Worried about my 12 year old son... - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 9 Old 08-26-2012, 05:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
paisleypoet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 350
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I haven't been here for a while, but I have missed it!

Things are moving really fast right now and I am overwhelmed and worried sick. My son has been acting like a normal pre-teen, moody and spending more time alone than before, etc. I found out he had a Twitter account, so I snooped. I didn't even really feel bad about it, because he's 12 and the Internet can be dangerous. I found out that he totally identifies as gay. This was not a surprise to me, but I was still a bit surprised that he is so confident and sure of himself. I didn't say anything about reading this, but gave him a lecture about internet safety, using his real name, not giving out personal info, etc.

 

Then one day he got a Skype call on his iPod from a boy (all of his friends are girls), and I confronted him about it. He told me it was a friend that he met on Omegle chat, but he said he doesn't go on there anymore. I had a serious talk with him. He swore he didn't give out personal information, stuff like that. But he's so young...and we live in a small town and I am sure he is looking for some other people like him. But I am worried sick that he is going to look in the wrong place.

 

I also snooped at his Facebook when he left it open, and found some messages he shared with another boy. They were just friends, and my son was comforting this boy because he and his boyfriend broke up. It was innocent enough, but I am worried that he is looking for something too serious, too young, and he is too vulnerable and naive. It scares the crap out of me. I just saw that he was on Omegle again (he doesn't know how to erase the computer's history).

 

I have not told him that I know he is gay. He knows that I am very open-minded and we have always talked about how there is nothing wrong with it. I have never discouraged him from being whoever he is. He has joined cheerleading at the high school this year, and he feels confident and strong enough to not care that people are going to pick on him. He is the first boy ever at this small school, and he loves it.

 

I just didn't realize I would have to worry about sexual things with him so quickly.

Is there a safe place he can go online and talk with other kids? Maybe even other gay kids? I can't let him go to random chat rooms. I think the best thing is to realize why he is doing this and help him be safe about it.


Jade : -Writing, vegan mom of Garrett, Drew, and Grace. Into feeling:
paisleypoet is offline  
#2 of 9 Old 08-26-2012, 09:13 PM
AAK
 
AAK's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Eastern Washington
Posts: 3,025
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 8 Post(s)

I don't know about your specific questions, but wanted to respond about the facebook.  My dd also has a facebook account.  For this priviledge, she needed to "friend" me.  She also knows that I will log on to her page (I know her password, but rarely need it because the computer 'remembers' her) occassionally.  To be honest, she logs on to mine also--the other computer 'remembers' me.  My point is that monitoring facebook doesn't need to be something to sneak around with or feel guilty about.  Let him know that you will sporadically check his facebook and make sure that he is staying safe online.  

 

If I were you, I would check into whatever is available in your area that supports gay children/families/etc.  I would go (without your son at first) and visit with the people to see if they have any advice.  

 

Amy


Mom to three very active girls Anna (14), Kayla (11), Maya (8). 
AAK is online now  
#3 of 9 Old 08-27-2012, 07:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
paisleypoet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 350
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Thanks. I will do some looking.
 


Jade : -Writing, vegan mom of Garrett, Drew, and Grace. Into feeling:
paisleypoet is offline  
#4 of 9 Old 08-27-2012, 11:34 PM
 
zebra15's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: State of Confusion
Posts: 4,682
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 6 Post(s)

http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=194&srcid=-2  this links to PFLAG  

 

What I would do is keep the communication open with your DS.  I wouldn't 'snoop' his accounts on the internet but like a PP said, 'friend' him on facebook and others.

 

I think PFLAG has local chapters and meetings.  I would start there and see if they can suggest support for teens.  PFLAG should have a list of individual counselors that work with families in your situation as well.


Mom to J and never-ending , 0/2014 items decluttered, 0/52 crafts crafts completed  crochetsmilie.gif homeschool.gif  reading.gif  modifiedartist.gif

Seeking zen in 2014.  Working on journaling and finding peace this year.  Spending my free time taking J to swimteam

zebra15 is offline  
#5 of 9 Old 08-27-2012, 11:49 PM
 
zebra15's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: State of Confusion
Posts: 4,682
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 6 Post(s)

http://community.pflag.org/page.aspx?pid=537

 

http://community.pflag.org/page.aspx?pid=803

 

a couple more links for you from PFLAG

 

http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=Resources&Template=/ContentManagement/HTMLDisplay.cfm&ContentID=28243

 

http://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html


Mom to J and never-ending , 0/2014 items decluttered, 0/52 crafts crafts completed  crochetsmilie.gif homeschool.gif  reading.gif  modifiedartist.gif

Seeking zen in 2014.  Working on journaling and finding peace this year.  Spending my free time taking J to swimteam

zebra15 is offline  
#6 of 9 Old 09-03-2012, 02:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
paisleypoet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 350
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Thank you, thank you for these!
 


Jade : -Writing, vegan mom of Garrett, Drew, and Grace. Into feeling:
paisleypoet is offline  
#7 of 9 Old 09-03-2012, 09:03 PM
 
zebra15's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: State of Confusion
Posts: 4,682
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 6 Post(s)

Ive been thinking about you and your family.  I hope everyone is doing ok.  If you need to chat, I'm on here almost daily and can get PM's.

HUGS!


Mom to J and never-ending , 0/2014 items decluttered, 0/52 crafts crafts completed  crochetsmilie.gif homeschool.gif  reading.gif  modifiedartist.gif

Seeking zen in 2014.  Working on journaling and finding peace this year.  Spending my free time taking J to swimteam

zebra15 is offline  
#8 of 9 Old 09-04-2012, 12:50 PM
 
singin'intherain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 877
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Other than making sure he's safe on the Internet, I don't think you have anything to worry about, at least from what you say. Puberty is puberty, and he's going to start exploring. Maybe you could start the safe sex, when you're sure you are ready talks, and see if that gets him to open up about his orientation. But honestly, he sounds like he has a pretty good handle on the whole being gay thing. If his comfort level with being perceived as gay is an indication, I think he has all the fortitude and common sense to get through his first experiments with the "same sex" safely.

Mama to: Asterbanana.gif ,          Augustblueman.gif,              Emmett:nut.gif,              Ruthie: kiss.gif
 
 
Step mom to Malakiesuperhero.gif, Cameron af.gif, and Aurelia partytime.gif
singin'intherain is offline  
#9 of 9 Old 09-04-2012, 01:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
paisleypoet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 350
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Thank you so much everyone. I have had a talk with him, and although it was hard to get started, it went well, and I feel a lot better. The main thing I am worried about was the Internet safety. I discussed my worries with him, but assured him that I love him no matter what and he can always talk to me. He seemed more relaxed and happy after the talk.
 


Jade : -Writing, vegan mom of Garrett, Drew, and Grace. Into feeling:
paisleypoet is offline  
Reply

Tags
Pre Teens

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off