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-   -   Do you celebrate your daughter's first menstruation? (http://www.mothering.com/forum/39-preteens-teens/1376013-do-you-celebrate-your-daughter-s-first-menstruation.html)

mamazee 03-06-2013 02:33 PM

My daughter has recently turned 11, so this is on my mind. I think she's probably got a year or so left based on where she's at physically, but you never know, and I would like to do something special. I thought about getting a special gift, like some kind of jewelry or something, or maybe just a day out for the two of us. I don't know what to do. I suspect she would be embarrassed to have a party involving friends, but I also think she would love being recognized and doing something with me. Has anyone done anything or do you plan to?

whatsnextmom 03-06-2013 04:18 PM

No, my DD was 14 when she started and not particularly thrilled about it. Many of her friends had started at 10 and 11. She really wanted it to be a non-issue and so that was what it was. If you think your DD would be happy about celebrating go for it. You'll have a better feel for what she'd like.


mamazee 03-06-2013 04:31 PM

Yeah I personally absolutely wanted it to be a non-issue when I started menstruating, back in the Middle Ages.

 

We definitely have to know our own kids and their feelings on this.


katelove 03-06-2013 07:44 PM

Ive read about people creating gift boxes for their daughters. Things like a variety of products like reuseable and disposable pads, tampons etc, a nice journal and pen, mug for warm drinks, wheat pack, copy of the Red Tent etc.

It's a long way off for us yet but something I would definitely do if I thought my daughters would appreciate it.

Linda on the move 03-06-2013 10:06 PM

Neither of my DDs felt it was something to celebrate or make a fuss over.

 

I put together a box for each of them with a variety of products so they could try things out and a mirror. (which I found very helpful when first figuring out tampons).  I bought bright pretty boxes from Micheals -- the size to store photos. I brought really nice stickers that represented things my DDs liked and let them decorate the outside of the boxes.

 

These boxes became very private to my DDs and they stores them out of sight. One ended up using it to store supplies in for a long time.
 

My DDs both love spending time with me, but neither wanted to "celebrate" getting their periods.


skreader 03-07-2013 03:55 AM

Nothing special, no big deal. That's what we both felt comfortable with.

 

We had talked about menstruation on and off for years. I think I got some pads around the time I thought she might begin (so I'd be ready) and also some small tampons then when she started I gave them to her and explained how to put tampons in. I don't even really remember when exactly. She was 12, but I can't even remember if it was spring or winter. She's almost 17 now.
 


lovemylab 03-07-2013 06:20 AM

Probably also depends on the relationship between mom and daughter. I REALLY didn't want to tell my mom because I knew she would make such a fuss! I couldn't reach the pads she had and I didn't want to be obvious and get a stool in the bathroom so I used tp for most of the first day until I realized that wasn't getting me too far. When I told her she made such a big fuss.. She was excited and asked if I had questions and wanted to know if she needed to show me how to place pads and ect.... I just wanted her to reach the box for me and start buying thinner pads. I regretted telling her. I hope my daughter and I are closer as she grows up and she feel at least comfortable talking to me about stuff.

k x s 03-07-2013 06:40 AM

If you do celebrate it please don't follow it up with, 'now you are becoming a woman'. This was the phrase I heard and it horrified me. How could I be a woman at 11? I mean just because I happened to bleed and having menstral cramps?!

 

I personally think the cute packs some parents put together for there daughters were sweet but not very enviromentally friendly. But if you don't mind you could do that as a activity with her. Like go to the store, explain the differences between pads and tampons and the different absorpencies. Buy a cute pack to keep them in, a calendar and some stickers, buy a heat pack etc or the more enviromentally friendly way could be to make your own pads, tampons or use a menstral cup.

 

Really depends on what your DD was like but I didnt like the way my parents treated it. My dad was like woohoo your a woman! and my mum was like eh. great.


whatsnextmom 03-07-2013 09:47 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by lovemylab View Post

 I hope my daughter and I are closer as she grows up and she feel at least comfortable talking to me about stuff.

 

Being close to your mom and wanting to talk about this stuff is not the same thing at all. It's private and how a kid responds to it is totally individual. Some will be excited and tell everyone. Others will be ashamed and even try to hide it. Some will be annoyed or barely care.

 

My best friends DD hid her period starting from her mom for several months. They were incredibly close... like, finish each others sentences close. They talked about everything all the time. But when it came time for that first period, the girl just wasn't ready to share it.

 

My DD freaked out every time we came even close to talking about it. When she was 12, I took her down the girls aisle to get myself something and just mentioned we should get her some things "just in case" and she started sobbing! She just had a lot of personal anxiety about growing up and the pressures she felt about "being a woman." Pressures she felt about anything that symbolized growing up.... not just her period. Thank goodness she didn't start until 14 because by then, getting her period was just an annoyance and instead, she was crying over the idea of having to choose a college and pick a career. At 16, she's getting excited for the college stuff and actually embracing the notion of being an adult one day soon. She builds things up in her head and ONLY experience can bring on rationality. As private as DD was in the early years, I'm actually pretty shocked at how frank and open she is with me at 16 on very private and personal subjects compared to what my friends are going through with their girls. 

 

Kids are their own people and events will have personal meanings no matter how open and chatty you are on the subject. I don't know how your DD will handle it but please don't assume that if she resists talking to you about it that you guys aren't close!


midwifetobe85 03-07-2013 12:26 PM

I've read about doing things like making care kits, giving special gifts like jewelry, and even arranging a women's circle ceremony with family female elders and other girl friends. The idea always being, this is nothing to be ashamed of - the beginning of your 'womanhood' is something to celebrate. But thinking back on my first period at 14, I don't think it would have suited me. I would've have been mortified in a women's circle and felt generally depressed about it anyway. I knew it signified the end of childhood and honestly didn't feel ready. And I was 14! Girls today seem to be getting their periods younger and younger. So an 11 year old is certainly likely to feel that way. I also felt it was going to major pain to deal with (kind of is...) and I just felt sad about all the ways it might 'get in the way' in the future..(think, co-ed pool party.) My mom is a wonderful person and we are very close, and were then too but she was not exactly a big help. I expressed my sadness/frustration to her (more in tone and body language than articulate words) and she sort of shrugged, saying, "I know, it sucks. But what can you do" I made a mental note not to be so blasé with any future daughters of mine. Really all I wanted was a hug and for her to say, I know your feeling bummed about this, and while in some ways it can be a challenge, once you get used to it, its really not such a big deal. Are there any things in particular you want know?

I think it's probably a hugely individual thing. Just try to be supportive, loving and there for her. Play it by ear. The gift may be a nice idea. I think I wouldn't have objected to that as a means to cheer me and feel like its kind of a special moment. Don't be blade and don't be overly perky and miss the fact that she may not be happy about it. Make sure she knows you're there for her if she needs it.

onlyzombiecat 03-07-2013 12:32 PM

Dd was 12 when she had her first period. She was upset and did not want to talk about it or have any attention over it at that time. I felt somewhat rejected (but know that it wasn't about me). I did not expect that she would react that way as we talked before many times and are close but it was very different when it was actually happening to her for the first time.

 

We did get a whole bunch of Chinese food that night- one of her favorite meals- but did not say it was because we were celebrating anything.

I got her different pads to try and dealt with some of her concerns later.

A month or two of periods and she was able to be calmer and would talk but still probably wouldn't want any celebration or fuss.

 

If you think your dd might like something special, you can have it ready but ask her at the time what she wants from you and don't get disappointed if she doesn't want to do anything.
 


amber3902 03-07-2013 12:33 PM

It has never occurred to me that my daughter would want to celebrate getting her period.  I mean, what's to celebrate,

can't go swimming, cramps, headaches, fatigue.  greensad.gif

 

My DD started when she was 12.  I had already explained to her about pads and tampons, and how to use them, so she was pretty prepared.

I seriously doubt she would have wanted a party or a celebration of any kind.

 

I also explained to her that now she was menstruating, that this meant she could get pregnant if she had sex.

We had already had the sex talk before, but I wanted to remind her again.


grethel 03-07-2013 02:02 PM

I happened to get my period for the first time while at a baby shower with all my relatives. I whispered it to my mom, so she could get me a pad -- and she told everyone there! It wasn't the most horrible thing in the world, but it was rather embarrassing. For that reason, I didn't make a big deal of my daughter's first. But she has a personality where she doesn't mind talking to me about those kinds of things, and we had already had all kinds of discussions about it and I had given her a bag of different types of protection and shown her how to use them. I knew from her personality that she wouldn't be embarrassed and she wasn't -- but still we made it matter of fact, with no sappy "becoming a woman" stuff.


Kamiro 03-07-2013 02:49 PM

I plan on making some special 'teen cloth' pads and giving a very special journal and pen..maybe some chocolates joy.gif


Linda on the move 03-07-2013 04:23 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by k x s View Post

I personally think the cute packs some parents put together for there daughters were sweet but not very enviromentally friendly. But if you don't mind you could do that as a activity with her. Like go to the store, explain the differences between pads and tampons and the different absorpencies. Buy a cute pack to keep them in, a calendar and some stickers, buy a heat pack etc or the more enviromentally friendly way could be to make your own pads, tampons or use a menstral cup.

 

Really depends on what your DD was like ...

 

 

You are responding to me. My intent was not to be "cute" but to let my DDs figure out what sort of products they liked and what worked for them. I find the idea of looking as boxes of feminine hygiene supplies as a way to figure out what actually works for you to be a bit -- unrealistic. They are sealed boxes. These are very personal items. No one can tell from looking at boxes what the product is like or how it works for them. Or even knows right off the bat how heavy they will flow, or how often, or..... anything.

 

Second, neither of my DD wanted to spend ANY time on "The Aisle," much less having a public conversation about absorbances or tampons with applicators vs. tampons without them. (BTW, both my DDs were swimming competitively when they got their first periods, so how to continue going to swim practice was big issue).

 

Putting it all in cute box was just trying to take the sting out of something that neither of my DDs was the least bit happy about. They liked having little girl bodies -- they think women's bodies are a bit ...... high maintenance with tremendous potential for being embarrassing.

 

I've talked to both my DDs about cloth pads, sea sponges, and cups, and neither are interested in those options at this time. I feel this is a DEEPLY personal decision and feel that real damage could be done to a young woman's feelings towards her body and her relationship with her mother by forcing an option that was not what the daughter wanted.

 

For me, this was all about Control -- giving my DD's all of it that I could. Their biggest concerns were how to go about there lives as though nothing had changed, how to handle changing and disposing of things when away from home, how to never have a leak, and how to keep this information as private as possible.

 

A few products did get wasted - but not many. Partly because I'm not picky about what I use!

 

Also, I think there is a big difference between a desire for privacy and being ashamed. I think that sometimes this issue get stated that if a young woman doesn't want to chat about her new periods with all her mom's friends, then she's ashamed. I don't agree with that -- I think that a desire to keep some information private is very reasonable and can be quite healthy.


Homeopathy Mom 03-07-2013 05:01 PM

My daughter was 11-1/2 when she had her first period.  We celebrated by going out to eat at her favorite restaurant, just the two of us.  We had already talked about it, so she knew it was coming.  I just didn't know it would be so soon.  I was nearly 14 before I started.  My mom didn't really talk to me about it at all.  I learned from a session we had at school and books that they gave us.  I wanted a more open relationship with my daughter, and fortunately we have that.  She's 23 now. 
 


Mirzam 03-07-2013 05:32 PM

Both of my two would have been mortified if I had made a big deal out of it, so "Congrats" were said and that was about it. DD#2 didn't get her first period until she was 15, and only told me the day afterwards because she needed more supplies - I had bought her pads and tampons a couple of years prior expecting it to come sooner, so they were long lost. I am not even sure she would have mentioned it had I not talked to her about it the day before. It was no big deal for her at that age. My old DD was younger (12 3/4) but then never got another one until she was 14 and I can't even remember her bringing it up, save for asking for tampons, she's 22 now so it was a while ago.


shinybutton 03-07-2013 07:00 PM

I plan to explain to my daughter that when she has a period, it's like her body has begun to make a nest inside her body, for the eggs she will begin to release each month. When the period comes, it's just the body sweeping away the nest, and then she will build a new one for the next egg. Her body will practice making nests every month, until one day she and her husband will decide it's time to have a baby. Then the egg can be fertilized and then it might, God willing, stay in the nest for the next 40 weeks to become a baby.

 

I got my period at 13 and my ears pierced at 14. I may decide to tie the events together, saying she can get her ears pierced when she starts her period. I know she'll be excited about that, so it may soften the blow of what I expect to be a miserably painful time. In both my family and my husbands family, the cramps are insane! Thanking God for ibuprophen!


Kamiro 03-07-2013 07:45 PM

Above all else you gotta go with what works for your individual DD!


One_Girl 03-07-2013 07:55 PM

We celebrated together and I let my dd choose the pads she liked best and a pretty little purse to keep them in at school. There is never going to be a day when we use reusable pads so I had no problem with buying a cute kit of my child's choosing and I continue to buy the products she likes.

lovemylab 03-08-2013 04:51 AM

It probably depends on if your child goes to school or homeschooled but I remember in gym class we had learnt about periods and everything before I had my period, which was 12. My mom missed the boat on all those conversations.

Thinking about the ideal way to "celebrate", give me two advils and a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream with a romantic comedy! That sounds like a good day to me. smile.gif

CookiePie 03-08-2013 06:29 AM

DD was 11.  She couldn't wait to get it, she was so excited.  I took her to the out for hot chocolate!  She loved it.  She is a much different kid than me, I didn't even tell my Mom!


redheather 03-08-2013 07:08 AM

I must say I am saddened by an overall downer note in many of these posts. It IS a "big deal" to begin menstruating. For one thing you can never go back. But more than that it is a time of power and potential coming into a girl's body. Our daughters do need us to celebrate them, but of course in a way that honors them and is not all about us.

 

I wonder if girls, and their moms, are speaking from a place of long-standing cultural shame and embarrassment about women's bodies. After all, this culture seeks to sanitize and erase all trace of menstruation, down to miniature insertable pads that can be discreetly flushed away (which are admittedly good for swimming). But periods are not just a time of suffering and inconvenience, they are the evidence of a woman's ability to create the human race. Wow. And yes, they get in the way too, but so do other bodily functions that we seem to take in stride. When they are a source of suffering, something needs attention: more Magnesium? Abdominal massage? Serious hormonal balancing? It doesn't have to be a time of hidden suffering.

 

My personal experience with menarche is when I got my period I was at school and it was just my secret for one day, and I felt as if I had truly stepped through a portal, a personal rite of passage. That feeling has been more important to me than anything that followed.

When I did tell my mother she said, "Your body is like mine. We both started at the same age." I loved that. It was a bond between us. Very simple, but important.

 

I agree that it is a very personal matter for each girl, but we need to keep checking in with our daughters. Ask them how we can support them. Something celebratory is totally appropriate, if we can balance it with the discretion our individual daughters need. A friend of mine's father brought home steaks that night. Her brothers never knew why, which is what she wanted, but she still felt seen and honored.


philomom 03-08-2013 07:44 AM

Our daughter was almost 11. She got her first period on spring vacation. We took her out for a big steak dinner and bought her a real piece of "red" jewelry to mark the occasion. She remembers this night fondly.


And no, I don't push the use of any particular product. I use cloth pads only at night, they feel like diapers to me during the day. We have a source for disposable organic cotton pads at our food co=op and those suit us just fine.

KimPossible129 03-08-2013 09:06 AM

My daughter just turned 13, and started menstruating 4 months ago.  She was well prepared, by mommy (who is a nurse).  I am surprised that it was as anti-climactic as it was. I was not even home, she was home with daddy, did what she had to do, and casually told me (when I got home) that she had something to show me.  After that, I believe I said (in a question-like manner) "congratulations?".  I did not shout it from the rooftops, or post it on facbook or anything absurd like that.  She did NOT want my husband to know, she said I could tell grandma (who probably cried) and of course she shared it with grandpa (who really did not want to know).

 

While I do believe it is a biological and emotional milestone, I didn't feel any need for celebration.  No dinner, no card, no present.  She didn't see it as a celebration-worthy event.  I followed her very matter-of-fact lead.  We already had supplies; I just made sure she had enough in her schoolbag now, and we discussed the important things (like hygiene related to it), underwear issues, pants, etc.  I reminded her that I am here for any questions (as she knows I always have been).  We are very close, so It's not as cold as some may seem. But when you have a medical background, it's easier to get right to the point, and what you are saying (about pregnancy, STDs, etc) is more objective and not as preachy. 

 

While she knew what it was, she really didn't know what it really was. I told her that it means physiologically (not emotionally or financially or in any other way) that your body is preparing for motherhood.  The thought of that actually made her cringe (she is into boys, but not nearly that much).  To validate that, 2 weeks later, we needed to go to the doctor for a respiratory illness, and they wanted a chest X-Ray, and they asked the big question (last menstrual period).  They explained (in a very age-appropriate way) why they need to do a urine sample. I elaborated, and her reply to me was "Mom, I can look you straight in the eye and tell you I am NOT pregnant". 

I did reply "welcome to womanhood." 

 

By the second month, she was tired of it.   I couldn't help but laugh.


Linda on the move 03-08-2013 04:57 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by redheather View Post

I must say I am saddened by an overall downer note in many of these posts. It IS a "big deal" to begin menstruating....

 

I wonder if girls, and their moms, are speaking from a place of long-standing cultural shame and embarrassment about women's bodies.

 

banghead.gif  Since you didn't bother to quote anyone, I've no idea if you are referring to my posts or not.

 

I'm not speaking from "long-standing cultural shame and embarrassment" and my DDs have been raised in an extremely counter cultural way. Most of the teens discussed on this board were not raised in mainstream families.

 

The OPer asked what other mothering.com moms have done  and how that worked out, and we've talked about it.

 

I find your comment a bit like someone who has never cared for a baby 24/7 talking about how nighttime parenting *should* work out. You haven't BTDT, so the fact that you think my DDs other other young women should be all excited about their body's ability to get pregnant when they are 12 and they really just want to go swimming and not mess with a period is just.....

 

uninformed.

 

My DDs don't want to create the human race. They want to go to grad school. They want to build things, have published books, go to Comic-Con. They've got goals and dreams and making babies is so, so far away and neither of them see the point of having the ability to do that right now.  (One of my DDs also doesn't see the point of breasts.)  If they could have put off starting their periods for a decade or two, that would have been just fine with them.

 

This isn't analogous to other bodily functions because there isn't anything else our bodies do FOR YEARS that don't serve a purpose *for us.*  We have decades of periods when most of us end up wanting a couple of kids. Its really not an efficient system.

 

If you have younger children and want to come to this board to LEARN, awesome. Otherwise, please don't say that we -- who were tandem nursing when you were..... (what were you doing 15 years ago?) are ashamed of our bodies or have raised our daughters to be. It is very insulting.

 

soapbox.gif  Until you explain to your DD how to use a tampon so that she can go to a swim meet or how to handle the possibility of her period starting while on a backpack trip with school, you are just talking about how *YOU* feel about menstruating, not about how to raise a strong, confident young woman. Part of the reason that periods are such a PITA for my DDs is because they choose to do such awesome things with their bodies. If they were just sitting around, wishing they could make babies, I'm sure they would have felt far more excited about it.


Polliwog 03-08-2013 05:20 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda on the move View Post

banghead.gif   Since you didn't bother to quote anyone, I've no idea if you are referring to my posts or not.

I'm not speaking from "long-standing cultural shame and embarrassment" and my DDs have been raised in an extremely counter cultural way. Most of the teens discussed on this board were not raised in mainstream families.

The OPer asked what other mothering.com moms have done  and how that worked out, and we've talked about it.

I find your comment a bit like someone who has never cared for a baby 24/7 talking about how nighttime parenting *should* work out. You haven't BTDT, so the fact that you think my DDs other other young women should be all excited about their body's ability to get pregnant when they are 12 and they really just want to go swimming and not mess with a period is just.....

uninformed.

My DDs don't want to create the human race. They want to go to grad school. They want to build things, have published books, go to Comic-Con. They've got goals and dreams and making babies is so, so far away and neither of them see the point of having the ability to do that right now.  (One of my DDs also doesn't see the point of breasts.)  If they could have put off starting their periods for a decade or two, that would have been just fine with them.

This isn't analogous to other bodily functions because there isn't anything else our bodies do FOR YEARS that don't serve a purpose *for us.*  We have decades of periods when most of us end up wanting a couple of kids. Its really not an efficient system.

If you have younger children and want to come to this board to LEARN, awesome. Otherwise, please don't say that we -- who were tandem nursing when you were..... (what were you doing 15 years ago?) are ashamed of our bodies or have raised our daughters to be. It is very insulting.

soapbox.gif   Until you explain to your DD how to use a tampon so that she can go to a swim meet or how to handle the possibility of her period starting while on a backpack trip with school, you are just talking about how *YOU* feel about menstruating, not about how to raise a strong, confident young woman. Part of the reason that periods are such a PITA for my DDs is because they choose to do such awesome things with their bodies. If they were just sitting around, wishing they could make babies, I'm sure they would have felt far more excited about it.

What a wonderful response, Linda.

redheather 03-09-2013 06:59 AM

Linda on the Move and Polliwog,

 

I did not quote anyone because I was not referring to any one poster in particular. I was responding to a feeling of my own that came after reading everything together.

 

Since you asked, 15 years ago I was doing the things it seems like you would want for your daughter. In my case I worked and paid my own way across Europe, India and Nepal, all while menstruating. I was young and terribly determined to do this all with cloth pads, and I did it. I rinsed pads out in huts and watched the moon to see what my cycles were doing. For me, and just me, this felt empowering. I was crystal clear that I did not want to reproduce the human race at that time.

 

Uninformed? I've been menstruating for 26 years, have discussed it with countless girlfriends and mothers, and have sat in moon lodges. I think am as "informed" as any others in this way. And I have a daughter. True, she is only 4 but I am already conscious of raising her to be a confident woman. It does not wait until she begins menstruating. She knows what "moon blood" is because we all share a bathroom. And yeah, she will probably want privacy around the issue and I will absolutely honor that. But being connected with her body and the rhythms of the Earth is what I'm talking about.

A sadness at this loss. Not a finger pointed.


Linda on the move 03-09-2013 07:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redheather View Post

 

I was doing the things it seems like you would want for your daughter.

 

Uninformed? I've been menstruating for 26 years, have discussed it with countless girlfriends and mothers, and have sat in moon lodges. I think am as "informed" as any others in this way. And I have a daughter. True, she is only 4 but I am already conscious of raising her to be a confident woman.

 

 

The things I listed were not I want for my daughters, but what they want for themselves. Really, really, really big difference.  Huge difference. That you don't get that there is a difference is part of why your posts annoy me.

 

None of this is about me. At our house, we are past the "what mommy wants for your life" stage. 

 

You've decided your truth and what you think your DD's truth *should* be. But that isn't how it works. Adolescents get to decide their own truth, and giving them space to do that is part of raising strong young women is about.

 

An attitude of "hey, I figured all this out before you your born and this is the deal" won't work when you have an actual teenager, not if you want to have any sort of decent relationship with her, and not if you want her to find her own strength.

 

An attitude of "none of this is a big deal because I used cloth while sleeping in huts" will not be helpful to your DD at that stage of her life when this is A VERY BIG DEAL. Its as absurd as a mother reassuring her child on the first day of kindergarten that its nothing to get worked up over since mom once went off to college. When our children are experiencing things for the first time, its a big deal for them. And it really is about them, not us and what we've done in our lives.

 

This is a huge transition, and you only know what it is like to be on the other side of that transition. The parenting side is about how to get our DDs through the transition as well as possible, which does not include preaching about how they *should* feel about the whole thing.

 

The "this is all so great because some day you can reproduce the world" will not get you very far with your DD when she is 12 if you have raised her to have sense of herself. Its a crap thing to tell a child who just wants to have their own life.

 

My DD knew what periods were when they were toddlers. They've known how babies are made since you were off backpacking. You really don't have a monopoly on having an open relationship with your DD. That really doesn't make this a breeze. It would be nice if it did, but it doesn't.

 

I suspect responding to you is a waste of my time since you believe you already know all the answers. I hope you do a better job listening to your daughter than you do to listening to more experienced moms.


whatsnextmom 03-09-2013 08:31 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by redheather View Post

I wonder if girls, and their moms, are speaking from a place of long-standing cultural shame and embarrassment about women's bodies. 

 

No. We came from a place of practicality. It's common in the early years to see your children as sort of "blank slates" that will respond to the world exactly how you teach them too. I'm here to tell you that they don't lol. They are born with their own personalities and tendencies. They change as they grow. They surprise you with choices and reactions you didn't expect. They can push you away and pull you close at the oddest times. You can do everything "right" and still get the "wrong" reaction from your child. It's our job to help them function and thrive in the world based on who they are... not who we are. 



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