 

 

Edited to clarify that my DS is just 12 months. I just stumbled on this thread. We'll see what he calls us when he's a preteen. Probably just hey lady, when's dinner. 

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#6 of 31 Old 01-30-2012, 10:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by illiterati View Post

 

Edited to clarify that my DS is just 12 months. I just stumbled on this thread. We'll see what he calls us when he's a preteen. Probably just hey lady, when's dinner. 



hahaha :)

 

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#7 of 31 Old 01-30-2012, 12:18 PM
 
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I think it would be odd to hear my children (11 and 15) call me by my first name (outside of introducing me) because they never have. I suppose my reaction would depend on why the change. If they were distancing themselves from us and then dropped the "mom and dad" moniker, I might worry. I still call my parents mom and dad. My DH calls his parents mom and dad. The only kids we've encountered that call their parents by first names are those from blended families or angry teenagers who don't like their parents and wanting to injure them by dropping the endearment of "mom" or "dad." I'd say it's unusual but if it's how your family has always worked, I wouldn't worry about it.


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#8 of 31 Old 01-31-2012, 07:21 AM
 
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"Mom!" "Mommmm!" "MOMMMM!!" At this point, after I've failed to hear her yelling for my attention, DD will give up and call me by my first name. She also calls me "Mommy" and "Mamma" sometimes still. 

 

When he was about 3 or 4, DS called DH by DH's first name for awhile. We thought it was cute. If it had lasted, it would have been fine. We have friends who have always been called by their first names by their 3 children. 

 

If your SIL prefers to be called "Mom" or something like that, then she's entitled to request her children use that term. I don't think she's entitled to criticize anyone else's preferences or choices, including yours, OP. 

 

 

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#9 of 31 Old 01-31-2012, 07:55 AM
 
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They can call me what they like.  Since I secretly call them obscene names under my breath.  I kid!  They've never called me by my first name but they're more than welcome to.  I tune out all "MOM" references since they're mostly used to torture me.  Again I'm kidding. 

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#10 of 31 Old 01-31-2012, 08:28 AM - Thread Starter
 
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#11 of 31 Old 01-31-2012, 08:43 AM
 
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Straightforward "Mom" and "Dad" here, though when they were toddlers we'd get the occasional hybrid "Honey-Mommy" or "Honey-Daddy."  This was quite a relief, because we were more conscious of how we were speaking to them than to each other, and "Yo, Tavern Wench" or "Hey, Cowboy" would not have cut it out of the mouths of babes.  Not at all.

 

FIL would consistently call MIL by her first name to DH.  I didn't get why this bothered me until just a few years ago -- he died in 2000 -- when we were sifting through our own midlife first family issues.  In some cases the usage could be just a casual warmth, but FIL was a terrified, self-absorbed, emotionally violent man.  Calling his son's mother by her first name to his own son struck me as a possessive claim on ALL her focus, identified her to their own child as specifically not-Mom.  What bothered me is that it was done as part of overlooking the child.  In the OP's case it feels like part of an obvious connection with the child.

 

 


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#12 of 31 Old 01-31-2012, 04:37 PM
 
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My kids call me "Kate".  Dd took it upon herself to start calling by my name when she was 2yo.  Ds just followed suit.  I'm sure they'll be doing the same when they're 11.  It doesn't bother me really, but there is the odd moment when I wish I was "mommy".

 

I remember when I was around 11 myself I made friends with a girl who called her parents by their first names.  I always thought it was the weirdest thing.  It made me think that their family must be really different somehow.  It really made an impression on me.  Well, here I am 24 years later with the first-name-calling kids.  I think we're just a normal family, lol!


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#13 of 31 Old 02-01-2012, 08:50 AM
 
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I started calling my Mom by her first name when I was 9 or 10. We'd be skiing, and if I called "Mom!" on the slopes, 15 women would look - but not my Mom. If I called "Sandy!", she'd look every time! I called her Mom at home, though.

 

Our kids always call me Mom, and they call their Dad "Dad" at home, but he's their Scoutmaster, so they call him by his first name at Scout functions (just like the rest of the boys). If they've been on a 2-week campout, it takes them a while to revert back to "Dad", but DH doesn't mind.

 

As long as the attitude is respectful, it shouldn't matter what they call us.

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#14 of 31 Old 02-01-2012, 11:22 AM
 
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I call my mother mama to this day.  My DH calls his dad Jerry after "Jerry Seinfield", his real name is Paul.  I think attitude is more important than a label. 


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#15 of 31 Old 02-01-2012, 02:28 PM
 
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Calling a parent by their first name is strange territory to me. It's like the Jackson family only calling their father by his first name Joseph and we now see how much of that family turned out.

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#16 of 31 Old 02-01-2012, 03:12 PM
 
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I wouldn't love it unless we were out and my children needed to get my attention.  I would much prefer a different nickname to my real name being used.  It seems so impersonal to me, though I can't say I care what other people do.
 

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Calling a parent by their first name is strange territory to me. It's like the Jackson family only calling their father by his first name Joseph and we now see how much of that family turned out.


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#17 of 31 Old 02-02-2012, 10:53 AM
 
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Originally Posted by MariaMadly View Post

 

FIL would consistently call MIL by her first name to DH.  I didn't get why this bothered me until just a few years ago -- he died in 2000 -- when we were sifting through our own midlife first family issues.  In some cases the usage could be just a casual warmth, but FIL was a terrified, self-absorbed, emotionally violent man.  Calling his son's mother by her first name to his own son struck me as a possessive claim on ALL her focus, identified her to their own child as specifically not-Mom.  What bothered me is that it was done as part of overlooking the child.  In the OP's case it feels like part of an obvious connection with the child.

 

 

 

I can't comment on your IL's and your DH's situation, since it sounds like there was a lot going on there. I'll just note that I prefer MY DH to call me by my first name, not "Mom", even when our children are present and when he is speaking to them. He has a Mom. She's alive and we see her together. I am NOT his Mom, and I think it's weird to hear him call us both "Mom". In fact, when DH calls me "Mom", I'll say something to object to it. 

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#18 of 31 Old 02-02-2012, 10:55 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Apples12 View Post

Calling a parent by their first name is strange territory to me. It's like the Jackson family only calling their father by his first name Joseph and we now see how much of that family turned out.



Do you really think that was the source of problems for the Jackson family??? 

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#19 of 31 Old 02-02-2012, 12:32 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ollyoxenfree View Post

 

I can't comment on your IL's and your DH's situation, since it sounds like there was a lot going on there. I'll just note that I prefer MY DH to call me by my first name, not "Mom", even when our children are present and when he is speaking to them. He has a Mom. She's alive and we see her together. I am NOT his Mom, and I think it's weird to hear him call us both "Mom". In fact, when DH calls me "Mom", I'll say something to object to it. 



Yeah, my DH doesn't call me "mom" and I don't call him "dad." We do refer to each other as such with the kids though... "go tell Daddy it's time for dinner," "Mom is going to drive you in the morning." Sometimes, if I'm sick DH might say something like "we gotta take care of the mama" referencing more my position in the family as opposed to actually calling me "mama" lol. It's what is natural for us and I don't think uncommon.

 


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#20 of 31 Old 02-02-2012, 12:46 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ollyoxenfree View Post



Do you really think that was the source of problems for the Jackson family??? 



Yeah...Joe Jackson also was physically abusive to his children.  He wasn't a warm and cuddly father figure...he ruled with an iron fist because he wanted to keep his kids off the streets but failed to notice that he was hurting them with his rage.  I highly doubt OP is emotionally or physically abusing her dd.  And also the difference is that Joe Jackson's kids weren't ALLOWED to call him daddy. 

 

My dd calls me mom and has never called me by my first name but I think if it works for your family, whats the prob? I don't go around saying "Daughter!" LOL   And anyway...some of the most "polite" families on earth can be really mean.  Look at Joan Crawford insisting on being called "Mommie Dearest.." didn't seem to make much difference in that family. 

 

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#21 of 31 Old 02-02-2012, 01:02 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MariaMadly View Post

 

 

FIL would consistently call MIL by her first name to DH.  I didn't get why this bothered me until just a few years ago -- he died in 2000 -- when we were sifting through our own midlife first family issues.  In some cases the usage could be just a casual warmth, but FIL was a terrified, self-absorbed, emotionally violent man.  Calling his son's mother by her first name to his own son struck me as a possessive claim on ALL her focus, identified her to their own child as specifically not-Mom.  What bothered me is that it was done as part of overlooking the child.  In the OP's case it feels like part of an obvious connection with the child.

 

 



You know what's worse?  Having your father call your mom "your mother" like it is a dirty word.  THAT is nasty.  Having a man call his wife by her name is NOT nasty, and it's not a subconscious way of diminishing her motherhood.  Calling a spouse by the parenting honorific, IMO, is weird to me.

 

 

 

OP, I don't speak in the 3rd person to anyone (hearing it is like nails on a chalkboard to me) and hubby (having grown up in a household where his parents called each other daddy and mother and found it weird beyond belief and pretty gross as well) used my name, so DS never even realized I had a title.  Well, he did call me "Milk" for a bit, since he would ask for milk and I would respond.  :)  DH told him that he was "papa" so DH got called that...but I never used any of the titles for myself with him.  Just didn't see the point.  So he knew my name is Molly.  Which, frankly, is so close to "mommy" that most of the kids of my friends got it mixed up anyway, and I was tired of it by the time I had my own kidlet. 

 

A few months ago, though, and he's 7.5 now, he started on a kick of using the title.  More than one.  So I'm now getting mom, mama, mommy (cannot stand that one), and ma (b/c I said I'd rather hear "ma" than "mommy").  It's odd!  I blame it on his acupuncturist, who tweaked when she heard him call me Molly, and was stern with him.  I didn't think he'd take it seriously, but he did.  I'm am thoroughly annoyed with her (I was mainly annoyed with her before) as it was NOT her place to do it.

 

 

Lastly....supposedly I called my dad by name once.  I don't remember this.  I guess he was very clear in the concept that I am not to call him by name.  I called my mom by name.  It did start in anger, at 4, when she divorced my dad (for many good reasons, which I was sadly very aware of), but it just ended up being who she was.  She was Judy, and she was my mom.  And I respected her 1 billion times more than I respect my dad, no matter what someone else might think b/c of the name/title I used for them.

 

 

I'm just surprised that your SIL didn't know this about you guys!  My MIL hates it, but she deals with it, since she's heard it lots of times.  (she just about fell over on their last visit, when DS referred to me as "mom")

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#22 of 31 Old 02-02-2012, 06:34 PM
 
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You know what's worse?  Having your father call your mom "your mother" like it is a dirty word.  THAT is nasty.  Having a man call his wife by her name is NOT nasty, and it's not a subconscious way of diminishing her motherhood.  Calling a spouse by the parenting honorific, IMO, is weird to me.

 

 

 

Yes, it is.  As though he were spitting on both mother and child.

 

My conclusion about FIL's language is based on extensive context that would have required a rude thread-jack to substantiate.  Tell me something he has said or done isn't nasty when you've been married to his son.  I apologize if I didn't qualify my opinion enough in my PP.

 

For clarification, DH and I use "Mom" and "Dad" -ish words about one another when we're talking with the kids, but never to each other, even (especially, probably) around them.  I'd feel really uncomfortable doing that.


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#23 of 31 Old 02-03-2012, 05:54 AM
 
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My dd calls me mom and has never called me by my first name but I think if it works for your family, whats the prob? I don't go around saying "Daughter!" LOL   


Funny enough, when DD calls me "Mother" (instead of the less formal Mom) , I actually do respond sometimes with "Daughter". I dunno why, something about the symmetry of language. I don't know when I started doing it, but it's a little quirky habit now. It isn't my usual form of address for her, but I use it now and then.  

 

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Thinking about this issue, I realized that I may not object to my own children using my first name because I've never objected if other children use it. In fact, I've always invited children to call me by my first name, rather than "Ms or Mrs MyLastName" or "Ms or Mrs DH/DC'sLastName". 

 

If all of their friends call me by my name, as well as all of the adults around us, it seems a little silly to insist that they cannot. 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by ollyoxenfree View Post

 

Thinking about this issue, I realized that I may not object to my own children using my first name because I've never objected if other children use it. In fact, I've always invited children to call me by my first name, rather than "Ms or Mrs MyLastName" or "Ms or Mrs DH/DC'sLastName". 

 

If all of their friends call me by my name, as well as all of the adults around us, it seems a little silly to insist that they cannot. 



This is sort of a generational thing. It's not something that was done often when we were kids but I know very few parents our age that object to being called by their first name by children. I don't think it should be looked at as those who use "mom and dad" are being required too. They are just endearments and if a family sticks with them, then that is what they do.


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#26 of 31 Old 02-03-2012, 07:01 AM
 
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This is sort of a generational thing. It's not something that was done often when we were kids but I know very few parents our age that object to being called by their first name by children. I don't think it should be looked at as those who use "mom and dad" are being required too. They are just endearments and if a family sticks with them, then that is what they do.


Not sure if you think that I'm saying that any kid who uses "mom and dad" are being required to do so. I get that these are traditional reference terms, used out of habit. As I said upthread, my own kids use variations of "Mom" (and "Dad".  I'm just saying I wouldn't object if they used my first name, probably for the same reasons that I don't object if any other kid called me by it. The OP referred to someone who requires her child to call her "Mom". Having thought about it, personally I would feel a little hypocritical to go off on my kid for referring to me in the same way that s/he hears everyone else. I am not criticizing anyone else's preferences for how their children address them, just explaining my own reactions on the issue. 

 

 

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#27 of 31 Old 02-03-2012, 08:11 AM
 
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Not sure if you think that I'm saying that any kid who uses "mom and dad" are being required to do so. I get that these are traditional reference terms, used out of habit. As I said upthread, my own kids use variations of "Mom" (and "Dad".  I'm just saying I wouldn't object if they used my first name, probably for the same reasons that I don't object if any other kid called me by it. The OP referred to someone who requires her child to call her "Mom". Having thought about it, personally I would feel a little hypocritical to go off on my kid for referring to me in the same way that s/he hears everyone else. I am not criticizing anyone else's preferences for how their children address them, just explaining my own reactions on the issue. 

 

 


No you are right... feeling a little jumpy right now and it's coloring my posts. Gonna go pace offline and wait to pick my baby up from 6th grade camp lol.

 


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#28 of 31 Old 02-03-2012, 08:11 AM
 
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Originally Posted by ollyoxenfree View Post

If your SIL prefers to be called "Mom" or something like that, then she's entitled to request her children use that term. I don't think she's entitled to criticize anyone else's preferences or choices, including yours, OP. 

 

 



I agree with this. Everyone has preferences on what their kids call them but to criticize another family is weird. If you are fine with it I don't think anyone should criticize.

 

 

A few years ago my dd decided to start calling me Moun (pronounced moon by her but she insists it is spelled moun). I wouldn't mind her calling me mom but I'm not going to force her to use that word. It does confuse other  people sometimes because she will say to them "Moun did xyz." and they don't know she means me.

 

I wouldn't really want dd to call me by just my first name because everyone else uses it and I would like her to call me something special even if it is not Mom. I wouldn't force it but I would feel sad if she just called me Kim like everyone else.

 

 


Kim ~mom to one awesome dd (12)

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#29 of 31 Old 02-18-2012, 03:47 PM
 
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Though I didn't know anyone who called their parents by first names when I was growing up, I have met a couple families over the years who do.  I'm pretty easy going about that kind of thing (i.e. not big deal) although it seemed odd at first.  Just because I hadn't seen / heard it before.

 

And then there's my kids.  They call me Mom or Mommy, but the two youngest call their dad Tom, I'd say about 90% of the time.  I always thought it was because I also have older children from a previous marriage, and they always called him Tom, as I did.  

 

But ExH also calls his own father Tom (they are Sr. and Jr.).  So maybe it's something to do with that, although Ex is not close with his father and the kids haven't seen them interact very often.  

 

However, they do know who "Daddy" is, because I would always refer to him that way when speaking to them about him.  And once in a while I will hear them say it, but not often.  I guess I'm the only one who consistently refers to him as Dad, although I definitely don't call him that!   (One set of my grandparents called each other Mommy & Daddy, & it always creeped me out a bit. . . ) I still call him "Daddy" or "your Dad" when I'm talking to the kids about him.  But when I'm addressing him directly, no.  

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#30 of 31 Old 02-18-2012, 03:52 PM
 
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This is something my mom used to have fits over. A cousin called my aunt and uncle by their first names, and my mom fumed about it the whole way home.

I don't really care, though. Now, they call me "mama" - even the 10-year-old.
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