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11 year old addicted to Minecraft

119K views 177 replies 107 participants last post by  maxeshton23 
#1 ·
We enrolled our 11 year old in K12 this year, and they sent us a personal computer( we already had a laptop, but it was not for game playing). Anyway, my 11 and 8 year old sons asked for Minecraft for Christmas. We thought it looked like a cool game and got it for them, with the stipulation that the 8 yo not use the multi-player function and that the 11 yo only chat with neighborhood friends.

I do see the attraction of the game, and I see the potential for lots of fun and creativity. My concern is that it is becoming addicting. The 11 yo is agreeable enough that if I ask him respectfully to come do such-and-such, he will turn off Minecraft and do it, but he rarely does anything else on his own initiative. He doesn't even go to his neighborhood friends' houses anymore to play. I'll suggest that he go invite so-and-so over, and he replies that he's already playing with so-and-so on Minecraft. He hurries through his schoolwork and instrument practice so he can get to playing on the computer. Now, it is cold outside, and I'm not one of those "Out in any weather" type people. I was born in the South and live in the Midwest now, so to me, winter is indoor season. The computer goes back in June, at the end of the school year, but I am just not sure how to approach things until then. My husband thinks I should just let him play as long as he is keeping up with school, his music, and his sport. I feel that there is something wrong with being on the computer every time you have a second of free time.

Does anyone else have this problem? How have you handled it?
 
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#128 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Muffet View Post

I just wanted to chime in and add my 2 DD's to the mix (ages 8 & 10). They love mine craft, as do most of their friends.

My girls only play on their iPods - which is the first thing they are grounded from when behavior problems arise or homework isn't getting done.

I was getting a bit worried about it, until DD 10 came home tonight and asked for instagram and snap chat. Suddenly I'm not too worried with mine craft when compared to what's coming ahead.
So true....
 
#131 ·
I understand exactly where some of you are coming from, we have had to ban it at home, yet our daughter still gains access via other sources. For a while she did stop, her school work picked up, homework was being completed, she struggled less every day, things were great!... yet recently we noticed all of this slip again, and after investigation... Yep Mine-craft, she has been watching it on her phone, she downloaded a copy on her PlayStation, and she plays on her boyfriends phone or tablet "at school" (shocking) She plays for one day when she stays with her father at the weekend, and yet we keep hearing awww let her go it's only once a week! Well that's not really the case it's a whole week of getting a hit however she can. Now her homework is dire, detentions galore for not completing work, yet she tells us she goes to homework club. We deleted it from her PS3 completely, yet after looking on there today it was back.. Now we told her if she was found with it on there again she would lose the console, if this is not an addiction problem then I don't know what is. I see some people that don't have a problem with their children playing, and that's great if they can walk away with no repercussions, but for all the parents who's child's education and social life is being destroyed for this supposed harmless fun, you have our sympathy and understanding. On a constructive note the game is amazing for building a child's imagination, engineering skills, but the scales in our case don't merit us allowing it to continue.
 
#132 ·
As a parent who has four very tech-savvy kids from 11 to 20, I just want to remind those of you who have chosen to enforce strict limits as your strategy for coping with Minecraft's allure that your kids will grow up and leave home and they'll either have had the opportunity to learn to self-regulate this sort of thing, or they won't. And personally I don't believe that strict parental limits do anything much to teaching the skills of self-regulation. As the post above shows, strict parental control tends to give the activity more allure, and to encourage increasing deviousness in pushing and undermining limits, but even if they don't do that the risk is that when parental controls drop away -- say when your kid goes off to college -- that they have no understanding of how to create and manage a balanced life.

I've always worked with my children rather than against them on these sorts of things. My two oldest especially tend to be obsessive in their interests and often get locked into activities for long periods. We always talked about issues of balance in their lives, and helped identify what constituted a healthy balance *for them,* what their desires were, and brainstormed and tried out many many ways to attain that balance. If they wanted to try out a rule or limit or habit for themselves, we'd give it a week and I would help enforce the rule while for that time if they wanted. Then they would evaluate whether it had been helpful. Week after week we would discuss, I'd let them decide whether a strategy was working for them or not, and they'd carry on or change course based on that. Kids aren't stupid: they know they're not keeping up if they're failing to hand in assignments or not completing chores or staying up until 3 am to finish a game. The main reason they don't learn from those experiences is that they may be in a situation where they're denying they have a problem in order to win a power struggle with their parents. In that case they can't admit there's a problem, or they'll lose ground in the control battle.

There were times when my kids were younger teens when I had to non-judgementally let things go well beyond my comfort zone. But with support and problem-solving facilitation that gave them the chance to learn how to self-regulate.

Your kids will encounter plenty of things in life that hold immersive or addictive allure. I think some mis-steps while they are young are worthwhile because the stakes are much lower in childhood and the teen years than they are during college or adulthood ... provided the mistakes are made in a context of support rather than control. No matter what course you take with gaming, I would encourage you to make sure your kids are empowered to make their own choices and learn from the repercussions of those choices.

miranda
 
#133 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by moominmamma View Post

As a parent who has four very tech-savvy kids from 11 to 20, I just want to remind those of you who have chosen to enforce strict limits as your strategy for coping with Minecraft's allure that your kids will grow up and leave home and they'll either have had the opportunity to learn to self-regulate this sort of thing, or they won't. And personally I don't believe that strict parental limits do anything much to teaching the skills of self-regulation. As the post above shows, strict parental control tends to give the activity more allure, and to encourage increasing deviousness in pushing and undermining limits, but even if they don't do that the risk is that when parental controls drop away -- say when your kid goes off to college -- that they have no understanding of how to create and manage a balanced life.

I've always worked with my children rather than against them on these sorts of things. My two oldest especially tend to be obsessive in their interests and often get locked into activities for long periods. We always talked about issues of balance in their lives, and helped identify what constituted a healthy balance *for them,* what their desires were, and brainstormed and tried out many many ways to attain that balance. If they wanted to try out a rule or limit or habit for themselves, we'd give it a week and I would help enforce the rule while for that time if they wanted. Then they would evaluate whether it had been helpful. Week after week we would discuss, I'd let them decide whether a strategy was working for them or not, and they'd carry on or change course based on that. Kids aren't stupid: they know they're not keeping up if they're failing to hand in assignments or not completing chores or staying up until 3 am to finish a game. The main reason they don't learn from those experiences is that they may be in a situation where they're denying they have a problem in order to win a power struggle with their parents. In that case they can't admit there's a problem, or they'll lose ground in the control battle.

There were times when my kids were younger teens when I had to non-judgementally let things go well beyond my comfort zone. But with support and problem-solving facilitation that gave them the chance to learn how to self-regulate.

Your kids will encounter plenty of things in life that hold immersive or addictive allure. I think some mis-steps while they are young are worthwhile because the stakes are much lower in childhood and the teen years than they are during college or adulthood ... provided the mistakes are made in a context of support rather than control. No matter what course you take with gaming, I would encourage you to make sure your kids are empowered to make their own choices and learn from the repercussions of those choices.

miranda
Thanks for that, but we did allow our daughter limited access, Fridays, weekends, to see if that would help and it did not. She is not our only child, we have plenty of experience to go by, our eldest two have not had the problems that we are experiencing now, one in university, one completed university. We have tried many approaches and as I said previously did get somewhere, she started doing well at school and completed all of her home work on time and well produced, not rushed like it was and is now. The game is causing this,because when she stopped playing and watching she did well again, she is allowed to play any other game, they do not have the same effect, which speaks volumes, every child is different we know this all to well from the others, it is not a healthy state of mind to be obsessed by anything, life is about variety, about taking in the world outside not one sucking your brain out from inside.
 
#134 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by JaseMcMillan View Post

I understand exactly where some of you are coming from, we have had to ban it at home, yet our daughter still gains access via other sources. For a while she did stop, her school work picked up, homework was being completed, she struggled less every day, things were great!... yet recently we noticed all of this slip again, and after investigation... Yep Mine-craft, she has been watching it on her phone, she downloaded a copy on her PlayStation, and she plays on her boyfriends phone or tablet "at school" (shocking) She plays for one day when she stays with her father at the weekend, and yet we keep hearing awww let her go it's only once a week! Well that's not really the case it's a whole week of getting a hit however she can. Now her homework is dire, detentions galore for not completing work, yet she tells us she goes to homework club. We deleted it from her PS3 completely, yet after looking on there today it was back.. Now we told her if she was found with it on there again she would lose the console, if this is not an addiction problem then I don't know what is. I see some people that don't have a problem with their children playing, and that's great if they can walk away with no repercussions, but for all the parents who's child's education and social life is being destroyed for this supposed harmless fun, you have our sympathy and understanding. On a constructive note the game is amazing for building a child's imagination, engineering skills, but the scales in our case don't merit us allowing it to continue.
Seems like the problem is with the lying and sneaking and not doing her work, not with the Minecraft.

My almost-12yo loves Minecraft. We do impose restrictions on it because she's not yet great at self-regulating. But when/if she violates those restrictions or ignores what needs to be done, I blame her, I don't blame the computer.
 
#135 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by chickabiddy View Post

Seems like the problem is with the lying and sneaking and not doing her work, not with the Minecraft.

My almost-12yo loves Minecraft. We do impose restrictions on it because she's not yet great at self-regulating. But when/if she violates those restrictions or ignores what needs to be done, I blame her, I don't blame the computer.
As said before, before "We have tried many approaches, and as I said previously did get somewhere, she started doing well at school and completed all of her home work on time and well produced" We would both like her to do well at school, she is a good child, only time we have any problems is when this game is involved, really, she is never in any other trouble, "she is allowed to play "any" other game, they do not have the same effect" She does, she is up there now playing.. She's a kid, that can't stop feeling the urge to use, regardless of consequence for doing so.. Sounds like addiction to me. Games are not bad, I worked in the industry for years, hell they paid me to play games, some of the best years of my life, I don't blame "games" but I can see a real problem with this one.
:(
 
#136 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by JaseMcMillan View Post

Thanks for that, but we did allow our daughter limited access, Fridays, weekends, to see if that would help and it did not.
I understand that all kids are different, and that parents have different approaches and no one knows individual kids better than their parents. Heck, I have four kids and they're all very different. But if you thought I was suggesting simply allowing limited access to see whether your child still messes up, then you completely misunderstood the point I was trying to make. What I was trying to explain was that I believe kids should be a full participants in any limit-setting and should be the primary people making judgements about what their goals are and whether they're being achieved. A teen should be analyzing how all this is working for her, learning how and why certain strategies work best for her, brainstorming new things to try, learning to identify exactly what it is about certain activities that makes them so difficult for her to self-regulate, and figuring out what type of support and accountability she needs to achieve her goals. She should be made to feel successful in solving this problem for herself, with her parents on her side. That's the only way she'll gain the skills of self-regulation. Having top-down parental regulation and pushing against it is only going to help for as long as her parents can control her, which isn't really that long. And when parental support drops away, that's at a time of life when the opportunities for mistakes and the repercussions of failure tend to be much greater.

Your dd may very well not be able to achieve a healthy balance with Minecraft in her life at all. If I were you I would focus my energy not on keeping it out of her life, but on helping her come to that conclusion herself.

Miranda
 
#137 ·
I think this thread must trend high on google searches for kids addicted to Minecraft or something. I have noticed a lot of first time posters responding to this thread and I'm not sure if they've explored the AP philosophy behind mothering.com.

FTR, my kids like Minecraft, but it hasn't caused any problems for our family.
 
#138 ·
Ive been following this thread, and havent noticed that much (did i miss something? I guess i did) Im very interested to hear from people themselves 'addicted to minecraft', or not.....

Im wondering whether i should introduce my 8yo to coding, rather than waste time with the computer games... he thrives on visual patterns, but suffers in a auditory environment. He might be really good at coding...i dont know....
 
#139 ·
Regarding the self regulation thing, I have a very lax limit of 2 hrs with screens per day. I give a warning when it's almost over. If the 7 year old fails to stop there are consequences, like the next day he loses time, or he is prone to fits after too much screen time and if he loses control he has to take a few days off. Then he blames me for letting him get that far. It is a teachable moment about self control and consequences, but it's also teaching me he wants the help regulating it because he knows he can't do it alone. For my son a balance is ok, it doesn't hurt his life outside of that. For others it does and fully quitting is in order. If you listen closely if they need the help they may be asking for it already, but unable to stop something alone.
 
#140 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by moominmamma View Post
We always talked about issues of balance in their lives, and helped identify what constituted a healthy balance *for them,* what their desires were, and brainstormed and tried out many many ways to attain that balance. If they wanted to try out a rule or limit or habit for themselves, we'd give it a week and I would help enforce the rule while for that time if they wanted.

miranda
I like this approach very much. Trying to figure out what balance works for each individual is the art of life.

But i find balance is compromised when you introduce the rigidity of the modern work/school day. If you unschool, then fine. But what of children going to school.(and parents working fulltime) I dont think that school itself represents balance for the individuals in it, but is doing its best for a large number of children at once, at the cost of the individual. Screen addiction, like any addiction, is a way to compensate a life that is already out of balance. So i am wondering how to solve that big dilemma which goes beyond the issue of minecraft.

I think the addictive nature of screen games combined with the restrictiveness of modern life for children is the molatov cocktail so to speak. Then throw in that 10% of kids have adhd,(one wonders why such a high statistic) which i find actually predisposes them to addiction, because of their propensity to 'over' focus. (i find that highly subjective anyway, but it is a diagnostic criteria)

But still, im going to try my best to have this conversation and to restore balance in my kids lives. (for eg, i wish they did their lunch break free exercise first thing in the morning, and not after lunch. Who wants to run around while youre digesting? See, that imbalance right there. My formerly very active and social kid tells me he would rather read a book during the lunch break-who is this child?! Not my child....)
 
#141 ·
My 10 year old has what I refer to as an obsession or addiction to the minecraft game, so much so that he screems and gets upset when it is time to get off the computer or xbox game. He asked for everything minecraft for Christmas, his grades have been dropping, and he neglects himself, I have to fight with him to actually eat a meal, get him to take a bath, or brush his teeth, change his clothes, and even have to remind him to go to the bathroom. I don't like to hear him cry, so I remind him of a time limit before he is allowed to play, and I give him a 10, 5, and 2 minute warning before his time is up. He has gotten so out of hand with his minecraft addiction that I have been forced to not let him play for a few days up to a week. He is currently working with a therapist, for numerous different things, he has ADHD, asbergers, and something called ehler's danlo's syndrome. Because of some of his issues, I think they make him more suseptable to different types of addiction, so I am trying to nip his addiction issues in the but before they become to extreme, they are bad now, but not to the point that he has no friends, and doesn't ever leave the house. I don't want to take something he is extremely interested in away from him. Because of his ADHD it's hard for him to stay focused on certain things, but he loves his game, and I am afraid he will find a different more dangerous addiction in the future, so I will not take it away indefinetly. He gets grounded from play occasionally, but he always gets it back.
 
#142 ·
All three of our kids love this game. My older son (at that time 10)) saved, and sold off old toys, to purchase an Xbox, just because he wanted this game.

He could spend all his time playing it…his siblings (14 yo daughter and 9 yo son) like it, but aren't quite as obsessed.

A few things I have done to minimize the impact is that he is required to do physical activity to earn time for electronics. For him, that means running on our treadmill (or outside if the weather is nice). He also has to maintain his homework (including instrument practice), participate in school, or other extracurricular activities (for him he is on the Math Team, Honor Band, Honor Choir and maintain good relations with his family (treat others with respect, personal hygiene, etc.). Any infractions can keep him off the system for the day. He also has to respect "Time to turn it off" without argument.

So far that works.

I have encouraged him to purchase guide books and 3rd party manuals to learn more without being tied to the screen. He keeps a graph paper composition book with all of his ideas and designs. It also him to be creative, problem solve, plan and think about it to his heart's content without actually turning on the switch.

I chose to redirect his passion and encourage it in a multitude of tactile and inventive ways, rather than fighting every battle with him because all that seems to do is breed more obsession and resentment in the child because he isn't getting his way.
 
#145 ·
My 13 and 11 year old girls love minecraft. They only play on the weekend after all chores are done. I like that it lets them be creative. They also like other things like playing outside and reading just as much so I'm not worried about them bring addicted. I will be keeping a closer eye on them so that won't happen.
 
#146 ·
I'm not altogether convinced Minecraft would be the way for my daughter if she was of that age where addiction and obsession of computer games become all the rage, and popular. One of my sisters adores Mikecraft and been glued to Kingdom Hearts, while the others just aren't interested. It all depends I suppose on how much we limit our children to using computers. I for one intend not to allow Juniper much internet access to online games. This is probably because I have no interest in gaming whatsoever, preferring a life outdoors and, getting muddied up and feeling all spritzy on coming home instead of being chained to the computer like some of my online peer acquaintencies are. I'm sorry, but Minecraft just doesn't cut the mustard of my young familys' out and about lifestyle they've chosen for themselves.
 
#147 ·
spiderpig i am like you. an outdoorsy person, not much into technology except as a tool.

well early on i discovered dd is different. she seemed to get technology - really early on. she was able to figure out how things worked. we did both. outdoors and technology. but i had to accept my attitude to the outdoors is her attitude to technology. as she grows older she chooses technology over hikes. however she does choose friends over technology - so her growing up to be a tv/computer junkie is not a fear of mine.

she can easily go on a 20 mile hike as much as she can spend a straight 8 hour watching her favourite vloggers. she prefers the internet.

so its actually been quite hard having to respect dd's personality. that she doesnt care about the outdoors as much as i do, and that at times she'd rather be chained to the computer. i guess she is more of a reader and the amount of knowledge she has amassed is interesting. she uses the internet both as play and 'work'. she plays a lot of online games, vbloggers and research.

dd latched on to technology real early on. at 6 months she could tell the difference between my new cell phone and old cell phone. she got her first keyboard at 3 months old so that she'd let me work from home. while she never looked at the screen she always knew which was the real keyboard and always wanted that.

so while it was hard allowing her technology - it was equally hard keeping her away when she 'got it' so early.
 
#148 ·
Thank you for taking the trouble to explain. How old is she? :)

Since posting on this thread, I have allowed Juniper to use my tabet which she enjoys, and the game that fascinates her is Candycrush. Which she plays remarkably well and so far has reached Level 10. But I continue to limit use of the tablet unless it's raining, when our kids can't go out and play.

I wonder if there are specially designed programmes for children to participate on? I have a Kindle Fire, the big one, and also an iPad. Both have different OS's.
 
#149 ·
dd is 11 1/2.

hey that's great that she is doing so well on candy crush.

from dd i know that kindles are not that easy to use. but i know from other moms that the ipad has a bunch of kids apps. actually gosh i think minecraft by itself is a good one. look for puzzles sort of game or memory games. so matching games. unfortunately i am not aware of them now that dd is grown up.

i think its excellent limiting technology time. but its also important to recognize personality types. dd finds a scheduled time horrifying. she is not the do an hour everyday kinda person. she is more of a 3 hours at one time and then nothing for the next few days, then again a bunch and then nothing again.
 
#151 ·
My daughter is 14, she said she has played it here and there. I have NEVER seen her on it at all. Instagram, Twitter, and some other site (that I can't think of right now- maybe Tumblr?) are where she is mostly. My two best friends' kids 9,8, and 6 are addicted, the 5 and 4 year olds are not into it yet (they are sisters of the 9 year old). Any time we get together, this is all they do- at restaurants, parties, no matter where we are. The nine year old hat a FIT when we were in a place where she couldn't get wifi (not sure why you need it, but I guess she did).

The parents of the 8 and 6 year old think it's cute. They keep saying "this is the new play date". I feel like the 6 year old is already socially awkward, and way too young for this (but is very big on doing everything his big brother does). They do other things, thankfully (mom throws them into every sport imaginable), but to me, it seems a bit excessive. The reason I worry is because I see how excessive kids are with the net as they get older (adults as well, obviously).

I believe that with all behaviors, everyone has a different personality; children and adults alike. For example, if I decide to have some Oreo cookies, and I take the entire package out and have it in front of me, I can stop at 2 or three. My daughter and my husband cannot. When she was little, if there was a huge spread of dessert at a holiday occasion, she felt it was okay to just keep going. The same with television, internet, staying up late on weekends and vacations, and any other thing she enjoys. This is not a new teen-age behavior. She NEEDS limits. I do not consider myself very strict with her, I try very hard (especially at age 14) to discuss 'doing the right thing'. I go to bed very early; I tell her "I am a grown up, my mom does not set my bed time, yet I still choose on some nights to go to sleep at 9:30. I pick my battles.

I also do agree that too much regulation and limits can bite you in the butt later on. Another friend of mine (with a 13 year old) is painfully strict with her. As strict as she has been with her, she too, would want to devour the dessert table if given the chance. My daughter tells me about the 'little' rebellious things she sees her doing. Right now, they are little things, but very soon, they will both be entering the world of High School, where their ability to self-regulate will be tested daily, in many ways.

Some kids need more limits than others. Some kids can be told "ok honey, no more Minecraft for today", others will pitch a full-on fit. Same with adults.
 
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