Another teen girl weight thread - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 42 Old 02-21-2013, 01:47 PM
 
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There are a couple of brick and motor stores that sell swimsuits in cup sizes in my city, but most aren't chains so the names won't help you. Try specialty bra and swim suit stores. Use the internet, Yellow pages, and phone before taking your dd out.

Once we found some at Sears.

Btw, my experience is that clothes shopping with a 13 year old girl isn't fun for mother or dd, regardless of breast size. This improves in a year or 2. ;-)

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#32 of 42 Old 02-21-2013, 01:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Linda on the move View Post

There are a couple of brick and motor stores that sell swimsuits in cup sizes in my city, but most aren't chains so the names won't help you. Try specialty bra and swim suit stores. Use the internet, Yellow pages, and phone before taking your dd out.

Once we found some at Sears.

Btw, my experience is that clothes shopping with a 13 year old girl isn't fun for mother or dd, regardless of breast size. This improves in a year or 2. ;-)

I hope so, because frankly my anxiety over this issue is always heightened by the shopping experience. My daughter loves shopping and I generally hate it, so that's an additional feature.

 

Thanks for your help. I've done some googling to see what curvy girl bathing suits are out there and I've found some hopeful items. We might end up at Forever 21 this wknd - they apparently offer curvy girl styles so we'll see what happens there in terms of shorts.

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#33 of 42 Old 02-21-2013, 07:22 PM
 
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Bravissimo is not cheap, but carries clothes that are designed for very curvy women: http://www.bravissimo.com/

 

Many swimsuit manufacturers make swimsuit tops that are bra-sized and offer the support of a well-made bra: http://www.barenecessities.com/Bra-Sized-Swimwear-Swimwear_catalog_nxs,121,style,37636.htm


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#34 of 42 Old 02-23-2013, 10:55 PM
 
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Yes, you are all right, I need to get off the large breast issue. It's hard to rock my 32Ds and look good and also look appropriate in my professional setting. I had a friend many years ago who was quite petite and was huge on top and I so so so admired her ability to dress beautifully and always look like a queen. I am in sore need of the budget and sense to do the same! This year we've bought dresses and then had them altered so they looked good, but there's not a lot of $$ to spend on this kind of approach. It is what it is, I guess.

 

 

 

I think this is the key!  I know skinny ladies who don't look great or particularly healthy, and I know larger ladies who glow with life and beauty and always look great!  I wear a 34 DD bra and work in a professional job, and to be honest I never think about how to best accommodate my boobs.  Maybe everyone else thinks I look ridiculous, but no one's ever said anything and I feel comfortable in my womanly body.  When you feel comfortable in your own skin, everything else falls into place.  You can put your daughter on that path.  I, like many pps, think the best way is to stop talking about it, including trying to teach her about how to eat.  Go shopping together and cheerily buy her some low rise jeans - wearing things that embarrass us later is what being 13 is all about!

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#35 of 42 Old 02-24-2013, 05:32 AM
 
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ITA with those who say that you need to just back off. Model healthy eating and behavior. As for the candy, cookies, etc.? I found it better to encourage a "moderation in everything" outlook was better than banning any single type of food. I've found that the latter tends to encourage binging on the forbidden food, whereas (in most cases) allowing it to a reasonable degree led to more reasoned consumption. (Note - there are, of course, people who simply cannot control themselves - my ex is one of them). 

 

As for your daughter... Stop stressing over her weight/body. It sounds as though it bothers you more than it does her. ]As for the clothes she wants? Eh... don't sweat it - as a pp stated, 13 is a time when you wear stuff that will embarrass you in years to come. If she is confident in herself, she'll pull it off. Or she will learn what looks better on her. There are some beautiful clothes for larger women. It's really a matter of having a sense of style. I don't. My daughter does. LOL SHE takes ME shopping. 

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#36 of 42 Old 02-24-2013, 08:17 AM
 
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This thread has me livid.  kareneb, I think that everything you have said in this thread and the things you say to your daughter, are just awful.  I think that instead of taking her to her psychiatrist, you should get one and deal with your extreme body-controlling, eating disorder issues.  Focusing on your daughter's body parts is way more dangerous than some 13 year old belly chunk (which most of the time goes away, she is not even close to full grown yet).  You are at great risk to turn her into an anorexic or bulimic.  Perhaps that is the only way you will feel happy and proud of her body though.  At least that is what it sounds like.  Focus on your own self and leave her alone.  

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#37 of 42 Old 02-24-2013, 04:56 PM
 
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I think the best way to approach this is from a fitness standpoint. Forget about trying to control her portions and forget about what her belly or her breasts look like and for heaven's sake don't say anything about her appearance unless it's something positive or something easily fixable ("hey, let me tuck your tag in").

 

Focus on fitness. You said she won't exercise. Well, walk with her. Sign her up for yoga. See if you can get her and her friends into a Zumba class. Focus on fitness for HEALTH and food for HEALTH — completely forget about weight and shape. That is not important at all. If she's eating healthy foods and exercising that's all that is important. There are plenty of big women out there who are very healthy like the olympic swimmer Leisel Jones from Australia who was called fat in the media (she won a Gold). You can't get much healthier than an Olympic swimmer!! Certainly she's more fit than the stick models that advertising agencies would tell us we need to emulate.

 

Your daughter needs to hear from you that the media portrayal of women is screwed up and that being healthy is what she needs to be concerned about. It sounds like she's doing a great job ignoring the voices out there that torment so many girls and women and tell them they're not good enough, not skinny enough, etc. She definitely does need to hear positive messages about healthy eating habits and healthy exercise. You can help by exercising with her and only buying sweets and junk food like chips and cheetos and sodas occasionally. I don't think you need to eliminate junk food altogether, but don't have it in the house all the time either. Save it for a special occasion.

 

As far as the too short-shorts and too sexy clothes you might want to talk to her about the media's portrayal of women. I would not let my kids buy short shorts with "juicy" across the butt, but they wouldn't want to anyway. You might look into some resources for talking to your dd about feeling good about herself (sounds like she's got this one down, which is awesome); being fit and making healthy choices (only gets more important as she gets older and drugs and alcohol are out there); and the way women are portrayed in the media (often too sexy, too airbrushed, too skinny, too b!tchy, too demeaning). If you and she haven't seen the Dove Real Beauty Campaign video of how fake the cover girl look is that's a great place to start from. Dove has a good kit for talking to your daughter about these kinds of issues, too. As an adult you might be interested in http://www.missrepresentation.orghttp://dayofthegirl.orghttp://thebravediscussion.comhttp://www.webmd.com/healthy-beauty/features/helping-girls-with-body-imagehttp://www.apa.org/pi/women/programs/girls/report.aspx and I know there are many more resources out there too.

 

I have NEVER talked to my kids about their weight in anything but a positive way and I have never talked about my weight much at all, but I have had hundreds of conversations about good food and healthy habits and getting plenty of exercise and not being a couch potato over the years. That's what you need to talk about and you can't talk about her w/o talking about yourself, so be sure to practice what you preach.

 

There are so many great ways to exercise. My dd1 is into rock climbing lately. Walking, bike-riding, hiking, geo-caching, Wii, Zumba, dance, ultimate frisbee, canoeing, swimming, etc, are all great activities to build fitness levels. Maybe you want to sign up for a couch to 5K program as a family. 

 

I know you want her to not be overweight and unhealthy, but you're focusing on her shape and weight when you should be focusing on everyone in your family getting fit. Your discussion needs to be framed around getting healthy and you probably need to do it yourself, too. Maybe you can use yourself as an excuse and ask her to be your workout buddy.

 

 

Good luck!!

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#38 of 42 Old 02-24-2013, 07:30 PM
 
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nevermind.
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#39 of 42 Old 03-08-2013, 09:40 AM
 
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Lots of great discussion and advice on this thread.  Thanks for being so open about your feelings with us, OP. 
 

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#40 of 42 Old 04-05-2013, 12:23 PM
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Kareneb - you are doing a superb job!  

 

I love love love your honesty about your feelings and how to convey to your daughter how you feel without traumatizing her. 

 

The fact that you are concerned is right where you should be.   More parents should have these talks with their sons and daughters.  More parents should educate themselves on what they are eating.  

 

A teenager shouldn't have a gut.  As long as they aren't preparing for a growth spurt.  Most of my kids grew out before they grew up.  But on the whole - teenagers should NOT have a gut.  

 

I think it is wonderful that you are educating her.   And Beanma is on the money with the fitness advice.  

 

edited to add:

 

I do not buy shorts for her that stop at her panty line.  Her shorts come down onto her thigh.  She's 17


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#41 of 42 Old 04-05-2013, 01:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the support. It's probably time for an update to this thread anyway.

 

So I think I wrote that we went to the ped for her annual well child check-up and the ped noted that her BMI is at the 90th percentile. So that's technically overweight. The ped talked to her about growing into her womanly body and learning to eat healthy. My daughter asked questions about how to get a faster metabolism and the ped responded with a comment on how kids with fast metabolisms often grow up to be heavy adults because they don't learn important lessons about limiting intake and making healthy choices until it's too late. My daughter and I have talked about this more - I think she's at a perfect moment in her life to do some experimenting with her food choices and see where they lead.

 

In the weeks since that meeting she has seemed to become much more aware of her body and what she puts in it. She is actively asking me about what foods are "fattening" and what are not (I always answer that there are all kinds of foods and she has to know that the best eating is balanced and from a variety of sources). Yesterday she tried to get a handle on how many jumping-jacks she needs to do to get her legs thinner - I answered, again, that fitness is not based on the number of jumping jacks but being active every day, for maybe an hour or so, always. I have not said one word to her about her body since January.  We have had to buy new bras again, though, and new school skirts and new jeans because everything she had from our last shopping trip in November was too small. This is a lot of data for her, and she is definitely processing it.

 

Last night, after the jumping jacks conversation, I sat with her privately and asked her what her goal is regarding all of these questions. She wants a flat tummy and legs that aren't fat. I know that she wanted to go shopping for bathing suits a while ago and hasn't mentioned it since the DR visit...I think she is holding out for a smaller body. I told her that it took her several months to get all this extra padding and it's going to take several months for it to go away, and again that she can make good choices regarding food and exercise and she will be fine. She is a beautiful girl no matter what and will always be. She seemed to appreciate this convo.

 

I am continually surprised at her apparent ignorance about all of this and have to remind myself that she is just 13. But I look at her and she is my height, with a body that would knock your socks off, and she is so smart. But yet she knows nothing about taking care of her body this way.

 

Look, about family fitness - we are pretty active people. I take a spin class twice a week and do yoga. I walk the dog. My husband jogs and rides his bike and does exercise videos at home. I always invite my kids to do things outside with me. My husband invites her to join him in a jog or video work-out. My husband and I are in a push-up competition that both daughters have said no to. I have asked my daughter time and again what kind of sports camp she'd like to do this summer, whether she wants to take a class aftere school, why doesn't she ride her bike, walk to the store...the opportunities are there but she has yet to take advantage of them. We are getting closer, though - she arranged to play volleyball this summer with friends and plans to join the volleyball team at school in the fall. Small steps.

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#42 of 42 Old 04-08-2013, 02:33 PM
 
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 My husband and I are in a push-up competition that both daughters have said no to.

 

 

I love this competition with your husband! Sounds fun.  But don't be concerned that your daughters don't care to join. You're still making a great healthy impression on them, that's going to stick with them for years to come.  They're learning that being physically active normal and fun.  But it generally it's more effective when it's their own idea. 

 

Quote:
I am continually surprised at her apparent ignorance about all of this and have to remind myself that she is just 13. But I look at her and she is my height, with a body that would knock your socks off, and she is so smart. But yet she knows nothing about taking care of her body this way.

 

Yeah, I know what you mean.  Actually I'm not sure exactly what you're referring to.  But I'm surprised when my kids don't know some of the things about foods and weight and physical activity that I think are common knowledge. Then I remember that they don't read up on these things and turn the radio up when there's news about these things, like I do.


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