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#61 of 88 Old 05-10-2013, 11:23 AM
 
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I hope this does not come off as rude or disrepectful, but I'm still can't understand how any woman who has gone through the agony of a period herself would want to celebrate their daughter getting a period. 

 

My period were horrible.  Every month, I endured painful cramps, I threw up and I used to miss days from school because of my period.  We had swimming at school and every month I had to sit out, very embrassing because everyone knew WHY you had to sit out. 

 

Had my mother thrown a party or celebrated in any other way me getting my period, I would have felt she deceived me.  Celebrations and parties are for happy occasions, not for things that cause you so much pain and inconveince every month.  Really, is there ANY TIME you've gotten a period that was a happy occasion for you?  And I'm not talking about the times you found out you weren't pregnant.

 

Had my mother thrown me a party I would have felt like she lied to me, leading me to believe a period is such a great thing.  I would have been very mad at her.

 

I don't mean to be harsh, but still I have to caution any mother who is thinking about celebrating her daughter getting her period.  Your daughter may come back to you a couple of months later and say "Mom, why did you throw a party for me for getting my period, when they're nothing but a PITA?  You made me think it was going to be a good thing but it's not!"

 

I'm not saying you can't raise your child the way you want to, or you can't throw them a party.  I'm just saying think about what kind of message you are telling your daughter when you throw a celebration for something as horrible as periods can be.  She's not thinking about "becoming a woman" she's thinking about - now I can't go swimming and now I have to deal with these horrible cramps!!

 

Just my two cents, for what's it worth.


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#62 of 88 Old 05-10-2013, 11:28 AM
 
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To be entirely fair, some women have only mild pain or no pain with their periods, and most women can still swim during them if they wear a tampon. It does sound like some people in this thread are happy to get periods because they feel connected to the earth, other women, or what have you. Personally, excluding times I didn't want to be pregnant, I have never been thrilled to get a period, but I haven't been bummed either (excluding times I did want to be pregnant, of course). I take your point about it not necessarily being something to celebrate, but I do think we can celebrate the transition the girl is going through without necessarily making it out like the actual fact of menstruating is something awesome and thrilling for everyone. 

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#63 of 88 Old 05-10-2013, 01:12 PM
 
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I do think we can celebrate the transition the girl is going through without necessarily making it out like the actual fact of menstruating is something awesome and thrilling for everyone. 

 

I DO like that idea!  Maybe not tying it into the time she gets her period so it's not linked together is better.

 

I did get my DD an American Girl book I think it was called "The Care and Keeping of You" when she was about 11.  She didn't get her period until a couple of years later, but the book was good.  It talked about puberty and periods, and also covered basic grooming habits, social skills, etc.  She really liked it.


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#64 of 88 Old 05-11-2013, 05:23 PM
 
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To be entirely fair, some women have only mild pain or no pain with their periods, and most women can still swim during them if they wear a tampon. It does sound like some people in this thread are happy to get periods because they feel connected to the earth, other women, or what have you. Personally, excluding times I didn't want to be pregnant, I have never been thrilled to get a period, but I haven't been bummed either (excluding times I did want to be pregnant, of course). I take your point about it not necessarily being something to celebrate, but I do think we can celebrate the transition the girl is going through without necessarily making it out like the actual fact of menstruating is something awesome and thrilling for everyone. 

You hit it straight on!

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#65 of 88 Old 05-11-2013, 06:41 PM
 
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I read part of this thread a month or so ago, so pardon me if I'm repeating anything.

 

I would never throw my daughters a celebration/party for beginning to menstruate if I thought it would embarrass them.  I hope, however, that they will like that idea when the time comes.  When I started, I was embarrassed to tell anyone for a few hours.  That's mostly about my personality, however.  I have trouble making major announcements (engagement, pregnancy - I just feel self conscious bringing it up in conversation).  Once my mom knew, however, she made me feel really good about it.  She was excited, and we went downtown and had dinner together before my dad got off of work.  I've always had long periods (full 7 days), but never had much in the way of PMS symptoms or discomforts.  As a teenager, however, I played into that idea that a period was a curse.  I was probably just showing off.  I remember too seeing reusable pads at the store once as a teenager and being totally disgusted by the idea. (Use them now, and love them so much more than disposable ones.)

 

Fast-forward a few years, and I really appreciate my period.  Most of that appreciation centers around pregnancy.  I have very regular cycles, and it was easy for my husband and I to plan our pregnancies.  We got pregnant on the first try with our first three attempts (though one did result in a miscarriage), and on the second try with our third child.  Compared with friends who have irregular cycles and trouble knowing when they were fertile, I felt very lucky, and developed a new appreciation for my period.  I went back on the pill after having my first, but was really disturbed by the thought that I wasn't yet menstruating again (6 mo. postpartum), but could potentially become pregnant and continue taking the pill, which could harm a fetus.  I really longed for a clear signal from my body, and didn't want to do anything that might be dangerous.  So we switched to condoms, and I felt much better.  My miscarriage was a missed-miscarriage, and it was almost five weeks after miscarrying that I found out at a prenatal appointment when there was no heartbeat.  I always assumed that if I was miscarrying, I'd know it.  I did not like being deceived by my body like that.  That, again, made me appreciate the clear and regular signals that my body normally gives me.  

 

My point in saying this, is that I want my daughters to feel as positive as possible about menstruation.  If they'er unlucky, and get periods with heavy discomfort, I'll certainly sympathize with them.  I don't want them, especially as teenagers, to feel that it's disgusting or a curse.  I'd love it if they could appreciate that it's a signal from their bodies and I would be happy to welcome them to womanhood with a celebration if they'll let me.

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#66 of 88 Old 05-14-2013, 08:36 PM
 
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My fiance's daughter got her first period this last Friday.  She'll be 13 next month.  She would have been so embarrassed to have any kind of "party" or big deal, but we made extra time to have "girl time" together last weekend and made sure she had the right supplies, etc.  It was really nice.  :-)


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#67 of 88 Old 07-18-2013, 04:06 PM
 
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I took dd out x dinner. Just the two of us. I'm celebrating that she's healthy and it is a joy for me that one day she may start a family!
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#68 of 88 Old 07-19-2013, 08:50 AM
 
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dd just started and ended while she was at camp hundreds of miles away. at a girl's only youth camp.

 

she had such a wonderful experience of everyone taking care of her and watching out for  her even though she did freak out at the first sight of blood. she got advice from 20 year olds to adults. she knew the basics from before.

 

she did get cramps though - just like really bad cramps that we have had for 3 generations in our family.

 

oh gosh. it was no big deal for dd. she didnt even tell me right away. i happened to discover it. dd doesnt see what the big deal is about. she wants to celebrate for ME since according to her i am more animated about it than she is. 

 

however i do want to give her a jewelry set to celebrate her transition. i know she will like the thought behind that. 

 

an unexpected 'celebration' (if you want to call it that) happened around what form of menstrual aid she would use. we've spent hours over the internet looking at stuff - talking about practical stuff and what she can actually do - and its been a wonderful intimate time. 


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#69 of 88 Old 07-19-2013, 11:11 PM
 
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Although I started my period at 9, I was unprepared for BigGirl to start at 8. She told me (she already knew all about the phisiological and logistical details), I supplied pads, and it was not really a very big deal. It would have been pretty silly to say, "Now, you are a woman" to an 8 year old. I was old enough to be going through menopause at the time, and we laughed about "Now it is your turn". She used cloth pads for years (would have preferred disposable, but she had a reaction to even the organic brands). A few years ago, she tried Diva Cups, and those have worked for her.

 

BigGirl, now 18, and I speak very openly about bodily functions, to the point that YoungSon, now 17, says, "I really don't need to hear this stuff".
 


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#70 of 88 Old 07-20-2013, 08:54 AM
 
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This is a great thread.  I've started lurking on this forum because my oldest is 8.5yo, so I've come to this thread rather late.

 

I can't compare what my daughter will go through with my own experiences.  My mother threw a box of tampons at me after knocking on my bedroom door and stomped and pouted away.  I had managed to get through one whole period without her knowing.  So, the bar is set rather low for me-- anything we can do will be better than that!

 

Anyway, it's good to hear from those in the thick of it-- that girls can still be unhappy about menarche even after years of AP mothering by confident ladies.   That is both a surprise and, well, not I guess.  It turns out that that feeling if still quite typical, even without mothers who are pathologically incapable of speaking to their daughters about such things.  [Funny thing is, I seem to remember my mom talking with my older sister about it.  Maybe she was just pissed at me for staining the bedspread where I was watching TV?  Hm.  Well, she could have said something anyhow..... that would have cleared up a whole lot!  Maybe because with my sister, she didn't have the teen troubles she was having when I got my period?  I was the youngest of three girls.  Suddenly sort of a.... "oh holy crap, here comes another one!"]

 

OK, so maybe my dreams of being able to celebrate this moment need to be put on the backburner.  I don't think it's such a "magical" moment, and it doesn't have much relevance to our society anymore at that age (hello!  we are not making babies at 14yo, let alone 10 or 11!!!).  But I just wanted it to be a positive experience.  It was embarrassing enough to get my period, then have to deal with the logistics by trial and error.... (everyone was so nice pretending not to notice... though it night have been nicer, though a bit mortifying, to get handed an extra pad when I needed it).  

 

What confusion!  I can only hope to give my daughter a better start than I had.  Again--very.  low.  bar.

 

Thanks for the conversation.


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#71 of 88 Old 07-21-2013, 12:15 PM
 
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Most traditional cultures have coming-of-age ceremonies, because marking this transition in life has psychological importance. However, these days in our world, as girls menstruate earlier and earlier - long before we would consider them "adults" it seems to me this sort of clouds the issue.

The traditional celebration is not about the girl's period itself, it is about the transition which menstruation marks. 

I support positive celebration at the time of a girl's first period, but I think we need to consider exactly what this is marking in our modern era.

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#72 of 88 Old 07-21-2013, 04:19 PM
 
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Most traditional cultures have coming-of-age ceremonies, because marking this transition in life has psychological importance. However, these days in our world, as girls menstruate earlier and earlier - long before we would consider them "adults" it seems to me this sort of clouds the issue.
The traditional celebration is not about the girl's period itself, it is about the transition which menstruation marks. 
I support positive celebration at the time of a girl's first period, but I think we need to consider exactly what this is marking in our modern era.

I couldn't agree more. Celebrating mensturation in a 10 year old can hardly be about her adulthood, because obviously she is still a child. Personally, I don't see a purpose in celebrating first mensturation in one so young.

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#73 of 88 Old 07-21-2013, 06:06 PM
 
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well one thing i learnt for sure. how i look at menstruation in my dd and how she looks at it are two different things. 

 

for dd it was no big deal. mind you we havent just celebrated getting periods. we did breast buds, fuzz on legs, underarm hair too. not celebration or ceremony - but an acknowledgment.

 

for dd she was more 'excited' about hair growth rather than starting periods.

 

reminds me of my own mother's words. she said i reacted just like dd. no big deal. but, just like me now, she felt it was such a huge development and was blown away how blase i was about the whole thing,

 

i am not sure what i was expecting. but i wasnt expecting this 'no big deal' attitude. 


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#74 of 88 Old 07-22-2013, 06:34 AM
 
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Most traditional cultures have coming-of-age ceremonies, because marking this transition in life has psychological importance. However, these days in our world, as girls menstruate earlier and earlier - long before we would consider them "adults" it seems to me this sort of clouds the issue.
The traditional celebration is not about the girl's period itself, it is about the transition which menstruation marks. 
I support positive celebration at the time of a girl's first period, but I think we need to consider exactly what this is marking in our modern era.

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I couldn't agree more. Celebrating mensturation in a 10 year old can hardly be about her adulthood, because obviously she is still a child. Personally, I don't see a purpose in celebrating first mensturation in one so young.

I agree with both of these.
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#75 of 88 Old 07-22-2013, 07:55 AM
 
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Slightly O/T, but I had a friend who celebrated "coming of age" with his children when they got driver's licenses. He felt that was the moment, in our culture, that symbolized independence, responsibility, freedom, and the beginning of adult life. Big parties, friends and family, it was pretty awesome, and meant so much to the kids.
 

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#76 of 88 Old 08-02-2013, 05:17 PM
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Planning on it. :-)  DD just turned 13 and AF hasn't come yet.  I started at 12.  DD's best friend started earlier this year.  We made her up a "red bag" and her friend really liked it.  DD was so excited about the idea and so I know that we will do something.  She started thinking of lots of ideas after creating the red bag for her friend.

 

Amy

Well, she started this last month on a family reunion camping trip.  We decided to go get facial as a celebration--just her and me.  She is really looking forward to it, was quite excited to get her period, but wanted a more quiet celebration for the two of us.  

 

Amy


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#77 of 88 Old 08-07-2013, 11:35 PM
 
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I have a wonderful friend who is a Shamanic Midwife. She held a group for all of her women friends and their daughters, some of them had started already and others not.

They were taught how to chart their cycles and what to expect as the cycle progressed...ie creative phase and manic phase and just plain grumpy days!!

We all shared our stories of our first time and then a beautiful story was read about the goddess within us all and how lucky we are to be blessed with fertility.

 

I talked a lot with my DD about how it might feel and what to expect - my mother told me nothing, she left it to my big brother to tell me! 

So I tried to prepare DD as much as possible - showed her how to use pads and where to get them from if she needed them.

 

When she did get her period I was at work and she left me a very quiet message on my phone and then called her best friend who had been getting it for a while. Her friend gave her  a sweet red bracelet and I bought her a big bunch of flowers on my way home from work!! We didn't make a big fuss but I wanted her to know that it was a special thing that she was going through!!

Now of course she gets terrible cramps and heavy bleeding and often needs to take a day off school and stay in bed!! Poor thing!!

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#78 of 88 Old 09-05-2013, 12:48 PM
 
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My oldest dd got hers at 9. When I proposed we plant a rose bush and have a celebration she was mortified. "You want to... what? Plant a rose bush? What? OMG, you're such a crunchy hippie mom. NOBODY does things like that. Just tell me where the pads are and I'll figure it out myself." All three of my daughters (DD2 at 14 and DD3 at 11) have had the same response to their periods. Nobody wanted a "celebration" thought my idea of commemorating the occasion as "crunchy hippie stuff" and just wanted to know how to use the equipment and be left alone. You should have seen their response when I suggested they use cloth pads and/or a menstural cup! "Mooo-oooom. Ew, gross. No way! Can't we just buy pads like a normal family?" It's their body and their periods, so I respect the way they want to handle it. It's not about me at all.

 

My kids are not thrilled about celebrating bodily functions. I tried, but I did respect their wishes and did nothing. *sigh* I'm kind of jealous of those of you whose girls were more receptive to celebration ideas. My husband is a very practical man, and I guess my dds get that from him.


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#79 of 88 Old 09-20-2013, 05:12 PM
 
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I HATED getting my period. I don't remember my mom talking to me about it before I got it for the first time, but she did bc when I got it I remember thinking to myself "oh no, already???" I was 11 yrs old. I hated how uncomfortable it was, I hated the moisture, the smell, the leakings and embarrassment, the inconvenience, the feeling of having a diaper btw my legs (that was by far the worse). I was in denial for a long time. It got better when I discovered tampons, my mom didn't want me to wear them but I still did, hiding from her. They changed my life. I could pretty much forget I was having my period, and have a regular care-free life. I use tampons ever since. Thankfully I never had bad cramps, just a mild discomfort for a day or two.
If I have a daughter, I will try to help her depending on how she takes it. I don't think there is any reason to celebrate, to me it is important to help her feel physically comfortable, that she knows her options.
Just to be clear, I'm not ashamed of womanhood, I just hate physical discomfort. I'm 29 weeks pregnant and while I have a normal, uneventful pregnancy, I can't wait for it to be over and get my body back.
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#80 of 88 Old 10-02-2013, 11:54 AM
 
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I remember getting quite poetic at my first menstruation, thinking, there should be some kind of ritual for this. A celebration? That would have made me embarassed probably. However, i know one thing for sure, im giving dd (who at 20mths has a long way to go) the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility, when she does start. Every girl should have that book.

 

Yes....presents, like a baby shower, get her presents.

 

On second thoughts, a little party with some cake, and a few songs, and talk about the subject would not have been so embarrassing, if there were only women present. So a party with just mom, and some sisters/friends, neighbors...something like that.

 

Youve gotta get her that book though. I only discovered it when i was 42.

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#81 of 88 Old 10-02-2013, 04:10 PM
 
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if you had very painful periods and your mother did too... then instead of thinking of celebration figure out how you will support your dd with the pain. 

 

unfortunately i had my head in the clouds and its a nightmare for dd. she has had them 3 times and they are VERY painful. she has missed school every time she gets her period. she goes back out of necessity not choice. 

 

i am still researching two things - how to make her periods pain free (right now my usually drug free child takes ibuprofen for the first couple of days AND how to help her deal with the pain. 


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#82 of 88 Old 10-03-2013, 12:03 PM
 
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I think periods dont always have to be painful, and i am sure there is a dietary connection, since it is related to hormonal imbalance...periods for me were usually unpleasant,  sometimes painful, and occasionally debilitating, other times none of the above.  ....who knows? Good luck with the research. 

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#83 of 88 Old 10-04-2013, 10:51 AM
 
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I think periods dont always have to be painful, and i am sure there is a dietary connection, since it is related to hormonal imbalance...periods for me were usually unpleasant,  sometimes painful, and occasionally debilitating, other times none of the above.  ....who knows? Good luck with the research. 

 

thanks. poor dd needs all the good luck we can get.

 

our family health is strange. my gma, mother, me and my dd - terrible, terrible, terrible cramps. gma, mom and me - cramp free after first child. TMI - if i had a bowel movement i could actually feel the pain leave my body too.  doesnt work for dd though. she has to gingerly sit down at her desk her pain is so bad (2nd day meds dont work)

 

mom and me made regular trips to the gyn. - no help. however i am researching ped. gyn. and see if they can help dd out. 

 

but the higher power is fair. does grant us easy menopause. gma, ma and me - painless, flashless menopause. typical short term memory loss, smelly pee adn hair loss was there though. but no real suffering. 


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#84 of 88 Old 10-05-2013, 04:35 AM
 
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I got more cramps with tampons than pads. Fewer with cups. They weren't really awful in any case though. I knew a family where both the daughters were on bc though not sexually active because they got horrible cramps and it was the only thing that helped them. I hope you find something that helps your daughter... poor kid. 

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#85 of 88 Old 10-05-2013, 02:07 PM
 
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It's hatd to quote on my phone but I used to have debilitating cramps and iron pills helped a lot. White chocolate also helped but I don't know why. Since I had dd I cramp lightly a bit the day before and a bit the first day but that's it. My DD has avoided cramps so far. Good luck to your DD.
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#86 of 88 Old 10-06-2013, 04:03 PM
 
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Here are a few basic things that could help with painful moontime:

 

Magnesium supplements can really help to relax any smooth muscles in the body, including the womb. Be careful not to go overboard though or they will relax the bowels, though sometimes that's needed too!

 

Cramp bark works but has to be taken every couple hours consistently. May not be practical for a teen.

 

More good oil (omega-3's, as in fish, flax) and less "bad" oils (omega-6, as in canola, safflower, etc.; and especially anything hydrogenated) could help.

 

Lastly, see if anyone on your area does Maya Abdominal Massage. It is an external massage to gently move the womb back into a central place if it is tilted slightly in any direction, which is very often the cause of painful menses. This website has practitioners listed: https://arvigotherapy.com/ but it is not the only list of practitioners. These are practitioners who learned it via Rosita Arvigo but there are many more who learned it from other Central American wise women too.

 

Good luck! It is definitely a tough road, and so hard to see our younger gals in pain.

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#87 of 88 Old 10-06-2013, 06:00 PM
 
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thank you all for all your caring thoughts. i will check into all your suggestions that you have made. 

 

its one reason didnt want dd's periods to start 'on time' and its been regular since her first cycle. maybe not on time but every month. 


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#88 of 88 Old 10-26-2013, 12:52 PM
 
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We went out to dinner just the two of us and went shopping for period supplies so they could look and see what is out there and pick some that we didn't have in the house to try out. While we had already talked and they know what was happening and why it gave them a chance to ask any new questions and gave me another opportunity to talk about birth control, std's and fun things like that.

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