9.5 year old usinge sucide to try and get her way..but not seriously wanting to kill herself - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 08-31-2012, 05:16 PM - Thread Starter
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where is the handbook that tells you what to do when your 9.5 year old asks you  for a knife or a rope so she can murder herself because she can't finish watching a shows marathon? Seriously. Being told if not watching the show makes her so upset she shouldn't be watching the show at all elicits a " You know I wasn't serious" but now she is occasionally throwing herself into a wall. (which apparently she's doing because cartoons do it all the time.) My first reaction is to say TV is the problem here.


she's coming home with all these older kid things, this, a remark about how her sister play biting the babies thigh to make her laugh "doesn't look good, if you know what I mean."  and a few others that I thought were a bit beyond her age level. She is in a class with a possibly more worldly 10.5 year old who is her best friend. She does have a darker sense of humor and likes vampires, zombies and red because it's like blood.

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#2 of 9 Old 09-02-2012, 06:04 AM
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My ds isn't so dramatic but he'd say similar things at that age. And although people say to always take suicide threats seriously, I did know my son was not serious. I pointed out that suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem. 


With the adult remarks, I'd ask her what she means. Sometimes the kids pick up how to imply things without completely understanding what they are implying. They are after shock value and calmly asking for an explanation doesn't give them that. It gives you a chance to find out what she does know, though. Could mean she's thinking zombies and cannibalism with that one. 

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#3 of 9 Old 09-02-2012, 10:47 AM
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My style would be to make a joke out of it. Maybe preempt with comments like, "I guess you'll want to kill yourself, but I am turning the TV off". Or, "a knife would be so messy; would you do that outside, please?" Or scoring her throwing herself at the wall like gymnastics - "I give that one an 8.5 for difficulty, but the scream could have been louder". I agree she is trying for shock value, and if it only elicits humor, the joke may grow old. I would still watch closely for any signs that she is serious, but my kids would have been embarrassed out of it after a few teasing responses. Or at least bored.

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#4 of 9 Old 09-03-2012, 06:52 PM
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Personally I'd get her in to talk to someone.  That is not normal behaviour IMO.  Those types of comments should never be taken lightly.

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#5 of 9 Old 09-03-2012, 07:19 PM
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I lost my brother to suicide. If my daughter started talking like that I would be very concerned. I would have her speak to someone.....therapist, art therapist someone. There have been children as young as 7 complete suicide. It is heartbreaking....

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#6 of 9 Old 09-04-2012, 12:08 AM
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I feel like this is  an adult joke she is taking into her own context


"This meeting is so boring kill me now."


"Someone just shoot me I can;t sit through this movie."


That being said... I was seriously suicidal from 7 to 10 I used to get up in the middle of the night and get knives out of the drawer and try to talk myself into it. I would also make jokesand bring up suicide to feel the water out to see if my mom would be happier without me and so on. So I def would not reply jokingly about her actually doing it. It will pass. Respond with how beautiful and important she is to you. That can do two things. Reassure her is she is having an issue but also embarass her so she stops.

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#7 of 9 Old 09-04-2012, 11:33 AM
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If you really don't believe she's suicidal, I would tell her you're concerned about her behavior and references, and fear that she's getting it from TV.  Therefore, you're going to stop watching TV for x amount of time to see if that makes a difference.  I would be really straight-forward about it, but I would not call it a punishment, nor would I engage in any kind of discussion about it beyond that you think TV is giving her ideas for questionable behavior, so you'll see if she changes and if you can add TV back to her life.  I would also tell her that fake suicide references are not acceptable, that suicide is a serious issue and you don't want anymore joking about it. 

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#8 of 9 Old 09-04-2012, 04:13 PM
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could this be the beginning of puberty? it all starts with emotions rather than physical development.


first you have to decide where you fit in with these remarks. are they acceptable to you or not?


dd tried those same kinda things on me - hesitantly coz she knew my bro had committed suicide.


i dealt with them in various manners - ignore, joke, serious, exasperation. 


she ultimately got over that phase and we are over that phase.


one thing for sure was i didnt give her the reaction she was expecting. 


i also looked at it as her way of saying just how important that activity was. yeah it was animes online too.


so i gave her warnings (AFTER i made sure she had enough rest, enough exercise and enough food) when her shows were going to be over. i made very STRICT boundaries at that time. i dont usually do that. 


but i for sure knew nothing was up. it was dd's way of telling me HOW IMPORTANT that event was for her - even if it wasnt for me. 

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#9 of 9 Old 09-05-2012, 01:45 AM
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I had a friend whose daughter was threatening to jump out of their high rise apartment.  After her Dd said that many times, my friend pulled up pictures of maimed and broken people and showed it to her and said, "You know, there is no guarantee that you would actually die if you jumped. And since you are most likely NOT going to die but end up damaged in some way, I wanted you to see what you could possibly face so that you make an informed choice."  


And THAT ended it.  She has never since then mentioned jumping.  


Now, my friend knew that her daughter was just threatening for the sake of it.  So, distinguishing whether it is serious or not is really important.

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