Books to help me understand preteen daughter - Mothering Forums
Preteens and Teens > Books to help me understand preteen daughter
IncompetentHousewife's Avatar IncompetentHousewife 11:52 AM 02-07-2013

My 10-year-old daughter is definitely starting to head into adolescence. We're seeing dramatic moods, the desire to have a certain boy become her boyfriend, etc. I want to understand what is going on inside her head so I can best help her through this stage. What books do you recommend for me to read?

 

When she was about 2 years old, "Emotional Life of the Toddler" gave me so much insight. "Raising Your Spirited Child" helped me get inside her head a little more, too. That's the sort of thing I'm looking for.



bunny's mama's Avatar bunny's mama 12:48 PM 02-22-2013

i've got a 12 yo DD and it's quite a ride. buckle up, mama ( :

 

the american girl library has some really great books. not at all related to the expensive dolls and clothes they sell. i have one called "what i wish you knew" http://www.amazon.com/dp/1584853298/?tag=mh0b-20&hvadid=704525787&ref=pd_sl_4ij2aaja8w_e which is wonderful.

 

i also have one called "yes, your teen is crazy" http://www.amazon.com/Yes-Your-Teen-Crazy-Without/dp/0936197447/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1361562385&sr=1-1&keywords=yes+your+teen+is+crazy which has a lot of good info about the teenage brain and reasons why they act like they do. i read it when DD was 10, but am reading it again now. there's also a great TED talk by jill bolte taylor about the adolescent brain which is enlightening.

 

another american girl library book that's great for your DD is "the care and keeping of you" http://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-American-Girl-Library/dp/1562476661/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1361562461&sr=1-1&keywords=american+girl+library+your+body that was my DDs bible at 10! they also have books on feelings, girl drama, etc. great resources!


meemee's Avatar meemee 01:43 AM 02-23-2013

awww dont you wish?!!!

 

i'd say pick up Your 5 year old by Louise Ames - that will pretty much cover your 10 year old coz really their first adolescence was when they were 5. though i think they have a 10 to 12 series too.

 

however as a co sufferer let me say its more about you than her. seriously. 

 

and you need to go back in time to your own childhood. 

 

at least that's what i found the best guide for me. i recall all the things i hated my parents doing and its pretty much the same. 

 

however remember its the hormones - you cant understand what's going on inside them, coz they dont really understand it themselves.

 

does your child go thru phases of hard times. mine does phases. that's when i get very STRICT. i make sure the golden rules apply - lots of sleep, exercise and enough food. i also make sure she is eatign stuff that 'stays' with her and is not digested soon. i make sure she is getting enough social interaction. 

 

and then i look at me. dd is no longer a child. she is no longer wanting us to hold their hand. they want to wander off and make decisions on their own. and its time for you to let them. should i have another candy? well its your body - you decide. if you want my opinion i'd say nutritionally speaking that's not a good idea but if you REALLY REALLY want it go for it but no more. sugar makes dd moody and mean so she watches her intake. 

 

look at nutrition. think of all the things you did to your mother 

 

and dont take dd's behaviour to heart. the person most helpful to me is dd's class teacher. i freak out dd is always going to be that way when she behaves badly. its her teacher who points out - no that is not dd's real personality. its just a growing up thing so dont worry about it. just ignore it. 


Polliwog's Avatar Polliwog 03:31 PM 02-23-2013
Quote:
Originally Posted by meemee View Post

awww dont you wish?!!!

i'd say pick up Your 5 year old by Louise Ames - that will pretty much cover your 10 year old coz really their first adolescence was when they were 5.

This is ludicrous. I'm an early childhood education specialist and am degreed to teach infants through eight grade. I have never heard of such a thing.A book about understanding a FIVE-YEAR-OLD will not help a parent to understand an preteen. It's a terrific series of books but not appropriate in this situation.
Neaera 06:19 PM 02-23-2013

Not exactly what you are looking for, but this book helped me feel a lot better about my daughter and our relationship as she entered her preteen years. I love Ariel Gore and have read everything she has written.
 


meemee's Avatar meemee 07:35 PM 02-24-2013
Quote:
Originally Posted by Polliwog View Post


This is ludicrous. I'm an early childhood education specialist and am degreed to teach infants through eight grade. I have never heard of such a thing.A book about understanding a FIVE-YEAR-OLD will not help a parent to understand an preteen. It's a terrific series of books but not appropriate in this situation.

oh i think there's a LOT of similarities between the changes that go on between a 5 year old and a 10 year old. 

 

there are subtle changes that ECE classes dont teach about. defiance, independence, kinda mixed up inside. those are similar things between a 5 and 10 year old. at least in my experience between the kids i know as well as dd. its more about reevaluating parenting.

 

now a 5 and 12 or 13 year old - yeah prepostorous. but a 5 and 10 not. 

 

yes at 10 there are some adolescent things happening - but its more about the parent (esp. if their interests were v. different from their own 10 year old) learning what normal is at 10. at 10 there IS no normal. some are interested in adolescent stuff - some not. esp. they havent really got any breast buds. 


kayleesmom's Avatar kayleesmom 09:54 PM 02-24-2013
Subbing even hthough my dd is only 8.5
IdentityCrisisMama's Avatar IdentityCrisisMama 05:02 PM 02-25-2013
Quote:
Originally Posted by meemee View Post

i'd say pick up Your 5 year old by Louise Ames - that will pretty much cover your 10 year old coz really their first adolescence was when they were 5. though i think they have a 10 to 12 series too.

She does...


Caliope's Avatar Caliope 10:21 AM 02-26-2013

http://www.amazon.com/Our-Last-Best-Shot-Adolescence/dp/1573228753/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

 

Our Last Best Shot: Guiding Our Children Through Early Adolescence 

 

I read this book when my dd was 11 and in the throes of puberty and it really helped me.  It's not your typical parenting book --the author profiles 12 very different kids and their families. 


queenjane's Avatar queenjane 04:30 PM 02-26-2013
Quote:
Originally Posted by meemee View Post

oh i think there's a LOT of similarities between the changes that go on between a 5 year old and a 10 year old. 

 

there are subtle changes that ECE classes dont teach about. defiance, independence, kinda mixed up inside. those are similar things between a 5 and 10 year old. at least in my experience between the kids i know as well as dd. its more about reevaluating parenting.

 

now a 5 and 12 or 13 year old - yeah prepostorous. but a 5 and 10 not. 

 

yes at 10 there are some adolescent things happening - but its more about the parent (esp. if their interests were v. different from their own 10 year old) learning what normal is at 10. at 10 there IS no normal. some are interested in adolescent stuff - some not. esp. they havent really got any breast buds. 

 

How are the bolded words different for any other age...? You could use those terms to explain a 13 yr old or 16 yr old or 4 yr old too. I guess i'm just a little confused.

 

My daughter just turned 11. I have found the last few months of age 10 going into age 11 harder than the first half of age 10. I suspect that 11 and 12 will be more complicated as well.

 

I'd think it more logical to say a 10 yr old is more like a 12 yr old than a 5 yr old. Plus...all kids develop at a different pace, my friend's daughter is just six months older but SO different in terms of physical development, emotional maturity etc.


IdentityCrisisMama's Avatar IdentityCrisisMama 05:22 PM 02-26-2013

Meemee's ideas about stages repeating and being somewhat cyclical is something that resonates with my experience as a parent and also something that I feel I've read some scholarship on at some time or another. Not enough that I'd choose the Age 5 of the Bates Aimes books over the age 11 but enough that I think it's worth thinking about and I'm sure it's been studied. I actually have the Age 11 Bates Aimes book and I'll browse through it to see if there is any reference. I'll also talk to my child's principal this week because I know she's a fan of thinking of ages and stages repeating. I do know that the term "little adolescence" isn't unfamiliar at all. 

 

I'll also concur (much as I'd like not to) that the American Girl series of books is rather good. I also love the "Isn't it Amazing" series for kids. 
 


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