DS was adopted in October. We have had him 1.5 years. He just turned 16. He is soooo moody. He is my first child and I was thrown into this headfirst, so I am learning as I go. I was his mentor before his mother, that's how we knew each other. There is only 11 years difference between us, so we have an awesome relationship. He tells me everything, he chooses to spend time with me over friends at times, etc.
However, the mood swings are horrendous! I almost feel double hit as a mother AND a friend. At this point, I was his friend longer than I have been his mother. Today, he was having trouble putting his earrings in. He asked me to help. I couldnt' do it, I felt like I would hurt him. He got mad at me, stomped away and told me he didn't want to be around me because I was a wimp. Not acknowledging because I didn't want to hurt him, which I had told him.
I ask him over and over again to do something simple like take care of his bowl, hang up the towels. If he doesn't do it and I remind him, I am told that I am on his case too much. He tells me that I make him have a bad day every day. He said that he's so excited to see me, and then I ruin it.
I just feel crushed.
I have a 15.5 year old son. I'm not sure how to say it but I birthed him (because yours is just as much yours as mine is mine). And he crushes my soul every.single. day. with his snarlyness. I'm not sure how to make it better. But, my dd came out the other side so I am hoping he will too.
Sorry I don't have any concrete advice for you, only my sympathy! It hurts when this happens! My 13 can be moody like that too. Generally he is good natured, but he can say mean things when he gets angry. For example for awhile he jelled his hair and would ask me to help him and if I did not get it right he’d get really impatient and act like you described your son. I had to make it clear that he had to have a hair cut he could fix himself and I would not help him anymore and I don't. But little things like that happen all the time. I remind myself that I was not an angel at that age either. My husband is having a harder time with it. He comes from a very authoritarian family where such beahviour was not allowed, so it is hard for him when our son acts rude to us. The best thing is I just leave him alone when he gets like that. In your case it is difficult because you were a friend not parent to him and we all know that unfortunately people often act nicer to their friends than their family members. I can image the change from friend and mentor to a parent might be confusing for him. Out of curiosity what happened to his parents? The reason I am asking is could it be he is also grieving them?
His bio dad wasn't ever really in the picture, but his bio mom had a lot of substance abuse issues. He actually requested to leave them and come to us, and also requested the adoption. I do think he does miss them from time to time, but more so his younger siblings. BM has taken a huge turn for the worse and cut him off from them, and although we are doing our best to get them out of that toxic environment, it hasn't happened yet.
First, you rock. That's all I have to say. Adopting an older kid is not easy. I've know a lot of people who have done it and WOW! And honestly I have nothing else to add.
Thank you! We took him to the doctor and got him on some anxiety meds, which we have thought he needed for some time, just didn't want to get to that point. And he hates meds. But we got them and it's already making a difference. So much calmer around here right now.