9.5 year old usinge sucide to try and get her way..but not seriously wanting to kill herself - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 9 Old 08-31-2012, 05:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
Thursday Girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Fl
Posts: 5,641
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

where is the handbook that tells you what to do when your 9.5 year old asks you  for a knife or a rope so she can murder herself because she can't finish watching a shows marathon? Seriously. Being told if not watching the show makes her so upset she shouldn't be watching the show at all elicits a " You know I wasn't serious" but now she is occasionally throwing herself into a wall. (which apparently she's doing because cartoons do it all the time.) My first reaction is to say TV is the problem here.

 

she's coming home with all these older kid things, this, a remark about how her sister play biting the babies thigh to make her laugh "doesn't look good, if you know what I mean."  and a few others that I thought were a bit beyond her age level. She is in a class with a possibly more worldly 10.5 year old who is her best friend. She does have a darker sense of humor and likes vampires, zombies and red because it's like blood.


Courtney and Cree, baby made 3, added one more then there were 4, sakes alive, then we had 5, another in the mix now we have 6!

A Momma in love with her Little Women-Jewel Face, Jo Jo Bean, June Bug, and Sweet Coraline.

 

 

Thursday Girl is offline  
#2 of 9 Old 09-02-2012, 06:04 AM
 
4evermom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: PA
Posts: 8,834
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)

My ds isn't so dramatic but he'd say similar things at that age. And although people say to always take suicide threats seriously, I did know my son was not serious. I pointed out that suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem. 

 

With the adult remarks, I'd ask her what she means. Sometimes the kids pick up how to imply things without completely understanding what they are implying. They are after shock value and calmly asking for an explanation doesn't give them that. It gives you a chance to find out what she does know, though. Could mean she's thinking zombies and cannibalism with that one. 


Mom to unschooling 4everboy since 8/01
4evermom is offline  
#3 of 9 Old 09-02-2012, 10:47 AM
 
mamarhu's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: dining at the restaurant at the end of the universe
Posts: 3,077
Mentioned: 3 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 10 Post(s)

My style would be to make a joke out of it. Maybe preempt with comments like, "I guess you'll want to kill yourself, but I am turning the TV off". Or, "a knife would be so messy; would you do that outside, please?" Or scoring her throwing herself at the wall like gymnastics - "I give that one an 8.5 for difficulty, but the scream could have been louder". I agree she is trying for shock value, and if it only elicits humor, the joke may grow old. I would still watch closely for any signs that she is serious, but my kids would have been embarrassed out of it after a few teasing responses. Or at least bored.
 


Rhu - mother,grandmother,daughter,sister,friend-foster,adoptive,and biological;not necessarily in that order. Some of it's magic, some of it's tragic, but I had a good life all the way (Jimmy Buffet)

mamarhu is online now  
#4 of 9 Old 09-03-2012, 06:52 PM
 
Heavenly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 4,923
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

Personally I'd get her in to talk to someone.  That is not normal behaviour IMO.  Those types of comments should never be taken lightly.

Linda on the move likes this.

Shawna, married to Michael, mommy to Elijah 1/18/01, Olivia 11/9/02, and Eliana 1/22/06
Heavenly is offline  
#5 of 9 Old 09-03-2012, 07:19 PM
 
momtoS's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 2,842
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)

I lost my brother to suicide. If my daughter started talking like that I would be very concerned. I would have her speak to someone.....therapist, art therapist someone. There have been children as young as 7 complete suicide. It is heartbreaking....

momtoS is offline  
#6 of 9 Old 09-04-2012, 12:08 AM
 
LLQ1011's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,008
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I feel like this is  an adult joke she is taking into her own context

 

"This meeting is so boring kill me now."

 

"Someone just shoot me I can;t sit through this movie."

 

That being said... I was seriously suicidal from 7 to 10 I used to get up in the middle of the night and get knives out of the drawer and try to talk myself into it. I would also make jokesand bring up suicide to feel the water out to see if my mom would be happier without me and so on. So I def would not reply jokingly about her actually doing it. It will pass. Respond with how beautiful and important she is to you. That can do two things. Reassure her is she is having an issue but also embarass her so she stops.

LLQ1011 is offline  
#7 of 9 Old 09-04-2012, 11:33 AM
 
chaimom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 485
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

If you really don't believe she's suicidal, I would tell her you're concerned about her behavior and references, and fear that she's getting it from TV.  Therefore, you're going to stop watching TV for x amount of time to see if that makes a difference.  I would be really straight-forward about it, but I would not call it a punishment, nor would I engage in any kind of discussion about it beyond that you think TV is giving her ideas for questionable behavior, so you'll see if she changes and if you can add TV back to her life.  I would also tell her that fake suicide references are not acceptable, that suicide is a serious issue and you don't want anymore joking about it. 

One_Girl likes this.
chaimom is offline  
#8 of 9 Old 09-04-2012, 04:13 PM
 
meemee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Norther California
Posts: 12,783
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 22 Post(s)

could this be the beginning of puberty? it all starts with emotions rather than physical development.

 

first you have to decide where you fit in with these remarks. are they acceptable to you or not?

 

dd tried those same kinda things on me - hesitantly coz she knew my bro had committed suicide.

 

i dealt with them in various manners - ignore, joke, serious, exasperation. 

 

she ultimately got over that phase and we are over that phase.

 

one thing for sure was i didnt give her the reaction she was expecting. 

 

i also looked at it as her way of saying just how important that activity was. yeah it was animes online too.

 

so i gave her warnings (AFTER i made sure she had enough rest, enough exercise and enough food) when her shows were going to be over. i made very STRICT boundaries at that time. i dont usually do that. 

 

but i for sure knew nothing was up. it was dd's way of telling me HOW IMPORTANT that event was for her - even if it wasnt for me. 


 treehugger.gif Co-parent, joy.gifcold.gifbrand new homeschooling middle schoolerjoy.gif, and an attackcat.gif 
meemee is offline  
#9 of 9 Old 09-05-2012, 01:45 AM
 
Emaye's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: between beauty and beast
Posts: 623
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I had a friend whose daughter was threatening to jump out of their high rise apartment.  After her Dd said that many times, my friend pulled up pictures of maimed and broken people and showed it to her and said, "You know, there is no guarantee that you would actually die if you jumped. And since you are most likely NOT going to die but end up damaged in some way, I wanted you to see what you could possibly face so that you make an informed choice."  

 

And THAT ended it.  She has never since then mentioned jumping.  

 

Now, my friend knew that her daughter was just threatening for the sake of it.  So, distinguishing whether it is serious or not is really important.

Emaye is offline  
Reply

Tags
Pre Teens

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off