9yr old daughter scared of death. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 03-31-2013, 11:24 PM - Thread Starter
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It's been forever since I've posted but I remember getting great advice here in the past. My daughter has finally realized that we are all going to die. I remember crying in my bed for hours at the thought of my Mother dying at dd's age. I just want to help her through this stage.

Unfortunately, she just watched Les Miserables at her fathers place (yes, he's a $@!?$& for thinking it was appropriate) and now it's worse. It took her two hours to fall asleep tonight because she was so upset.

Are there any books I can get for her or is there any advice on what I can say to comfort her? I'm giving her flower essences and I'm taking her to her Homeopath as soon as I can get the money together.

Thanks in advance
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#2 of 7 Old 04-01-2013, 12:10 AM
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Just help her through it and let her cry. Its hard to realize that stuff. Also try to redirect her focus. Sure everyone dies but no use dwelling on it and not living.

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#3 of 7 Old 04-01-2013, 07:44 AM
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I tell my girls that dying is a part of life.  If no one died, there'd be no room for all the new people that are being born every day.


I tell them that because we know we are going to die, we need to appreciate the time on earth we do have.  We should never take our family and friends for granted.  We should tell them we love them everyday, because you never know when we might lose them in death.


The reason I love Tim McGraw's song "Live Like you were Dying"  is because it helps me remember how precious life is, and to take advantage of every minute of it.

Divorced mother of two DD15 and DD7
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#4 of 7 Old 04-02-2013, 05:37 AM
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Remind her that most people live long and productive lives before dying. Yes, some die  before their time, but it is relatively rare. 

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#5 of 7 Old 04-02-2013, 07:06 AM
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Endings are also beginnings. A baby being born is the end of pregnancy, and the start of life outside the mother. Death is the end of life as we understand it, and the beginning of something we do not know or understand. My aunt, who died a few years ago, talked about the people she was with as they died. Her husband and her mother both looked so peaceful as they died that she felt there was nothing to fear. If you know someone who has been with someone dying, then that person may be able to help your daughter.

As I told my son when he was very young and someone told him that his voice was going to change, and my son was very upset, these things work out. The reason she feels upset now is because she still has lots of life to live. When the time does come, she will be ready for the new adventure, because it will be the right time.
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#6 of 7 Old 04-04-2013, 12:29 PM
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My 9 year old daughter's beloved aunt died when she (my daughter) was just five years old, so we have been dealing with the reality of death here for several years now. She goes through different stages with it, but several things seem helpful to her. First, I share with her that all human beings wonder about death, and most of us sometimes experience fear of death, although we will all die some day. Second, I empathize with her feelings, rather than trying to diminish them. I share my own beliefs and journey, and I invite her to wonder about life and death. Finally, I talk about our spiritual beliefs about death and invite her to rely on them for support.


Because of her first hand experience of losing someone relatively young who was very close to her, reassuring her that "most people don't die until they are old" or "you are going to live a long time, don't worry" etc. is not helpful to her. Depends on the kid and their experiences, but we don't have the luxury of that dodge around here! If I go there, she looks me straight in the eye and says, "People die, mama" with a kind of painful finality...

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#7 of 7 Old 04-05-2013, 12:32 PM - Thread Starter
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There is wonderful advice here. Thank you all so much. Diane B, thanks for sharing your experience!

My daughter is much better since the start of the week when I picked her up from her father's. She said what makes her the most sad is not being able to make new memories after we die. I told her how important it is to make good memories while we are alive. I think that helped her. The Bach flower essence Rock Rose is also helping. They are so sweet and vulnerable ❤ I imagine she will go through her phases grappling with the concept of death just as we all have! Thank you for helping me to support her through it! :-)
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