When did they start shaving? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 37 Old 01-07-2013, 01:02 PM
 
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My DD 15 started pestering us around 11, the summer before middle school. She is also blonde/blue and didn't need to shave, but felt weird about her armpits mostly. So, we taught her how to do that at 11. Well, when 12 started to roll around, the legs became an issue because "everyone else was doing it". So we side, fine, you can shave your legs when you research the history of leg shaving in Western cultures and write a 1 page essay on it. It was a good essay and proved that she understood that widespread shaving came about post WWII and it wasn't a "natural" thing people had been doing for centuries, and she had some good points about why most women do it to be more attractive to men. DD 12 also started at 11 and hasn't started with the legs yet so no essay from her yet, but if she decides to, I'm sure it will be pretty good since she's been a feminist since she was like 3, lol. Anyway, at the end of the day, it is her body, and the most important lesson a parent can teach their daughter is that no one should tell them what to do with their bodies.

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#32 of 37 Old 01-08-2013, 08:54 PM
 
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OP, if part of your concern is that she doesn't realize what a burden it will be, why not just tell her to go for it? I imagine it'll quickly lose its appeal. I understand the concern about peer pressure, but this is the little league. It's not permanent, like the tattoos and piercings her peers will be getting in a few years. Her hair will grow back just the same as before if she ever decides that shaving isn't for her.

 

The best thing anyone can teach their DDs (and DSs) about this is that it's not all or nothing. Most women I know (crunchy and mainstream alike) stop shaving in the winter. Others go through periods of shaving/not shaving. 

 

Most of all, doing things to fit in during the pre-teen/teen years doesn't mean that she's destined to be like that forever. Those years are so tough, and few people want to stand out in a way they perceive as negative. That will quickly change, because high school and college are the years where everyone goes out of their way to be individuals. Be patient hug2.gif

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#33 of 37 Old 01-18-2013, 04:23 PM
 
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Reading posts above I wondered if the issue is really to shave or not to shave or is it "Do we let our girls allow social preassure to dictate their actions?". As much as I like to see my daughter as a free thinker and stand for what she believes... she is 12! she will make mistakes, she might decide to do something she might not really want to. She needs to experience control, starting with her body. If she wants to shave, decide her hairstyle, her clothes, well my approach is "if it is not permanent you can do it" (and appropriate of course) how are they going to learn how to decide by themselves if as mothers we keep on telling them "you dont need to do what is socially expected, just do what I say".  I must admit I am the first breaking my rule, (it is so hard sometimes!) but I try to give my kids ways to control minor decisions...and keep the big ones for me to deicide. Good luck!

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#34 of 37 Old 01-21-2013, 03:43 PM
 
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my dd was 11. she wanted me to teach her, so I did. I don't know if she's still shaving! It's been about 6 months. I think she thought it was more trouble than it was worth.

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#35 of 37 Old 03-08-2013, 11:35 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by coyacha View Post

Reading posts above I wondered if the issue is really to shave or not to shave or is it "Do we let our girls allow social preassure to dictate their actions?". As much as I like to see my daughter as a free thinker and stand for what she believes... she is 12! she will make mistakes, she might decide to do something she might not really want to. She needs to experience control, starting with her body. If she wants to shave, decide her hairstyle, her clothes, well my approach is "if it is not permanent you can do it" (and appropriate of course) how are they going to learn how to decide by themselves if as mothers we keep on telling them "you dont need to do what is socially expected, just do what I say".  I must admit I am the first breaking my rule, (it is so hard sometimes!) but I try to give my kids ways to control minor decisions...and keep the big ones for me to deicide. Good luck!

I'm surprised at how many people let their children make so many of their own decisions regarding these issues at such an early age. I am a firm believer in promoting critical thinking, letting them make decisions and learning from their mistakes. I am a college professor, and believe me, there are too many young adults who have no idea how to make a decision! But I don't think body hair hygiene is an area where 9 and 10 year olds have the ability to make sound decisions (I also question the safety issue here too, I'm 39 and still cut myself at times!)

I guess my real issue is that our society is so obsessed with the "girlification" of our youth. It starts at 3 when we insist on bringing them for manicures and pedicures. Everyone thinks its soooo cute. I think it's nauseating. And the Disney princess thing. And the fake make-up, plastic high heel shoes. Oh yeah, and the 2 year olds wearing $100+ Ugg boots. These kids aren't asking for all of this, without being exposed to it first. By 10, girls want to get their eyebrows waxed. I was probably about 25 before I had my first wax. We need to stop perpetuating this belief that if you are not skinny with long hair and no body hair, that you are not attractive. Yes, it's nice to get dressed up now and then. And I believe it is important to look clean and neat. And I do understand that self-consciousness is important with adolescents. But why are they self conscious? Because the Kardashians, snooki and the girls on nick and disney define beauty for them.

Edited to add: I have a 13 yr old daughter. She has shaved her legs maybe once or twice (light colored on the legs). Needs to be reminded to shave under her arms. Yet, wanted to know when she should start shaving "down there" (her words). Wants to look good, but can't be bothered putting in the effort. Kind of marches to her own beat. I honestly wish she gave her appearance more effort, but am happy she's not obsessed over it.
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#36 of 37 Old 03-09-2013, 10:49 AM
 
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I also have a thirteen year old but she has not asked I planned on waiting until she asks and then teach her It would be awful if they tried without being shown first I think its time Good Luck  It feels like they are really grown up when this starts!!

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#37 of 37 Old 03-11-2013, 12:16 PM
 
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My oldest started shaving last year my second oldest just turned 11 and just started shaving her legs.


Mom to  Rachel 15 Kimberly 12 Chloe 10 and Nathaniel 8
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