At my wits end!! 12 year old with hygiene issues, trash, dirty clothes & sassy mouth! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 03-23-2013, 09:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I feel like I have no solution and I'm just so sick of being angry or crying over these issues.

PLEASE help me!

My 12 year old daughter is a SLOB - I am not talking about the occasional dirty room, I mean she will toss trash (ice cream wrappers etc) on the sofa and walk away like it belongs there.

She will leave sanitary napkins on the floor in the bathroom, dirty clothes on the floor, plates of food and drinks in her room until I clean it up.

If I don't clean it one of two things will happen: #1- we get bugs (ants are a issue here in FL) OR  #2 - we end up in a screaming match while I have to say over and over to get up and take care of the nasty mess.

 

Here hygiene has to be brought up constantly as I can not get her to shave her arm pits, use deodorant, brush her teeth or care if she smells.

My daughter is beautiful, she has many friends and has no social issues in school, but at home she is a totally different child. I just don't know how to get her to clean up her act.

YES - I have taken away things that matter to her, I have grounded her - NOTHING works.

I need this behavior to change or I feel I am going to have a complete breakdown while she just floats around like nothing is wrong.

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#2 of 4 Old 03-24-2013, 03:26 AM
 
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You and I have both been twelve year old girls. What would have helped you at that age? How would you have wanted to have been treated?

 

The trash in the main living area is tough. Yes, it has to be cleaned up. How does she respond when you ask her (like you would ask a friend who did something absentmindedly) if she could pick up the ice cream wrapper/dirty plate before she goes on to the next thing?

 

I would not try to get her to shave. Armpit hair isn't a hygiene issue. You are providing soap/deodorant/toothpaste. As tempting as it is to fight about her using them, I would recommend backing off for a few days (to start); just don't even mention it. Hopefully, her lack of hygiene will bother her enough that she'll decide to bathe/brush, etc.

 

I would not allow food or drinks in the bedroom. At our house, no one takes food out of the main living area, not the children, not me or dh.


Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
14yo ds   11yo dd  9yo ds and 7yo ds and 2yo ds  
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#3 of 4 Old 03-24-2013, 08:43 AM
 
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Have you asked her if she wants to experiment with deodorant brands and types? I preferred gel or spray deodorant for a long time over stick and liked experimenting with scents. She may also prefer a different brand of razor or an electric razor. I suggest letting her choose if you haven't already.

I would sit her down and talk to her about your frustrations with the trash. Maybe bring her out for bagels and chat or do it while you are driving in the car. Ask her to come up with solutions. If she can't my solution would be to isolate the bug problem to her room so eating could only occur in her room or at the table. I would be very clear about why and purchase a little trash can for her room.

For the pad situation i suggest asking her if she wants her friends to see them on the floor when they are over. My DD didn't and i told her she should practice disposing of them properly at home because if she isn't in the habit she will forget when she is out. I told her a story of me being embarrassed when a friend saw my pad on the ground and flipped out and it made a big difference. If you don't have a story like that i suggest making one up.
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#4 of 4 Old 05-15-2013, 11:26 PM
 
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Oh Mama, I feel your pain.

 

I am sorry to hear you dd is so blatant about this.

 

I don't let dd have a friend over or go to a friends unless she picks up. THAT motivates her.

 

A rewards system can work...being responsible is currency for privileges. That is how I get things done. They don't always get done but its liveable.

 

See my post on my rude 11 year old............

 

it's tough.

 

take care,

Birdie

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