Well where do I start? well I suppose I've brought my children up with gentle disipline, & 2 share and 2 be as one [ I have 5 ], quite succesfully through hard times I think.but Ive hit a problem my 2nd eldest daughter  who has a serious boyfriend [1.5yrs] and has been working for the same amount of time, who used to share everything with her younger sister  shes in college, now works and when shes not working shes with her boyfriend or tired, now has hit a big problem with her 18yr old sister about yes youve guessed it the ''BEDROOM'' and borrowing clothes, for years ive stepped back and if they want a messy room thats up to them, if you wanna throw your clothes around the room thats up to you, thinking they would of their own accord want to change, but now big sis has all nice clothes and shes starting not to want to share, and has classed her sister as a theif - and her boyfriend [20yrs]much to my discust has started to join in, and the other day said look what your sister 'STOLE' from you caught red handed wearing a top of yours [picture on fb].
Well it all came to a head last week when this happened, my daughter  going into a rage about her sister borrowing without asking, and the state of the room, I tried to approach this situation calmly for about 2hrs - saying yes i agree she should ask first etc, I'll help you do the room up - paint [something ive already suggested]. I said she should tell her sister how she feels and what the bounderies are for borrowing clothes, and maybe she should spend a bit more time with her sister, like she used to pre-boyfriend, and how I would love to have a sister blah d blah, but no she kept swearing shouting and getting angry at me, i said i didnt take the top, in which she replied your the parent get strickter - well - interesting I said strickter 'No' - WHY? - ''strict at what your convienience''? - ''I know alot of mothers who wouldnt have their boyfriend stay almost every night - strict - strict how?'' - she was saying that her younger sister uses their dad - for phone cred and scratch cards and things i dont know about [ his been a drunk fool who hasnt helped in any way at all with his 4 children - long story. So I as a mother didnt like this slagging off match and told the eldest one I love you both and neither of you are perfect I dont appreciate you talking like this [with her boyfriend joining in every now and again]. Anyway this boiled into me really losing the plot and clipping my daughter round the ear [as my dad wouldve called it ] [I cannot remember a time when ive ever hit her] her boyfriend who ive welcomed into my home and been civil for 1.5 years calls the police on me in my own home - 4ft behind me - and well I told them both to leave and told him not to darken my door again - advice please. My children have grown up to be polite well mannered hard working people - that don't swear or shout at me and visa versa. And Im now feeling like i've failed / done something wrong - guilt a heavy burden all the way through being a parent 'oh I forgot the crisps to a clip round the ear :(.
They are both adults. I would stay out of it if I were you. If they haven't learned how to share, it's about time they figured it out now.
FWIW, don't blame yourself, it sounds like this boyfriend is the catalyst instigating the problems and they need to work it out, just the two of them.
(gender)queer vegetarian artist co-parenting DDs 14 & 11 with DP and TTC little peanut #3