Am I a hypocrite? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 01-28-2012, 09:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My daughter turned 17 last month.  I have always been open with her about sex.  I also encouraged her to wait.  I told her of the emotions involved & how much it changes things. 

 

Hormones won out...At 16; she told me she had unprotected sex.  I took her to get birth control.  I was not happy about it but hoped she would make smart choices.

 

I am now in a situation of her being involved with a guy in his 20's.  He promised my husband & I that they would wait until she was 18.  I made it clear that I had already looked up the statutory rape laws for our state. 

 

Fast forward a couple of months...

My daughter proudly announces how great sex is with him.  When I tell her how upset I am; she basically tells me I am a hypocrite because I have always been so open about such things.

 

Why she thought it was a good idea to tell me about it is beyond my comprehension...

 

I am so upset that my head is throbbing.  I am a wreck.

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#2 of 6 Old 01-28-2012, 09:57 PM
 
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Is 17 the age of consent in your state?  I wonder if shes trying to rub it in your face if since you brought up statutory rape laws.

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#3 of 6 Old 01-28-2012, 10:01 PM
 
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To speak to your question. No.  Unless you were running around having sex with older people at her age or condoning other people besides her doing it I don't see how your unhappiness makes you a hypocrite.  Even if you are...it's really hard not to be so don't feel too bad.

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#4 of 6 Old 01-29-2012, 02:25 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gilnikche View Post

My daughter turned 17 last month.  I have always been open with her about sex.  I also encouraged her to wait.  I told her of the emotions involved & how much it changes things. 

 

Hormones won out...At 16; she told me she had unprotected sex.  I took her to get birth control.  I was not happy about it but hoped she would make smart choices.

 

I am now in a situation of her being involved with a guy in his 20's.  He promised my husband & I that they would wait until she was 18.  I made it clear that I had already looked up the statutory rape laws for our state. 

 

Fast forward a couple of months...

My daughter proudly announces how great sex is with him.  When I tell her how upset I am; she basically tells me I am a hypocrite because I have always been so open about such things.

 

Why she thought it was a good idea to tell me about it is beyond my comprehension...

 

I am so upset that my head is throbbing.  I am a wreck.



Does she think you're upset with her for *telling* you about the sex rather than being upset that she is having the sex? If she feels you have always discussed sex openly with her but are now upset that she is discussing sex openly with you that may be where the "hypocrite" comments are coming from.


Mother of two spectacular girls, born mid-2010 and late 2012  mdcblog5.gif

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#5 of 6 Old 01-29-2012, 11:22 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by katelove View Post

If she feels you have always discussed sex openly with her but are now upset that she is discussing sex openly with you that may be where the "hypocrite" comments are coming from.


yes, that's my take, too. You guys have a miscommunication about where openness stops and privacy begins.

 

You were open in talking to her, but you don't want to be open back. At least not with the truth is something you aren't comfortable with.

 

You might think about where you think that line should be. Talking about specifics about one's sex life isn't appropriate in many situations, not just with one's parents, but co-workers, etc. She may honestly not get that.

 

I'm sorry you are going through this.

 


but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#6 of 6 Old 02-04-2012, 09:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have never shared details of my sex life with my daughter.  I have openly talked to her or her friends about sex being a normal, natural thing.

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